zoey101

Very True. I'm trying to keep that in mind too. I gotta accept that there is A LOT out of my control, but that doesn't mean I can't still be content with life over all. Is that what you mean?

Gotta work on the inward self and then the rest will come naturally If it doesn't feel right or comfortable, go back to your alone time and keep working at it!

Agreed. There's gotta be someone who can carry you through this. Congrats on the courage. Keep it up! Stay strong. He obviously wanted to hurt you. That doesn't mean anything he said was true. You decide who you are. Not him!

So I have been trying to read up on some of the stuff Leo has posted, as well as what others on this forum have posted, about meditation and reaching "enlightenment". I read some stuff about the "ego-self" vs "non-self". I am trying to understand it all but it's so overwhelming and hard to keep up with. I spoke to a few of you guys about how I have been having relationship connection issues. I have been doing my best to work on it, but this subject is just so big and complex. Is the "ego-self" like the you that is still tied to worldly things? and the "non-self" is the you once you have decided to live beyond those things? and is that supposed to be the point in which you reach "enlightenment"? Or is it supposed to be something like once you feel connected and "one" with everything and everyone around you, then you have reached "enlightenment"? and how do you know if you have truly done that? I was raised Christian and pretty poor, so the idea of living beyond things is pretty much second nature to me. But I know I can't be "enlightened" now when I feel far from peaceful... I also saw something about Koans in relation to meditation and Zen practices. Riddles designed to "open the mind" and help you unravel truths about the world and yourself. The most famous one would be "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" This is supposed to "open the mind" but how do you reach the point where you are not sitting there just thinking about what the actual sound would be? Is this stuff even related? I want to understand, but I feel like I am just missing the whole point of it...

I agree. Just can't help but enjoy the conversation a little more than what's going on.. helps me feel a part of something.. it's nice.

Wow. You're all so passionate about this. It's really beautiful to read what comes to my mind when I read this is like how no Good deed is selfless(Friends reference) if you feel any sort of self satisfaction or if you feel just better, then it wasn't selfless. But that could be off base just what came to mind.

I'm sorry...

I still don't understand... He was possessed and then Jesus cast them out... The demons were separate from the person... They weren't the person himself.. at least that's what I though..

I'm sorry... I'm missing the connection

Isn't that the story of Jesus casting demons out of a girl into swine?

And then my daughter swoops in and starts giving me kisses all over my face I guess it's not all bad

Man this is hard but I admire the end goal of it all. He woke up and was being a prick almost immediately... I tried to hug him to make him stop and he pushed me away and told me that I already ruined the weekend... So I guess I can't do anything... But I didn't get mad... I think he just wants me to stay away from him for now... So be it...

Thank you... man this really sucks... But at least I can be "free" of it while he is asleep... Nothing I can say or do at the moment so no use stressing... Right?

God dam... That made me cry... But you're right..no matter how furious and hurt I am... I know it's not about me.. he's been going through a lot lately.... Found out a friend he knew since middle school committed suicide... And now his grandfather that he doesn't really like (because he asked if our daughter came out white) is dying... And he hasn't seen him yet... I don't know what to do...

I'm sorry... I guess the "ego" is persistent...

Thank you. That's really beautiful. But it seems like today is determined to be pretty shitty too... I'm borrowing my husband's phone because I can't find mine and he got a message from a coworker about giving him some meth.... I looked through the messages and he has apparently been doing it all week... That would explain his over extreme responses this week... But shit... What can I say? I had a feeling but I wanted to believe he wouldn't do that behind my back... What do I do with this? How am I supposed to "actualize" this....? He's sleeping it off now I'm getting and it's taking everything in me not to just explode right now...

Man had a rough ass night.. but still trying to stay positive and think about what you all said... Can be tough sometimes though..

What is your dream?

Woah, that's a lot! Thank you

Found this article. Thought it was a cool simplification of the Koans. Thought I'd share it. https://fractalenlightenment.com/37292/spirituality/5-zen-koans-that-will-open-your-mind

I wouldn't mind that at all

Thank you all so much. Like I said, I'm still super confused about a lot of stuff, but I think I'm grasping some of it Please keep going, I'm having fun.

God i feel kinda silly right now. I can't stop smiling and I feel so smart right now. :3 I'm already trying to think myself positive like what @Arkandeus said. I've been having a pretty alright day. It's been pretty uneventful and boring, like most days. But I've felt pretty good. Usually when the days go like this, I feel drained and super sleepy, but I feel pretty energetic and happy right now Even if that's not exactly what it's supposed to do, I like feeling this way

Okay, so basically just live and focus on the now, because you can't change what has happened or what will happen so no point in living your life trying. Just live and work in the now. Is that close?

I still have no idea what you mean by psychological time though