Surfingthewave

@Breakingthewall You're confusing happiness with fulfillment. Happiness is a concept that buys into our sense of lack. Drop the chase for happiness. Think more about raising good feelings in your body and what that means.

@mandyjw I guess this is where shame starts. It's interesting you felt you had to fit in to be accepted. Often we feel shame when we don't fit in with a group (I did). Yes judgement in action can come from all groups. Judgement comes about through lack of understanding, do you think?

@Nahm What would you call it?

@Nahm Fantastic. Can the same method be applied for the "feeling" of shame?

@mandyjw Do you still judge homosexuals, gay people? How was that? @soos_mite_ah Brene Brown has some excellent books on shame. I've realised shame has more of a societal cause than individual. As the above describes it could be religion,class, upbringing, the othering of people/sexuality etc. Abuse/trauma also have a big part to play.

@Chew211 Yes but people can get lost looking at the map rather than seeing what's in front of them (I know I did) for example connecting with someone right there in moment. No I didn't see that re the OP but I guess the principles apply to dating as I suppose a lot of people struggle in this area. You're right, conviction is important when expressing opinion. As is non conviction or as you say the "don't know - I'm here to learn". If you say can you help me with this nine times out of 10 someone will. Vulnerability = strength. Perhaps people don't want to appear vulnerable or in the not knowing that's why a lot of ghosting happens? We seem to have lost the OP but nice chatting with you and good luck on the path ?

@VeganAwake In six words she's just summed up 10 years worth of work. Surrender, as life will reveal itself. If you can do that, well then "you" no longer need the forum, for sure! Great vid ?

@Chew211 The great part about theory is learning about it and then transcending it. Theorising is an important part of this work as you say but will it get you a date? It comes down to understanding and listening to the person your with, (same sex or opposite sex) and not letting your ego or concepts get in the way. Although you are listening, you appear fairly certain about your way of thinking, this may be a common problem. Radical open-mindedness is what society needs, particularly when it comes to relationships. I feel the new norm is about throwing the dating rule book out the window and just connecting with others. Over analysis is a symptom of the problem. The OP was about men expressing themselves and I think the underlying issue here is that self expression has got lost in all the game changes we have seen in the past 10 or so years. Particularly when it comes to dating/relationships.

@Someone here How about this... Un-happiness is.... Being stuck in thought, over thinking, self - criticism etc etc. Turn it around and there's your answer.

@Chew211 I interpreted the OP about man's obsession with winning, that's the point of a fight, right? You seem to be a bit bogged down in theoretical concepts, it's fine but be aware this can hinder progress at times. I disagree actually, the Universals can change, that change comes through enlightenment. We do have to use the system to break away from it and go our own way like like Ghandi, Luther King, Virginia Woolf, Dali. @Emerald I think you're absolutely right about marketing /advertising buying into women and men's struggles/weaknesses/self esteem difficulties therefore perpetuating the problem.The most recent thing I've seen is mental health and self improvement. The constant bombardment of this makes us continually feel we need to change ourselves. In dating many feel it's a struggle so go into it, thinking it's a struggle so it therefore it will be. Rather than working on enjoying life and things that make you feel good (raising your vibration to attract what you want). The solution, be very aware of it.

@socraticstatic Yes I can relate ? welcome to the forum. Great to see a likeminded person here and to hear how you got here. I also like the tough talking, no shit attitude on here. I'm not much of a Teal Swan fan either. Be warned you can end up down rabbit holes of non duality and masculinity among other things. Just don't be like Alice and end up blindly following the ?. Enjoy.

@SamC You are valued and you are loved. This has to come from you though, not from others. Instead of seeing yourself valuable through the role you play in other people's lives (which you don't need to be) be valuable through the fact you find yourself important enough to express who you are and your truth. Someone actually posted something similar to the above on the forum and I thought it was beautiful. I could relate as someone who has been through trauma. Sending love ?

@Chew211 To fuck the world as you so describe surely you've got to play the game. And that's the problem. The OP was about winning, no? How do you win if the game is totally different. The rules have changed in the last decade - men (and women) need to keep up. Red pill thinking is absolutely an ideolgy, imo an extension of locker room talk. Truth is we all get a shock from the conditioning we have been fed over the years from media/education/systems/capitalism/dating etc. Men are scared as they don't know how to date/what women want/how to express themselves and women's needs/desires/wants have changed so radically. Was it Marilyn Manson that said keep people afraid and they will consume. (although now it turns out he is an abuser so maybe not so valid).

@RendHeaven @Chew211 So tell us, now is your opportunity. What are the Struggles men face? Interestingly no one had really taken up this thread. Do you think men struggle tto articulate as they don't want to appear vulnerable? I had to stop watching the video as there were so many assumptions made for both men and women. It is very hetronormative and plays into the male victim narrative. @Emerald you make some important points (as you have in other threads). Particularly about men having the space to be emotional beings. Women are able to do this naturally with friends colleagues. I think, in my opinion, men don't have this space to be open about self esteem issues and difficulties so it can manifest in other unproductive ways such as anger, toxic masculinity, low self esteem, low confidence, assumptions about women etc.

@SamC Hi there. Reaching out to others is a really important part of this work. What I sense (but I could be wrong) is you've allowed your trauma to define you for so long (as did I). When you start working on it you begin to loose the hold and identity it has over you. Keep going deeper into this work and you will come out the other side. The results you will see will astound you and you will know who you are.

Back at you! Good luck my friend namaste ?

You're still stuck in the materialist paradigm which stems from overthinking. There is such a thing as unconditional happiness it's called awareness. Do you have a meditation practice?

@Someone here You seem like you're suffering - lots of sadness /frustration/negativity in your posts? Perhaps work on that first and you may get to the root of why you're not experiencing happiness.

@Valwyndir I feel you have gone down the rabbit hole of total gobbledegook. I have absolutely no idea what you are expressing here, perhaps you just want lots of attention/aimless discussion? Some of these non duality threads are like strange loops, go round and round.

@Someone here I'm sorry you are suffering. Have you heard of Wu Wei? A state of alignment with the flow of life. Balance =Fullfillment. Fulfillment = happiness. Not minding what happens. Apparently Krishnamurti said this to his followers as a summing up of his knowledge.

@Valwyndir I think it's important to offer a perspective yes, and what you're offering is exactly how attached we get to certain perspectives. The perspective is still not real. It is still a story. If it helps you to arrive at the recognition of what is, then great. Just be careful of over complicating and over theorising. Walk away from all perspectives and see what happens. I don't personally have a paradigm of what Enlightenment or God is. I gave all that up years ago. That's the golden key. I had the key, but there is no door. I just relish in the what is. The what is, is, experiencing. No concepts, no stories. It's the most beautiful thing.

@Valwyndir Good examination of non- duality here but I had a few more questions. Who is the "you" you refer to in your questions? What do you mean when you use the word Enlightenment? What do you mean when you use the word "God"? How (experientially not theoretically) have you arrived at this perspective? You describe Enlightenment as a way of seeing. But perhaps place less emphasis on it's meaning and more emphasis on it as being or a Knowing. You are trying to describe the indescribable. Good attempt though.

Good thread here @Dancer @Chew211 Why do you think the male instinct is to dominate? Does this harp back to the hunter/ gatherer cave people times?

@juni Absolutely. Thank you for your beautifully written words. This perspective is very loving, harmonious and ultimately the basis of enlightenment. Yes rather than the view- "what can I get out of this relationship" the more conscious you are it hopefully should be how can we conquer this precious world together with this powerful love we hold.

When it comes to discussing dating and relationship issues on this forum particularly when it comes to sex I've observed many forum members gaslighting. It's important to discuss this openly to inform those who may not understand what it is. According to the source psychology today gaslighting is a psychological term that describes a manipulation tactic used to attain and maintain power over someone. I have experienced a man doing this to myself in the past because I am female. I was not aware of it at the time but was made to feel I was a victim and it was my fault. It is important to note it is also a form of emotional abuse. I think there are lots of you who could benefit from looking into this more as I have just experienced it in the last thread which was locked and I can also see it happening in another thread. It's important not be silenced over this. It's also important to note it's not just women that experience gaslighting. This isn't about being woke or cancellling anyone this about bringing an important issue to the fore. The MeToo movement was so powerful as so many women came forward to point out the abuse they had experienced. This left many men feeling scared to have honest and open conversations about what is acceptable and what isn't.