Surfingthewave

@tatsumaru You may need professional advice as it could be obsessive/compulsive. What other practices are you doing? Consider diet, yoga, sleep, physical exercise. Are you moving your body enough? Endorphins can do a great deal, as can relaxation exercises and breath work. Is it a panic/anxiety feeling? Try box breathing, reallly helps with overthinking, especially at night.

This book helped turbo charge my practices and thus my awakenings. With easy Enlightenment exercises at the end of the book to do daily for a month it's an accessible, practical guide to Enlightenment. Examples/highlights: - A single letter "A" means so much but is just lines on a page. - You are already perfect. Fulfilled, content. You don't need to strive or "do". - Laugh at the ego for creating things and feelings in the mind. See reality for what it truly is. Sights, sounds, perceptions, sensations, relationships. - Let go of all the stories you tell yourself of who you are. You are everlasting witnessing presence. - Only awareness is real. Time is also a construct.

@RendHeaven Yes do you think we look for, in potential partners, what is perhaps fulfilling a need or lacking in ourselves? A loving relationship should enhance your life and maybe not fulfill a purpose. You shouldn't "need" that person, essentially you are two souls in the universe meeting and travelling this path we call life together.

The more awakenings I experience the more I realise there really is no duality between men and women. Disclaimer: this advice isn't for those looking for casual sex. - Drop the dating - Drop the pick up paradigm (effort = results, numbers = better chances) think counterintuitive - Work on what do you really and truly want in a relationship? - Work on your true, core values - Consider what values you want from another - Give yourself the love you seek from another - Examine what went wrong in a previous relationship. What/ how did you contribute to that ending? - Read and research dating material and be critical - Work on your self improvement goals, but also know that you are enough. - Ultimately be yourself. If the other person doesn't want you, that's their problem. - If you're looking for love, work on loving yourself. - Women can smell a pick up attempt a mile off. Drop it. - Focus on connection. Connect with as many women as you can without an end result in mind. - When a relationship doesn't work learn from it and move on. Let go of bringing all the attachments and baggage to the new relationship. - If you really and truly want love, ask the universe/ the self/god/vibration/ insert reference here. Believe you will get it. If you don't believe, work on it. This is most powerful. Love is in abundance. You just need to ask. - If anyone is in a successful long term loving relationship please feel free to post further advice here so we can spread the love.

@RendHeaven Thanks for your points which I've noted. I think you misunderstood my point, maybe? It was more the term 'to get laid'. If that is a man's goal for a woman I was just expressing what that can bring up for a woman. I'm sorry you've been through heartbreak. Feels like the thread is coming to an end and I don't want to send it in another direction. Namaste and good luck with dating ?

@RendHeaven Really poignant points made here. The point is both genders defend their position because unless you are transgender how can either gender really and truly understand what it's like? Perhaps it's about realising the only difference we make comes from our own position? I sigh a bit when the title of a post is about how to get laid, are we really still in that place? But it does open up a key discussion that effects many so I guess if it helps others then it's much needed. ?

Maybe many years ago but I think it's time to upgrade your rituals? I'll give you a big tip, women don't want to be conquered by the man. Maybe in the 18th century when we used to promenade. Do some more reading and researching on the subject. It's nice that you tell them you don't want anything serious straight up. Perhaps modernise some of your opinions when it comes to dating, they appear outdated and slightly arrogant.

@Gili Trawangan An interesting way to think about sleeping with women. Thank you for your honesty of this post I'm sure parts of it will help others. What's missing from your post is describing a sense of connection with women on a personal level. You describe your dating experiences as if women need to be conquered, had sex with, the more attractive the better. Perhaps this is why you haven't mastered getting a long term relationship? Women aren't a difficulty to overcome. Yes be yourself, achieve your dreams and work on self development, that is attractive. But, treat them with more respect maybe, rather than things to attain?

Going full circle So it turns out I have arrived where I started. Dropping the "I" brings me back to where I started all those years ago which was a book that changed my thinking forever, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle. "I am" = the moment. The moment = whatever is happening (before perception). It isn't just acceptance of What is, it is more dynamic than that. The What is, is infinite. These past few weeks I have continued my yoga practice, meditation and walks. I had a sense of a circle of sparkling light recently, that is what I am. Something so beautiful but so difficult to grasp. We are always, seeking or resisting. The (real) Power of Now is knowing "I am" the Now. No seeking or resisting. Contemplate this fact. I am made up of, and aware of, the Now. ? Conversations I used to find difficult with family members are just words in my auditory awareness. Difficult reports I have to write for work are just words on a page, within my visual field. Difficult thoughts are seen and dropped. I know the power within me is my creativity. I am and have always been an artist. I express the nature of consciousness through my work. Painting from Nature isn't copying an object. It is realising one's sensations. (Cezanne).

@Hugo Oliveira Welcome to the path my friend. Don't be so hard on yourself. What if you were to just sit in this bored/restless state for a while. Watch it pass by. Invite your feelings in with loving kindness. You're doing all the right things. Surrender seeking and you'll get to where you need to be.

@Persipnei I like what you said about the social things like eye contact and body language etc. I guess for neurotypicals it's how communication is expressed a lot of the time but yes it does get exhausting. Remembering specifics is an interesting one, I remember a pal not being happy at all about a certain way I was cooking from a recipe as I hadn't remembered the method and was making it up. I'd like to remember what people say however and like to think if it's valuable information the person will too. No I don't think people with autism are annoying to be with at all. Do you think it was more to do with misunderstandings?

@Persipnei Autism is a superpower. You have incredible talents at perceiving sensations: light, sounds, taste etc and also amazing skills such as remembering things and having insights. Why should you feel different? The world should adapt and adjust to these superpowers but unfortunately it's a battle. Your descriptions of how you process information and feelings is really helpful (I work with people with autism) as communicating this to neurotypicals can be really tricky. Maybe it's not about re-wiring those parts in your brain but thinking about how you can communicate these difficulties to others? So helping neurotypicals re-wire their own brain to understand the autistic brain? Flip it.

@Someone here You eliminate your ego through meditation (and other practices). Leo has a long list on the website. Enjoy.

@Javfly33 I would extend the mission. Instead of focusing on survival. Experience the moment right now. In full. Whatever comes up for you, allow it. There's no purpose to it. It's like when you're on holiday, you're in a different place, and there's no schedule. You see things you wouldn't normally see. At some point when you "drop the mind" you discover beauty. It could be the sound of silence. The taste of tea. The view out your room. If you're struggling to " see" it could be because you're sobering up. You are still seeing it "without drugs". You will get to a point where you experience beauty and ultimately Love, for what is. You won't need drugs. Stop searching for it and it will appear. Go back to your practices, meditation et al and find it there.

@Waken Love this thank you. My life has changed in so many positive ways just choosing more ways to feel good. We tend to get stuck in a cycle of negativity / resistance / separation from what is. This is cultural and collective as well as individual. Fundamentals of self improvement = choosing more ways to feel good. Do it now. Cos that's all there is.

@Breakingthewall You're confusing happiness with fulfillment. Happiness is a concept that buys into our sense of lack. Drop the chase for happiness. Think more about raising good feelings in your body and what that means.

@mandyjw I guess this is where shame starts. It's interesting you felt you had to fit in to be accepted. Often we feel shame when we don't fit in with a group (I did). Yes judgement in action can come from all groups. Judgement comes about through lack of understanding, do you think?

@Nahm What would you call it?

@Nahm Fantastic. Can the same method be applied for the "feeling" of shame?

@mandyjw Do you still judge homosexuals, gay people? How was that? @soos_mite_ah Brene Brown has some excellent books on shame. I've realised shame has more of a societal cause than individual. As the above describes it could be religion,class, upbringing, the othering of people/sexuality etc. Abuse/trauma also have a big part to play.

@Chew211 Yes but people can get lost looking at the map rather than seeing what's in front of them (I know I did) for example connecting with someone right there in moment. No I didn't see that re the OP but I guess the principles apply to dating as I suppose a lot of people struggle in this area. You're right, conviction is important when expressing opinion. As is non conviction or as you say the "don't know - I'm here to learn". If you say can you help me with this nine times out of 10 someone will. Vulnerability = strength. Perhaps people don't want to appear vulnerable or in the not knowing that's why a lot of ghosting happens? We seem to have lost the OP but nice chatting with you and good luck on the path ?

@VeganAwake In six words she's just summed up 10 years worth of work. Surrender, as life will reveal itself. If you can do that, well then "you" no longer need the forum, for sure! Great vid ?

@Chew211 The great part about theory is learning about it and then transcending it. Theorising is an important part of this work as you say but will it get you a date? It comes down to understanding and listening to the person your with, (same sex or opposite sex) and not letting your ego or concepts get in the way. Although you are listening, you appear fairly certain about your way of thinking, this may be a common problem. Radical open-mindedness is what society needs, particularly when it comes to relationships. I feel the new norm is about throwing the dating rule book out the window and just connecting with others. Over analysis is a symptom of the problem. The OP was about men expressing themselves and I think the underlying issue here is that self expression has got lost in all the game changes we have seen in the past 10 or so years. Particularly when it comes to dating/relationships.

@Someone here How about this... Un-happiness is.... Being stuck in thought, over thinking, self - criticism etc etc. Turn it around and there's your answer.

@Chew211 I interpreted the OP about man's obsession with winning, that's the point of a fight, right? You seem to be a bit bogged down in theoretical concepts, it's fine but be aware this can hinder progress at times. I disagree actually, the Universals can change, that change comes through enlightenment. We do have to use the system to break away from it and go our own way like like Ghandi, Luther King, Virginia Woolf, Dali. @Emerald I think you're absolutely right about marketing /advertising buying into women and men's struggles/weaknesses/self esteem difficulties therefore perpetuating the problem.The most recent thing I've seen is mental health and self improvement. The constant bombardment of this makes us continually feel we need to change ourselves. In dating many feel it's a struggle so go into it, thinking it's a struggle so it therefore it will be. Rather than working on enjoying life and things that make you feel good (raising your vibration to attract what you want). The solution, be very aware of it.