ZZZZ

Very true, I've pretty much just accepted that I need to course correct when this is all done. I could have mitigated the amount of work I needed to do this week ahead of time, but probably not by much.

I tried it once and never experienced any strong emotions. Just got kind of trippy visuals and an odd feeling from what I remember. Maybe I will revisit that video and method soon. There is a lot about breathing work that interests me. Not sure how the breath induces repressed emotions in this case

Can you guys explain how the purging process occurs? Ive made insights while meditating that have led me to realize things I've repressed from childhood, or patterns of behavior I've fallen into in the past, etc. but I can't recall ever unearthing anything that traumatic. It makes me wonder if I'm bottling up a bunch that I need to figure out how to tap into.

I think what confuses people about anesthesia is that they use the term "unconscious," but it is not synonymous with the way we discuss consciousness in a non-duality sense. General anasthesia is great. You go off the grid and next thing you know, you're instantly done.

I wasn't referring to any specific type of yoga, but that could probably work well! Any sort of physical activity where you can remain mindful and incorporate your body would probbly add a different aspect to your training. It is tough to stay consistent with martial arts if you are constantly moving... I would recommend something like taekwondo with set sequeces of movements that would translate dojo to dojo. If you are looking for something a little more contact/practical oriented and interested in the grappling aspect of things, brazillian jiujitsu is wonderful... Although I think that would be veering farther away from the mindfulness aspect of things. I've heard good things about karate, kung fu, etc. in that regard. Ooh, and aikido.

Having an experienced trip sitter with you or available can also help a lot. You can also record a calming message to yourself in case of emergencies. If things get weird, you hit play, and then holy fuck sober you is telling you everything will be okay, you are here to surrender to the experience, nothing bad can happen to you, you did your research, you are here to enjoy the ride, etc. and I think that could be very powerful. Some people have prerecorded videos like this on Youtube if your own voice would be too trippy for you. Have a couple music playlists ready. If things start to get weird or the mood isn't right, switch to a different playlist, and it will instantly change the vibe of the entire trip if you let it. Start small and ease into the dose. It's really not that hard to control the milder trips, and it will honetly just leave you wanting more. You just can't leave yourself any "what ifs." Just simply don't do it. You are going to have a good trip, it is going to be a meaningful experience, and no matter what happens, you know you will come out of it for the better in the end.

Yoga and martial arts are two big ones that come to mind. Work those in with self inquiry, meditation, reading books on non-duality/spirituality/etc. and you will probably find yourself much more engaged than if you just "sat on the cushion" for 5 hours straight.

I don't really know much conceptually about vibratory states, energy transfer, chakras, etc. but I imagine I may have just had an experience that could somehow be explained in this way. I was just listening to some ambient music and a short segment of a lecture by Alan Watts. I had heard the lecture before, but prior to any significant awakening, which turned out to be quite a surreal experience. I found the lecture profound before, but this time it was like every word made so much more sense, and I connected with it deeply. I couldn't help but just smile and laugh as I listened and contemplated life and existence, even grinning as he talked about death and mortality. At one point I closed my eyes while I was listening and just basking in being, and that is when I began to have my experience. I got the "chills" all over my body--goosebumps with the hair on my arms standing up, but I actually felt quite warm instead of cold or shivering, and my heart rate seemed to remain the same (calm). Instead of this happening once and fading like it typically does, it happened over and over again. At least 10 times in a row, back to back, over the course of a minute or two, and then several more times after the fact. Like pulsations of energy. I just felt it again now as I type this... And again. It's like I can almost evoke it at will. It seems to start in my back, coming up my back and out into my arms, and ending in my neck and head. Its happened probably 5 more times as I have been trying to figure out how to describe the feeling. It feels very pleasant, but more so arousing as if it is a flow of energy throughout my body. Its been coming in waves but seems to have subsided now, and I am just left with a subtle vibratory buzz in my ears. Any idea what this could be? Such an odd physical experience, but quite intriguing.

You are very close. That tip is very true; I found it fairly meaningless/confusing until I finally had my definitive awakening experience, but now I look back and laugh at how simple it has been this entire time. It should be encouraging, even if things still seem hidden right now. Just ask yourself, "who am I?" and if you are aware of whatever it is that you're observing, or able to "witness" it as you put it, then that isn't you. It may take you some hours until it finally clicks. Try other practices if you start getting frustrated, or just sit there and think about how that thing choosing to be frustrated isn't you

This is essentially what you are after with all of these meditative practices. It sounds like you are getting pretty good at identifying the ego for what it really is. Have you been able to clearly and truly disidentify yourself with it entirely if you sit and focus? If not, I recommend basic self inquiry, that's what ultimately got me to that point, after a bunch of other work. If you're already at that point, then I would say you should be working on taking this state that you are able to achieve in a semi-formal meditative setting, and start employing it 24/7 in everything you do throughout the day. Taming the Ox (from stage 4 to stage 5), if you want to use Leo's video to conceptualize where you are at. This will help reduce the self referential thoughts and kill the ego entirely.

You can think of doing nothing as meditating with your eyes open

@Igor82 Awesome, let us know how it goes. I'm sure it will be a good one

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so patient explaining things on this forum, as a whole (and for remaining patient trying to understand answers too). As someone learning this work, some of the thoughts and concepts we try to convery can seem pretty counterintuitive, and at times, outright crazy. Now that I have personally experienced awakening on some level, and I find myself trying to explain these phenomenon to others, I'm realizing just how difficult it can be! The ego is very resilient, but many of you remain so steadfast with each and every one of your responses. I guess I just didn't fully appreciate this until recently. All of the explanations about it being difficult to explain these concepts given our restrictions in language etc. are all so true. It came off to me as preachy and handwavy at first, but you all do the best you can, so thanks for being an awesome community!

If this analogue is similar to standard LSD and you have tripped before, I would say you should take 200 mics for a solid trip. 150 would be pretty solid too if you know they are indeed legit 100 ug tabs. I didn't read the entirety of your post, but this is my suggestion on the setting: If there is absolutely no risk of the stranger showing up unannounced etc. WHILE you are tripping, then I see no reason not to trip at home. If there is even a shadow of a doubt in your mind that they might or there is some other reason this might make you anxious, just go to the friend's place. I do not think the stranger showing up after the fact ill be an issue. If you go to the friend's place, make sure their family gives you space. You won't want to feel obligated to interact with them or act any certain way around a group of sober people.

No problem mate. I think part of what you are hinting at (and confused about) is this notion that whatever you want to call the entity that remains beyond the ego is already enlightened, which is true. But this is YOU. This is your true nature. It is not some sort of inward property called the "soul." There is also no human that has to be enlightened, because you are not that human. Watch Leo's latest 10 Ox video. I think you are sort of convoluting the concept that there is no spiritual search to be done because we have been enlightened the entire time, but Leo explains that this search is necessary in order to ultimately realize that the truth has been present the entire time. Recognizing and disassociating with the ego is part of this process, but it has confused you for now. Continue to meditate and self inquire and this will become clearer over time. It can sound silly until you experience it yourself.

I believe it was Matthew Walker who said that there is less than 0.01% of the human population that can sustain 6 hours of sleep a night in a healthy manner. I think it was in this podcast if you are interested. Good one to listen to if you are curious about anything sleep related:

@Mezanti You can remain compassionate and empathetic and still make an objective decision that is most beneficial for you and/or the other person. In your surgeon example you realize you may put that person in some temporary pain or discomfort, but save his life in the process. If you are not willing to make those kinds of decisions, you have something else hindering you.

These are two different things that you need to separate in your head to help answer this question. You can be assertive AND nice. Perhaps the tension or guilt you feel is related to the latter rather than the former. You can't let people take advantage of you, and if by being assertive you are preventing that, then you should not feel any sort of remorse or guilt for your decision. Just remain as compassionate and empathetic as you can, and you will usually make the right decision.

Well objectively you are looking for a justification to start using again. If this were something like heroine, alcohol, etc. all you would get is a resounding NO. It is true that you likely had underlying problems affecting your life while you were smoking, and it sounds like you did use MJ to help cope with them. It is not legal yet, so the legality issue has not changed (yet). Was availability ever a factor for you using or not before? No. Did you care about the social stigma before? No. This just makes it more convenient for you to justify using today, so just keep that clear for yourself. Would these changes in your situation make it any easier for you to use less? Probably the opposite. Daily use against your spouse's wishes and on the job would not be considered light by most to begin with. If you were really under control of the situation, you would have stopped or limited yourself to prevent being fired, broken up etc. but perhaps you have a point about it just being the wrong partner (we don't know all of the details). I wouldn't blame everything on the MJ. I'm sure the anonymous group dramaticizes that for you a bit. But, can you really be as good of a student, worker, or husband when you're high? Be honest with yourself. There are other ways to deal with your anxiety that I would urge you to explore. Ex-drug addictions can seem like ex-girlfriends when we're horny. You only choose to remember the good times, and justify all of the "little problems" that ultimately led to the breakup. Don't glorify that for yourself unless you really see that as your only option. Just my 2 cents

I used to confuse myself with the idea of souls and higher souls, etc. but I think those are just tricky names the ego gives you so you let it continue to live conceptually in your mind, even when you think it has "died." You are fragmenting something that we have already given one name, the ego. Once you realize the true nature of things, this separation should appear fruitless.

As a young kid you probably looked up the teenagers who had muscles, charisma, friends, etc. and now you are that person. Right now you probably look up to some older figures in your life for various reasons, and once you find yourself in those shoes, you might start taking that for granted too. We only ever have the present moment; that's the only true reality we get to experience. When you reminisce about the past, you are doing so in the present moment. You are indulging in mental fabrications instead of releshing in the situation you find yourself in right here and now. I played a lot of video games as a young kid too. I still remember the times when I could sit on the computer without a care in the world for hours at a time. It's rare that someone your age is even as aware as you are now, but you still have a ton of growing to do. My recommendation is to just stay humble, authentic, and enjoy the present moment no matter what the circumstances. You will make plenty of mistakes along the way and stray from your path, but you will live a happy and fulfilling life by keeping those things in mind. Treat life like a game if you want to. You'll find that it basically is one after all. Be your own hero and RPG character. Build you stats, explore the open world, make friends, and complete quests. You can't beat the boss at level 10 when there are 10,000 levels to obtain. If you mess up along the way, so what, it's just a game. Just pick the controller back up and keep going. There are no save points to go back to in this life.

Ah, I see. I havent tried 5-meo, so I will let others speak on that. I think I am going to soon though. I have taken mushrooms and LSD many times. The risk of overdose is essentially non-exsistent. Set and setting are most important. Make sure you are comfortable and feel safe, and wont have any unwanted surprises (like kids showing up unexpected etc). Read some trip reports so you know what to expect and get an idea of what dose to go for. It really is an amazing experience, nothing to be afraid of. Just surrender to whatever happens and you will be fine.

Good analogy, thank you ? Time to keep the dam open

Now when I practice self inquiry and ask "who am I?" I get no response. No answer. I just sit silently in being until I lose focus and the internal chatter sneaks back in and the ego takes back over. Is the point of self inquiry that this still state of being just simply remains after enough of this experience? I cannot find anything that I identify with, yet I still find myself slipping into unconsciousness at the end of my formal practice, or whenever my heightened awareness fades.

Then what are you afraid of? ?