Surfingthewave

@Thought Art You sound like you're very near a shift in consciousness. Get ready! For me, I stopped ruminating on the backsliding. I just carried on. I also started to do things that made me feel better as I was wasting thought energy on why I was backsliding, so felt drained so I wouldn't do my life purpose, distracted myself etc etc. It's a trap, a strangeloop, a circle. Break the chain you break the backsliding. Don't give it so much attention.

@VeganAwake Sometimes we need to get away from the obsessive seeking and chop some wood. It's counter intuitive but that's the work. Instead of analysing what enlightenment is, when you chop the wood, master in the delight of the carvings in the wood, the tools you are using and the purpose of the wood. ?

@Thought Art You've solved the first part of the problem as you've recognised it for what it is. The next bit is realising that backsliding is part of the process to growth. The more you go backsliding the more you are growing spiritually. It's counter intuitive but so is this work. The key to it all is not to give in to backsliding. Carry on with your work. Give yourself lots of self love along the way. Well done for getting this far and making progress.

Thanks everyone who replied I will be trying all these suggestions and will report back. Interesting about magnesium I shall try that, I love herbal teas and absolutely a holistic approach is key to this. I'm starting to eat less at dinner time and I've started upping my exercise as I think this time of year my energy is whacked due to lack of light. I also have a mother and sister who both have issues with sleep but that's a whole other thread.....

@IChoseTheRedPill Grief is one of the many reasons my self actualisation path has intensified. I lost a close friend to suicide also and it took the rug out from beneath my feet. The pain and suffering was unbearable at times. Writing a letter to him really helped. As did allowing myself to really feel what I needed to feel. Self love, talking to others, asking for help, meditation, exercise, walking in nature. Time really does help.

@Gili Trawangan What actually in actuality is a belief? Something you think over and over? Something you identify with? Drop it. Let it go. Walk away. You are good with people as you've opened up on this forum and you've shown vulnerability. So your beliefs are unfounded. You don't need to do anything, just be aware that your thoughts are just thoughts, like clouds in the sky, raindrops in the rain. Start thinking new thoughts about how amazing you are and see what happens.

Insights this week: Contemplation: I'm aware that sometimes I contemplate during my meditation practice. Quite often solutions or insights come up when I'm in formal meditation practice. Source: I was being challenged at work about something, it was a difficult conversation. Before I would have floundered and flustered but this time I returned to source during this exchange, became very aware of myself and the conversation went well. This hasn't happened previously so I'm pleased about the results as it shows I'm taking my practice off the cushion into day to day life. This is the ultimate in letting go for me. Wellbeing: I've focused a lot this week on things that make me feel better for example listening to live music, socialising, reading, walking, exercise, time alone, relaxing etc. I've listened to more Abraham Hicks. Feeling better you really are in a position to receive more. It really is working, the creativity and creative energy I am feeling is amazing. I'm ready to continue to receive this abundance in creativity. Ruminating : I tend to wake up with a lot of stuff in my head. Thoughts, dreams, problems, goals etc - visual, sounds and feelings. Mornings are a good time to meditate for me. I'm aware that ruminating and distraction are key areas to continue to work on. I was shocked at how much distraction I do. Perhaps one influences the other.

@Raptorsin7 Thank you! Am still on the wave, let's see where it leads.....

First real test today. Got extremely annoyed today at work, due to a work thing. I was aware of myself ruminating on my feelings of anger and frustration. I went for a swim later on and also used the letting go technique and some of the strategies Abraham Hicks talks about, seeing the potential for the moment for example. It's true what they say, yesterday's enlightenment becomes todays frustration. This is why it is important to engage in daily practices. I still have that feeling of anticipation and excitement. What used to be anxiety is something else. I'm laughing more, enjoying myself more and giving myself more self love. I'm noticing small details more, like the beauty of a piece of clothing, the light of the sky and the amazement of things. I'm noticing how hard it is to let go of the feelings that arise from certain relationships, and the roles I play (work roles for example). Watch this space.

So this week it begins. The receiving. Receiving of love, support, forgiveness, truth, gifts, dreams, wishes, but most of all the now. Although I am letting go, the more I let go the more I am receiving. It is counterintuitive, but that is this work. Fast and slow, smooth and rough, edges that curve, hurt that forgives, receiving the nothing, the most wonderful gift of all. The weekend brought me a surge of creativity, I was able to put this into my life purpose. When you get rid of old baggage you bring in new energy, creative freedom, innovation and focus. This morning when I woke, weirdly I felt reborn. Although I hadn't really slept, I realise it was anticipation for the day ahead, for what I was to receive and experience. But also for what I will be shedding, my limitations, my resistance and my old self. It was like I had a near death experience and been given another chance to live. The morning light glimmered, the air was fresh and everything had a certain dew effect. On my packed commute I smiled. Today I have been laughing more, listening to my favourite music and enjoying the taste of tea. Thank you.

@Matt23 Maybe put the enlightenment work on hold and focus on some personal development. Self esteem work, motivation, confidence etc. You talk a lot about not feeling good enough and validation. You're very hard on yourself. Work on this however you need to for example with visualisations, affirmations, exercise, letting go technique, creativity (whatever floats your boat but only to release energy and not achieve anything) get outside in nature, read some good books. I've been where you are. It's about doing the things you enjoy which are good for your wellbeing first.

@Chives99 Forget slaying the demon. Although you're taking the hero's journey, you're already a hero for what you've been through, you just need to recognise this in yourself. What advice would you give someone else in this situation? Is it difficult for you to empathise with yourself? You're at the crossroads and you know what you need to do. Take off that backpack from your past, weighing you down and walk on by with your head held high. You didn't talk about why your difficulties led to challenges for you, you did say living with autism is tricky so maybe you could help others in the same position? You have a wealth of knowledge and experience to pass on to others. Good luck.

Hi @mandyjwI felt I had to comment on your post. When life deals us really really difficult situations, what I've realised lately is we are always supported. Perhaps your need to release emotions is important as it will help you move through this. The person you saw in your dream was the person who has lived a fulfilling and happy life. Do what you need to do to be that person, or perhaps you are already? Sending love.

@Raptorsin7 Let go of any expectation. That is where you are meeting difficulty. Can you see that you are already setting yourself up to fail? Meditation is about awareness, oneness and letting go. Just be aware of any thoughts feelings that arise. and let go.

I've seen a reduction in the following soft addictions : TV watching, engaging in gossip, reading horoscopes, social media browsing, bad diet choices, ruminating Reduction in the following hard addictions: Alcohol, overworking, overspending, over eating Meditation sessions this week : letting go, awareness of the infinite Walking in nature, reading books, life purpose work, focus at work, music Resources : Abraham Hicks, Tony Robbins Sleep : better, still some disruption and general health seems to have improved. Insight this week: Receiving. I am supported, aided and guided by the infinite. I look forward to what this will bring.

You are the sparkle on the waves The glimmer of rays The whisper in the breeze The freshness and ease We may mourn and weep But secretly we keep As we wait, to awake You're here, you're there Everywhere, too far and near A laugh, a tear You're where we'll be The sparkle, the freshness, I smile as I see The light, the peace I rest Within

@Raptorsin7 Yes I do get a sensation of my third eye opening, for time I thought it was pressure either side of my forehead but I had a Reiki healing massage and the practitioner said my third eye was quite open. When you say your difficulty is being whatever in the moment, what does that feel like? Perhaps do a Noting meditation to really take you away from thought and resistance. Other technique is Do Nothing so allow thoughts and resistance to come up. Walking in nature helps me connect with being as does contemplating and just sitting in silence. I also find live music connects me with being (depends on how good it is!) in a deep way.

@Rasheed Great thank you!

@Raptorsin7 I got a real sense of the depth of awareness and how infinite it was. It took quite a bit of practice, i used practices such as shinzen youngs Strong Determination Sits and Noting. I would meditate daily but also ramp it up by having solo weekend retreats, for example a day of doing one hour sits (4 hrs in total with breaks) . What I'm struggling with is sticking to the practice however. What are you finding difficult with locating being? You could also try self inquiry work.

Really felt a shift today. There is something bigger at work. Something guiding me, supporting me. Really felt the frequency of this, and the power of this. It's time to fully let go into being. Last few days I've struggled to sleep, felt sick, had headaches and fatigue. My body is purging stuff, all the stuff. Today I felt a sense of knowing, of magic at work. Although I'm going about my day, I'm floating.

@Rasheed generally protein and carbs, but yes I think my digestive system is working over time during the night!

@Javfly33 why do you want to be more superior than others?

@dimitri Thanks for this, I will definitely try this resource, its not the first time this work has come up. Just had a good Do Nothing meditation session. Letting go of toxic social relationships is a priority and also letting go of limitations I have put on myself (perfectionism being one) I look forward to receiving deepened, quality friendships from others and from myself.

I've been examining what brings me meaning in my life and also how I can drop some of this meaning. Family dynamics seem to hold multiple meanings, social relationships, current political systems, sexuality and how I view the path I am on are some of the things I'm aware of. The last couple of days I read a few things on the forum which kind of stopped me in my tracks. There is literally only this moment, and everything else is just perception. There really only is consciousness, which is created by me. My meditation practices tailed off a bit at the end of last week, so am keen to get back on the cushion this week. My dream boarding is giving me clarity but my sneaky self is kicking back on how I manage my Life Purpose. We waste so much time consuming rubbish, again input = output so if I read/look at crap I'm going to feel crap. Resources that have helped recently, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Great story but tricky to put into practice.

@WisdomSeeker This is the very tricky part of the path, how to navigate your "real life" especially when you have an awakening experience which illuminates the meaning we place on everything. My advice to you would be to consider regular softer practices such as meditation, yoga, life purpose work to get you to the place you want to be in life with your new shift in consciousness. It was brave of you to quit work, so you have fearlessness deep within you. The other thing I would say in the case of your social relationships is, yes you may feel isolated at times but enjoy the new form your relationships will take. When I spend time with my friends I listen more, I'm more non judgemental and can bring more depth to these friendships. I'm open to meeting others on the path and I also enjoy being with the ones who bring me joy, it's almost like everything has come into focus. Case studies would be a great idea, perhaps propose this to Leo or start a thread? I guess the journals are really case studies themselves. I know Nahm has written a previous thread on his journey. We still need to chop wood and carry water, it's up to you how you do this. Good luck and enjoy the journey.