FindingPeace

It's only convenient for as long as it lasts. Then it won't be so convenient.. then we will have to rethink and re-evaluate. We've really only been taking a liberty. Helping ourselves to the earths resources. It has come at a price and it will continue to do so. I don't really see it as convenient at all. We've just been exploiting that which is around us, as our species arrogantly does with everything. There's only so long we can keep that up. Ancient civilisations dies out because they exploited the 'convenient' resources until one day they out-grew, or used up, the resources and inevitable perished as a result. Our species has become a force of nature. It causes more global erosion than other natural causes. It has altered the dynamics and balance of our planet.

I hear you! Plus it gets hot, sweaty and greasy in warm weather, especially if you let it grow quite a bit before having it cut. I do like the free and easy feel of the breeze through after it's cut.. Only thing I will say, it does keep the sun of your head. So extra sun block required once it's gone

Could use some advice about Sydney, Australia. Will be visiting in a few weeks. Would like to know how to get a ride from York Street, CBD to Sydney International Airport on a Saturday morning at around 3am. From my research it appears that the trains don't run, busses don't stop at the airport, and taxis are at a premium and hard to come by. Long way to walk... Suggestions? Advice from Sydney dwellers would be most appreciated.

First things first you need to become independant, self-sufficient and able to take care of your self and your own needs. In essense, an interdependent relationship would consist of two people who are already like this before comming together. You can't really change your current relationship because you can't 'change' your boyfriend. He is who he is. If he isn't already an independent person then you can't change him in to one. That is something only he can decide to do for himself if he ever sees the need to do so. You can't communicate that need to or for him. The fact that you have been in another co-dependent and abusive relationship previously implies that you need to do inner work on yourself so as to avoid getting in to these situations again in the future. The work needs to start with you and not with the other people you get involved with. Once you have developed yourself then the kinds, and quality, of people you become involved with should improve accordingly.

This suggests that she likes guys she can confide in and talk to. Also that she maybe has emotional issues. This suggests that you are only interested in sex. Conflict of interests here?

Communication is always the best solution. But fundamentally, if you're arguing in the first place there is a communication issue. I dissagreement is not an argument. An argument is an ego-battle. The biggest ego wins over the weaker one. The problem with walking away is that, at some point, you have to walk back! Also, walking away doesn't solve anything. The problem doesn't just dissapear. As a consequence the anxiety and tension tends not to dissapear either. It'll only come back again at some point. If you're having arguments then you both need to sit down and address your lines of communication. There's a lack of listening and accepting of one another's veiwpoints going on. A lack of respect for one another. You need to be able to be open and honest and impartial. Able to hear one another out without egoic and dogmatic reactions. Discuss the dissagreement in a calm and constructive and most of all civil manner. Respect one another. You both have you're own beliefs, values and world views and they won't be exactly the same. Neither one of you is 'right' or 'wrong'. Just different. So respect that fact. Try and reach compromise or at the very least, understanding of each other's veiws. There aren't always black and white solutions to dissagreements. Don't ever just walk away from problems though. It doesn't solve them. Confront them up-front. Deal with them. Edit to add: Leo has a good video on communication skills.

People have this belief that if something isn't 'wrong' then there no reason why we shouldn't do it. It is as though we use the labels of 'right' and 'wrong' as permissions or restrictions to our behaviour. Just because something may not be 'wrong' per se, doesn't mean it is healthy or appropriate or even constructive. Labels like 'right' and 'wrong' are purely subjective concepts. They have no meaning in reality. Ok, so lying may or may not be 'wrong'. But it isn't a healthy habit either way. It will come back to bite you in time. It will have subtle consequences that will lead to suffering in your life. So here's a reason right here not to do it - you regret it. So there's the suffering caused by the lie.. the regret. But also, in this context, lying to impress a girl will come back to bite you when they discover that you lied to them and they behave adversely as a result. Also, trying to uphold lies, particularly if you build on them and persist with them will become harder with time. When it all collapses it will have negative consequences on you. People lie all the time to one another, particularly when trying to attract people. It inevitably causes problems down the line. Leo's video "How we lie" is a good one. I for one have had enough of all the bulshit lying and deceiving that we all engage in in life. It gets exhausting. Even on this forum we don't write what we really think because we want people to like us and listen to us. So we spend time carefully crafting our posts to be 'acceptable' to the general populace. There really is no value in being pretentious in life. Let's all get on the path of being more authentic. Problem is so many people can't handle the truth which is why we don't tell it. If people we more accepting of the truth we wouldn't have to be so pretentious. This lying thing is really a two-way thing. Truth >> << Acceptance.

Join the club! It's a fact of life for many of us guys. My hair's thinning right on top, there's even a bald spot developing. Sure it makes you feel self aware at first, especially when people comment on it. I had this especially with my fringe which has mostly dissapeared now but I spent years trying to deny it to myself, constantly trying to comb it over. I don't worry about it anymore though. So what if I'm losing my hair? Me and everyone else out there. It's a fact of life. I learned to accept that it's just the way my body is, the way it's becomming. It's human nature to deny reality and to try and pretend that it isn't what it is. To try and change it to suit our needs. But reality is what it is. In fact constantly trying to fight reality just causes chronic stress and suffering. Once you let go and accept reality and stare it in the face you find you no longer suffer, no longer feel concerned about it. This goes for everything in life, not just hair. Just accept it, embrace it. Be ok with it. If/when someone comments, shrugg it off. Smile, nod, laugh, agree with them. Whatever. Don't deny it, don't try to hide from it. Just be with it, as it is. Edit to add: Our bodies will change during the course of our lives. Not always in ways we like or want. But it's nature taking it's course just as it is supposed to do. Putting up resistance will only cause you suffering. Stepping back and being ok with it will not. Sounds hard to believe but have faith. Anyway, beauty is only skin deep as they say.

Thank you for this. It is exactly this thought that I find myself having. It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one comming to these realisations. That's exactly right. It's our belief of our thoughts that cause our suffering. If you believe that you can't do personal growth while married then you won't. If you believe that you can, then you will. I hear what you're saying. In an ideal situation with someone who is well established psychologically on the path of self-development they will push on and get the results they want. Even if this comes at the expense of their marriage. Ultimately to self develop you have to overcome limitations and obstacles - whatever they are. But in a way, that wasn't the question I was asking here. I was being more generic. I'm interested to hear whether people can identify with what I described in my original post and how people have either integrated personal development in to their marriages or had to make sacrifices to either their own development or the marraige itself. I have only been on the path of self-development for a couple of years now. My previous failed goals and efforts were well before I knew what I know now. Well before I knew anything about self-development. Like many people I was (still am) in a dysfunctional and co-dependent relationship which is how I came to sacrifice development for psychological security. Most of the work I have done on myself over the last couple of years has been inner work. The insights and epiphanies I have had have led me to this point where I now see and understand the dynamics between personal growth and the dysfunctional and limiting beliefs that I previously lived by. All this brings me to this question about whether relationships and personal-growth are truly compatible.

Can I join the party here? lol. Seriously, at this rate there will be a small community of peolpe living in cabins.. and why not?

There is a lot of competition for jobs these days. Just applying for them isn't enough. Employers like to see passion and experience. So find ways to illustrate passion and get some experience. That's how you can stand out from others. People think it's as simple as: get degree > apply for job. It isn't, Millions of people are doing this every day. So employers can afford to raise the bar and be as picky as they like. And they are. What you need to do is: get degree > get forms of experience > get involved in industry in other ways to demonstrate passion > apply for lots of jobs The problem is that with so many people chasing so few vacancies there is always someone more experienced than you. So you need to take more action and do more than just 'get the certificate'. Having a qualification doesn't prove to an employer that you are competent, capable and committed to the job. Most of all, be persistent. Edited to add: Also be flexible. Look further afield and be willing to make sacrifices. Don't let others hold you back. And ditch any limiting beliefs..

The problem is that personal development is not the 'norm' so people think it's weird. They don't get it, they don't see what it's about, why you do it and how you benefit from it. And it seems to be typical human nature to criticise or somehow invalidate that which is different from 'normality'. So as you develop in to something else, something different from them, they look at you as the weird one. The one who has lost the plot and needs help. They can't see the growth because it is so alien to them. And yes, they are probably scared too. Scared that you are turning in to something that they can't relate to. Scared of losing you. When people 'care' for someone it is rarely for the benefit of that person. It is because that person serves some purpose to the one who is 'caring'. What they care about most is how you meet their own personal needs. So when you stop doing this because you have grown beyond that, they are losing something and will express 'care' that is more about them than it is about you. I think this is an inherent probablem with personal development. Exactly this..

Stand as high up as you can get and look out over the sea to the horizon. What shape is the horizon? Surley you can get direct experience of the answer to this question..

'Who' created it? As if someone needs to be assigned the credit of it. Personally, I believe that universe was always there. No beginning, no end. Why does it have to start? For all we know it is a continuous sequence of big bangs then big crushes, then big bangs...and so on.. ad infinitem. Does it even matter how it got here? It's here. It is what it is? Why do we need a God to have created it? Why does it even have to have been 'created'? We humans hate that which we can't explain... always needing to assign some 'certainty' to the 'uncertain'.

Who said it was here for 'us'? Rather a typical human egoic response We evolve to a level of intelligence and then believe the universe was intended as our very own sand box.. we are such an arrogant species! How do you define convenient? This isn't the only planet to contain the materials necessary for our technology and creations. In fact there is nothing particuarly special about our planet other than water really (and even that isn't unique). The universe is full of materials. We just came along and found ways to use them, to our advantage. You say it's convenient but it would be more convenient if there were other materials that exited that don't exist. We have to go to great lengths to extract and convert the earths supplies. Not to mention there is only a finite quantity of resources. And once we outnumber the required resources... they won't be so convenient any more. This has alread happened in history and civilisations have perished as a result. It's only a matter of time before our selfish claim on this planet's resources becomes our very undoing.. on the other hand, it's all just the continous process of nature taking it's course. We are, after all, just another natural phenomenon ourselves.

This is a question I ask myself. Technically an enlightened person should see the world and their partner as an extension of themselves. So in theory, you should be more accepting and at peace with your relationship and partner regardless of whether they are on the same page as you. On the other hand, trying to reach enlightenment takes a lot of slowly shedding the illusory beliefs that we have. Which is not easy when around others who keep imposing those beliefs and lower awareness concepts on to you. It's a good question. I've yet to find a good answer..

I can relate to this. I quit an engineering degree after 3 years for the very same reason. My heart wasn't in it, and I was only mediocre in my ability and results. I wasn't doing it for me. I couldn't see myself actually doing it for a living and basing my future on it. I walked away from it and and I don't ever regret that. Ok, so I haven't had huge amounts of 'success' since but even if I had completed the degree I wouldn't have labled it a success as I wouldn't have wanted to use that qualifiaction for anything. If I had gone in to engineering I wouldn't have enjoyed it. It wasn't my passion. It was one of the most liberating feelings walking away from it - actually making a choice and taking responsibility for myself rather than following other people's expectations. Many people will probably dogmatically preach to you how you should stick with it and complete it. But what do they know? They aren't you. There is no shame or failure in changing your path. In fact making such a big change, taking a big step out from what you are doing shows more guts and determination. If you leave, it will give you the freedom to pursue some real passion in your life. I have tried and failed to pursue other passions but if you don't try for them you will never know where they may take you. But what you do know right now is that sticking with the path you're on right now isn't going to fulfill you. You could try and stick to your current path and years down the line come back to the same conclusion, or you can use the time you have now, wisely and pursue something else. Either way, it's your choice and noone can/should judge you on it. You have to do what is best for you.

I think success means different things to different people. There is certainly a lot of focus in personal development on 'career success'. But that is only one facet of life. To me the ultimate success is peace of mind. Calm and peace in the present moment, and every moment..however each moment is presented to us. Whether or not I have some successful career, or family life, or social network, none of that matters if, regardless of my circumstances, I have peace of mind. This is why most of my focus at the moment is on my psychology and not my circumstances. The circumstances of one's life are just circumstances. It is how we perceive and react to them that defines how we feel about them. Ultimately success comes from perceiving the world in a constructive, positive light regardless of them. I find the preoccupation with turning life-purpose in to a career a huge distraction from appreciating the beauty of life, reality and the world around us. I think it's a double-edged sword. The very pursuit of a 'successful' life-purpose can be just another neurotic pursuit and distraction from reality and that all elusive peace of mind and happiness that we are all ultimately seeking.

Yes. I find as I relax in to meditation that my hands become numb. It isn't unusual. I was reading somewhere that people experience all kinds of sensations of numbness or 'distortion' of various extremeties.

I can relate to this topic. I've come to question not only my relationship with my wife, but my whole outlook on relationships in general. Chimpery...that's what it is. I find it hard to imagine what sort of relationship or marriage two actualized people would have. As for an actualized and a non-actualize....how would that work? Good topic. I think many will start to have these questions as they climb the rungs of personal-development.

'Cheating' is just a label. Whether it is appropriate or not comes down to the context. Which comes down to the understanding and values that exists between you and your partner and the person you cheat with. In fact it really comes down to the integrity of the relationship you are supposedly 'cheating' on. Cheating happens for a reason. I don't judge it. In fact there are probably a chain of reasons that involve several people including the one being cheated on. Like many things in life, there is much more too it than black-and-white thinking, judgment and ethics.

Loneliness and being alone are two different things. Having few or no friends or relationships doesn't inherently make you lonely. It might make you 'alone'. But 'loneliness' is a state of mind, not a state of being. You feel lonely because you crave something that you aren't getting. That is where to start looking. What is it you aren't taking responsibilty for in your life? What needs are you not fulfilling yourself? As Leo has said in several videos: 'There is nothing another person can give you that you can't give yourself.' and 'No other person or thing can fullfil you'. It's all and illusion created by your ego. And it's trying to find answers in the external world to an internal problem..

37. The perception of the passage of time really starts to pick up pace in your 30s so... ^^ This ^^

I think I would define a 'shallow' relationship as one that is very selfish and superficial - two people getting what they 'want' from one another with no real meaningful connection. In otherwords, two people who don't have an integrated world-veiw, values and beliefs. Two people who aren't fundamentally interested in one another's model of reality, interests and pursuits. I would define a more meaningful relationship as one in which two people are interested in helping one another grow and be the best versions of themselves. Support and encourage one another. Have integrated beliefs and values and are on the same page in life. Not needy or superficial, not selfishly just using one another as a supply for their own needs and wants. Is it better to have shallow relationships than none at all? In my opinion I would say maybe not. They are a distraction and drain on emotional and mental energy with no real true value.

This is something that has been bothering for a while now and I'd like to know if anyone else is finding the same thing. As I have become more aware and developed a 'higher consciousness' of psychology, people, life and truth I am finding it harder to engage with other 'normal' people. It is as though the further I climb out of the illusions and bullshit that we all started out in, the less interest I have in others who are still immersed in low-consciousness, egotism and pettiness. It isn't that I am specifically judging or criticising them but more that I am experiencing a growing separation. I particularly find it hard to engage in conversations these days. Not that I was ever much of a conversationalist. I have become ever more aware that 'social conversation' is such a pretentious game. Nothing most people actually talk about has any real value. I find it hardest with family and particuarly within my marriage. When other people talk about low-conscious, trivial and egoic issues I find myself just so detached from it that it is of no interest to me and, frankly, an annoying drain on my attention and mental resources. People are either talking about themselves or complaining about something trivial and petty, or raving about something they see as 'interesting' that is just pure meaninglessness. Infact they are engaging in exactly the kinds of things that are counterproductive to self-actualization. The things I am trying to not engage in. This is actually creating a rift between myself and my wife because I can't actually relate on her level anymore and she can't on mine. In fact I can't even talk about self-help, meditation, mindfulness, you name it, even actualized.org. I tried to introduce her to it but she couldn't relate to it. Finds it all a bit airey-fairy and not 'practical' and doesn't 'give instant results'. In fact the classic line was along the lines of "this is all well and good for other more simple people but it isn't much use in my life. I have real problems that can't be fixed by thinking differently or meditating". My parents were just as sceptical and dismissive. There is noone that I know that I can talk to about the concepts and insights of Leo's videos, this forum or self-help in general. The other thing is that is is hard to sit by and watch others sabotaging their own lives and suffering every day as a result when they can so easily change it all for the better by following the same path. This is also particularly hard to watch when you live with people who are doing it. This forum is the exception because the people here are all about the no-bullshit path to higher consciousness. This forum has, infact, come as a relief that I can finally relate to like-minded people or people who are further up the awareness and self-development scale than I am. So, is anyone else experience a similar problem or feeling of detachment from society, friends, family and intimate partners? How have you addressed this issue?