JohnIsDoe

So this is embarrasing, but I have been dating my gf for over two years. 6 months ago, she found out that I masterbate to porn along with girls on Instagram, Tik Tok, and even sometimes to girls that I am friends with on Instagram or Facebook. I have been masterbating to such things since I was in middle school. This hurt her really badly. I kept telling her that I stopped, but I was still doing it behind her back. She kept finding out that I was doing it based on my search history or my "recent activity" etc. She says that this is cheating to her and that makes complete sense. * I've realized that my problem is that I continue to lust after these girls as if I was single. How do I get myself to understand her pain and stop the urge to do this?

So I have a belief that goes like this: "My parents will abandon me/stop supporting me/not love me" if I pursue my life purpose. I basically have it because my dad would yell and hit me if I didn't do things his way (follow directions, not do well in school). He also brainwashed me that degrees are the keys to success so I'm having a lot of fear starting my life purpose because it is completely different from what I will get my degree in. (I'm in my last year) I see him treating my younger brothers (pre-teen and early teens) in a similar way. Should I talk openly to my parents (especially my dad) about how this has impacted me? I'm having a lot of resistance to doing this:(

@TheAlchemist Late reply but thanks! As I get more health conscious and focus more on the environment, I may introduce more plant-based, low-glycemic carbohydrates into my diet and perhaps go vegan. We shall see.

@electroBeam I was going to use the certification as more of a way to increase my skills and learn from those already in the field. I will admit, people may rely on certifications to get approval from others. But also, we live in a society that is very focused on degrees and credentials because that is almost how our culture defines credibility. It may help people take you more seriously. At least for now. But thanks for sharing! I haven't thought of seeking approval from people through a certificate. I'm thinking about ways that I might be falling into that trap. @okulele Yup! Thanks for replying:) @Matt23 I couldn't agree more. I was particularly concerned with the marketing and sales aspect of a coaching business as well as ways to teach meditation and keep people accountable. Also, everyone has a different brain wiring and different lifestyles. This makes different types of meditators with various wants and needs. Thanks for sharing!!

@Michael569 I'll be sure to stay aware of that trap

Thanks for the feedback guys! @flowboy @okulele @AdamDiC

Any recommendations? Looking towards becoming a meditation coach. Thanks!:)

@Elisabeth Thanks for the advice! I'll look for internships and part times meanwhile. @John Lula LMAO. Integrating aspects of spirituality into the world of jazz. But basically what you said;)

THE BASICS: I have 1 more year left of my Bachelors in Computer Science. It is NOT what I want to do with my life. I will graduate with about $65K in debt. I have nothing on my resume except for a 3.5+ GPA, which is respectable in engineering. THE DECISION: 1) Should I work on improving my chances of getting a job by learning another programming language, working on a side project outside of class, practicing interview coding questions etc.?? 2) Or should I focus on my life purpose which combines teaching people jazz saxophone with spiritual teachings, neglecting the outside computer science stuff THE PROBLEM: I do not plan to stay in the engineering field now that I know my life purpose. However, I am afraid that my GPA, while it is strong, will not be enough for me to get a job and pay back my loans. I don't know whether to focus my time on projects that I am not passionate about only to put it on my resume, or get a "head start" on my life purpose which I am passionate about. Thanks in advance for the advice:)

I saw a dairy industry documentary that motivated me to stop drinking milk. Then I lost motivation 1 year later. But when I tried to drink milk again, it literally hurt my stomach and sent me to the bathroom. So now I drink almond milk, and life is good. But also, I don't see the logic in milk for baby cows being healthy for adult humans. Not to mention the low quality that milk is produced these days. If milk is good, I would say at least go for organic whole milk. Stay away from that sugar.

I stopped drinking milk some years ago when I was about 18. I stopped because I saw a food industry documentary and it made me a bit sad. Then about a year later I tried drinking some milk. Bad idea lol. Apparently my body rejects dairy now. So i don't think it's healthy for me at least. Also check out Dr. Berg on YouTube for health advice. He is usually my go to these days. Hope that helps:)

Just a PSA, I followed Dr. Berg's advice on YouTube. I lost 30 pounds in 5 months WITHOUT exercise. Went from 220 to 190 lbs. Just Intermittent fasting (often 18 or 20 hours a day fasting), and a HEALTHY approach to the Ketogenic diet. Emphasis on healthy. Highly recommend you check it out. I told my dad, and it's working out for him too

@Mart Ya, Modafinil gave me some chest discomfort and anxiety for sure. Made me almost ADHD like haha. I took 400 mg of L-Theanine, and it helped. But it also gave me a very brief minor skin rash on my arm so I just don't take it anymore lol.

@Leo Gura MODAFINIL(MODALERT) ADVICE: Day 1: 25mg of Modalert (1/4 pill) from SUN-PHARMA No noticeable side effects Felt great! Day 2: 50mg of Modalert (1/2 pill) Took it at 11am Then around 1pm, my right forearm was itchy. Noticed I had a small little red spot/ skin rash on my right arm. It was about 1.0 in x 0.5 in. It was not super red, but fairly visible. It was gone after about 10 minutes. As day went on, I realized 50mg is too much for me (noticeably anxious/overstimulated and headache). The experience with my skin concerns me. It was very brief, but still there. Should I stop? Or should I just continue taking 25mg pills and see if any skin rash shows up with any other side effects? I really appreciate the advice!!

My friend also had doubts so he found a gay guy at a lit party and started making out to see if he liked it or not. Try little things