zoey101

@Nahm I totally agree. I know everyone has power over themselves, but does thinking this way seem too insensitive?

@Feel Good God dammit now I'm crying again lmao

The purpose of this Journal is to share my journey in figuring out "Who I Am" and learning to love myself again. I have had enough with feeling like a victim to my "ego" and I want to take back control. PLEASE feel free to add any videos, article or words of support or advice!!! I have no idea what I am doing, but I am ready to dive in. The help would mean more than you know! I was made for something GREAT! Now I need to learn how to believe it. Thank you in advance, to all that join me on his journey.

Alright thank you

@Feel Good @Key Elements Thanks

That's how good and peaceful I feel right now

God you're gonna make me cry again

@Feel Good Thank you I feel ready to take on anything! lol

Entry #8 Wow! I just don't even know where to start. Please forgive me, I am not the best at explaining, but I will do my best! First, I had the craziest dream the other day. I was walking through my apartment and I don't know what I was looking for, but I stopped in front of my bathroom and got a really weird feeling. I opened the door and looked at the mirror and my reflection was crying... I just stared at it and then I woke up. It was really weird, but clearly it was because I've been thinking about this and a lot of other things lately. Okay, so this dream has been on my mind and I just kind of tried to explore into it a little more to see if maybe I could discover something, and boy was it strange and awesome all at once So, I just started by asking myself question after question. What was that? Why were you crying? What do you want to be happy? What do you need to feel loved? I had no clue what I was doing or why I asked those questions, but I just kind of went with it with no judgments. I don't really know what I was expecting, but I didn't magically get answers to those questions. So I went into the bathroom and just started staring at myself. I spent a good while trying to stop feeling like a creep lol but once I was finally able to focus, I started asking the questions again and I got this overwhelming feeling. I looked at myself and suddenly thought about how silly I have been this whole time. I have been spending SO MUCH TIME hating myself because of one small section in my life. I felt like everything was coming to me. What was that? It was what I have been doing to myself. Hurting, victimizing, blaming, tearing down, all of it was ME. Why were you crying? Because I felt hated, scared, and angry, because of how I kept seeing myself. What do you want to be happy? (and this is where the feelings really kicked in) I AM happy! I have been happy! The only one who wasn't seeing it was ME! My life is everything I could think to want right now! What do you need to feel loved? To JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!! There is NOTHING about me that isn't worth loving! I am beautiful, smart, hard working and everyone else loves me, so what makes me too good to? NOTHING!!! Guy, it was seriously just amazing and I cried for like an 20 minutes lol I woke up feeling on top of the world! I didn't feel confused and "broken" anymore. I don't even care how silly all of this might sound! I feel complete

@tsuki Which one? The one with the girl in the bubble? I guess from 12-13 there was kind of a lot going on, now that I think about it. I didn't really think that would have anything to do with it. My husband found it strange because I have had this fear well before I knew there were movies about killer mirror people lol So I know it wasn't that. I suppose more digging is needed to discover the root of this. Thank you, I didn't think this was anything more than a silly fear, but if it is connected to something deeper, I hope I can find out what.

I guess it was kind of a weird time.. My parents couldn't afford our house anymore so we moved and started living in a shed in my aunts backyard (7 of us in a shed about the size of an average living room) for about 6 months. New town, new school, new people. But I don't know how that could have caused it

I don't know It's just kind of been a fear I've had since I was about 12, I think. I know how weird and irrational it is... It's not even just my reflection, its any reflection that isn't just the white wall... Like once I was looking down while washing my hands, and when I stood up, my husband was peeking his head in to ask me something and I just screamed at the top of my lungs because I just didn't expect anything to be there... It was pretty embarrassing...

I don't know.. It's a pretty scary glare that I imagine. I try to tell myself that "she" is just messing with me to scare me, and can't do anything else but that. Silly, but it helps a little lol

Back when kids tv was still good!!!

So I have been on a few different forums, and I personally like this one the best out of all of them but there is one thing I have noticed on other forums that isn't here and I just wanted to ask your thoughts. A lot of forums have a "Rec-Room" Section for people to just kind of "unwind" the mind and get closer through games. We do A LOT of inner searching, research and such, and it can get a little overwhelming sometimes and leave some people feeling more stressed, confused or just mentally exhausted after a discussion, I could be the only one though lol. But would it be counter productive to just have a lighthearted "game section" where we just play things like "Would you rather..." or Word games to just wind down the mind and help us bond and get to know each other in a fun way? Just curious.

@tsuki you know how when you are in a pitch black room and you look around, if you "see" things in the darkness it is just your brain attempting to "fill in the blanks", because the brain NEEDS input so it can fabricate it sometimes? Well I think my reflection glares at me when I'm not looking.... Because that is what I think, that is what my brain will "fill in"..... If any of that makes sense.

Alright thank you. I have actually been trying to work on it. I know it's a very silly fear, I can look at it, but it's when I look away but my reflection is still there that scares me. I can't help but get a feeling that my reflection doesn't move with me when I'm not looking (so silly). So I wash my hands bent over out of view of the mirror lol But I spent a little while trying to just look at it. Then stopped when it started to creep me out again.

Yeah, like I was watching someone else, but totally aware it was me. It's hard to describe. I thought I was silly for thinking all of that lol

@thehero I'm glad I'm not just crazily over analyzing nothing lol Thank you That makes me feel a little better about it

Entry #7 Had an weird thought/moment today, wasn't really sure how to take it. I was talking to one of my coworkers about nothing in particular and then she asked me a question and I responded "Well you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat". We laughed and that was the end of the conversation. For some reason I was stuck on the phrase. Not the meaning, just why did I use that phrase? I never use it, I just heard it used on one of my favorite shows last night and I hear it in my head once the question was asked, so I said it. I completely forgot what we even talked about, I was so focused on the why. I had a weird experience, it felt like I was "disconnected from reality", if that's the right way to describe it. I thought that the phrase I used was borrowed from the show, then I thought everything I say, isn't that just "borrowed"? I felt so silly for spending so much time thinking about it, but I was so stuck on it. All the phrases and the structure in which I speak/type, it's not really mine, it's just a compilation of everyone I've heard speak. It's probably all nonsense, but it was definitely a weird thought.

Thank you so much!

Entry #6 Finished this one just now and wow! Fear is a tricky little guy isn't he? Lol I have been trying to think my "fears" away but I've been fighting thought with thought. Talk about the meaning of insanity lol I need to watch my emotions and my fears and not go at it with a motive to "change" or "get better" but just watch as an outsider, unbiased. We worry about the future because of the events of the past and we miss the present. Of course I am going to repeat history if I am living in it! I will work on focusing on the moments one after another and just live in that. The past is not a factor in my future unless I chose it to be. The future I want doesn't have room for the past!

@zenjen That was so beautiful and uplifting @Dinesh Karki I don't know much about it, but I think what you need to figure out first is exactly WHERE in America you wish to move to. Not all parts will be beneficial to your dreams. Just research the top cities for what you want to do and you should get plenty of results Once you figure that part out, I would suggest you get in contact with the city's local Immigration and Citizenship Office to at least touch base and get any information you need to get over here. I think the Student Visa is a great way to start. Get your foot in the door and once you are here, you study for the citizenship test, which I hear can be a BITCH! And study up on anything you need for it. I found this site: https://www.uscis.gov/citizenship/learners/apply-citizenship Hope it helps!

I think it's really great that you are an introvert though I think it helps your videos be a lot more approachable and relateable, personally. I feel like if you were a full on extrovert, it could come off as in-genuine, if you know what I mean. You are a great speaker, but it helps really feel like the messages you give can be applied across the board when I am able to see an "awkward, nerd" (not meant to be negative at all ) succeeding on an inwards and deep level like that I am definitely an extrovert when in social settings, but I am an introvert when it comes to "deep conversation". I only have a few really close friends, but it is pretty easy for me to talk to new people, if the situation demands it. So I don't really know where I would fall on that spectrum. lol

A post I found while scrolling through Reddit. It is really comforting, to me. Is this related to self-actualizing? @Leo Gura: Would love your thoughts, if you get a free second. (Sorry if this has already been posted! and also for the length!) Enjoy! [Short Story] The Egg - By Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me. And that’s when you met me. “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?” “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…” “Yup,” I said. “I… I died?” “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?” “More or less,” I said. “Are you god?” You asked. “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.” “My kids… my wife,” you said. “What about them?” “Will they be all right?” “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.” You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.” “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?” “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.” “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,” “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.” You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?” “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.” “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.” “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.” I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had. “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.” “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?” “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.” “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?” “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.” “Where you come from?” You said. “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.” “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.” “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.” “So what’s the point of it all?” “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?” “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted. I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.” “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?” “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.” “Just me? What about everyone else?” “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.” You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…” “All you. Different incarnations of you.” “Wait. I’m everyone!?” “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. “I’m every human being who ever lived?” “Or who will ever live, yes.” “I’m Abraham Lincoln?” “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added. “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled. “And you’re the millions he killed.” “I’m Jesus?” “And you’re everyone who followed him.” You fell silent. “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.” You thought for a long time. “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?” “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.” “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?” “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.” “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…” “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.” And I sent you on your way.