now is forever

@tsuki what? hahaha it looks even better if the ink is made through circular movement.

@tsuki it makes me understand nothing. and it’s scary sometimes and overpowering and i don’t know what to do with it yet.

what do you mean with your energy being off the charts? in a bad way or a good way? (i mean is it uncomfortable?)

@tsuki it seems like you are stressed at work - you seem to try to understand the relation between selfesteem and emotions like anger and try to understand why it’s difficult to love the people at work? it‘s exactly because of the selfesteem. not that you don’t have it, but the communication at work might be on a unsatisfying level. the people there touch you but mostly on a level that produces anger because of the respectless crude behavior that is shown in the hierarchical order. you also seem to question the mechanisms that controll you society wise. there is a second narrative though. i won‘t tell you about that - it’s the narrative that makes me understand so it’s my phantasy narrative. it‘s not psychic, i told you!

just thought because you got interested into sharpening knifes - and because you cut paper it was a loose association with a twist. well you describe your feelings/energy fields very well, and where they are located and produce energy, that tells a little bit about what you might feel. should i really tell you - i‘m not psychic you know.

no unfortunately i passed that stage of being that psychic. (i feel a little burning sensation while writing this) but i intuit some things about your emotions. did you do calligraphy?

yes you are right, he surely already is part of the cool kids.

@Elisabeth it might be that kids in the netherlands as well as in other neighboring countries are already quite green naturally, it’s part of our youth culture - it already was in the 90’s. so there is a natural push. but i agree, it’s ok to be a little orange. (whatever that means in the neatherlands )

sorry just for disturbance? i wondered how the blanket would look. no wonder you can’t sleep, after what you have done to the blanket.

@Jol356 don’t drink for 3 weeks minimum. even one beer or a glass of wine can be lethal. drinking even just on occasion was the number two trigger for me, after stress.

@tsuki do you have scissors?

@now is forever because it breaks their heart? This question doesn't make sense. can totally understand!!! and yes it makes sense - but it’s not exactly wise. it will brake yours as well. you want to find a way to see the world with your eyes and the world from other perspectives and to do so you feel that you have to rebel and you are exactly at the age where it gets juicy. see you are like a bird wanting to leave a nest trying to fly free with the other birds completely, and therefore you feel the urge to severe the bonds that hold you, and that’s fine but not yet, you still need your nest and you can still learn some things. it’s not their heart you want to brake - it is the bonds that hold you.

@Joseph Maynor see it that way: it’s just that no one would want to watch you sleep for two hours. and even buy a flight ticket for that.

@pluto interesting - but i’d better not start smoking again even if the substance would be better. if someone wants to stop with smoking and didn’t yet maybe... but even then i would try it in a vaporizer. just as an addition. and while at it put some l-theanin inside. pluto - you could even make a business model out of this with a nice alluring packaging design and some slim metal vaporizers ? (i’ll try the tea)

@pluto as a tea? you mean to support the lungs with detoxing/cleaning?

@Ampresus why telling them you don’t believe in the same god they believe into, if it breaks their heart? - and is that even true just because your parents trust in a holy book and you don’t? if you want to experience ramadan why not just try it as a personal challenge? i’m sure there is a lot to learn and if you do some meditation alongside the fasting, more so. just mix and match. fasting can be very healthy, if you don’t go as far as not drinking water anymore. also maybe then being very considerate in what you eat in the night. i would just make it my own game while trying to learn something about nutrition alongside the fasting or in preparation to it. not doing it alone is really helpful, too. so think of it as a free experience you can get from the community you are growing up with and compare it to what fasting in general means and why people everywhere on the world do it. if you stay mindful you can even observe the indoctrination mechanisms - while still growing together with the people you are doing the experience with, doing it alone but not alone

@Zweistein yes the synchronicity is interesting i don’t think i’ll burst, i’m careful with needles - i have some abrasive paper with me. the needle is not directly pointed at me. still i’m anxious about bursting balloons. hehe but generally just for preparation, it would look like this: but it’s the sound and the touch that make the difference and the anticipation, i mean the anticipation that the bursting is not in my hand, even though the balloon is.

@Samra do you need to? if you can acknowledge them more and more as made of the same like white is made of snow and clouds, can you accept how they are the same and still can feel so different?

@Joseph Maynor i would come just to chat with you - question is if you would be able to talk so much. no seriously just for the inscenation to unfold.

@Samra that’s a very difficult question. how do they feel for you? maybe they just describe different relations you have to nothingness, voidness emptiness or however you want to call it. like the inuit have different words for white. if you look long enough you’ll see there is not much difference.

staying with the metaphor of bubbles. a balloon ? is always only as big as we inflate it. staying with the metaphor of the balloon. have you ever been confronted with a situation where you were holding a balloon, already anticipating that it will be burst. question is just how?

@Charlotte yes of course one that is linked to the english culture

@Rilles @Charlotte it feels a little bit more like the cult of the mushroom heads.

@Charlotte actually that’s exactly why you shouldn’t.

@tsuki hahaha - i didn’t see it was a journal - sorry. have fun. (beuys once said: never again without disturbancies, distractions, disruption or disorder, depends on how it’s translated)