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When I was a kid, I really, really enjoyed drawing. I really would get immersed in drawing Dragon Ball characters and many other stuff (Pokémon, Lion King, Smilingüidos, etc). My imagination would go far away. I would draw many versions of the same character. It was really fun. I would create Tamogotchi characters in my computer. I would even animate it. I even started a college course of Graphic Design and I enjoyed most of the semesters I studied. I dropped the course because I wasn't feeling alive anymore. It's important to notice that studying Graphic Design doesn't mean you study drawing. Nowadays, I take antipsychotic and it seems to be a bit tough to connect with my imagination. I always thought that I wouldn't get psychotic if I was connected with my passion, then I assumed that drawing isn't my passion. Sometimes when I draw, I feel I have the gift. I feel that, if I invested on it, I would be a great artist. But I'm too much of a perfectionist. I can't accept I can't draw beautiful stuff. Of course I need to practice drawing in order to get better, but I have fear. I fear that maybe it isn't the right path. I fear that maybe I'm wasting my time when trying to get better at drawing. And the most important: I feel pleasure when I draw, but that pleasure fades away when I get too perfectionist. I think: "this drawing is a crap! I should give up. It will take too much work to get good. And even if I put too much work, I think it will still be a crap" I can notice the cortisol increasing when I'm drawing. I can notice when I'm getting upset due to my perfectionism. Everybody says I draw very well. My family and my friends say that. If someone thinks I don't draw well, they at least say that I can improve. But when I see my drawings, I get upset because they're ugly and full of flaws. I want to be the best at once. I want my drawings to be the most beautiful right now. When I notice I can't draw beautiful stuff, I ask myself: "and what if it's not the right path?", "and what if I should become a pick-up artist? Pick-up art seems to be fun, so maybe I should do that." But PUA stuff seems to be more orange level and drawing can be in any spiral dynamics level (even turquoise). When I hold a pencil, I feel I'm connected to it. I feel I can draw and articulate anything. But I also compare myself with other people. I compare myself with the other artists and get no motivation anymore because there are giants in the world. How to be sure of your passion? Should I invest on drawing and see what happens? Or should I keep looking for a passion that will make me motivated every time?

I remember since I was a kid I had a strong desire of creating beautiful pieces of art. I always got connected with drawing and even started a Graphic Design degree. But I saw no reason for a college degree because I wanted to be an enterpreneur. Along college, I also got a bit disconnected from drawing and thought life was about something more "serious" than designing characters (I was really seeing no value on my art). In 2014 things really got worse for my psyche and I wasn't able to deal with some childhood traumas I had. In 2015, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with schizophrenia. I tried different things since 2015 like writing, coding and video editing, but nothing was resonating with me (I kind enjoyed these stuff, but something was lacking) and sometimes I really denied my artistic being. Now I see that I have no schizophrenia and I'm connecting myself with drawing and art again. I have no shame of wanting to be an artist and I'm feeling pleasure when I draw and see my finalized projects. I think your Higher Self can help you with finding your Life Purpose, but, if you no clue of what your passion is, maybe you need to try new things. Or maybe you need to reconnect yourself with your inner child in order to realize what was your passion when you was a kid.

Thanks for the answers, guys! I'm drawing again and I'm feeling the joy of doing it. I want to get better at it in order to work with illustration and art. I don't want to start a college degree again because I see no reason for it. I want to become an enterpreneurial artist, so college won't help with my path. I'm still figuring out how I'll work with illustration. I have some fear because I still think my drawing aren't good enough to sell.

I have done the test here and I don't I embodied Turquoise traits. I have some Yellow and Turquoise traits in my intelect, but I don't practice them. I have also a high percentage of blue. I'm wondering if it's because I selected some phrases about truth.

I watched some Teal Swan videos and read some of her posts on Facebook. She says that a child can possibly attract something bad. The Law Of Attraction is applied for every human being, no matter what age. I've been questioning this idea because I have some childhood traumas. I'm wondering if I attracted them as well. I had some discussions with my family about this topic. What about a baby? If someone does something bad towards a baby, is it because the baby attracted it?

Since I watched Leo's rant about pick up, I became more aware of my selfishness and I'm taking care about things I learn and watch. I used to watch RSD Nation's stuff and some of their teaching makes sense but there are some nuances that I don't approve. The thing is: RSD Nation teaches how to evolve your life in general, but they leave a little piece of selfishness in their material. I get confused because I don't know if I should connect with my dark side, be "selfish" and go out to bang girls. Going out would help with a lot of things. Since it teaches how to be social, I would grow in career, girls, financially, friends, meditation, etc, but it's still selfish. I thought I was clear about my life purpose, but I'm not. Wondering here if these kind of experiences that PUA community can offer me will help me find my purpose or it will just make me blind about my selfishness.

Yeah, but you mean it when you're an adult? I think a child generally don't think about worthlessness before an event happen to her.

These days I watched a video by RSDMax. He says that if you're retarded, you shouldn't spread your genes. I found that very disgusting. But they say that political correctness isn't very benificial. It's still a bit confusing. It seems that RSD isn't very humanistic because of that. If a guy want to learn how to pick up girls (because sex is important for a guy who doesn't want to be engaged in a relationship), he needs to deal with RSD stuff. Leo doesn't teach pick up and RSD is the best content about PUA you can find. I'm not sure if it's a reality we need to accept or if we can have a more spiritual approach to pick up that is not available yet.

Thank you, @denydritz! I think my life purpose has something to do with dating. If it's not my life purpose, it's my passion at least. I say that become, if I'm not passionated for pick up stuff, I'm obsessed for it. I don't know if there is really a difference between passion and obsession. I don't take action towards the pick up career because it's quite controversial and I'm lazy. There is too much hate towards the PUA sphere. Even Leo created a video about PUAs and he was kind like demonizing them. I recognize that most PUAs aren't saints (that's why it's controversial) though. But I truly believe I can have a huge impact on the world if I follow this path. It'll also be fun.

...or should I take action and find my life purpose?

That's interesting. I'm wondering if I should choose a pick up artist career, which is quite controversial as well. I think David Deida talks something about facing the world's resistance to your purpose. If you consider that more than 95% of the population is socially conditioned, you may realize that your idea will face a lot of resistance. People in general won't accept you and your ideas and that's the challenge. Remember what Arthur Schopenhauer said: All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

I understand this part of having the girl I deserve. I already applied some RSD concepts and I had success. I know those principles work. Leo's rant opened a door for me to understand that maybe I shouldn't be so selfish (I thought just about sex and was not so selective with girls). It made me want to understand some other aspects of life like actualization. I was approaching a lot of girls in the beginning of this year and, despite of my emotional flatness (I take antipsychotics, which I'm withdrawing, that make me pretty emotionally flat), I was more social and courageous. I think my resistance comes from the aspect if I'm doing the right thing. If pick up is not all that bad thing (all about selfishness and ego) like Leo exposes in his video, maybe I have a calling for it.

The book 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth by Jonny Bowden may help you.

I'm wondering why Leo don't take a multivitamin supplement. There are many benefits related to multivitamins of specific brands.

I have been doing zazen meditation. I have a very agitated mind, but medicines are probably worsening my situation. Zazen seems to be fine. I just have to pay attention to my breathing or sometimes name things. When I was hospitalized, I was psychotic. But hospitalizations and medicines are overrated. There are options of treatments like Soteria houses and Open Dialogue in Finland that don't use medicines. Psychiatry stinks...

I have a clear statement in my mind that it's: "show adult people that it is possible to overcome anything in life." It means that, no matter in what situation you find yourself, it's possible to overcome. It's the power of the thought and willpower. I have a life story related to schizophrenia. I had to struggle a bit in order to overcome the negative symptoms of the disease and the positive symptoms are controlled by medicines. If it wasn't my intelligence and willpower to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, I would have killed myself. I remember once I talked about my experience to a group of people and I aced it. It was amazing. Words were coming out from my mouth and I knew what I was talking about. I didn't even have a preparation. But the thing is: it takes guts to follow your life purpose. I still have fear and resistance. I imagine myself doing that, talking to thousands of people about how to overcome anything in life, but I have fear. I have fear that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are people who won't do it. Maybe there are people who are hopeless.

What I can say is that this message is very important to me. I remember clearly when I was in my bed thinking on suicide more than two years ago. I remember I was thinking on how my mother would be sad if I killed myself. But just thinking on your mom is not what makes you overcome suicidal thoughts. You can't relieve your suffering with the suffering of other people. You can't relieve your suffering with pity. I can't remember exactly when, but there was a moment when I thought: "I have a purpose and I won't give up. I can overcome it because I always believed it's possible." It's kind my slogan in life: "you can overcome anything in life." I have many rants with people who say it's not possible to overcome anything in life. I remember when my grandma was sick and my father told me: "there is no way for her, she'll live this way until she dies." My grandma died unhappy. But I would argue a lot with my father telling him: "yeah, even with dementia, grandma can have a happy life." But he insisted on telling me that she was done. It was kind like: "just wait her die." I was young. I think I was 14 or 15 (can't remember). But it was very unfair with my grandma. No one defended my idea that was possible for her to have a happy life even with dementia. I'm feeling angry towards my family now because while I'm writing it, I'm realizing of how unfair and hopeless my family was. Yes, I'm sure it's my life purpose. I'll help people believe it's possible to overcome anything in life. I love my father anyway. But I had many rants with him of what's possible in this life. I recognize that he never told me it was not possible to overcome schizophrenia. I think he did his best to educate me and put food in my mouth. I haven't found my top 10 values in life, top 5 strengths and top 5 goals though. I don't know how is Leo's approach towards these things. I just had a talk with a person today who told me I can express my ideas clearly. Some strengths that I also have: writing, drawing, physicality and linguistics. Values and goals change with time, but I haven't assessed them yet.

I started meditation yesterday aware that I will just reap benefits one year later. But I noticed for just 1 second that I have glimpses of happiness while meditating. Most of the time it's uncomfortable to meditate, but having a glimpse of happiness is amazing and worth it. I'm just paying attention to my breathing for 20 minutes and following no complex technique to meditate. I heard Leo said we just need to sit still with the intention of being aware. I tried meditation before and sometimes I had glimpses of happiness. I noticed also that I was more centered even with just 2-3 weeks of meditation. The first time I tried to meditate, I did it consistently for one month and I remember I was able to eat food with more awareness (feeling the taste of the food and even beer). It doesn't mean that we should meditate expecting that we'll reap huge benefits in just a week, but I think it's possible to notice new things even when we're just starting to meditate.

I think so. But no vipassana here in Florianópolis. Anyway, I'll keep my meditations practices. I think it's better not to be too much attached to techniques.

I like the Zen method of meditation. When I went to a Zen place here in Florianópolis, they made it simple to meditate. I just had to count my breathes, but I think it's okay if you just pay attention to it. I don't know exactly the difference between zazen and vipassana. I read in a different forum that vipassana lets you investigate your emotions and feelings better, while zazen is more about being present. It would be better for me to investigate my emotions and feelings at first, but not sure if the above statement is true.

Thanks for the support! I'm meditating 20 minutes a day and I'm putting it as number 1 priority.

I have schizophrenia and I tried to meditate while psychotic. It didn't work.

I used to watch RSD videos, but got tired of it. Even Tyler seems to have some traumas that he doesn't deal with (or being overly cocky is a normal thing that I can't deal with). Julien Blanc is coming with new materials, but I still can't trust him. I don't know, when I listened to RSD guys, many things made sense, but there was something bad in the air. The RSD guys also don't talk about having a relationship with a girl that fits you. They generally focus on picking up hotties and that's it. As if a relationship was just about sex with a hot girl and nothing more. By my experience, your happiness won't come from sex even with hot girls. Anyway, I don't know other materials that could help with relationships. There is a book by Gary Chapman that I think is interesting, but it still doesn't teach how to approach women.

Just like the idea of mindful eating. Struggling with diets here too. I lost some weight with ketogenic diet but I don't feel it's the right diet for me. I know that eating industrial crap and junk food is not healthy. Organic foods seem to be great, but there're many folks advocating it's not true. I still believe that true organic food can be good for your health because you don't eat a lot of chemical crap they put on it.