Surfingthewave

The Consciousness Trap part 3 Meditation isn't a journey, a skill to be mastered, a thing to be learnt. Meditation isn't tricky, difficult, easy, etc (insert adjective here). Meditation is what we truly are. Meditation is the gateway to the source, to consciousness. The next consciousness trap I fell into was the above. That somehow meditation was something to gain, to achieve, to learn. Like other objects in duality I had separated myself from it and it had become another desire to fill a sense of lack. As I contemplated today I realised this: Consciousness (I am) is made up of sensations, perceptions, thoughts, feelings Consciousness (I am) is also knowing sensations, perceptions, thoughts, feelings. The witness becomes reality itself. (thanks to Rupert Spira). John Kabat- Zinn talks about the real work beginning when you meditate during life itself. Off the cushion. Then you realise meditation is life itself. In pure formless-ness : it's being. As I do this more and more, I see how much time we waste fretting, worrying, ruminating, reacting. Creating form to cling to, to desire, to need. It's time for joy, passion, celebration, gratitude, compassion and kindness. John Kabat Zinn talks about riding the wave of awareness. ? Especially now. What if you're actually the sea itself? Thoughts, stresses, worries, emotions are all just froth on the waves. Surf is definitely up. Join me.

Thank you for this thread @Anna1 Last night at 8pm I heard the sound of gratitude. #clapforourcarers Thousands of people came together to clap and give support for the people working for the NHS, doctors, nurses, carers, paramedics and everyone helping those affected. What I was also aware of was oneness. In these difficult times we need love. ?

The Consciousness Trap part 2 Further insights: So today after meditation practice I was totally aware of the physical sensations of resistance in the body. My back, neck and shoulders having been carrying this resistance for a long time. As soon as I became aware of it, I released it. I also had a vision of the infinite, of source. It was appearing around me from everywhere but also jetting out of my hands and body. Sounds trippy again but very vivid. After these moved throughout me I became aware of oneness. How everything is oneness. My thought energy is very active at the moment as is the adrenaline in my body. This appears to be coming from collective thought anxiety about the Coronavirus. Tonight at 8pm I'll be clapping my hands for the health care workers and carers on the front line here in the UK. This brings us together, releases energy and may renergise for the next phase. Do join me if you're reading this. I'll know as I'll feel your energy.

@Raptorsin7 Good for you, sounds like you are making waves with your practices and know what you need to feel good. @SilentTears Thank you for your kind words. It feels strange at times posting a private thing to the public so positive feedback and shared experience makes a difference. I wish you well in your work and practices.

@Raptorsin7 Through meditation, yoga and contemplation. (meditation 13 yrs or so) How are things with you?

@Raptorsin7 No I don't, it's not on my list of practices currently.

The Consciousness Trap Well I got stuck there for a while. Following on from insights last week, experiencing the infinite is a whole lot of difference from the perception of the infinite. That's a trap. As separate selves we want to analyse, weigh up, argue, reason, work out. Contemplation is key here. As I integrate my recent insights, is consciousness...........? I realise this is the trap right there. Consciousness is..... here. Is beautiful. Is love. Is. What is a moment? What is Love? Same thing. A moment is a thing of beauty, it radiates, it permeates, it is aware, it is giving you a gift. Will you take the gift? Are you ready for the gift? My mastery is really taking off. Because whatever happens I believe. I have faith in the path. The path itself is in fact the gift of mastery. Anyone struggling with mastery, see it for what it truly is.

Only men can make breathing exercises into a competition. Namaste ?

I quite like this one. Sometimes text, words and language cannot explain this process. Look inside yourself and feel. You have the answers within you. Follow that. And keep going.

Insights this week Today I was able to feel the thoughts as energy. Felt a bit like a trip. I was aware after a day at work my mind was a bit like a pot of mixing paint with lots of paint being mixed in. Also a sensation feeling of completeness today. The paradox of this sensation with the sensation of seeking mastery made me collapse into myself. I realise the seeking mastery is a bit of an illusion itself. It's the losing yourself in the art which is true mastery of thought or, flow. Aware of perfectionism and how this can be the enemy to an artist. Getting back on track with meditation is refocusing me. I tried Qi gong again today and this seemed to focus my energy. For so long I've fought the overactive thoughts in my head. But that's all they are, thoughts. Energy appearing and disappearing. For a moment in meditation yesterday I observed a thought actually disappear. The content of these thoughts are just consciousness. Just, infinite. It's the thoughts and feelings which are hard to separate. But when you see them separate, it's like a pretty blissful experience. Heading to full on lockdown here in the UK. Time to pause, reflect, be mindful and also intensify my practices.

@Raptorsin7 Like the words enlightened or awakening, letting go means different things for different people. For me I got stuck in a place where I thought letting go was releasing all the "stuff" which I felt was getting in the way of my progress. In fact, this whole concept was stopping me from moving forward. Letting go, I realise now, for me, is becoming being. It's bigger than I ever envisaged. It's realising you are pure energy, changing all the time. Impermanent. Beautiful and fully accepting yourself as you are. It's becoming consciousness. Becoming is very different to releasing. Sounds like your LSD trip gave you some insights on this. Whatever you think or feel now, let go of. What do you become when you let go of it all? See the beauty in this. Going with the flow of life is definitely part of it. Not resisting, realising as avatars we put our "good" or "bad" stamp on different experiences. Letting go is trusting what is, trusting what you need will come to you, but that actually all you need is this. When I meditate now I realise, I am, my true self. Any other times I am expressing consciousness but as a human, in this avatar. It's a total mind bending thing, that's probably why a lot of people take psychedelics to get there.

Hey @Raptorsin7 just checking in, are you OK, did you have a bad trip. Sending love and good vibes your way?

Embodiment After a significant time in meditation, contemplation, silence and study I've had a breakthrough. I've experienced a deep realisation. True surrender, true letting go is embodiment. Embodiment of my life situation, form, personhood, the avatar that is "I". No longer resisting no longer running from. The feeling I experienced today was true love and deep acceptance of myself as consciousness, multiple energies dancing to the moment like different frequencies of sound dancing in the wind. True embodiment of: Previous life trauma, anxious overthinking states, work stress and flaws I see in myself which are actually perfectly amazing and meant to be part of consciousness. These flaws are in fact energies, beautiful energies meant to be there. Embodiment of Goals, dreams, desires and wishes. Physical states and body sensations as well as past and future states. Energies as source, as awareness but in a different way I have felt before. Instead of the witness or looking "behind" the form I have become the embodiment of what is the form. I was resisting this for so long. Massive, massive trap on the path. My advice to others stuck in a similar situation is contemplate what letting go truly means, feels and what the experience this brings. Whether you use psychedelics or not the main lesson here is, whatever you think it is..... it's not! Be ready to be mindf****d beyond belief, radically open your mind then let it all go. Sometimes it's about being kind to ourselves and not trying too hard to work on ourselves.

Taming the ox and riding it home In Zens 10 ox herding pictures, the process of understanding and attaining enlightenment and/or consciousness, I am stuck here, between these two stages. Taming the ox and riding it home, or fully letting go, integration, is harder than you think. I've heard it being described as falling "up" rather than falling "down". As my insomnia continues I wonder if I am stuck here for a reason. I'm still clinging on to desires and goals and some thoughts but I'm also experiencing kensho or satori on a daily basis. Fully letting go of it all, it turns out, is like jumping off a cliff. The crazy thing is I'm addicted to ego, it has been my identity for decades. I know part of it is because I'm doing this work against the back drop of my "normal" life - work, relationships, duties, media, news, responsibilities, etc. If I was alone in the mountains on Retreat maybe I would be galloping home on that ox no problem. Let's see where I end up. Quote from Rupert Spira's The Transparency of Things "As soon as we stop superimposing feelings onto bodily sensations, they cease to be an abode of ignorance and confusion and are revealed instead as a beautiful display of creative energies dancing in the emptiness of Presence, revealing its fulness moment by moment". Addition: When we sleep, we dream, we let go. Why I'm struggling to sleep? I'm struggling to let go. Trust myself, trust consciousness, trust what is.

@Raptorsin7 Yes it can be very difficult. I think every person's experience is so unique. For me it's about equanimity or not desiring to change/resist what occurs in consciousness, on a daily basis. The deeper you go with this work the more things seem to come up to the surface but if you keep up the practices regularly you realise it becomes easier to let it all go. I also came to realise everything I thought I needed I already had within me (or was coming to me) that stops the seeking. One tip or major stumbling block I hit a few times is the path itself can become a distraction. Make sure you take time out to have fun, relax and switch off. Also do solo retreats where you get a big hit at once. That ramps up the embodiment/integration. Other thing I would say when things get really really tough, that's because you're on the brink of real progress.

Leo's latest Video I see deep inner conflict and deep suffering in Leo's latest vid. I see someone not resting enough or taking a break from this work. Physical health issues are a manifestion of emotional difficulty. Next Steps- Walkabout In Australian Aboriginal society Walkabout is a rite of passage for young males to transcend childhood and make a transition into adulthood, usually as a spiritual practice. Its time for my own Walkabout. For so long I have been carrying weight from the past which has conditioned my current perceptions. After lots of deep inner work, where these difficulties have risen to the surface it is time to shed this conditioning to pave way for my higher self, my Truth. I will enter a new phase of expression and exploration without any focusing on end result. I have already begun to experience deep states of bliss but I continue to be pulled back to habits of the ego. From silence comes energy, healing, new beginnings and Truth.

@Raptorsin7 Good for you and good luck integrating your awakening.

Judson Brewer discusses craving, resistance, distraction and how our mind plays tricks on us. How we really want to be distracted. He talks about how for enlightened folk this appears very differently in the brain. What's interesting here is the discussion about how awakening experiences can occur without previous experience of meditation. https://deconstructingyourself.com/dy-009-craving-mind-guest-judson-brewer.html

Updates from the illusion... Sometimes you just need therapy! Well I've come to realise this and it's been a relief. A lot of trauma, stress, stories etc etc. However my baseline of consciousness has seemingly increased through the continued work. I feel myself resisting less and floating more through life. A spirit/consciousness having a human experience not the other way round. The "direct" path is the key. See the veil. See the screen. See the door. As I walk through years and years of conditioning I begin to reach the bliss. Keep following it. Let go of heavy expectations of yourself. Let go of resistance. Enjoy the journey.

Hello dear readers A break from the forum has helped me to gather myself and sink into silence. Addictions can come in many ways and just be aware getting addicted to this work is a sneaky way of distracting you from the work itself. I've had a really hard few weeks, stress, insomnia, overthinking and stuck in the self. Whether this is an ego backlash or not it felt like a bit of a test. More and more I see the illusion we all live in. As William Blake wrote about, The Doors of perception really does keep us stuck in our own conditioning. I continue to work on letting go and experiencing the sense of awareness. Yesterday I spent time looking at the way my arms and feet move (sounds weird I know). Patience and faith is an area I am focusing on. As well as celebrating those small moments in life (listening to the rain outside, birds chirping, the stars at night, a great refreshing drink) I have a new found energy of faith and intuition. I had a strange feeling that something bad was going to happen yesterday and I did get some sad news. I hope you are all well dear seekers.

I wanted to do a bit of a review of where I've been and where I am now. I feel I'm on the brink of a major shift in my life in terms of making gains in my life purpose, deepening my meditation practice and tacking those long term goals such as financial independence and freedom. Since 2015 I have been on this path. Here are the gains I have made. 1. I have set up a regular meditation practice which has been life changing 2. I have had several awakening / mystical experiences, some profound enough to change my perspective on life radically 3. I have completed several solo retreats and two group retreats 4. I have taken up meditative Yoga, Reiki healing, Lomi massages, chi gong and breath work 5. I have begun studying the spiritual path and various gurus, teachers, mystics and guides 6. I have completed coaching training through my current job 7. I have made massive gains and successes in my career in the health profession 8. I have re- set my life purpose to suit my values. This will involve transitioning out of the health profession and into mastery in the arts 9. I have dealt with long term relationship and commitment issues, I have come out the closet so to speak and married my long term partner 10. I have dealt with serious emotional difficulties: grief following the death of a close friend and deep trauma from psychological abuse I suffered in my childhood 11. My anxiety and self esteem difficulties have been greatly reduced and no longer impact on my life 12. I have found my voice and confidence. Previously I was unable to communicate in groups /public speak without symptoms of severe anxiety 13. I feel joy, fulfillment, love, self forgiveness and gratitude most days. 14. I have tackled soft and hard addictions such as watching tv, social media /tech, criticising, gossiping, over eating, alcohol, over spending That's not to say my journey hasn't been difficult and is far from over. There are still things I am working on and will continue to work on this life long journey. I've had major set backs and ego backslashes on the way, some setting me back for months at a time, particularly when I was doing deep inner work. My advice to anyone on this path: it is the most amazingly profound and challenging thing you will ever experience. It will bring you to your knees and will change your life in such positive ways you can only imagine. For now I feel the pull to silence. I will be leaving this journalling here for a while and take myself off the forum. I shall return for further insights on my journey soon. For now dear readers and seekers, keep fighting the good fight. Silence speaks. ?

What am I actually letting go of? - Positive / Negative thoughts of what is happening (reality/experience) - Thoughts in general - Perception of experience What am I actually changing here? - I'm allowing reality and the moment to guide me - Through the daily inner work I am guided by awareness or source which enables me to achieve the dreams I set myself - I have everything I need to let go and surrender to the reality that is before me - My perception of myself. I'm not this person***** but rather an expression of consciousness through this person***** What are my next steps? - Follow my intuition /gut feelings / source - Allow myself to be guided by reality. - Ultimately letting go to what is. Tools to get there - Regular daily meditation - Regular daily life purpose work - Regular daily well-being work

On the last day of the year I finally realise I have been given a gift. I woke up this morning with an incredible sense of awareness. I saw the beauty around me. In everything. In the sounds of the birds outside, in the design of my room, the feel of the early morning light. I've had a difficult few nights of insomnia but today it was different. I woke up having slept, with the thought, what if there were no thoughts? The end of my seeking has really begun. The start of my deep inner realisation has begun. I have been born with this gift and I am thankful. True seeing is not in thought, not in feeling, not in perception, not in sensations. True seeing is like the eyes on our face, like the sun and the moon, it's just there, ready and waiting to be discovered.

@OmniYoga What techniques have you been using these past 4 years?

@Alex bAlex 1) Listen 2) Name it (I think you may need to talk to someone/you may need some support ) 3) Have some suicide prevention / support numbers in your taxi to give out 4) If they are actively talking about suicide and methods go to nearest place of safety e. g hospital or police station 5) Remember the smallest thing can make the biggest difference. Get some training yourself so you feel more equipped to help, particularly around mental health difficulties and support.