now is forever

why do moths fly towards the light? it’s not about the why - it’s how they die trying. true light shines without the need to kill - i know this difference from direct experience in a person since my childhood. this experience is the one that makes the difference between what real enlightenment is and what not. there is one truth you certainly can’t speak about if you‘ve never seen it and you can not bend a spoon around it as the bending of the spoon is the illusion. no spoon, no bending. the spoon bends itself. if you can’t bend a spoon you can’t see how the spoon is bent and you can’t see the bender. and the funny thing is you only know a spoon when you know it. a good spoon is not exessevly bent.

sometimes the most counterintuitive move can be quite liberating. it maybe is the most enlightening - as it shows you the boundaries of a radical open mind.

the thing about loose association is it’s really very close to schizophrenia and the boarders are liquid, the thing is knowing when you overstep these boarders is extremely difficult - you see a person communicating something and don’t know what exactly it means if you are aware of the subliminal meaning of the said - this is after the categories of self have been conflated - it is either only provable by asking the person directly or by stopping to listen to the stuff that makes us confused. responsibility has something to do with response. and with the way we respond if someone is asking for clear water.

@Timotheus you are just too pictographic- i knew you where german our folks of oneliners you can only see straight, even the drinking will not help. mythology didn’t come into existence, existence came into mythology.

perfection is the complete acceptance of your wish of oneness the melting away of all dilusion - to see you are already perfect the way you are and it’s ok, accepting your perfect little faults, as perfection is perfect in it‘s imperfection.

today i realized why we obsess so much over attention and attention from others. how this is all a matter of deprivation and the wish to be selfaware - and how we wish to be accepted completely. the more difficult it is to accept oneself, the more we search for the acceptance of other - but even with selfacceptance it‘s not done as we still search for other and ultimately search for the other. and how it would not be anything without that search. because searching wants to be found.

maya is a godess shapeshifter - don’t get diluted by how she is dressed up for you - she is not even a woman she can also be a man. maya can be kali or shakti if you know her well - you can drink her pretty if she’s showing you her ugly face, but then she will give you a headache. don’t try to tame her she’s wild. but you could watch how wild and pretty she really is. @Timotheus and put that spear aside, there are better ways of seduction. IT will not eat you up you just have to face it.

maybe as long as my shadow is in the washing machine i just go naked. i can’t tell over and over again how liberating that is. i really love that song.

what makes me think about how to wash my own shadow - do you think it would fit into the washing machine. it’s really just a small one if you look at my avatar. maybe i can just greenwash it.

blog activities are quite interesting - it’s from 1996... saturday night fever? prism is a dancer? spiral dynamics? so thank you? now everyone knows everything about me? at least i‘ve been screened! there is this saying in german once the reputation is ruined you can live entirely uninhibited. good they didn’t know stages above green then - maybe i‘m already over the problematic line then as a creative - and i‘m against the 3d printing of weapons just to use this as a platform now. ah now i get it - it’s spiraldynamics shadow. phiu it’s quite a shadow.

mhhh - i‘m a cake hunter not a cheese hunter. and i‘m a sun hunter so night will have no chance to eat up all of my time - so i‘ll maybe implement some surya prayer in the morning to give all the love from the sun to the world. even though winter, the sun can get really hot at some places on the world - time is timetravel.

he‘s maybe talking about N2O

today i want to start deviding my day a little bit better. one big chunk for the day and personal development and forum activities in the morning and evening, and i’ll experiment on the sleeping chunk. for some time it was not possible to devide anything for me as too much was going on. - we‘ll see if that’s more a cake or more a ladder. maybe it‘s a cake/ladder of course it will neither be a cake nor a ladder. but maybe i‘ll need to still have bigger morning evening chunks in the beginning....and then i‘ll just reduce. from the side it just looks like a hamster wheel. but it’s prepared with cake, so there is no need for a hamster a rat can still survive.

somehow i start to think about boundaries again - but that would mean building walls of words or silence. it’s interesting how people think vulnerability is naivety - yes maybe it is a little bit. but maybe it’s just the same way naive as someone who doesn’t speak ones language is dumb.

@Annoynymous are your emotions not constantly communicating? if you don’t know - maybe observe? if you think they arise out of nothing, they are just the loud ones.

@MM1988 did you ever try it with a ribbon ?? jumping out of a cake or something? here you go ta da all my neediness? it‘s all a matter of packaging.

this morning is filled with music. and woodwork.

@Sven did you ever try white noise? earphones in, earworm out, could work.

i literally became a table today - i started to brush wood with a drilling machine and a brass brush. i really missed working with wood it smells so good and i love how it feels - well i think i missed working on material and getting lost in it.

today the sky is three d as there are two layers of clouds. the clouds closer to me are more like a fast mooving nebular, while the ones further away almost stand still and the sun and blue sky is shining through. the weather had disappeared somewhere in november.

breathing - i‘m still not completely done with the way of the wu. it‘s also connected to martial arts. found this small sequence of a bruce lee movie.

@The Don somehow the using of memory is connected to memory - i mean the use of language is connected to memory - so why does english feel so free? did you already try to think in english and write in romanian? it’s just a thought - connect the language centers with each other, but in a way where the happier memory/language influences the less easy one.

@Soulbass yes interesting - it describes the part where it seemed not congruent with nutritional reality - in almost all of east asia and india (and i grew up in a family of vegetarian whole grain eaters - and i can tell the suffering came not from the grains or the pulses) also tried to go deeper into the topic of nightshades and still see something in the nightshade theory - i have allergic reactions to many nightshades and there seems to be something to it, for example is tobacco seen as one of the main triggers of arthritis. and when touching the green parts of tomato plants my skin turnes red very fast. i‘m still testing on direct effects of chili in relation to little inflammations. but still i wouldn’t want to miss out on chili and tomato... and i wonder why mediterraneans (tomato eaters) or south east asians (chili eaters) seem so healthy.

just repaired a small clock with superglue and a disposable syringe. my new favourite background music for small operations. it somehow gives the right mood to not mess it up.