2018

At the age of 17 I had experienced my first episode of psychosis. Shortly after becoming hospitalized I was diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder and have been living with this illness for the past 17 years. I am currently taking different medications to remain stable and considered by my Doctor to be in full remission with little to no symptoms. The reason why I am posting this, is to see if anyone else can describe how they had experienced their psychosis and what they were feeling at any given time during their madness. When I was sick, I was experiencing mostly delusions and manic behaviour and was losing touch with reality. I would like to know, for those of you who had gone down a similar road, how did you feel during that time? (your lived experience) One way I would explain the experience of psychosis is having a complete absence of fear with constant feelings of euphoria and unlimited energy. I was convinced that I was Jesus for a short time and that "everything made sense to me" or that "I had everything understood in life" on the other side of the coin I had periods of paranoia and was very afraid and even couldn't fall asleep for days. In the past ten years I've been recovering well and improving tremendously. I have yet to have a conversation with my doctor about how long I ought to be on all of the medications I am taking. A few years ago, I had developed type II diabetes as a result of some of the meds I am on now and would like to improve my health further one day by decreasing my dose If that is determined to be considered a good idea. For those of you who might be at the beginning stages of your diagnosis and are going through pain and suffering I just want you to know that you will get through it and that you need to be strong for yourself or even for the people you love. You might think that this has been the worst thing that has ever happened to you but I am willing to say that I can bet you will come out stronger than you have ever been before.

I understand that I am not thoughts, I am not mind or a body. Would it be accurate to say I am spirit or a soul? I'm no expert but I have spent a lot of time contemplating and I have made some breakthroughs. For example my interpretation of how I view life has changed from how I looked at life before. I am free from any kind of pain and suffering, I am free from fears, and find pleasure in simplicity rather than having a "need" to constantly seek stimulation. (I don't get bored) Most importantly it feels as if my ego is dead. I have found to accept people with unconditional love and no longer judge people for their "faults or unconscious behaviour" When contemplating this subject, I overcame the idea that I am losing my mind during self-reflection which at some points were very intense. At times, I felt very weak with a racing heart and had shallow breathing. I'm not exactly sure but I also think I had a visual hallucination for a few seconds when I was contemplating who or what am I? Is it true to say that if someone realizes that they are one with other spirit's or souls or human beings (if that is correct to say) and that we are all one with God, source, the universe (one field of consciousness) that you have found Enlightenment? Also, I would really be interested in learning about, absolute being and what that means. Thanks everyone!

@Leo Gura Thanks for your comment Leo.

@Mu_ That's really great advice. Thank you for your posts!

@Serotoninluv Thank you very much. I appreciate your help and your comments!

I think so, for example just sitting quietly and just being one with my surroundings. I'm not too sure about the phrase "spirit is present" this is the first time thinking about it. I would say though that spirit (God) is always here with us in this very moment and is here in the now.

@Serotoninluv When talking about I AM, I identify "me" or the "I"as the spirit and not the ego "There is spirit" doesn't make sense because it seems like "there" is separating or making "two" out of "one" (the spirit)

I feel I've overcomplicated Enlightenment when it comes to understanding what it actually is. (I have not studied what enlightenment and non-duality is) and I don't know exactly if what I feel I am is the result of meditating, contemplation and introspection. Which has in effect possibly caused me to become enlightened (I'm not sure) I do feel like a "different person" so much more than before because I was drastically different in the way I behaved understood life. (very low consciousness) I can't say for sure what has shifted my perspective on becoming identified as the spirit or a soul rather than being the mind and body. I agree in the end it is just a word, and that all is god and that is amazing. Yes, I am curious about enlightenment and what it all means and that's what I really like about actualized.org as it has a lot of amazing content but what I am also interested in is how can I continue to improve myself in a way where I can learn to develop new ideas and skills so that I can apply it in the real world so that I can make a true difference in the lives of people by uplifting and supporting and eventually teaching them what I have learned in the short time I've been on this earth. (one way I've found is to watch videos on youtube and read books and develop my inner being by meditating and self-reflection.

I found a video on Actualized.org Titled: The Enlightened Self One way Leo describes this is being pure transparent empty awareness (that's deep if you really think about it lol) To better understand this, I think I will take some time to watch this one, once or twice

Thanks for your interpretation! @FoxFoxFox

Hey, thanks a lot

Yes, it was very gradual. I've had many awakenings but it didn't become a sudden thing until I had an interest in putting an effort & focus into meditation, contemplation & self-reflection. Thinking about life and trying to understand the best I can what it means to me.

I'm sure it would still feel very painful if my hand was cut off, it's possible my tolerance for physical pain would still be just the same as anyone else's but what I was talking about is emotional pain. I am in a constant state of joy rather than ever feeling pain or to feel emotional suffering

Hey In my opinion, smoking might be one of the worst possible choices someone can make. I started to smoke when I was about 16 or so and was able to finally quit in 2012. I was at a pack and a half a day when I quit and I did it with help from having the nicotine patch. On my third try I was successful and haven't smoked since. I strongly encourage current smokers to keep trying to quit this expensive and health damaging habit. It is so sneaky that by the time you realize that it is doing damage to you, you might be so hooked that it might be too late for some. Like it was said in this thread you have to be "disgusted" by the idea of smoking that you want to give it up for good.

INFJ

Yes, I live in the heart of Downtown East Toronto

How about the Top-ten affirmations you've used that have really helped you in your daily life? Here are some of the ones I am using right now: I am grateful to be alive and well I am strength I am forever seeking joy and happiness I am a leader and trendsetter I am helping to propel mankind towards greatness I am a student of life I am grateful for health and wealth I am grateful for kind and loving people I am motivated and willing to continually advance in life I am blessed to be in a positive environment with positive people

@Colin Thanks for posting the great video!

Looking ahead to year 2023, What do you want to have improved in your life? New goals? New experiences? New Careers? New relationships? New Purpose? One goal I look forward to is exercising and weight training so that I will lose 30 lbs. Another is to read and continue to learn about life, to meditate and eat good quality food, cultivate high quality friendships and loving relationships!

Good for you for putting yourself out of your comfort zone and talking with people you normally would not have! Usually for someone who experiences social anxiety they don't naturally want to talk with people and in the beginning when putting yourself into a fear provoking situation it will not feel right. You will think to yourself that this is a waste of time and even question if you should continue to keep going. For someone who has gone down this road before I will say that you might want to remind yourself the reasons why you first thought you would like to try to beat your social anxiety. Imagine what it will feel like when you have completely rid yourself of any uncomfortable feelings associated with talking and dealing with people. Feeling the freedom to not be concerned with how you interact and how others view you when socializing. Yes, I will agree beating social anxiety if very hard, but you are fully equipped to intrinsically motivate yourself to do what you need to do to overcome it and if you're deciding to beat this serious condition by yourself, still remember that there is extra help otherwise if you need it. I think that at the point where you are at now you are working at knocking down the difficult blocks of concrete so to speak that was built over the past several years or so and are going through a shift where you are doing the work but still need to believe in yourself through to the end when your hard work has paid off and you are reaping the fruits of your labour. Keep up the good fight, You will be victorious!

Hey, Social anxiety sucks. It can be something that is somewhat complicated and is an issue that can be definitely overcome with a bit of time and effort. You can start by paying attention to the thoughts you are having and learning how to substitute negative thoughts (ie. I'm uncool, I'm ugly, I'm not good enough) with replacing them with more positive ones (I'm a great person, people like me, I will succeed) It can be tuff when you are single without a girlfriend but think of it like this, when you start to realize how fast you can begin to work on yourself, you will have unlimited chances to find a beautiful girlfriend, but this is much more easier to do when your anxiety is under control and is not bothering you. Please understand that what you are going through is something that many have also gone through too and that if you decide to take action you will most definitely rise over this very upsetting and frustrating situation. Try talking to your family Doctor he or she is very familiar on how they can help. Google and Research (CBT) Cognitive Behaviour Therapy it's used to treat social anxiety among other things. Hope this helps!

Keep going you're doing amazing! Be proud of these very important accomplishments. You are Growing! It will only continue to get better. Remember, the only thing that can slow you down is yourself, Good luck and Take care!

Hi everyone, Just wanted to share a post of how I am transforming myself, and how I’ve been doing this since the past 4 to 5 years or so. Everyday I am still reflecting on how much I am changing and how personal development is shaping my ever changing current reality. I can imagine in the past that some people might not believe in some of what Leo talks about in his videos furthermore thinking he is somewhat crazy and find some of his ideas “airy fairy” or a little out of this world. Yes it would be fair to think this, however I just want to go over some of the things I’ve accomplished and overcame because of what Leo shares and what I’ve learned about myself in this ongoing eye opening process. When I discovered Leo on Youtube I began to understand the importance of meditation which alone lead me to ultimately overcome a long list of mental conditions which I had been suffering from for many years. For example, I was able to cure depression, anticipatory anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, several addictions (i.e.tobacco, marijuanna, alcohol, emotional eating, negative thinking) I was able to loose a total of 60 pounds and instead of feeling down about myself and having no energy I slowly started to adjust to the knowledge and teachings that Leo talks about in his weekly videos. From doubting to believing I started to become happy and alive inside. When my anxiety began to dissolve, I quickly took action and furthered my personal development with some professional talk therapy sessions. With my attitude and mindset evolving towards greatness my intuition told me I’m on the right track and I have been feeling great ever since. Reading has really helped too. For anyone who is looking to start a habit of reading and wants to read a really interesting and amazing book try reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz It really hit home for me when I started to understand that life on earth really can be heaven. Also, that life on earth can be hell but it is a choice to make for yourself. Being aware means everything. For those who are going through personal struggle you have to be aware of what is causing you pain so that you can become fed up and take action and do something about it.

Yes, having the chance to figure out anything that is causing you difficulties with a psychologist is an opportunity that will serve you a great deal. Think about how you will feel in the future when you work on any issues that might be currently bothering you. Take full advantage of your chance and go with it!

Hey, Sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship and congratulations on finding a way out. You are much too important to be wasting your life with people who don't love you. When it comes to your situation of not being able to socialize with people as you would like, I'm happy to say that you now have the opportunity to work on building your socializing ability/skills once again. You've been through a lot but once you start to work on yourself you will quickly be back to where you want to be before you were in a bad relationship. Practicing how to socialize again will put you in a better spot to speak with others and allow you to regain your confidence to do so without feeling awkward or insecure. Start small, look in the mirror, smile and say I love you! Do this over again until you stop feeling awkward. Next, create some I am affirmations that you can repeat to yourself for five minutes/day for lets say 30 days. For example try telling your self: 1) I am intelligent, 2) I am confident 3) I am beautiful 4) I am interesting This process doesn't happen overnight and you will have to work on it. But it will work and will change the way you look at how you communicate with people and what is pretty cool, you will notice people treating you differently for the better. Also, when you feel ready, start speaking to anyone and everyone. Start by saying hi to a stranger. When that becomes a piece of cake make more eye contact with the people you are talking to. While working on building your socializing skills step out of your comfort zone and ask a friend or family member to go out with you to a place that you feel comfortable going to and slowly start to face your fear and interact with people (going to a coffee shop, a park or taking a night class on a subject that's interesting). I have had much difficulty in the past with talking with people but realized that in life it is not advisable to avoid socializing with people, simply because we are humans and we are all social creatures. Hope this helps!