now is forever

guess what - yes. i studied at a very good design school, even though a small one. where the human is still at the center of the workspace. be it student or the people who are being addressed. i studied form until it’s deluded in many directions. i even know of solutions that would never see light because of that shadow. they just spend their shadow lifes in some cupboards. i know how hard it is to fight against that. and still often feel overpowered by it. for my personal life i often try to subtract the shadow side to hang on. if you can‘t breath you have to create space to breath. i just see that shadow space as a neglected space. it‘s a space to be reshaped - and that’s possible on a horizontal level. a level of significance. when i walk a supermarket or a shop i don’t see the trash anymore, i just see what’s good. often still buying stuff with shadow sides. so neglecting the big shadow is one of the best methods to just let it go hungry. think the rules for communication technology are a little different, because it’s a dream factory, so it’s more important to know the shadow there, but still not feed it by not using it. in a social network, thats different though. it’s an elephant vs a dinosaur.

just tried to get that... you know tsuki i’m a designer for products and i learned to work with all kinds of material - i know exactly what i’m talking to when i talk to an object. so maybe that’s why i don’t get what you say or ask here. from that perspective all information is made by people, everything is constructed by people with their heartblead. with their hands their health in the line using more or less of their dreams to get to that point where they can survive on it. in a book that starts from a tree and the writer - to the people who work on the text like editors, the people who build the machines to turn the wood into paper, build the machines to print, binding the book by hand or with machines. even the glue that’s used to bind the book. and i also know that i‘m just a tiny part of all of that. but i sit at one end of that process one of many with dreams. i don’t know what to make out of the mystical experience yet if that’s what you want to point at. i sometimes don’t know what’s real and what’s phantasy though. and how it works, and what it’s substance or form is. i just acknowledged it as process until now. i just know it works through symbols as well as through loose associations and some kind of explorative child like mindset. but what kind of real substance there is to it without putting it into form or visual inner experiences. i really have no idea. all i can say - we have a cinema inside of us, that’s driven by emotion. where that comes from or if there is something paranormal about it. and what substance it is made of is something i try to discover. until that it’s phantasy - you see i try to stick to the significant level, to not get lost in space.

oh the fool is just such a nice symbol, too. i‘m always proud to be part of that species.

hmmm... i don‘t know if i get all of it in all it’s meaning. but understanding the infinite loneliness part. on my side is not something new, just wasn’t so present anymore as an experience. we are sharing that in parallels. what‘s still difficult is teacher vs. authority.

@tsuki yes but that was when everyone else was me and i was them ? it‘s the question where in what world you are in, where you make the boundary. don‘t forget there are people who embody chaos. who says there is no order in chaos.

@tsuki mhhh you are right - but it’s actually information overflow if you put down all boundaries, and walk through the outside world. its like some lightning just hit you - and you feel dumbfounded, without any direction. i had this situation where i was in the subway station in kreuzberg and there was a guy with a shirt or jacket what had written: follow those who don‘t want to be followed... and i just thought ok then i just try to follow you into the train and i totally forgot where i wanted to leave the train - and missed my exit and had to change and go back - was quiet funny, still had the bunny image in my head. and there was this screen in the subway that showed some information for children saying something like: the bunny’s are so confused they jump up and down the row or seats or something like that. was quiet funny. so you see that was total chaos.

@tsuki depends on how you perceive it. is it a door or a lake? depends also on how the other perceives it. (lake as in the tale of narciss) the door can be closed from both sides, too. it‘s all a matter of learning and openness/acceptance if the other is part of one’s world or not. it’s still almost never a full circle. you need a realy huge mirror for that. we have something like that here... don’t we? that’s what zweistein probably said when she was talking about small mirrors she is putting up.

a window is a frame to the world. a mirror is a door to the world. for us to change from one side to the other and back. both sit between two circles “8” of infinity.

because it’s a navigation tool in the outside world. to handle objekts and describe differences, more than inclusion. if that wasn’t nessecary there would only be one word, in english even just one letter (hehe?): i but the first word in most languages is: mom, uma, mama, ama, anne etc. so that’s the first we integrate in our worldview - without even knowing that we exist. so that’s an inseparable oneness that’s based on a duality/relativeness/relation. that‘s maybe an explanation for the greater struggle of men for their individuality. because we have to separate ourselves throughout life to that oneness, in relation to the world. and that’s from a materialistic standpoint the end of philosophy and it’s very offspring. on the significant level.

that describes it a little bit... women seem to build their network differently so, outside is somewhat inside and inside shows outside. that’s kind of flat but serves as a model. if men learn to embody chaotical systems they are able to think more like women do. embodiment means coaping with chaotic realities by working in them. the question is how do women do that? it has something to do with emotions. and with joy for small things. i‘m just starting to understand how the heart/emotions might influence the way of imprinting these memories. you see oneness for women feels a lot different then for men. you can also see that in symbols for the chacras and how they play a role for who. becoming completely self reliant is not really a goal for women (there might be exeptions but they usually don’t choose the lonely hut in the forest)

the mirror has two faces - the mirror in the neverending story is basically the mirror one has to go through to face nothingness. but the mirror humans mostly use in psychology stands for mirror neurons. basically they are responsible for empathy, something both have but use differently. women tend to mirror themselves more then men in others, that‘s why they build more flat hierarchical systems of emotional networks. while men tend to challenge themselves for status. (think that’s not something new) the mirror women have to go through to enlightenment therefore is drastically different than what men have to go through. women often have to realize how they are holding everything alive on a horizontal level and often not get acknowledged for it... kind of an old story. but their shadow often is fleeing or overly caring. i can’t tell a lot about how men do that or why men flee, but think it has to do also with hierarchical systems they would like to step out of.

@tsuki there is a difference in the understanding of women and men it‘s so obvious. that’s a concrete duality there. women are basically impersonating the mirror all the time. you are talking to a woman aren’t you? so telling her to stop polishing mirrors is almost telling women in general to stop breathing.

@tsuki where do you want to punch a hole? and why do you think women polish their mirror? the also polish the mirror for others by the way.

we talked about that before, do you remember the image? is there no end to it really? there is something called „bedeutungsebene“ in german... in english it would be significant level. but if i would translate that it would be more level of meaning.

@tsuki it sounds very lonely tsuki

what about calling them solutions, detanglements, unravelings. it‘s all about problem solving a fact sounds to concrete like there was really a point to it. well there might be a point to it, but if you zoom in... that might be not the case anymore. @tsuki that’s the problem with nihilism- you say no, no, no, until it’s totally pointless. and empty. that’s, why you have to stop zooming in at one point to see at least the outlines. non rationally. if there was no content at all, there wouldn’t be context. context can only be created because there is universal content.

@Zweistein what did you expect they are philosophers ? sorry to point that out - but that’s where it‘s all going or where it all started in philosophy isn‘t it? either materialism or idealism. either relative or absolute. the unity of opposites. both are talking about the same but interpreting it different.

wait a minute why do i think of a yellow apple when he talks about a red apple, then he talks about a yellow lemon. and i think about a yellow apple and a yellow lemon. then he has a tounge twist and talks about a yellow apple and a yellow lemon and next time i just forcefully paint the lemon red, to have something to lough about. all this after the video was made but the apple was originally yellow because i chose the one that we plugged in my childhood most often. that’s one thought, for picture thinkers. yes that’s a strange loop. if there wouldn’t have been a colour think i wouldn’t have thought in konkrete apple colour, i might have thought about it symbolically. now i see a 3d red apple ? on a grid. on a computer screen. in my mind. virtually. prequel or sequel. who knows what was first.

just watched the „how to contemplate in a journal“ video. sets the mind to a rest really. finally stops that endless circulation of sifting/winnowing. did i ever talk about tools? like hammers, screwdrivers, japanese saws? guess not but they are helpful to work on wood you can’t shape it on the ceramic wheel. it’s hardware. good insight... THE END (of the first chapter, this journal)

if the clouds disappear we use the stars as stepping stones. may our hands shape the world. consciously. although before we can walk on our hands we have to learn to walk on our own feet first, in both worlds. or in four. soul, body, mind and world. while the world contains them and relates to all three of them. in indefinite loops. and has a multitude of possibilities to offer. keep your eyes on the suns, your heart on the moon, your body in balance by flowering it and hold the strings in one hand, a sieve in the other.

did i tell one of the bats came back - it flew the shape of an eight this time - circling in one room first and then through the door circling in another room and back - in the one room it flew counter clockwise and had to turn clockwise in the other one - naturally.

@egoeimai it‘s good then that people here learn to handle their addiction ? some can still fly with one broken wing. cute little bat. ♥️

just had a talk with @Zweisteinabout the books of michael ende. never ending story (age12) and momo (12) . they are for older children though. but you can already have them for later (maybe even read them yourself) because they are really deep. zweistein will post something about why. also the stories of astrid lindgren are magical. michel from lonneberga (8-10) ronia robbers daughter (10), pipi longstockings (8-10) and so many many more. mostly they trigger selfesteem against an outside world. think she also made some for younger children. the lotta stories are from 4-8. (it‘s a little sad the drawings are different in the english versions - something like a natural or intended culture border - maybe too independent?) so watch out for ilon wikland illustration if possible. pictures sometimes really do the trick... just realized once again how manipulative they are if not neutral. they can make a good book into junk. and junk into special. all times classic picture book: where the wild things are (age 2-3)

true silence is when you ask questions and get answers for it. the opposite of silence is when you give answers and just get more questions. possibilities are options of reality. if everything is possibly real, reality seems to vanish - if possibilities are unprovable against reality, they seem to be indefinite options for possible realities, usually we let them go as impossible, except for the bright ones, they change from option to dream and sometimes we don‘t prove them because of the fear of loosing them. and sometimes because they shine so bright, but seem so far away like stars. thanks for lending me a teleskope is all that seems to be left to say. if a star says thank you for watching. and turns the light off. sad moon. i guess that’s why wolves stop howling.

gray has to stand together. because in reality, they are a rainbow. what happens if we mix all colors on a paper? and what happens if we mix all colors with light? so everyone who thought they are just light - might reflect on being also part of gray. and everyone who thought to be just gray can also be an undiscovered rainbow. or blacklight.