Vimalathasan

I am doing this journal because I get to be honest about myself. I can talk freely without any bullshit. So for opening this Forum, Thank you Leo. Let me tell you about myself a bit. I am a 19 Year Old living in the UK, currently studying at Sixth form in Year 13. Right now I should be in university but I retook year 12 since I failed all my exams the first time round. I barely got into Year 13 this time as well. I was only allowed in because no other college would take me in. You would think after experiencing 4 U's, I would fix up but no. Instead I got a D,U,D and an E. Honestly I felt shamed and disgusted. After results day I had considered Suicide many times but I never proceeded but I did do self harm once. My head was flooded with negative thoughts. I thought of myself as trash and worthless. Applying to University was a scary process because I had assumed all my Universities would reject me but to my surprise I got all 5 offers now I need to go from DDE to AAB. Earlier before my A-levels I thought myself to be a good student. I did everything and got better grades than I had expected for my GCSE. I have limited friends and I cannot speak to other people. When people come to my house, I hide in my room. I also tend to lie to my family a lot but I have no idea why I do that. As a young child I told everyone I wanted to do Medicine, made my parents happy, gave them the belief that I would do it but I didn't. I realised I wanted to do something else and after talking to my parents, I did however I feel guilt every time I look at my parents. Some stuff I do to improve myself: Reading Self Help book - As of now I am reading George Leonard's Mastery. I have had this book for about a month and its interesting but I lack consistency in doing things. Its something I want to improve on. Meditation - I have been doing this for roughly two weeks on and off. I cant decide on which method to use. Whether I use the technique in which I realise I am thinking of something and forget it or the Monkey chatter technique. Now the main reason I am writing this Journal is so that I can dedicate myself to learning just like the kids in South Korea. I know for a fact I wont be studying from 7am to 11Pm but I want to try. I want to do the best I can so that I can reach my target goal of AAB. I am not looking for perfect marks although that would be nice but I do want a minimum of 80% on every paper that I will do. No one thinks I can do it, there are already people talking behind my back about me getting 3 E's and I am not having it. As Goku said " I don't care if you're god, you don't get to tell me where my limits are." I only have to focus on Biology, Maths and Physics. Here in this journal I am going to record what I do so that I can hold myself accountable and if I slip up on the way, I hope you guys will help me. I only have 4 months to go. To summarise, My goals as of right now: Get my grades and prove every fucker wrong. Get to the Uni I want to go Get into the habit of doing things Regularly Meditate Every day for 20 mins Read a Self help book every two weeks Try the Korean Student lifestyle but live like Leo has advised.

It has been a while. Everything is not going as planned. Meditation flopped. My studying strategy has stopped even now I am procrastinating. I have a mock exam in 2 days for which I need to be studying for but I have done nothing. I tried to stop watching TV shows and anime. They piled up for like a month then I just binged out on them. Honestly I feel worried and Hopeless. Even after everything I have been through I still don't feel like I have overcome anything. Hope I come back soon. You know what it just hit me. What if I stop trying to become the person I was when I was at GCSE. Why don't I try embracing something new? I mean everyone has been different at various points in their life. Why don't I try going forward instead of backwards. This sounds so cheesy and probably not going to be easy to do I guess.

Its been roughly a week since I made this post. I had a meditation streak for 4 days and then I missed the next day which was quite annoying for me. I started reading the Mastery book again but it does not make sense to me any more so I am going to reread it. My school Half term has started and I have not done anything productive at all. The day we broke off for our half day my study productivity sky-rocketed downwards. It is only before this post I managed to do some work but it is still not enough. I am thinking of writing a Daily Journal to keep myself committed to see my progress. I also watched the positive affirmation video yesterday I want to start doing it. Anyway Have a good day.

Thanks man. It is nice to know there other UK people here. I wish you the best of luck studying for your exams as well.

I have exams coming up to and I want to dedicate myself as well. There is only 4 months to go. I know we can do it bro. We just have to believe and work consistently. Remember Leo said while we are still in school it is our job. So lets rock these exams.