searchingserenity

I really wanted to write the topic as depression you 'effed up friend. I thought I'd already conquered this peice of crap. But it hit me again today. Morning I woke up feeling as if someone had died. And I couldn't shake it. Some jerk told me yesterday that i just need to move on from the one and only boyfriend, love, fiance of 2016 who's very much alive but has kicked me to the curb like I never existed. Are twin flames real? Because if they are, I'm sure it's him. And I'm fairly confident that he still loves me. I've battled depression and anxiety once before, before I even met him, but having gotten all these under control - I am tortured that this came up today. I still feel like crap. Thankfully, thoughts of ending everything no longer have any power over me, even if helplessness, worthlessness and hopelessness did take over today. I want an effin break. I'm sick and tired of things not working. Of my brain not being my own friend. Of failing at love (just the once, but it's enough). Of "surviving" at work. Of failing at life. Of not being in love with every bloody thing on the planet. When I'm happy I'm tripping over the sight of butterflies and dogs that cross my way. I want that back. I want to 'effin butcher everything that's in the way of that happiness. (or atleast push away - if it's people and not things. for instance I might be the biggest obstacle). I want to love every beautiful thing in the world. I want to love and be loved. I want time to read. I want time to learn how to invest. I want time to 'effin learn to play the guitar or dance just because I felt like it! I want chocolate cake. (This I can fix by walking up to the bakery today). I need to do some serious changing. I don't know how to reorient my brain though. Maybe I'll affirm my way into it.

@How to be wise Hi, What's a good place for a newbie to commence shadow work?

You're right.. I think the problem always comes in execution. I end up making lists of habits to take up and then forget to follow through on it daily. But no more. I will keep at it, till I improve. That is a part of it. I try to find atleast one thing a day I can be thankful for!

Hi, I'm relatively new here and I'm thankful I could find an active forum which touches upon so many topics I'm interested in knowing more about. My apologies to the people who opened this thread with the idea that this would be a thread with tips. I'm here to seek help and advice. I've been trying to transform my life for over 1.5+ years now. And I've succeeded in some ways. But not necessarily the way I wanted to change. Let's say all out sink or swim efforts will change something - though may not always be what you were aiming it. Consciously been trying to transform since 3 months to becoming or having the specific things I want to be or have. All goals mapped out but I feel lost now, like I've overplanned and the passion has fizzled out. So once you know where to go and what to do and you suddenly find yourself lacking motivation, what do you do?

Thank you.. this part above is so very true!!

Well, all the best! I've found though sometimes that asking the questions and leaving them be can bring the answers faster than thinking and trying to understand it all through self-searching. Though it won't apply to all situations. Look forward to seeing your progress!

Name: Priya Moi Age: 26 Gender: Female Location: Bangalore, India Occupation: Professional Marital Status: Single (I am a commitment-phobe) Kids: No Hobbies: reading, learning music, writing, thinking, nature, personal development (yes thinking is a hobby for me apart from a regular activity. I can spend hours in my own head) I got into personal development this year. It's a very new journey. I'm trying to become a better version of myself and to reach or tap into more potential. I'm here on this site for the very purpose and also hopefully to find like-minded people with similar goals or journeys and have many discussions and friendly prodding towards achieving goals. Personal challenges I've overcome: Insecurity and associated issues of abandonment (difficult childhood) Used to be very shy, introverted, and socially awkward Have become financially independent Changed careers and finally found something truly challenging Started my journey of development after being a life-long proponent of determinism and serial procrastination. What I'm working on now: Working on improving core aspects of my character/personality Working on improving my exercise routine Working on learning skills, language, music and philosophy Working on identifying what I want out of life.