Mary

So this guy befriended me about 5 months ago and we've chatted a lot since then and we've also gone out a handful of times. 3 months ago, when I told him, what does he think about something more serious, he told me that he's got a lot on his plate right now and he is not ready to start a relationship. So since then our relationship had lots of ups and downs. But We've managed to make it work. We have a lot in common, we really understand each other and we really have fun together. I like him a lot. But just yesterday, he told me that there is a girl that he is kinda getting interested in and wants to talk to her. And if things go smooth with this girl, he wants to try this relationship. He asked me if we'd still be friends after he finds himself a girlfriend. I told him sure. But what should I do? Do you think it would be a good idea if I tell him about my feelings and ask him to spend more time with me and see if he wants our relationship to be more serious like boyfriend/girlfriend? What do you suggest guys, I really need your opinion? And you know I have a lot of concerns. If he rejects me and wants to end his friendship with me completely, I'd be devastated cause I really like him. On the other hand, I know if he becomes friends with this girl, I also can't handle that situation. He would also hang out with her and would have little time for me. I don't know if I should tell him how I'm feeling or just see how his relationship with that girl works. Cause you know if it doesn't work, he'd still be able to hang out a lot with me and I think it'd be fine to me. You know what I had in mind? I thought we'd hang for a couple months more and gradually we'd just increase our time together and then he, himself would wanna be friends with me but looks like that's not gonna happen.

I wanted to ask about the differences between the "Do Nothing" technique and the one in which your only goal is to be aware (The one described in the "Meditation for beginners" video or the first technique introduced in the "How to meditate deeper" video) ? 1)Do we try to be aware of our thoughts in the “Do nothing” technique as well? 2)In the “Do nothing” technique, we are supposed to drop the intention of controlling our thoughts. But can we control our thoughts in the 2nd technique?

It's kinda very very embarrassing for me to write about this. So my father was a religious man. And although my mom wasn't, she also had lots of limiting beliefs about dating. So to make the story short, I'm 23 and I never had a boyfriend. I mean I didn't want one myself either up until a year ago either, but recently it has just become a very important issue to me. It's a hard time. And I'm thinking, I don't wanna end up alone. Ever since I've watched Leo's recent video on happiness, I've been thinking about this. I mean I don't wanna end up alone, So, do I need a boyfriend to be happy? And I can't come up with any good answers. So I just wanted to ask this question from you guys. What do you think?

I've been meditating consistently for about 2 months now. Just recently I've upped it to 30 minutes a day and I've also just started using the "do nothing" technique. so I've reading around here that all you guys had some good insights in the early start of your meditation habit. I've had none till now and I'm beginning to think I'll never have any. All I get is this pure, restless and wild monkey mind. I'm not seeing much results with my meditation, so it's just making me want to quit. What do you think? Should I be patient with myself or just quit? I meant I think I should let go of it for a few days. Maybe then I understand why I should meditate at all. What do you guys think?

I don't know. I guess I'll just try and be more social. @Pelin Thanks for sharing your experience:) Helped a lot @Murtaza oh, tell me about it:)

@Leo Gura What are the higher purposes, Leo?

How will the "Do Nothing" technique make you more aware, when you are not supposed to be aware during the technique?

@Mal It's gonna sound funny to you, but I'm seriously afraid that I'll never get one!

@Mal Well, the pain is already strong. I had hit rock bottom before looking seriously into self help. My situation is surely better than a year ago. I mean I was crippled with shyness, now I'm pretty cool. (Although I didn't cure it with meditation. I wasn't meditating back then. I cured it mostly through other approaches that I used. But now that I do meditation, I think it has become even better. Though, to be honest, I don't know if it's meditation effects.) It's just that I think I'm wasting my time cause I'm not seeing any cool effects of meditation that you guys always talk about.

@Leo Gura Thanks for answering. Will I let go of my addictions? Honestly, no. Can't even let go of the hard addictions I have.

@popi In the way that leo puts it, you don't necessarily have to be in the present moment. You can get lost in thought stories from your past or future.

Today after one month of daily meditation, I decided to give enlightenment a try and I have a question. So before getting enlightened, during the enlightenment process, do we get any benefits? Will the process itself raise concentration/focus? Will it develop our relationships with people, will it better our performance in studies/work/career, will it reduce anxiety/stress? In a nutshell, does it help us with life the same way as meditation does? Or in the process, you won't get any benefits and it pretty much worsens the situation? And btw being social is very important to me, will it cause me to lose my interest for social relationships? Will I get worse in my relationships during the process? Cause as I was doing it, I noticed that I got frustrated and most of the time, I lost focus and pretty much was in my own thought stories.

@jes I'm trying to use the technique in some other areas of my life. For example, There is a site that I'm a little addicted to. I tried to be aware during the process of checking that site. At first I didn't feel anything different. But just now, I had the thought that I really don't wanna go check that site and I didn't. Leo said it's a process that will take time and you have to be patient with it. I am trying to apply awareness whenever I'm watching a tv series these days. To tell the truth, It hasn't worked so far. You can use the sedona method. (Haven't tried it myself. But I know it's used for procrastination. Also, Leo has a video on procrastination too. Meditation helps too. Whenever you feel like procrastinating, meditate for 10 minutes. (Whatever technique you are comfortable with. For me, mindfulness meditation worked the best for this problem.) Then just after that go do your work. Just after meditation you'll be more aware and focused and you probably won't procrastinate. But to be honest, I had the problem with procrastination. It's not something that you can cure in one day. It takes time. Over the time as you build awareness, it might melt away mostly.

@Light_Ray Thanks, your answer cleared up the vagueness to some point:)

You can use the technique mentioned in the new video: "Awareness alone is curative"

@TSH Chris Hi, My bad. English isn't my first language. I meant I decided to start doing enlightenment work like self inquiry.

Have any of you stopped watching TV? What were the benefits? I've just started binge-watching a series that has 6 season sand it hasn't even finished. (White Collar). I've watched the 1st season. Although it was good, it didn't leave me satisfied not as I expected. I'm tempted to watch the next seasons but I also kinda rather not. I need motivation to stop it!! Help!

@Natasha I wanna do this but the thought of never watching a TV series makes me not wanna do it. I mean I like that kind of high emotional feeling and the kind of thrill it brings. (But it also makes me feel brain dead and distracts me from all the work I wanna do.) Do you have anything to say about that? Do you miss that kind of thrill at all now?

@Quizzer Makes me feel brain dead! @Saarah I don't know If I'm forcing this with a should. I mean, I'm not addicted. I'd be okay with not watching it. (Actually I just checked the ending and I'm not interested anymore much, Maybe I'd watch the last episode. Seemingly the series is finished.) I mean it's just that many people including leo are telling that it's better to quit it forever. I just wanted to know will all the effort be worth it.

Leo has mentioned that consuming rice and bread aren't good for health? Can anyone tell me why is that so? What's their problem each? If I stop eating them, what kind of nutrients will I lack that I would have to get it from other food?

What's the difference between the "Do nothing" technique and daydreaming? How to make sure I'm not daydreaming? And how can this technique actually help? I mean it's very similar to daydreaming. And surely daydreaming won't help to be in touch with reality.

@Arik Amazing. I haven't told you before but I really like your posts. Yeah as you said there is a very hurt side in me that I've been avoiding it for as long as I can remember. My emotions and thoughts are usually negative even during the day. I'm having lots of problems with my family mostly my mom. I'm taking therapy for that and learning how to handle her. Most of my negative thoughts are triggered by her. But that wasn't just enough, so I also started meditating. The problem is I can't sit for much. I've started with 10 mins and I'm trying to build it up to more. Though up till now I haven't had much progress or at least that's what I think. The only difference I'm noticing is that I have become more aware of my different emotions during the day. Like I never thought of myself as a jealous or angry person but now I am noticing that I have this unresolved anger and jealousy built up inside me over years. I'm going through a hard time and I just don't know if it'll ever be ok again. And I also have another question for you. I know it's not relevant to here but I just wanted to take a shot. I've studied mechanical engineering but I really don't like it. I was a math nerd at school. I really like to continue my education in the field of computer engineering or computer science. However, I don't know if that would be the right choice. I don't know whether to continue my own field or study the one that I like. Some people are telling me that all engineering is basically the same work and in the end it wouldn't really matter. And that I shouldn't really bother myself and change my major. What would you have done? Would you change your major? Do you think that would be the right choice? Thank you for sharing your insights

@Arik Can I ask you a question? You said it took a year for you to get into the cool parts of meditation, but were you already in a good place (psychologically) when you started meditation? Did you have a lot of negative thoughts while meditating? Cuz I either have negative thoughts or neutral ones. I never had positive thoughs during meditation.

So why is it that people who are around me and don't have any clue what self help is, are doing fine in their lives? They are happy and they are having lots of fun and success. But me, I'm studying all these books about self help and I even have started meditating, but I'm depressed, anxious and stressed. And I'm not making as much progress in my life. Is there any reason?

I have a few questions about this technique. 1) Where do you put your hands? Because I put them on my legs and after a while they become moisty and it'll be all I can think about at the moment till I give up. 2) Can I look around? Is the movement of the eyes permitted? 3) Can I also look at the clock?