Major Tom

@ajasatya @Nahm Its been some time now. Ive snapped out of those thought patterns, but know I would like to ask a couple questions. Why was it so terrifying? I was expecting it to be euphoria and bliss, but instead I got the most fearful and horrifying experience of my life. My sense of self was split into many and I was sure I heard the what was suppose to be the devil himself speak to me. He said I would regret enlightenment. He made believe enlightenment = awakening = hell, that it was a trap. And so before I could go higher I stopped myself. It was just too much. Had I not stopped it I would have gone insane. (I grew up catholic and became atheist later in life, is this some manifestation of some unconscious regret?) The existential horror was immeasurable. This experience really put me in the hole spiritually. I am afraid to meditate, and I can't sleep unless I'm drugged. Ive been meditating for years, I never would have thought this was the way my journey would end.

@ajasatya Damn, definitely mostly the second one lately. Any suggestions on how to address these issues. I’m not a self hep noob, but this is the first time in my life that I’m questioning my sanity and I’m in a bad place right now

I feel super paranoid, I think everything around me is trying to fuck with me. I can’t help but feel that way, I know it’s irrational. I had a really fucked up and scary awakening last week. Meditation isn’t working and I feel like I have two iner voices now.

Fuck, needed to hear this. You nailed it Leo. I can relate a lot to what Gladius is saying, and Im gonna start to take serious deliberate action tomorrow.

Isolated protein powder is fine post workout, I can't recommend creatine though, too many side effects.

A lot of techniques are simplified/secularized so if you want to learn meditation, its pretty good at that. You will know you have outgrown it when you instinctively tune out the guide's voice from the meditation.

Thats tricky. I consider serious anything that is formal philosophy. Or serious can be non-fiction as opposed to fiction. Try some story based self help like the Alchemist or The Wheel of Time, pick some good music, and try to enjoy the process a bit more.

Learn the noting technique for meditation and apply it to anxiety throughout your day. When you note anxiety don't resist it, dive deep into it and really feel it. In away, be sadistic about it because the idea is to desensitize yourself from anxiety.

Ok buddy it mostly sounds like you don't have a life purpose, did you take Leo's course? If not find a way to work on that. Also the emptiness you say you feel, you are one choosing to give it a negative meaning (which makes sense because the ego doesn't want to go away). On exercise, the thing is in order get the energy to exercise, you need to exercise. Think of your next workout as Activation Energy in a chemical reaction.

What are your guy's thoughts on the philosophy of panpsychism? Does it fit in with your own ideas of non duality? Or is it something else entirely?