Mary

So this guy befriended me about 5 months ago and we've chatted a lot since then and we've also gone out a handful of times. 3 months ago, when I told him, what does he think about something more serious, he told me that he's got a lot on his plate right now and he is not ready to start a relationship. So since then our relationship had lots of ups and downs. But We've managed to make it work. We have a lot in common, we really understand each other and we really have fun together. I like him a lot. But just yesterday, he told me that there is a girl that he is kinda getting interested in and wants to talk to her. And if things go smooth with this girl, he wants to try this relationship. He asked me if we'd still be friends after he finds himself a girlfriend. I told him sure. But what should I do? Do you think it would be a good idea if I tell him about my feelings and ask him to spend more time with me and see if he wants our relationship to be more serious like boyfriend/girlfriend? What do you suggest guys, I really need your opinion? And you know I have a lot of concerns. If he rejects me and wants to end his friendship with me completely, I'd be devastated cause I really like him. On the other hand, I know if he becomes friends with this girl, I also can't handle that situation. He would also hang out with her and would have little time for me. I don't know if I should tell him how I'm feeling or just see how his relationship with that girl works. Cause you know if it doesn't work, he'd still be able to hang out a lot with me and I think it'd be fine to me. You know what I had in mind? I thought we'd hang for a couple months more and gradually we'd just increase our time together and then he, himself would wanna be friends with me but looks like that's not gonna happen.

I don't know. I guess I'll just try and be more social. @Pelin Thanks for sharing your experience:) Helped a lot @Murtaza oh, tell me about it:)

@Leo Gura What are the higher purposes, Leo?

@Mal It's gonna sound funny to you, but I'm seriously afraid that I'll never get one!

@Mal Well, the pain is already strong. I had hit rock bottom before looking seriously into self help. My situation is surely better than a year ago. I mean I was crippled with shyness, now I'm pretty cool. (Although I didn't cure it with meditation. I wasn't meditating back then. I cured it mostly through other approaches that I used. But now that I do meditation, I think it has become even better. Though, to be honest, I don't know if it's meditation effects.) It's just that I think I'm wasting my time cause I'm not seeing any cool effects of meditation that you guys always talk about.

@Leo Gura Thanks for answering. Will I let go of my addictions? Honestly, no. Can't even let go of the hard addictions I have.

It's kinda very very embarrassing for me to write about this. So my father was a religious man. And although my mom wasn't, she also had lots of limiting beliefs about dating. So to make the story short, I'm 23 and I never had a boyfriend. I mean I didn't want one myself either up until a year ago either, but recently it has just become a very important issue to me. It's a hard time. And I'm thinking, I don't wanna end up alone. Ever since I've watched Leo's recent video on happiness, I've been thinking about this. I mean I don't wanna end up alone, So, do I need a boyfriend to be happy? And I can't come up with any good answers. So I just wanted to ask this question from you guys. What do you think?

I've been meditating consistently for about 2 months now. Just recently I've upped it to 30 minutes a day and I've also just started using the "do nothing" technique. so I've reading around here that all you guys had some good insights in the early start of your meditation habit. I've had none till now and I'm beginning to think I'll never have any. All I get is this pure, restless and wild monkey mind. I'm not seeing much results with my meditation, so it's just making me want to quit. What do you think? Should I be patient with myself or just quit? I meant I think I should let go of it for a few days. Maybe then I understand why I should meditate at all. What do you guys think?

@popi In the way that leo puts it, you don't necessarily have to be in the present moment. You can get lost in thought stories from your past or future.

How will the "Do Nothing" technique make you more aware, when you are not supposed to be aware during the technique?

@jes I'm trying to use the technique in some other areas of my life. For example, There is a site that I'm a little addicted to. I tried to be aware during the process of checking that site. At first I didn't feel anything different. But just now, I had the thought that I really don't wanna go check that site and I didn't. Leo said it's a process that will take time and you have to be patient with it. I am trying to apply awareness whenever I'm watching a tv series these days. To tell the truth, It hasn't worked so far. You can use the sedona method. (Haven't tried it myself. But I know it's used for procrastination. Also, Leo has a video on procrastination too. Meditation helps too. Whenever you feel like procrastinating, meditate for 10 minutes. (Whatever technique you are comfortable with. For me, mindfulness meditation worked the best for this problem.) Then just after that go do your work. Just after meditation you'll be more aware and focused and you probably won't procrastinate. But to be honest, I had the problem with procrastination. It's not something that you can cure in one day. It takes time. Over the time as you build awareness, it might melt away mostly.

@Light_Ray Thanks, your answer cleared up the vagueness to some point:)

You can use the technique mentioned in the new video: "Awareness alone is curative"

@TSH Chris Hi, My bad. English isn't my first language. I meant I decided to start doing enlightenment work like self inquiry.

Today after one month of daily meditation, I decided to give enlightenment a try and I have a question. So before getting enlightened, during the enlightenment process, do we get any benefits? Will the process itself raise concentration/focus? Will it develop our relationships with people, will it better our performance in studies/work/career, will it reduce anxiety/stress? In a nutshell, does it help us with life the same way as meditation does? Or in the process, you won't get any benefits and it pretty much worsens the situation? And btw being social is very important to me, will it cause me to lose my interest for social relationships? Will I get worse in my relationships during the process? Cause as I was doing it, I noticed that I got frustrated and most of the time, I lost focus and pretty much was in my own thought stories.