now is forever

@mandyjw ah i thought it was earlier i don’t know your timezone... new york time?

good night mandy ? the house that is not there is a cathedral or mosq or synagogue or temple or glade it has always been there.

@mandyjw hehehe. he also posted this video about a russian guru on his blog once. the guy had also some similarities.

@mandyjw god or goddesses deepest desire? i think you really need to start to talk about god in a female version sometimes... why should god have a gender? it’s both. if you talk about god i‘m getting confused if you talk about a guy sometimes. although if you really talk about my@god.ego it would also sound nice. but i am really more talking about a my.godesses deepest desire as this is always swinging in the background.

hahah me too.

@mandyjw did i use that word electronic jungle, electric jungle? see i can’t even remember... maybe it was you? i can just imagine that it was about being so much involved with data exchange that we don’t know how to meet people or peoples needs anymore.

hehe this just was played on the radio - yeah. girls power. it’s also about principles. if principles can’t be met from two sides, we sometimes need to go through with principles from one side.

yes, but i made a decision. i have principles i made for myself to survive at a minimum level, there are principles also i took up from others because there is an universal rule to them that makes sense on the level of human rights. even if i don’t want to i make sure to keep up to these principles. i‘m also unforgiving in these principles sometimes. as much as i try to be open as much i need to stick to these rules, to protect what separates me from what makes me sad to see in others. i‘m sorry if this is something that saddens others. i have never been treated personally better than others here, on the contrary. all connections developed completely on their own what i wrote happened in a muddling through atmosphere. with all the projections involved, i‘m sorry if these projections where lifethreatening to others, i want to excuse myself for that even though i can’t change it now. there is already deleted content in a lot of threads i was deleting from, for example from outer. there is no reason for me to stick around that is more important right now than the ability to start new. starting fresh is one of my survival mechanisms that keeps me on living. i have a lot of vata in my soul it even makes my body sick, i need to be like the wind. i feel entrapped if not. see all thes beautiful words that tell about what „sehnsucht“ means if it is part of your deepest longings for freedom.

what do you mean by that? i don’t assume anything. see how all of our egos want to survive in one or the other way - i can’t go on like this, it’s destroying me, not my ego, but my soul.

nice do that. i‘ll not be a watcher of your videos guys - i simply don’t want to invest more time into this than i already am doing - i‘m spending more time here than with anyone else. it’s weird. i didn’t have a problem to be alone once. now i feel i always need someone around... or at least the feeling of always having someone around.

yes. you know what, sexuality in witchery is only always about your sexual identity so is witchery... god mode is really different, so try to see through it. it’s good that you are done with it tsuki. it‘s your problem if you didn’t see it while it was flying. now it doesn’t anymore.

yea i know, but i‘m drinking it in form of espresso - it’s less sour and i don’t drink it everyday - half a year ago i used to drink a lot of tumeric milk, being here made it worse.

go to bed mandy. i‘ll stop, posting now, i have to fetch some oatmilk at the little neighbor store to have some coffee.

processing i said several times, it won‘t be easy.

i don’t get that in this context. i am every woman so how about just also being that.

there are no masks the identity here is faceless. it was never supposed to be more than that. i fell into wonderland and forgot to leave.

yes i already know that. but i also know what doesn’t die and i should returning to construct the connections to this in my real life. as this here will never become something touchable livable in the constellation it is here, i need to give up on most of the personal knotted connections as well.

no this is all connected to me, it doesn’t change who i am if i keep that content or not - it all came out of me, and so it will come out of me whatever the situation might be. i don’t need to put a name on it - it is like stepping back into the real world again out of phantasia and next time i step into it there is another world waiting for me. we need to grow up and be concious about our data.

i‘m sorry i liked the anonymity here. that was mainly why i even entered. i would never have started posting here otherwise. i liked it that you could be here whoever you where however you felt. it didn’t distract from personality, no other identity involved whatsoever. i don’t want to tell my name or show my face in connection to my intestines - why should i. it’s not something i want to dress myself up with. it’s not something i can be free about if i need to dress myself up with it.

this was a funny one. actually i‘m wondering how i will exit the box, alive or dead, at the moment i‘m smeared in space.

yes but i set myself the goal to erase data connected to my personality as far as possible - well then i will still have to do it with my own hands if i don’t get the right as everyone else. it is not that this data was ment for eternity. it was ment for the moment.

you see this is like an addiction, i can’t get rid of it if i don’t force myself. i can’t have a way back. i need that help. i‘m clinging to this online identity, yes of course that’s also me, but i am not that. at some point i didn’t like facebook anymore, well in a sense in the beginning i liked it because people could experiment on building a different identity. but also i hated the amount of applied self-projection. how people present their egos a constant struggle about who looks better who has more friends, blablablabla. it’s so orange. sometimes i even wondered how people could present their babies in their profile pics, does it mean they lost their identity and the child took over their identity? or what did they want to communicate? for me the same thing is happening with actualized .org at the moment. it’s like a second facebook. no, thank you, i already had this shit. i‘m really good in seeing these group dynamics coming - it’s a prophecy this place is going to be more orange than ever.

@Leo Gura doesn‘t react to me, asking to delete everything. i‘ll probably need to ask someone else.

why it‘s super funny. they even call it a rabbit - but it’s a metaphor, because it’s protecting the holy grail ?‍♀️ in germany we call people fear rabbits if they don’t want to do something because they don’t have the courage. even though it’s probbably because bunnies start to shiver and get big eyes when they are afraid. it’s still funny. they look so cute don’t they.