Surfingthewave

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Posts posted by Surfingthewave

  1. Posted

    Just watched a great TED talk on shame. How underlying shame can be the cause of many emotional difficulties, depression, anxiety addictions, mental health problems, suicidal thoughts. 

    Brene also talks about vulnerability being strength, not weakness, and how vulnerability can be the force for creativity, change and adaptability. 

    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/up-next#t-1202580

  4. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    @Omni Self belief. Think bigger. The tone of your post makes me question why you're doing it, you use negative language for example, you talk about what you don't want, but you don't sound convinced of what you do want. 

    Try Law of Attraction work, visualisations, affirmations. Leos got some vids on this. You've got to really feel the success in every sense, not just think about it. To meet your potential you got to live like your living it right now. What is that like? Goals, systems, habits are the thinking bit- that's great but to take it to the next level you've got to feel it. 

    @Nahm has written a great post on the forum on Law of Attraction, read it as well as other resources on it. 

  5. Posted

    @hyruga I don't dislike self help, I would probably be a quivering wreck without it. But my point is there appears to be too much emphasis on the individual in self help circles, rather than social constructs we are part of. This can feed the endless sense there is something missing rather than seeing the wood from the trees. Took me 10 years to get here, but hey, I'm no longer a quivering wreck. 

  6. Posted

    @Nahm You have just made my Saturday, what do you take for breakfast! I like the wifi cellphone analogy, we get stuck sometimes on this. Talking of synchronicity I made a vision board this morning out of the things I really want and well it was inspiring. Taking a step back and seeing a POV of this was key, there was a lot of sassy art on there, Love pics and travel pics. Exciting times..... 

    @Moreira you are attaching yourself to the outcome. Let go. 

    There is nothing either good or bad, but  thinking makes it so. (Shakespeare - what a dude) 

  9. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    16 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

    But then how do you motivate yourself for long-term goals?

    That is the million dollar question. 

    I am forever looking for new ways to do this. Quick wins can keep you motivated on the path, and realising you will always backslide no matter what.

    Apparantly some self help guru once said we over estimate what we can achieve in six months but underestimate what we can achieve in five years. This is key. 

    I like your answers to why you are here, it's not just me then! 

  15. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    @Dan94 Is there a stage before the New Information stage? How do you feel just before the first stage (curious, anxious, excited, worried etc). What is the stage in between New Information and Confusion? As you've done loads of consciousness work you know what I mean. Change the name of the stage from Confusion to Curiosity. See what happens. Add more stages, it's more nuanced than those stages youve highlighted. Have fun with it. See it as a learning loop rather than a linear task. To master something you've got to repeat repeat repeat. 

    Sounds like you're caught up in the stages themselves rather than the joy of learning. Turn this on it's head. Teach what you learn- best way to take in new information! 

    Read George Leonard's Mastery. Amazing book. 

  17. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    35 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

    I just use the categories of “masculine” and “feminine” for convenience and because there is social constructs of masculine and feminine that have influence in society.

    There we go! Convenience and social constructs. Is that because we want to be accepted by the "norm"? 

     

    35 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

     

    In the USA - of the traits you listed above -  “supportive” would be considered a “feminine” trait that is believed to be possessed more by women than men. Women may be encouraged, expected and allowed to be supportive. It has a submissive tinge to it. For example, I woman that is supportive of her husband when he screws up. For men, if they were supportive in a way that looked submissive, they would be considered weak by many people and judged harshly. Male leaders are often oriented toward “winning” against another. 

    Are women expected to be supportive or again is this a social construct? In work my male manager is very supportive, I've had female managers who weren't supportive so I left (bad leadership quality). You can also "win" without being competitive. 

     

    35 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

    I  was supposed to have certain male traits and behave a certain way and she was supposed to have female traits and behave a certain way. To me it was silly and I couldn’t operate that way.

    Well done. It's time to shine a light on these gender roles. 

    I realise you are having multiple debates here, we clearly need to have more of these as people feel strongly and there appears to be wildly differing opinions. I get a sense Leo isn't going to do a vid on modern feminism any time soon.... I wonder why 9_9

    @Shadowraix This shows real growth as you have listened. I know I can struggle to do this especially when there are points made I find inexcusable to make but hey, I'm learning too! 

  18. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    @Knock

    I think Jim Carrey has a point. You need to go through the self help process to know you don't actually need it (the industry itself). I think acceptance of society is dangerous actually, I think we need to turn self help on its head and realise we are a product of our social constructs, and as a product we have major problems and difficulties, rather than the individual. 

    I agree we need to look at the motivation behind society's choices. What motivates capitalism, greed, male/female roles and how this leads to mental health problems etc. We need to look at how we have become a society obsessed with the individual, and the wider "gaze" (media) which projects the "fantasy" life we are all seeking.

    I'm also aware that I haven't done any meditation for a while so this might come across a bit ranty. 

  19. Posted

    6 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

    For example, if we consider what makes a good leader, the responses would be predominately male masculine - strong, assertive, aggressive at times, decisive, a strong negotiator, won’t back down, a winner etc. Feminine traits might be - a good listener, works well within groups, can see other people’s perspectives, empathetic, intuitive, flexible.

    You see I struggle even with this. Why do those traits mean they are masculine and why are they seen as "better"? I say a person who is the most authentic, inspirational, supportive, knowledgeable, experienced makes a good leader. That is neither masculine or feminine. 

  21. Posted

    Thank you @Serotoninluv for your excellent moderation skills! Great knowledge and awareness here. 

    @Ibn Sina I'm not quite sure if you quite understand what modern feminism is, looking at the resources you use, the papers you get and the questions you would like to ask women about the "difficulties they face". It's quite tricky to sum up thousands of years of oppression in a single post, and how that continues to play out in modern society.

    I understand we have a differing of opinion however from what you say your upbringing may have been hugely influential in this so that might be something to look at in terms of how you have formulated your beliefs. 

  23. Posted

    Think about it when you say "hot western woman" you sound like Leo six years ago before he had his various awakenings. 

    Where have you studied feminism? 

    I think its about understanding a woman's perceptions and experiences first in all countries throughout history (not just your own) and studying this critically rather than just basing your views on what you observe will help. 

    Your descriptions of men being "just better" that is why they are CEOs needs picking apart, as this is rubbish.  

    Your statements about women having sex while men go out to war again where have you got these opinions from? 

    Your statements about women being prettier, again very offensive to men. 

    Please go and study this, talk and listen to your girlfriend, your friends who are girls, your family members who are women, do some study and work on this then come back and enlighten us once more. 

     

     

  24. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    @mandyjw Was the Pastor an abuser by any chance?

    What is the beautiful breath-taking opportunity you refer to? 

    I think the problem here is devotion. Blind devotion (Blind being key) of a higher power, I see it here on this forum. 

    Btw, love the prostitute reference, no she won't stick around but by God you'll get addicted to her and want her to be your wife ;)

  25. Posted · Edited by Surfingthewave

    @Ibn Sina Wow there are so many things wrong with your statement I don't know where to start. Where are you from, let's start there. 

    Where have you got your views from - I'm curious? Hopefully not You Tube like some of the other members above. I actually feel really sorry you have those outdated Victorian views of femininity *deep breath* all I can say is you got a lot of work to do my friend.