Widdle Puppy

Two questions - I'm sitting half lotus with one pillow. My legs fall asleep after 5-10 minutes. Should I expect to be sitting long periods in this position? - on lesson 4 I'm doing the concentration exercise for five minutes. I close my eyes, focus from the back of my head and look forward between my eyebrows my eyes twitch a ton when I do this and my head feels murky and full of toxic waste. No light or sounds... is this normal?

From my experience most guys who are trying to be alpha aren't really alpha and are just insecure and tryhard. I'd say the most "alpha" guys are those that are able to raise the feeling of a room and make everyone feel good and have fun. Being detached, uninhibited, able to lead, confident in self and be socially aware. The same things are always thrown around like "be yourself " "be confident" this is true but there is a ton to unpack there. Thousands of hours of work to grow yourself to be authentic and confident and content being yourself.

I would say what works for me is have a routine. It doesn't have to be super elaborate. Infact keep it more simple anand build on it. Start a morning routine and a night routine. Wake up and for the first hour or two do some stretching, exercises and some meditation/yoga/breathing then perhaps make a to do list for the the day. At night turn your screen off one hour before bed, take a shower, read/journal under candle light, then sleep. This sort of morning and night routine can be very powerful. Make sure to wake up the same time every day and go to bed as well. Right now I'm doing well on the weekdays with this but I can't seem to carry it into the weekend so I'm going to tweak it and allow for one late night of partying.

I'm really afraid of socializing in clubs because I'm afraid people will think I'm weird or I'll look awkward or I'll start a conversation with someone and then I won't have anything to say and not know how to lead it.

So I go J.C. Stevens book and I'm a little confused. How many lessons am I suppose to do at a time during the week? What's recommended? Should I just read one a day for the preparation exercises then once I reach the first Kriya start integrating new lessons at my own pace?

I feel like I struggle to do personal development work. I am not really able to focus on tasks I write down and also I feel like I don't have any specific goals I'm motivated by to create something amazing. I just have this broad general vision where I want to avoid feeling depressed or negative. I feel like this is further made difficult by the people I'm surrounded by. I'm debating if I should live alone or not. On one hand it is good to have roommates since there are many positive things that come from this but also I feel like their negative mindsets and lifestyles sort of clash with mine. I'm unsure what to do.

I was able to order the book and get it shipped to a friend. I'll give my thoughts when it arrives next week.

hmm yea true but it's better than nothing. I just need the technique and can try to then to fix it when I can get my hands on the big book. the short one seems to be distilled and probably can be good for getting my toes wet.

damn hmmm dunno how to get it the other one isn't good enough?

Hi, I would like to read JC Stevens book but I can't get it shipped to me. Does a digital version exist? Is the other book fine to learn from for a newbie? There is a kindle version for that one.

I struggle with sleep also and it is so important. it wrecks my mood and yeah.... it just has to be prioritized period. I plan to make my sleep my number one priority in my life along with my gym, diet and meditation. it's just so foundational that when I am weak in these areas my whole mood suffers.

I'm having a similar experience. One thing that I can't seem to do is keep my daily meditation habit and stay grounded in my spirituality. I just can't keep to it. There are just so many fucking distractions. I think it's really important to do some of that focus breathing daily (anapanasati). Even just trying to do meditation it doesn't really do much with all these distractions, hangovers, lusting over parties later, etc. Sometimes I wonder if I made all sorts of counter intuitive choices to change my life if I would just lose all ambition and I would become a hermit that just sits around and meditates all day but Leo said this is wrong and a number of other shared wisdom has said so as well. I think we have to sometimes take some action based on faith and if it doesn't work out just try again. It's scary but I'll keep trying to get my daily meditation habit going again. I feel just better when I do it and like the choices I make are better for me but I just fall out of it constantly for a few days on end and it is really demoralizing. I'm thinking of finding a therapist to talk to also as it can be helpful to work through limiting beliefs.

bump

I've had a couple dates since and it's hard. It feels like I'm backsliding a little also. I'm trying to deal with this fear of things not going how I want and just being detached and not caring and allowing myself to have fun and enjoy the process. I had a date yesterday and although it seemed to go pretty well it just didn't make me feel how I wanted it to. I think I have a perfectionist problem and an inner game issue of really wanting validation from doing well and am afraid of things not going how I want them to. I feel fixated on making sure I make out with every date I go on. I find myself afraid of falling in the friend zone if I don't or being put to the side for someone else and it makes me worry about if all the effort I put in will go to waste. I feel totally confused right now.

anyone have any tips for finding a reputable retreat and shaman? I'll start googling but is there a site for looking at ratings and finding reputable and safe shamans to do a ayahuasca retreat? preferably one with a healing aspect to the ritual and is willing to take on a person who has a lot of mental baggage. I think I'm ready only some fear is holding me back... but I feel like I can really heal and learn from an experience like this.