Surfingthewave

Being a self help obsessive for many years, I've slowly been able to unpick this paradigm through deep spiritual work. I'm at a place where self help feels illusory, a social construct and an industry which preys on people's sense of "lack". However I'm aware I've had to help my "self" to get to this point. The more I study and read the more I realise the problem is also how the solution is being marketed, that the self, alone, is something that needs to be helped. As I'm moving into a more non-dual way of living I'm more for critical thinking and questioning why we're so obsessed with the individual when it comes to helping "the self". I'm questioning the culture which helps to construct our problems: mental health, sexuality, religion, rules about beauty relationships, success etc. Rather than focusing so much on the self, how do we redefine this type of work so we question our social norms, context and culture rather than endlessly seeing fault in ourselves?

Just watched a great TED talk on shame. How underlying shame can be the cause of many emotional difficulties, depression, anxiety addictions, mental health problems, suicidal thoughts. Brene also talks about vulnerability being strength, not weakness, and how vulnerability can be the force for creativity, change and adaptability. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/up-next#t-1202580

@Moreira Perfectionism can be stifling and tricky, especially if you have unrealistic expectations. Keep doing the practices as Nahm suggested. Feels like you're stuck in your mind. @Nahm Challenge accepted! ??

@Omni Great good luck @Nahm It certainly is, and it's only going to get bigger so enjoy! I kept falling off for a while but lately surf is up ?

@Omni Self belief. Think bigger. The tone of your post makes me question why you're doing it, you use negative language for example, you talk about what you don't want, but you don't sound convinced of what you do want. Try Law of Attraction work, visualisations, affirmations. Leos got some vids on this. You've got to really feel the success in every sense, not just think about it. To meet your potential you got to live like your living it right now. What is that like? Goals, systems, habits are the thinking bit- that's great but to take it to the next level you've got to feel it. @Nahm has written a great post on the forum on Law of Attraction, read it as well as other resources on it.

@hyruga I don't dislike self help, I would probably be a quivering wreck without it. But my point is there appears to be too much emphasis on the individual in self help circles, rather than social constructs we are part of. This can feed the endless sense there is something missing rather than seeing the wood from the trees. Took me 10 years to get here, but hey, I'm no longer a quivering wreck.

@Nahm You have just made my Saturday, what do you take for breakfast! I like the wifi cellphone analogy, we get stuck sometimes on this. Talking of synchronicity I made a vision board this morning out of the things I really want and well it was inspiring. Taking a step back and seeing a POV of this was key, there was a lot of sassy art on there, Love pics and travel pics. Exciting times..... @Moreira you are attaching yourself to the outcome. Let go. There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. (Shakespeare - what a dude)

Double dare ya dude.

- Duality of femininity / masculinity - Origins of feminism - Debunking myths: how this relates to masculinity - What can we learn from conscious feminism

That is the million dollar question. I am forever looking for new ways to do this. Quick wins can keep you motivated on the path, and realising you will always backslide no matter what. Apparantly some self help guru once said we over estimate what we can achieve in six months but underestimate what we can achieve in five years. This is key. I like your answers to why you are here, it's not just me then!

Women are asking not to be silenced.

@kieranperez No disrespect so why write? Your lack of passion may come across in your words. The problem is you're not motivated to do it, yet you start by saying "people have been telling me". There's something deeper here, do you struggle with self belief? I can see you are a good writer, but do you see?

@Truth Addict So why are you on this forum? He does the opposite for me. But that's the beauty of it, there's no one size fits all. What motivates me is results. If I don't see any results that's it, I've given up. Anyone can say anything, but to manifest, now that's motivation for you.

Absolutely - this choosing / chosen duality is what forms religious ideology, is it not? I'm still struggling with the we are all One part but I'm working on it

No passions at all? How so?

@Dan94 Is there a stage before the New Information stage? How do you feel just before the first stage (curious, anxious, excited, worried etc). What is the stage in between New Information and Confusion? As you've done loads of consciousness work you know what I mean. Change the name of the stage from Confusion to Curiosity. See what happens. Add more stages, it's more nuanced than those stages youve highlighted. Have fun with it. See it as a learning loop rather than a linear task. To master something you've got to repeat repeat repeat. Sounds like you're caught up in the stages themselves rather than the joy of learning. Turn this on it's head. Teach what you learn- best way to take in new information! Read George Leonard's Mastery. Amazing book.

Do you want to be bullied into doing something? It's like self help boot camp. I'd run the other way if he approached me in a mall!

There we go! Convenience and social constructs. Is that because we want to be accepted by the "norm"? Are women expected to be supportive or again is this a social construct? In work my male manager is very supportive, I've had female managers who weren't supportive so I left (bad leadership quality). You can also "win" without being competitive. Well done. It's time to shine a light on these gender roles. I realise you are having multiple debates here, we clearly need to have more of these as people feel strongly and there appears to be wildly differing opinions. I get a sense Leo isn't going to do a vid on modern feminism any time soon.... I wonder why @Shadowraix This shows real growth as you have listened. I know I can struggle to do this especially when there are points made I find inexcusable to make but hey, I'm learning too!

@Knock I think Jim Carrey has a point. You need to go through the self help process to know you don't actually need it (the industry itself). I think acceptance of society is dangerous actually, I think we need to turn self help on its head and realise we are a product of our social constructs, and as a product we have major problems and difficulties, rather than the individual. I agree we need to look at the motivation behind society's choices. What motivates capitalism, greed, male/female roles and how this leads to mental health problems etc. We need to look at how we have become a society obsessed with the individual, and the wider "gaze" (media) which projects the "fantasy" life we are all seeking. I'm also aware that I haven't done any meditation for a while so this might come across a bit ranty.

You see I struggle even with this. Why do those traits mean they are masculine and why are they seen as "better"? I say a person who is the most authentic, inspirational, supportive, knowledgeable, experienced makes a good leader. That is neither masculine or feminine.

@mandyjw Choosing something or being chosen? This is key. When you are "chosen" you are on a very different path. Focusing on something with all your power doesn't sound like awakening to me, but perhaps we're talking bout something else?

Thank you @Serotoninluv for your excellent moderation skills! Great knowledge and awareness here. @Ibn Sina I'm not quite sure if you quite understand what modern feminism is, looking at the resources you use, the papers you get and the questions you would like to ask women about the "difficulties they face". It's quite tricky to sum up thousands of years of oppression in a single post, and how that continues to play out in modern society. I understand we have a differing of opinion however from what you say your upbringing may have been hugely influential in this so that might be something to look at in terms of how you have formulated your beliefs.

I like this vid, however very pacey, speedy like he's on something. I like the idea of improving skills, aptitudes and working on goals but is this not just self help?

Think about it when you say "hot western woman" you sound like Leo six years ago before he had his various awakenings. Where have you studied feminism? I think its about understanding a woman's perceptions and experiences first in all countries throughout history (not just your own) and studying this critically rather than just basing your views on what you observe will help. Your descriptions of men being "just better" that is why they are CEOs needs picking apart, as this is rubbish. Your statements about women having sex while men go out to war again where have you got these opinions from? Your statements about women being prettier, again very offensive to men. Please go and study this, talk and listen to your girlfriend, your friends who are girls, your family members who are women, do some study and work on this then come back and enlighten us once more.

@mandyjw Was the Pastor an abuser by any chance? What is the beautiful breath-taking opportunity you refer to? I think the problem here is devotion. Blind devotion (Blind being key) of a higher power, I see it here on this forum. Btw, love the prostitute reference, no she won't stick around but by God you'll get addicted to her and want her to be your wife