now is forever

isn’t it what makes a real good actor, that sh/he doesn’t need to act even while acting? so is acting not only about the role we are willing to play? while learning the role, we adapt to the role. we integrate it. and when we are done with learning the role we look back and think or see, we have become the role (at least partially) but what really counts for being a good actor is knowing the kernel behind the role. to reflect that, theater is a better reflector than movies.

that’s how balloons burst by the way. whatever they are filled with. it is somehow good to know that it’s not our skin that bursts. it‘s only a balloon we are holding in our hand - someone else holds the needle. (it couldn’t burst if we wouldn’t hold a ballon) i guess also, that we must be willing to integrate the outside world completely to understand that the balloon is a needle for someone else.

as i like long movies: infinity loop sound meditation.

@tsuki ok, no problem.

@tsuki where do you want to bring that explosive energy to? can you let it explode differently? and i‘m not your mother!!! and no punching bag. i just try to show you something. (it is an exchange tsuki - i learn from you, too) but i can’t squeeze myself into a lens, if the lens looks like a prism.

yes - explosiv... i wouldn’t have touched it if it wouldn’t have touched me, too. i have seen so many explosions and still i don’t get the precues right because i never experienced precues. and still the explosion is kind of shocking.

@tsuki joke (it’s even a family insider)

@tsuki ok then it’s not my fault but yours? no seriously you are right - but still you invite others in if you do it openly. either just to read or to comment. and tsuki you zoomed in, too. maybe you zoomed in in both cases. and i‘m just good in touching scars.

@tsuki why do you compare me to your mother??? that‘s a projection.

so where is the boarder between intrusion and communication. in my understanding it is in openness for the sensitivities of the other persons „skin“. where are our hurting points, old skars and taboo areas? @tsuki i‘m sorry - i seem to have touched something painful. i seem to be good in that. but why the heck are you writing an open journal if you don’t want to be disturbed? especially after the i=you=we experience with zweistein. my fault is surely, that because of technical language i see the whole conversation as a haunt for more truth, instead of seing the sensitive person behind it. i‘m sorry for that. it reveals a lot. i see that you have your struggles and wanted to work them out in your journal . at least you have boarders tsuki. i sometimes don’t. i can also see the paradox of wanting to stay you while you invite others in at the same time - you noticed it already and zweistein intuited it - is this a 22? so i feel kind of touched that you already let me approach this far. sometimes i talk so loud i overhear the finetunes.

so in short you have: synesthesia kinesthesia touch thought/mind/awareness short circuiting (what happens without understanding as well) now we could go further and subdevide.

@tsuki mhhh i‘m not lonely in that sense - i mean i am needy of conversation but not that needy. i didn’t want to post in your journal again, because i didn’t want to influence you in your thoughts anymore, while you want to hang out with yourself. but then i just posted again exactly because of that. tsuki you are a little arrogant and that keeps you from seeing an elephant in the room. you stick to much to science. and base your experiences on it. just wanted to help you find another approach. let‘s get rid of the preconceptions. it is all skin, it is all touch.

@Chris White it was insanely cold yesterday. how are you managing in that outfit? oh i see it‘s a postscript. it‘s really hard at the moment - i give some money, asked every second day since a week, for people saying they need it for shelter, because it’s so cold already, and it just started.

@abrakamowse if you think so. you’ll know a fassade when you see it. a good start to see true differences between fake and real. life is a big stage, huh? it’s another nice model, at least there are still real people involved, i like it better than the game model but it’s less accessible.

@abrakamowse i‘m not i‘m chaotical. acting for me is building s fassade instead of a skin. well some things are routines - that’s more something dogish.

@tsuki can you try to find out about the different quality in a touch? it’s related to my first question here - if you want to understand that. there is something receiving and something giving to it. it is not just kinesthetik - and it is not just movement. you are missing something. you have been closer in the beginning. if you want to use kinesthetic for all body movement you could also use synesthetic for all senses (touch excluded) so maybe it is just, that of all senses the sensitivity of skin/membrane (and this dependent on the body parts) is a whole other level than the others.

i‘m getting kind of greedy with conversation... even though it goes nowhere. even invading others spaces...it’s the small talk devil. and looks very much like a blind fish - who doesn‘t know what further to talk about. blub

@tsuki i‘m disrupting again... i‘ll stay out of it. everything is fine, i‘m the intruder here you are not a weirdo

@tsuki either i don’t want to understand it or i‘m standing on the tube. maybe someone just pulled the plug and that’s why there is no light ? in the room.

@tsuki no i don’t know - i told you i know nothing it’s also just combining some observations. you confuse me a little bit.

@tsuki why am i on the list??? it‘s not my energy fields - it’s basic chacra combination. and there is: vision hearing smelling tasting haptic what you call movement or motion = e-motion? and has nothing to do with what the e stands usually for are you doing this on purpose?

exactly, that’s what i mean sorry for the wording it’s so outdated it’s a cool kids with „“. i have a different definition of coolness. you try to do your thing, you try to be real.

@tsuki sorry!!!

@tsuki yes and i wouldn’t do it that way... i learned it like this: think it’s ok to not do the whole blade in one go, but then it’s more for the front if you want to still have a gradual sharpness. it also depends on the form of the blade, santoku is round, therefore it’s better to go in a bow. gradual sharpness like this guy is doing it: for beginners to not mess the blade up, sharpening the whole blade in a bow - is the safer method.

@tsuki that’s not the right way to sharpen a knife!!! guess you know that - is it even into the wrong direction? ? poor knife. after reaching that level it’s usually lost.