Hi, and thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm writing today because I feel very troubled. I've been troubled for a long time, but today is especially bad.
When most people use the word "enlightenment" it seems to me they have an idea of someone like Eckhert Tolle or The Buddha, who find themselves in states of such incredible bliss that they're content to sit and stare at the clouds. But I've also read a lot of stories about people who believe themselves to be at least somewhat enlightened, and feel very alien and alone as a result. If I'm at all enlightened I'd fall into the latter group.
My entire life I've felt different from other people. Mostly I've always been inclined to think for myself, and it seems to me that the vast majority of people aren't.
I've had many wonderful opportunities throughout my life. Most people would say that I was dealt a pretty good hand in life, as far as opportunities go. I had parents who cared enough about me to send me to a good college, though I never wanted to be there, and blew that opportunity.
I was fortunate to land a good job in my early twenties, and if I would have stayed with it, I'd be really doing well today, but I found it unfulfilling, and left it.
I later went on to develop a successful internet business, where I really had things made, and I threw that away as well.
There are plenty of ways I could be making money now, but the truth is that I have no desire to be part of the human world. No amount of money is meaningful to me, and there's nothing I really need. I have very few material attachments; almost none, and I like it that way. I just don't want to be part of the rat race.
The more I learn and grow, the less I want to be part of the human world, and that's where I am now. Every day human existence seems more futile to me; I mean the idea of slaving and competing for things that you don't need, and you're just going to lose someday. So I find myself simply killing time, hoping something will happen to change things, but nothing ever happens.
I might offend some people by saying this, but most people appear no different than animals to me. They do all the same things animals do, and the vast majority of humans just go along with the rest of the group, like any other herd animal. And very few humans ever really think; once again they just share a brain with everyone else.
I could go on about the human race but I don't think that's necessary. I'm hoping someone will understand what I'm saying. It feels like a real curse to me to be someone who's at least somewhat awake, and surrounded by so many people who aren't. It feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from.
A question I have is, once you've come to truly understand what's happening here on planet earth, especially as it concerns humans, why would you want to be part of it? Why would you want to be part of an economic system that makes most people slaves...grinding away to provide for their basic needs, while barely getting by? Why would you want to be part of a world so controlled by consumerism?
And if you choose not to be part of this world, what are you supposed to do? Sure, you can do good deeds and help to make the world a better place, but as long as so many people remain unconscious (and there are getting to be more and more unconscious people, as our population grows) you're just spraying water on the flames.
The key word for me is "alien". I don't literally believe I'm an alien from another solar system, like some people do, but I might as well be, as different as I feel. This leaves me with the perspective of an outsider, watching and shaking my head at the stupid things humans do; as they work their way towards their eventual annihilation.
I'm very well informed, and aware of what's going on in the world, and I'm going to tell you that this world isn't becoming a better place. Anyone who believes this world is becoming a better place has their head in the sand. I believe our world is heading for serious trouble, and when that trouble starts, we're going to see just how animal-like homo sapiens can be.
In short I feel like I'm trapped on a train headed for a serious crash. I'm alone, amongst billions of people who look just like me, but aren't like me, most oblivious to the reality of our situation. It reminds me of certain nightmares I've had, when I was trapped in hopeless situations, and waking up was the only deliverance, except that in this case, I can't wake up. What I mean is that I can't exit this reality, and enter one more desirable, as one does in the case of waking up from a dream.
I've been searching for a long time for someone who genuinely feels the way I do. I'm 100% alone in my situation, and it would be nice not to feel so alone. If you really deep-down understand the angst I'm feeling, feel free to drop me a line (send me a private message), because I'm guessing you could use someone to talk to as well.
Thanks, and all the best!
