now is forever

by the way - today is memorial day for breaking down walls. ⭕️ it belongs to everyone.

day 10: woke up at 4:30 did my survival breath and went to sleep again for two hours. later i did some kriya btw kundalini against addictions (in europe they use both interchangeable for some of the practices). and the cleansing breath. guess that makes up for skipping yesterday. also i cleaned out the bowl that served as an ashtray. brew a ginger tea (i let it sit until it’s spicy) and decided to donate the remaining cigarettes to some punks on the streets - or maybe to one of the junkies around the corner someone who is addicted to cigarettes and can’t afford it so they don’t have to smoke the ends from the streets. although it’s not a good deed i can sympathize with smoking addictions why should i throw them away then? and it will still feel more like an end to smoking.

just realized i stretch the meaning of some words to describe phenomena very widely and think people would understand all the possible meaning behind it... @Zweistein made me attentive of the building your existential vocabulary video... and even though i did that already i always tried to grab the meaning, i never tried to learn phrases, maybe i have to look it up again - or i just make a list of my favorite words and write down my own explanation and then look up where i agree with classic definitions... the problem with definition is - there are so many different definitions for example for “psychology” in the end you are helpless because they all say something different related to their school and field. either you try to pack them all together or you list them underneath each other - but then you still don’t know exactly what they mean if you didn’t go deeper into the field - and whoop you’re lost again in the meantime you wrote a whole book about the meaning of psychology... but that makes it all so much more blurry- and then you can’t use the word for other stuff anymore - for example understanding narcissism related to ego or codependency as a general phenomenon instead of an illness. so i like cognitive maps much more than listing...

day 9: already skipped it. to many dreams i had to reflect on. tomorrow is a new day.

if you want to understand it in sense of what we are playing with, you might want to have a look on how contemporary art sees the contemporary reality of it: https://www.google.de/search?q=boris+pramatarov&client=safari&hl=de&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwismI-zkefdAhUBwAIHHRFBB_cQ_AUIDygB&biw=375&bih=553 maybe it has some catharsis effect (be aware that it‘s from a male view, i made the mistake trying to see it from a woman’s view, but as it is subjective to a male i can only see what kind of role the woman plays from that perspective)

letting go

situational comedy ?

ouch - the girl you like, did she kill your mom?

just noticed - in my mind i still need a lot of key cues to stream connective systems. mhhh

i wish i would have found the full version in english... but i guess for protection of the artist, it’s good i didn’t. so this movie is about dust. it shows many of the aspects of dust. dust is everywhere and even if we try to remove it all - it’s impossible. but if we are aware of it, we can just try to keep the bad dust out of our lungs - for me that would be stopping smoking. the dust fight is an enormous topic - starting by cars, asbestos, workprotektion, dustmites and so on from the human to nature if we put it out there it’s like a bakteria - it’s in the wind and travels miles and miles, it doesn’t care for political borders it doesn’t care who you are. now i can even add chili dust, pepper dust, kardamom dust, and this rainbow pigment dust i suppose they can never wash off their clothes. and all the dust i love. i don’t know if there is an english version. here the german trailer:

day 8: today i really had to do the love expanding thing... i felt a little down from the asbestos movie on the blog to be reminded of it. after all i still try to hide from the outside world a little and try to block it out, because it’s too much. so i ried to love myself, my lungs and tried to love all the don quichottes out there. who try to change the world every day. and tomorrow i will include all the ones who wish to change the world - guess that enough for a starter. the evil guys i can maybe love them to death like those children in movies who love their little animal to death...with that? afterwards i did my brainprotection programm. i guess i need a stuffed dinosaur toy now. and i think i really need to do the cleansing breath...

the problem about world problems is they are huge, and sometimes overpowering - we feel them even in our direct neighborhood we breath them we eat them we consume them. why? because the world didn’t teach us how to change them. and some are out of our reach. (that’s why in south korea they wear masks on days when the dust comes from china) they are often circular, they are subventionated and artificially kept alive. what can we do against them? we have to build healthy circular systems that make it possible to step out of the circles we don’t want to be part of. those will exist next to each other - the healthy circles and communication systems will gain more and more support and start to grow until they are bigger than the unhealthy ones - so is the theory. (but at some point it needs state support - that’s how it worked with asbestos in germany - it’s banned here and they remove it from all public spaces at least) that‘s why there are still infinite possibilities in building new business. because there is so much trash out there, people are starved for healthy. some just don’t know it yet. the clue is to make it healthy and pretty. but then again how to change conditioned tastes? and in the beginning it’s usually expensive so it’s not available for the mainstream - and after a while the unhealthy industry jumpes in your style boat and all the inherent meaning disappears. that‘s the problem with changing production ways - they always manage to fake it for the unaware consumer. and that’s why we sometimes feel like don quichotte against the windmill - well, don quichotte for the windmill ??‍♀️

you can’t stop him he already swallowed it completely. call him humpty dumpty. what would lead you to eggdmund husserl.

in my perception true creativity is figuring out where to meet needs. that includes figuring out what there already is to meet needs and then either use it as a starting point or develop a better more effective way by integrating either random insights or researched, reflected insights. creativity is the way of finding better or just different approaches or solutions.

day six: did the pranayama directly after waking up and wanted to add a yoga sequence and afterwards a cleansing breath. but then got interrupted, and the day came already floating in. day seven, one week ?: did the pranayama not directly after waking up, maybe because i didn’t use a bell? even though i did it, it was stepping back behind all other movements and actions before and afterwards and in that sense less calm and more integrated into everything else - so not so sharp but another quality.

yes/no, could also be: he/she is not lying because of the law. he/she is lying because of him/her probably walking out on him/her it’s a social contract he/she is breaking, by lying and by cheating - so is it only a materialist problem if you don‘t want to loose a person? isn’t it a paradox? one doesn’t want to but still does even though all consequences are known? it‘s the want of having everything without any social consequences. or is it a lack of awareness? and yes marriage serves the purpose of being unaware if it’s just a legal contract. so it would be much easier to bring the social contract to paper in advance. instead of just trusting in a generalized one. leaving the material stuff aside. it would mean though to have the basic bullet points in advance, to discuss them. (the word bullet points really making sense here)

no you shouldn’t ignore emotions - just be aware where they com from. everyone is invited to stay in this egg until they are able to coap with everything arising. a bubble is nothing else than an egg. what it is breeding depends on the chicken.

@Emanyalpsid do you have eggression problems? is this a high awareness problem or a low awareness problem?

we can easily make the rice experiment out of the egg experiment or do the rice experiment with the egg... would that prove external conciousness? if there is something like external. we can also make a lemon experiment, by producing energy out of lemon. well we can also bite a lemon or make lemonade but we can also produce electricity out of it.

it’s really interesting - the light intensity in the room is always different. sometimes it’s roentgen sometimes sunlight and a fast pingpong game can be confusing if someone isn’t used to dance under stroboscopic light...guess it’s always raising the heartrate. more entropy and release, while a slow ping pong really finds the details. the dirt underneath the sofa, so to say.

the horror of a woman is not only wage slavery - it‘s also love slavery. the richer in the ability to love the outside we are - the more often it gets exploited in a relationship. that‘s a dilemma. the currency for love can never be money it needs to be love as well - or translated in work, an exchange of work the couple does for each other. as the woman in most cases is lower in monetary status - it’s difficult for men to get in their mind that this is not a social status. because they learned to compare monetary status with social status. but it’s not. being social means exchange of help in sense of work, and this work is always meeting the needs. these needs can only be met by love. sexual attraction is only a small, small part of love. if men reduce themselves to only that - they can also sink in social status a looot. this is the difference between community (starting by two, in sense of a couple) and the outside world. it‘s also important to understand, that the only person to judge the social status in a relationship is the partner, and if children arrive it’s still the partner who judges that, because the children are not part of the relationship - they are part of the family though. so skipping out of it by thinking there are no consequences in the relationship because it’s „only“ the partner is a no no.

this is what maya teaches to children - what the... had to take a photograph of it. notice how the sink looks like a toilet.

day five: did the pranayama for a very short time today. in that sense it was kind of sloppy. wan’t to find a method to make a strangeloop out of the morning meditation and stopping smoking, again. started smoking after the breakup. well we made a break out of it - we want to figure out if there is still something there and we try to find out about how we are taking everything for granted the other one puts into the relationship. that means the contract we never brought to paper is in discussion again. we’ll see if we are both able to open up to the other again. but i still reflect on how it would be to really follow my dreams - maybe moving to another country, the netherlands, italy... somewhere in asia... how would it be to find another partner who is more open and has same goals? or would i just end up in another trap. don’t know would i find one, would i risk what i worked for on an emotional level. that’s really tough, dreams fighting against each other with every day floating in. another infinite possibility loop. so i stick with self development. in smoking i’m still stuck in blue.

in infinite conciousness of reality and infinite reality of conciousness, dependent arising.