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What do you mean by giving your heart? @Echoes very cool, I might check it out sometime sounds like a fun game. I extrapolated this out to unique traits in subsets of society as well. For example, a higher proportion of feminine men in the gay community (also perpetuated by straight men who feel they need to let go of femininity and become more masculine). There is a lot that can be explained with this concept. The biological and environmental mechanisms still remain a mystery, but I think people would be a lot more empathetic if they truly understood this.

Just a random thought dump: If one were to break down every concept they had about their "self," couldn't they choose to become anyone they wanted to? Wouldnt it be possible to maintain any number of selves to be turned on and off at will, and built up with real-world "confirmations" the same as someone with a single self? I guess you would probably end up as the person who pretends to be a bunch of different people. The same way we create false selves, when we pretend to be someone we are not. Even though the thing we know we are not being is also what we are not. Surely it must be possible to identify with more than one, or a new self. I think this is probably what a lot of transsexuals go through. While their outward appearance shows one thing that society has learned to respond to in a certain way, they have identified with a self that is not consistent with that body, and often want to work backwards to alter their appearance and lifestyle to match that concept. Starting from scratch could allow an actor to literally become their character. I was thinking I might dress up and play pretend one day for fun, but I guess I already do that now. You could pick any personality, set of beliefs, values, etc. just as easily as the average person chooses theirs. Suddenly multiple personality disorder makes a lot more sense too. I wonder what changes in the brain or development lead to that. As long as you're being someone, be anyone you want to be. Otherwise, embrace the fact that you are no One.

A bit serious, focused, curious. It's the subtle tensing of his facial muscles, squinting of his eyes, and slightly turned in eyebrows that give me that impression over general indifference.

I have a vivid memory of being made fun of for being upset that someone killed a spider for no reason when I was like 16 years old. It was a bit out of character for me, but I remember being deeply emotionally affected by it lol.

Was your response really so strong that you wanted to kill yourself, or was that hyperbole? Men, especially on dating/hookup apps and sites are by and large looking for sex. They'll say pretty much whatever they have to to try and reach that goal (1-5), and then when they find out it will take any significant time or effort, they will try and shame you for it and make their behavior seem normal (6-13). It's not your fault, don't let it get to you. Obviously this is a generalization. However, a buddy of mine made a fake female profile based on our mutual friend's pictures (with her permission) to prove a point. She's a pretty good looking woman, but not a flawless model or anything like that. Literally every* guy he proposed sex to was immediately receptive to it if they didnt think it was a bot account. The apps kind of suck in that regard, especially if you're a woman and sex isnt your primary objective.

Here are my thoughts on this. I made it about half way through the video. First, I would recommend you read his published literature if you are truly interested in the subject. He claims to be the only one publishing research like this, so what does his data look like? I work in the medical profession, and I can probably find you a copy if it requires a subscription etc. My main point addresses this argument that he opens with: "Synthetic multivitamin takers die sooner" This does NOT mean the multivitamins are necessarily causing people to die sooner. Think along the lines of "100% of people that drink water die within 120 years!" It could be that those that feel they need additional supplementation to their diet are aware that they are not eating a balanced and effective diet. Maybe these people tend to have a personality that likes to take the "easy way out," and feels like they can just pop a pill in the morning and ignore the rest of their diet. They could be sick already, and compensating for a deficiency they know they have. So if you take 500 vitamin users and 500 non-users, it's likely the vitamin takers will die sooner. If you can get all of your nutrition from nature without synthetics, do it! If you are on a restrictive diet or your body is having trouble breaking something down, obviously you could use some help. Comments on other points I heard: "We take vitamins and minerals in forms not found in food (that are not effective?)": There can be some truth to this. Our bodies are capable of easily converting many minerals and vitamins into larger building blocks that we need... But sometimes we take forms that we cannot utilize. This simply comes down to knowing the basic science and only taking supplements that have quality ingredients (not necessarily the strictly natural ones). Pretty much all of the vitamins that we do not utilize are excreted in the urine. As long as they are water soluble, the body simply gets rid of it. That's why you can take 1000% the daily recommended dose of vitamin C and not keel over and die. "Associations with cancer: folic acid (vitamin B9)": Can consistent and excessive amounts of anything (synthetic or not) lead to cancer and other illnesses? Yes. Sometimes these things are proven and disproven again 10-20 years down the road. Bottom line, if you think you need it, take it, and if you don't, there's probably a better supplement for you. Again, read the peer reviewed literature to decide. "Vitamins in excess" See my point above. Many are water soluble. Find good vitamin profiles with the least amount of excess, or avoid the multivitamins. "Antioxidants in vitro. Food nutrients work, synthetics don't." - Same as above. A certain compound either works as an antioxidant in the body or it doesn't. Grape seed extract etc. are known to be powerful antioxidants, and they are taken as PILLS. Can you also down 1,000 grapes for the same effects? Sure, knock yourself out. The chemical composition of H2O is two hydrogens and an oxygen bound together, no matter how I obtain it... Whether I evaporate it out of another solution, perform reverse osmosis, or purify it after it falls out of the sky. There are probably some methods you consider "natural," and some you consider "synthetic," but at the end of the day, as long as the chemical that enters your body is H2O, the effects will by and large be the same. My 2 cents.

Learning to read body language is a useful tool, but it takes lots of practice. Do you/have you spoken to a lot of people from a wide variety of backgrounds? Putting yourself in more social situations will help you get used to casual social interactions, and pick up on more implicit information. How is your empathy? Is your problem identifying intentions, or understanding them? That's another aspect to explore as well. When you've had an exceptionally unpleasant interaction with someone, your brain naturally starts to look for this pattern of behavior again. Instead of the broader, more generalized approach we tend to take with social interactions, our brains will start trying to fit all behaviors into this box first so we don't get "fucked over" again. Avoiding this pitfall is best done by letting go of the emotional trauma associated with these events, and letting time pass. On an even deeper level, we do this with all of our concepts and preconceived notions. It kind of sounds like you are mostly dealing with the emotional side of things. Meditation, self inquiry, therapy, contemplation, nutrition/exercise, etc. can all help with this.

@Wisebaxter If it's dark web or in a legal country it could be different, especially if he has an ad out or he's branding it under his name lol. It might be more of a US thing too. I wouldn't worry about it, especially if people are vouching for it. I think it's more of a quality control thing that tabs aren't typically that strong. If someone pops 2 expecting ~150 ug and they get 300 ug, they are in for quite a ride haha. That's a pretty decent price. Where else can you buy 12 hours of earth shattering entertainment for under $10 ? EDIT: Also, maybe just PM me if you wanna keep chatting. We are pretty off topic at this point haha.

@Wisebaxter If you bundle up and know the area is safe, it could be a cool experience. Maybe not the best idea at night, and you would wanna take the route before hand so you know your way. If you only have the 150 ug, definitely just wait to take it all at once! I'm assuming this is on two blotters? I would be suspicious if he is claiming that strength on one blotter. EDIT: legal

I don't really have a format picked for how I want to write my entries, so I'll just kind of give a brief update on how my last couple days have been going, and what I plan to do with my goals and this journal moving forward. This has been pretty tough for me right now for me, because I have been visiting back home with family, and the change in environment makes a lot of these objectives a bit more difficult to address. On track Had a great workout with my Dad the other day. I like going to the gym with him, because it reminds me of when we used to go together when I was a kid. Now I can actually surprise him with my strength at times, and learn from his vast fitness knowledge. Meditation has been pretty consistent. I've been sitting in half lotus again lately and it feels solid, but it's really tight getting out. I need to start incorporating stretching before hand. I've been falling asleep towards the end of most sessions. I need to work on that. I've been watching lots of personal development videos on my free time lately. Alan Watts makes so much more sense to me now. I've been pulling at my beard and touching my face a lot less, especially today. It's still a habit, I am just hoping it's subsiding. Haven't done anything in particular to stop, just trying to stay mindful about it. Off track Alcohol consumption has been WAY up since being home. Pretty much every day. I think I've got it handled for now. It's tough when family and friends want to bond over a drink. (silver lining: haven't smoked at all since I left) Need to incorporate a more formal stretching routine. Need to relearn bioenergetics positions to work those in too. Diet has been a mix of good and bad... But mostly bad. Lots of sugar (my Dad is an influence here) and lots of unhealthy and fried foods while eating out. Luckily no fast food. Silver lining: I've been eating the calories I need (I think... Maybe I'll start counting again soon). Need to get started on that CE course. Hopefully tomorrow Moving forward Need to make sure I read something this week Delete old videos/pictures of ex's off my phone Clean up contacts list to keep relationships healthy Consider deleting Reddit (the only social media I have left) and the dating apps Get started on my CE course Figure out how I feel about the caffeine content in pre-workout and take a stance on that moving forward. Hasn't been excessive so far. Watch bioenergetics videos/determine a stretching routine

Timeframe: December 12th, 2018 – March 1st, 2018 (essentially all winter, with slight variation) Update commitment: I will update this journal at least twice a week, but on no two consecutive days. This is to hold myself accountable, while keeping internet addiction to a minimum, and making this about tangible progress instead of a way to garner attention, waste time, etc. This will also give me time to contemplate my thoughts, progress, and insights before uploading them. General intention: Work towards long and short term goals while altering habits in order to maintain a healthier, more authentic, and fulfilling lifestyle. Evaluate the healthy and unhealthy factors in my life. Habits to maintain daily/weekly (updating this within the first 2 weeks to keep achievable yet stimulating goals. Minimums will only increase in the future.): Health Maintain weightlifting routine--full body workout weekly (maintain or exceed last week's intensity, do not skip any muscle group) 15 minutes of stretching and/or bioenergetics daily Consume at least maintenance level calories daily Shop for healthy foods that will facilitate nutrition goals (when applicable) Spiritual/Truth Meditate (20+ mins daily) 40 minutes of miscellaneous non-duality work daily (Additional meditation, self-inquiry, reading, etc. May overlap with self-development) "Self"-development Watch at least one personal development video weekly Read at least one chapter of a book weekly (any topic, extracurricular) Study at least one lecture for exams ahead of time weekly (when applicable) Temporary habits to obtain short-term goals: Watch practice management videos daily until completion of CE course Habits to reduce and eliminate: Alcohol Caffeine Smoking Porn (and similar) Eating processed/fried/sugary foods, or a generaly unbalanced diet Screen time (phone, video games, computer, TV) Long term goals: Gain 10 pounds (mostly muscle, no water weight) Reduce clutter (embrace a minimalist lifestyle) Establish and maintain meaningful relationships, cut out unhealthy relationships Work towards career mastery Raise GPA Short term goals (updated with start and stop dates): Stop pulling on beard/touching face (stress induced habit) Started: 12/12/18 -- Complete: Complete practice management course (related to career) Started: 12/12/18 -- Complete: Start and complete 12 session Jiujitsu program Trip (DMT?) Insight of the week: 12/09 - 12/15:

I wouldn't worry about doing anything drastic at 200 ug. Just make the decision to lock your hotel door and keep it closed (with the do not disturb sign on the outside) so if you hear people in the hallway etc. you will know you are safe and secure from having to interact with them. It might cause you a little jolt of anxiety if you feel like you're going to have to talk to someone you don't want to, or feel like there are cops coming to get you, etc. You can get a lil paranoid haha. Also, if you are playing music on an external speaker, figure out the volume before hand so you won't have any complaints, and won't be anxious about getting one once your perception is a lil different. Nice headphones can substitute this. You might hit little "waves" in your trip where you might feel capable of venturing out into the hallway to the vending machine or something, just be careful about getting lost or fooling yourself that you're coming down earlier than you really are. 75 ug could be a cool intro to psychadelics, just make sure that will leave yourself enough time to drop your tolerance for your "real" trip in the coming weeks. It will probably leave you underwhelmed, but if you can do both, may as well. Also, 3/4ths of a tab might not equal 75 ug. "Lower quality" blotters have closer to 60 ug at times (instead of the assumed 100), so 3/4ths of that would leave you closer to 40-50 ugs, which will be even more underwhelming. Might give you more peace of mind though, so just do what you feel is best. I am planning a trip myself now

Thanks for the tips guys, very helpful. Is a sitter necessary? Some online resources claim that periods of "unconsciousness" are uncommon, or that throwing up could be an issue. Also, can a 5-meo trip be compared to psilocybin at all? What would a 5 mg dose of 5-meo be on par with? 1-2 tabs, or how many grams of shrooms? I know it is much less visual, etc. but I guess in terms of relative strength.

For those of you that have taken 5-meo-dmt or been around those that have, what tips do you have for those interested in trying it for the first time? Particularly, are there any essential safety precautions to take? Thx

@Serotoninluv beautiful. My friend has recently misinformed me, claiming the duration is on par with mushrooms. Maybe the non-5 meo variety is longer? I'm not sure, but I'll stop being lazy and research it myself more soon. I guess all it takes is a reliable research chem vendor @outlandish yes, I look forward to this. I will be scared, but I will relax.

@Serotoninluv Thanks. I'm assuming step 4 would involve dosing another time vs redosing in the same sitting? Is tolerance on par with psilocybin?

@Wisebaxter No problem! When I first started tripping, I wasn't really spiritually developed at all, and I kind of had to work backwards from my experiences. Things I am discovering today are lining themselves up nicely with drug-induced experiences I've had in the past. It almost feels like there is some sort of universal wisdom that is shared with every psychadelic trip. In a way, this is just the universe sharing its wisdom with itself. The out of body experiences are neat... Mine only happened very briefly, and it's hard to explain. It was almost as if I was observing myself in 3D. You get lots of warping and blending of your limbs with your surroundings at times too. At one point I became very aware of my autonomous bodily functions during this trip. I originally chalked it up to being a "slave to my body." Here my body was breathing, beating its heart, producing tons of snot that I had to keep blowing out because it was fighting off a cold, I had to constantly feed it and give it water or it would send me all sorts of headaches and stomach pains to convince me to do so... All of this just so I could continue to exsist! I just had this experience where I exsisted beyond my body, and here I was tending to every aspect of its maintenance, and dealing with the consequences of all its survival mechanisms, because otherwise, how else was I going to continue exsisting and observing??? Obviously this was a slightly misguided view, but it was the best I could do at the time given my experiences and knowledge. There was also a great insight to be had hidden within my misunderstand... The powerful thing about psychadelics is that they only REMOVE illusions, rather than produce them. So when you experience something, you know you've just witnessed something profound. The tough part is figuring out how that something fits in with the rest of what you know. But is the reason you don't want to forgot you're tripping because it might terrify your ego? Otherwise, why would it matter how you experience disassociating with your body? It sounds like the ego might not be quite as prepared for ego death as it claims to be. The "full surrender" tip you hear is to ensure that no matter what happens, you won't freak out, and everything will go smoothly. A deeper insight you might have is that anything in life that happens is always perfect in its entirety, and that all "problems" are simply fabrications of the mind. Literally nothing can go wrong when you trip unless you convince yourself that something has! Anxiety and fear are simply emotions associated with what might happen to you (your ego) in the future. If you ground yourself in the ever-perfect present moment, this will subside drastically and you will have an amazing time. It is a wonderful community! I like reliving my experiences too to help stay grounded in some of the things I've learned. You've also made me want to trip again soon lol

Yes, it's okay to have intentions, but expectations will only distract you. It's like embarking on a spaceship wanting to go to the moon, but you realize you're heading towards Mars instead, and you spend the entire ride wondering why you're "off track" instead of embracing the journey you're on. I actually used to tell people I wanted to experience a full blown ego death too. However, tripping a few times prior to that has given me just as many insights in the meantime, and they've probably been much easier to integrate and understand (and in retrospect, could be considered "ego death" in many instances too). At 150 ug, a couple things you might expect to experience: the meaninglessness of time and the illusion of past and future. I remember looking at the clock and having absolutely no clue what the hands meant, and just laughing at the fact that I was even checking it. Disassociation with your body. Legit out of body experiences confirming first-hand that "you" exist beyond the confines of the physical human body. Discovery of deep emotional problems in your subconscious, and different perspectives to overcome and understand them. Discovery of subtle addictions and bad habits, and an objective view of that will likely help you overcome them. An appreciation of the mundane. When the walls and carpet start "breathing" and you realize you're primarily just that much more aware of texture and your surroundings, it will make you appreciate the beauty in all things. If you are ever able to go out into nature or look outside safely, this will be 100x as true of natural things such as trees, mountains, etc. These are just a few things that I can think of on the top of my head. Now sure, if you are able to look at a clock and contemplate time, you might be able to "induce" the same realizations I had, but if you sit there trying to "discover" emotional blockages out of the blue, for example, you might sit there very frustrated and stumble upon another realization as a side effect of that frustration. See how that works? You are simply going to have an experience, and the insights will follow naturally. The most powerful insights will come with a grounded sense of being and awareness, with no real restrictions or strong egoic desires. It's probably difficult for you to understand right now, but the desire for *anything* is driven by ego. Even ego death. It is very very very very tricky. Even if your entire sense of self dissolved away right before your very eyes, you might come back from your trip and your ego will go "Aha, I did it! I had an ego death! All of my research and focus paid off! I must be much faster at spiritual development than everyone else!" And next thing you know, you are down this "enlightened ego" rabbit hole where you think you have shed the ego, but it's just found another way to hide itself and continue to chatter away stronger than ever. You will have the experiences all the same, but the way you understand and integrate them is probably most important.

I've tripped a handful of times! LSD and mushrooms mostly. Be careful, you might end up with a glimpse of an Ox with Emma Watson's face that wants to hop on you. ? Dont expect anything to make sense. Not sure if it was you hunting for the ego death or not, but dont expect anything specific out of the experience, and just let it happen.

I'm very excited for your first trip. It will surely be life changing. Throw all of the theory out of the window and just be PRESENT the entire time, and you will come out with some amazing insights. Maybe even a glimpse of the Ox when you forget you're looking for him

@Sahil Pandit @Elysian Thank you! It will all be over tomorrow, and then I an refocus myself. I'll look into the cold showers when I am done with all of the natural stressors I've got going on now

Hey guys, I just wanted to see what everyones thoughts were on dealing with high intensity periods of life that plummet you all the way down to the "physiological needs" portion of the Maslow pyramid. Think finals week, big work deadlines approaching, having to work long overtime/call hours, etc. (where sleep is extremely minimal, stress is high, etc.) The reason I ask is because I've been slammed studying 14-18 hours every day for exams I've had the last week and a half, and I've noticed my mindfulness go completely out the window with extremely low levels of consciousness. My diet has been terrible, I only get about 4 and a half hours of sleep each night (I nap 1-2 hours after my exam that day), I haven't been to the gym all week, my hygeine is alright but could be better, I haven't done any meditation, I'm relying heavily on caffeine and related substances to stay awake, etc. The obvious solution is to reverse all of that, but it is simply not possible right now. I'm enrolled in 36 credits this semester (mandatory for my program), and I've literally spent every hour sleeping, eating, or studying in between periods of mindless mental escape on my phone (texting/social media). Every time I wake up in the morning or from a nap I immediately feel a sense of dread wash back over me as I re-enter hell. I guess I'm wondering how to stay more conscious during these periods in the future. I think the main thing would have been having a plan before I got immersed in all of this (planned meditation breaks, healthy groceries or meals available, etc.). It's just so easy to get completely deraild. Any ideas?

I've only heard part of this podcast, but they were very heavy on overcoming adversity, remaining high intensity, etc. Seems like a dig on people who live comfortable lives and can entertain these seemingly gimmicky methods (and from many YouTubers they are), when Goggin's had to overcome incredible amounts of adversity. I believe he went through Navy Seal training 3 times before he got through. One of only a few African Americans to do so. Kind of a dig at Leo, but not really.

@Elysian I know, thanks. I am usually one of the better ones in terms of getting enough sleep, but I was stuck between a rock and a hard place this time around. Once I nap I am closer to 6-7 hours of sleep, and that much less wakefulness, but I know it's not ideal. This is notoriously the most difficult two weeks of my program (and likely my entire academic career/life tbh). I like the aromatherapy idea. I'll give my old diffuser a go tonight when I lay down for bed. I've never really understood the appeal of cold showers to begin with. What are the benefits?

My hygeine has actually been pretty good overall, I just wanted to mention it as a consideration. I'm at the "it is what it is" mindset as I'm studying for this last exam, so I'm just screwing around in general at this point lol.