JohnV

A bit late but still thanks for your reply, I will try to shift my focus in pick-up from the lays onto just pushing my comfort zone and becoming more out-going. Regarding the meditations, I tried to do a few of 30 minutes but encountered that when sitting for this long I cannot keep my spine straight since every time I shift my focus on breathing it naturally gets lazy. Then when I notice it I try to straighten it but from what I heard you're not supposed to move during the meditation. So how can I go about this? Should I just give up trying to keep my spine straight or should I keep straightening it whenever I notice it's not? And about the 6 pillars, should I meditate for a bit longer and then try to do the stems again? Thank you very much for your help!

Dear All, I am 19 now and have been having problems with my self-esteem ever since I can remember. I am constantly in war with my thoughts in my mind and always comparing myself to others. After I meet a certain person I will be thinking about what I should have said and what I should have not and then in turn start fighting these thoughts, which will make me feel even worse. I have lived like this for so long and then I started this pick up thing, where you approach a girl on the street and try to get her on a date. When I first started I was expecting that by doing this uncomfortable thing, my self-confidence will skyrocket, which actually has for a while when I started getting my first dates and so. Then I moved to a foreign country for 6 months and had massive success with this. Some days I felt awesome because I got all this messages from girls and talked to other guys about my success with them. These days when my ego was so inflated I felt like I am above everyone else, which felt great. But other days when I got rejected or a girl would not reply, I even felt intimidated talking to my classmates. Fast forward 6 months, I came back to my current city where I had lived before and had been used to this "shy" personality around everyone (classmates, grocery store, gym). Furthermore, for some reason I consider people in these country to be perfect and therefore assume myself to be less worthy than them. Therefore, magically all of my confidence and happiness disappeared. I would have problems walking alone around the city or look into other person's eyes. Moreover, I started loosing more hair which enhanced the feeling of unworthiness and depression. Spent the first two months home without talking to anyone. After which I again started doing the pick-up thing assuming that I'll get some validation and my confidence will grow back and I will feel good again. However, as you could have assumed It has not. I am feeling constantly depresses, assuming that I am less worthy than others around me, always envying other guys if it's their looks, success with women or anything else. Therefore, I come to this point where I would like to ask you for your advice. I am willing to do anything to grow strong and healthy self-esteem. I have been meditating daily 10 minutes for the past 1 month, have read the six pillars of self-esteem but after a while of doing the stems I stopped because I didn't see it working and also didn't really believe in it. So, in case anyone read through this story and experienced something similar and has some recommendations, which helped him/her, I will be very grateful if you could share it with me.