Kazman

I just realized, Xehanort, the villain from the Kingdom Hearts games, look a lot like Leo (just a bit more tanned.) Did anybody else think about this? The KH Wiki says that Just for fun, I asked Chat GPT 4 to write a monologue by Xehanort if he was a Youtube influencer: Okay. Going back to work now...

Hello everyone! I've never really liked the idea of taking any kind of medication. I've been a stern student of self development and enlightenment work for many years. Studying books, doing meditation, working on building a powerful life etc. I have a good job as a manager working with creatives in the games industry. I have two kids and a good marriage. In my extra time I'm leading a mens group. I think a lot is possible through physiological/spiritual purification and hard work and dedication, suffering for what you know is right. These things are number one for me. However, I've realized this past year that I most likely have attention deficit disorder (ADD). I haven't gotten an offical diagnose but I've read a lot about it and it makes perfect sense. Last week I was able to try out some meds and the feeling was INCREDIBLE. I was able to work in a MUCH MORE FOCUSED way. All those methods for being structured and focused, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO EXECUTE THEM FULLY. I know what you're gonna say: amphetamine is bad for your body, it's better to train your brain and do chelation etc. In many ways I feel that way too… But there's just been so many fights between me and my wife about how I'm not structured and always running 1000 simultaneous projects that take up all my time, and I always want to spend more time doing them. I think of myself as a great father but when it comes to building healthy habits for my kids, regarding things I find boring, I'm failing. Things like brushing teeth in the morning, it just doesn't seem to happen. At work my number one feedback I constantly receive is to be more structured. My ADD is contributing to a lot of inner stress and anxiety because I always think of problems in the back of my mind, unless I'm FULLY IMMERSED in a project I love, but it's not tenable to always be fully immersed in my passion as an adult. I still need to pay the bills and plan the lunches for my children and 1000s other things. Taking the medicine was a NIGHT AND DAY difference. Way more of a difference than I've experienced through years of meditation, consciousness retreats, fasting, heroic doses of psychedelics or reading many books from Leo's book list. If I start medicating, it is NOT something I'm doing on a whim because I'm lazy. TL;DR Is there a conscious middle path of using any kind of ADHD medicine without too much collateral damage? I'm thinking like once a week, but even once a month could make a big difference for me. What are YOUR experience and learnings?

Looking at the dutch wiki-page for 5meo, it reads: "List 1 of the Opium Act contains various tryptamines, including DET and DMT. [22] 5-MeO-DMT is prohibited by law in the Netherlands because esters and ethers of the substances on list 1 of the Opium Act are also prohibited. [23] 5-MeO-DMT can be seen as the ether of bufotenine." To me that sounds like it's not really illegal but they wanted to stretch the laws so people reading the page would stay away. What do you think?

I found a page to order 5meo as a research chemical in the netherlands. This page says it's not a controlled substance in the netherlands. What do you think, can that be trusted?

so reading this I take it both freebase form and HCL works for plugging?

Thank you for all the suggestions. The medication is called Elvanse, it's a swedish brand, the active component is dexamfetamine.

Late night work in Procreate

Hi! I used to always long to get my hands on 5meo dmt. That still hasn't happened. However, I reach ridiculous "game over"-awakening levels on "regular" dmt. Now what? What's this crowds best recipe? Something like Daily kundalini-meditation + Once a month dmt + a certain breathwork + something else * 5 years = buddhahood What formulas do you recommend? I feel very average in my day to day life, how do I proceed from here?

Sahaja Samadhi. That is the word that I was looking for. 2 hours daily meditation huh. It was long ago since I did that. It would be interesting, I would definitely have to re-structure my life for that. An annual 7+day meditation retreat feels like something I could achieve

So yesterday evening I experienced, very unexpectedly, the highest state of consciousness I ever reached without psychedelics. It was the climax of an spiritually, erotically and emotionally intense weekend, I'll do my best to recount the events leading up to my samadhi in order to try and perhaps re-create it, maybe some of you can shed some light on how I was unconsciously working with powerful principles. I'll provide some graphic examples for your enjoyment. This got quite long so there's a TL;DR by the bottom. So, first off, I had remained sexually continent, ie not ejaculated, for almost 3 weeks. Then on Friday morning me and my wife did our sadhana morning practice which sometimes leads to sex. We started with sharing our emotions and feelings and planning some weekend activities, did movement / yogic warmup and then had sex in the bed. It was slow and beautiful, after some time I slowly built up to just about my point of no return and filled her with semen for the first time in weeks, she got some kind of emotional release and started to cry, I don't think that ever happened before for us during sex. She said it felt like she released some fear and anxiety. The day proceeded like normal. We hung out with our neighbours and had dinner with them in the evening. When we got home and put our kids to sleep, we smoked weed and improvised around the mantra Satanama for 20 mins or so, it was spectacular. Then she wanted to watch a movie but I was so happy to be out of my weeks of sexual continence I exclaimed that I wanted to cum in her mouth. She was really open for that, even though we don't do that too often, and she started to blow me. I fucked her face quite brutally and exploded in her mouth, it felt amazing. We watched a movie but I fell asleep almost immediately. The day after, we were going to visit a couple we've exchanged partners with three times prior to this and have dinner with them. First we needed to leave our kids at my mom's place. I made up a lie about how me and my wife was going to eat at a tapas-type restaurant, don't know where I got that idea from. When we arrived at the other couple's place, they had prepared tasty tapas-type food for us, a funny coincidence. After eating we again sang the mantra Satanama with them, then we did a tantric practice where one person would lie in the bed while three others simultaneously gave them loving touch with the elemental energies in this sequence: Earth, Water, Air and then Fire. We took turns and got five minutes each. After that, a foursome soon followed. Nothing too tantric about it, just fucking each other, spitroasting, the girls making out and going down on each other and so on. I found it hard to focus 'cause partner exchange is still quite new to me, every time my wife starts moaning and screaming I get very distracted and it's hard for me to focus at being with another woman in those moments. After the other guy came inside my wife he needed some recovery-time, and then he chatted with my wife while I proceeded to fuck the other woman. It was a lot easier and we got quite into it. After a while it made my wife feel uncomfortable and she expressed the need to have me by herself, so we ended our erotic intimate dance. The four of us proceeded to talk together for quite some time, it got late and we took a cab home. My wife was looking really tense and only answered anything I said with 1 word sentences in the cab so I knew something was wrong. When we got home she explained how she felt a lot of insecurity and that it was really painful and she was sure that I didn't care for her as much as for the other woman. It was a bit unexpected since we had been with them 3 times before, and no insecurities had arisen the past two times. The first time, however, almost ruined our life, but we worked through that. I was scared to experience the wrath and suffering from the aftermath after the first time we fucked that couple, but that period taught me many things and I knew how to work through this. I shared my passion for my wife with her and expressed with academy award-winning level delivery how our connection was the highest and most spiritually valuable thing in my life. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't acting, all I'm saying is I expressed it fully, with really strong emotions, trembling voice, tears in between, apologizing for making her feel this way, re-stating my original intention and my full commitment to the expansion of our love. We ended up hugging together and she felt a little better. It was almost 4am. We went to bed and since I was interrupted during the foursome I still hadn't ejaculated and was ready to go. Her pussy was sore but we went with touching ourselves and mixing dirtytalk with me telling her how beautiful and sexy she was and how much I loved her. Then we came together and I exploded all over her chest. The next day, the Sunday, we had a lot of deep talks in the morning about our emotions and things were fairly okay, but fragile. If I'd been clumsy I could've easily gotten into bad territory but it went all right, although she was almost trying to pick a fight a couple of times. I wanted to have sex with my wife in the morning to reconnect, she also kind of wanted it but in the end it didn't happen, we had coffee and cleaned the house instead. Then we picked up our kids who had been staying with grandma during the Saturday night and went home again, and we were then guested by my wife's parents who brought dinner with them to celebrate my mother in law's birthday. It was really tasty-tapas type food, again an interesting coincidence. My wife, her mom and our kids went to the sauna after dinner. Some time had passed and my stomach didn't feel very full so I decided to also go to the sauna. It felt nice to sauna. I usually don't drink much but both Friday and Saturday evening I had had a couple of glasses of wine and beer and that had given me some hangover-anxiety, combined with the emotional toll of having difficult discussions together with my wife. I find that sauna really helps against anxiety. I was horny and still kept having plenty of flashbacks from our night with the other couple so I masturbated and came by myself in the sauna. I then got the idea to fill the bathtub with ice water so I went out of the sauna, cleaned my hands and started filling the bathtub which takes about 7 minutes. I already felt kind of finished with the sauna and it was 70+ degrees celsius so seven more minutes wasn't totally easy. To endure, I started to massage my scalp to have something to focus on. I also started breathing more intentionally, almost like shamanic breathing / wim hof breathing. Deep quick breaths and an intention to relax and let go on the exhale. I did this in the hot sauna and it was very challenging, after a while I decided that the waterline had risen enough in the bathtub and I exited the sauna and went into the water. I stood with my feet in the water, it felt really cold even though I do this once a week, it was especially cold since Sweden has entered an extraordinarily cold period recently and the temperature outside my house affects the water temperature. I started doing what I usually do: sit down in the water, then blocking my nostrils and ears with my fingers and went underwater for about ten seconds. Then I put up my head above the water and relax. I take as relaxed, deep and slow breaths as possible, usually ten followed by dipping my head and then ten more breaths. This time I didn't do it as normal though. As I started breathing I felt WAY more relaxed then I usually do, my breaths were also waay slower than normal. After ten breaths I was so relaxed I didn't want to change what I was doing so I kept breathing, although my breath was now so slow that I almost didn't breathe at all. I've sometimes tried to attain "the breathless state" by doing spiritual energy circulation exercises and focusing at my third eye and pushing the tongue upwards, I can sometimes feel a shift in perception and a lowered breath and lower pulse, but this was on a whole other level. I felt like I was dying, like the water was consuming me, like I was freezing to death, but I was so relaxed and numbed that it felt pleasant. I surrendered to it and my eyes rolled upwards. More and more expansion. A numb tingling feeling in all of my body. Such bliss and expansion. Fear brought me out of it. First it was the fear that I was going to pass out in the bathtub and drown, so I sat up. And as I sat up, I realized that I was in a very unusual state of consciousness. I felt exactly like I do in ALL my psychedelic trips at the stage where I've just remembered that nothing exists / I am all that exists. The terror of insanity and solipsistic nonduality. It was extra frightening since I wasn't prepared at all for it, and it led me to think thoughts such as: "it's forever this time, since it wasn't induced by a psychedelic. FUCK, I'm enlightened for real this time and there's no going back. I can go to my family but they won't be able to comfort me out of this because I know they're an illusion." I stood up in the bathtub and went into the sauna again to recover some warmth. I took great care to move slowly and not fall over, my body felt a bit like a separate thing. My skin was very red from the cold water. I sat down in the sauna but the fear and loneliness wasn't endurable, I strongly felt the need to be close to my wife. I dried myself with a towel and put on a robe and went to her, walking like a partially functioning human. She was reading a bedtime story to our daughter in our bed and I lay down beside them. I was shivering a lot, but I sometimes do ice baths so they didn't think it was too weird. My wife asked me if I didn't want to go to the sauna again to get more warm but I was able to utter that something had happened and that I felt very scared and that I just wanted to be close to her. I slowly warmed up, started to feel like myself again and I was able to go downstairs to say good night to my in laws, take some vitamins, brush my teeth and go to bed. By that point, the fear had left and instead I marveled at what had happened. Somehow I'd reached a really powerful level of consciousness, some kind of energy activation, that I before only got to through psychedelics. More to come. TL;DR: I did sauna+breathing exercises for some time until I was really exhausted, went into icy water, expanded my consciousness WAY more than what normally happens somehow and remembered that nothing exists.

Hi! This could also go under relationships / actualization, feel free to move this thread. I'm planning a self-conducted mdma-therapy session. I would like good resources on what to expect and how to run it. Books, articles, threads. Obviously, I'll set off time and make things cozy and relaxed. My wife will be my sitter. SOmewhere I heard that 120 milligrams and then another 60 milligrams after two hours is one good amount. Are there other ways you would suggest? Also, I'm going to try an even smaller amount before that to see how I react, so I know what to expect a little. Goal is: more self-love, less neediness, more self-acceptance, less judgement of my partner. Am I in for potential awakenings? Ever since I did a heroic dose of mushrooms early 2020 any substance I take is profound and solipsism-inducing. Even weed. Looking forward to replies and suggestions.

I caught my kids watching this, as soon as this part came on I was intrigued. Very metaphysically accurate and awesome, Mr Moonbeam clearly watched a lot of Leo Vids. I don't claim copyright of this in any way, just really wanted to share this. https://www.bitchute.com/video/Nvy8r3cYuAfz/

I've had troubles for a long time with rash/dandruff/irritated/dry/flakey/itching skin. Especially around the eyebrows, and around the mouth. Also in the hair and partly on my thighs. I've recently discovered that cutting out gluten seems to help A LOT. I was very pleased with this. Skipping/minimizing sugar and alcohol also seems to help. I'm curious if somebody here has similar stories or if you can suggest some more stuff I can cut out. (But I'm not ready to go full raw vegan just yet, maybe gradually. You can tell me what I should try cutting out next) Thanks, you guys and gals are awesome!

I was with my friend. Neither of us had prior experience, but we've done acid and shrooms together. I used a milligram scale, an oil pipe and a torch lighter. Pure chemical, bright yellow powder. We began by doing 3 sets of wim hof breathing together and talked about what we wanted from the experience. Him: getting a break from the everyday scramble (as usual) Me: wanting to deepen my understanding of reality, becoming a clearer communicator of higher consciousness, bridging high and low, becoming better at embodiment, loving myself and healing myself. (as usual) …I actually didn't go through all of that list with him but I went through it with myself before taking off. First try. I wanted to go first so I sat down in a comfy armchair in his kitchen. We had measured up 10 milligrams as the starting dose. In the beginning I tried to inhale as soon as I lit the lighter but after a while we figured out that you can wait a while until smoke arises. I have been fantisizing about smoking DMT since I saw the spirit molecule 8 years ago or so, so it felt like a big moment. It didn't feel as romantic as I had envisioned it, I was just there in his regular kitchen with an oil pipe in my hands that made me feel like a total crack-addict or something. I was really scared and didn't know what to expect as I took my first hits. The first hits didn't affect me much, I felt a slight numbness and thought I heard a sound like from an electrical wire come on. It was almost like I could've gotten the effects from just inhaling regular air, just from holding my breath for as long as I could. It also felt a bit like nitrous oxide. I waited a while between the hits during this first round. The second and third hit felt a bit stronger but nothing huge. After that, the pipe was fairly empty and I told my friend I would wait a bit so that he could go. We filled the pipe with another 20 milligrams. He tried it out but he is not used to smoking and has very sensitive lungs, he started to cough heavily as soon as he started to inhale and couldn't retain any smoke at all. Personally I was prepared for it to feel a lot worse, it almost didn't sting my lungs at all. I said that I wanted to give it another go and he was like: "yeah you HAVE to. I want SOMETHING to happen today, you're going to have to venture into the unknown for both of us." I think most of the 20 milligrams was left in the pipe so I stuck with that and sat down in the armchair again. Since the first round gave me so light effects and no unpleasantness I was more determined now. Second try. My friend held the lighter and I held the pipe. Everytime I exhaled he immediately lit up another hit. After two hits I gave him the pipe so he could hold that as well. I recommend this to anyone trying this, it allowed me to focus more on inhaling and surrendering to my experience as I held my breath. By the end of my third hit I started to feel things coming on fairly strong. For a short while I forgot that I was sitting in a chair holding my breath. Then I exhaled and as soon as I did I was reminded of what was going on since I heard a lighter going off near my face. I was like "damn, you're really not letting me rest" and thought it was a bit funny, he couldn't tell where I was in the process. I took one breath of oxygen between each hit, and then again I filled my lungs with as much smoke as I could and held it in as long as I could. Now on this fourth hit… It started to become evident that this was something quite different from nitrous oxide. I hardly had any visuals whatsoever, all I saw when I closed my eyes was blackness. …But even as I say that, I did see things. It was like a presence appeared in front of me. Very faintly, like a shadow figure, hard to distinguish. I didn't feel scared at all, it still felt like it might as well have been my imagination. I remembered again how I was in the arm chair and I exhaled. As soon as I did so, my friend provided me with one more hit and I took it while I tried to signal to my friend that this was it for me. I eased back in the chair and retained the air and away I went. Things got psychedelic. I was in another kind of space. A multidimensional space. It felt like infinite corridors, the gateways between all dimensions perhaps, in limbo. Everything had a dark brown tint, very murky. The endless corridors moved like the arms of an octopus. On top of that, all of reality was folding in on itself continuously, in various ways, without ever losing any volume. I experienced a wave of terror that I'm very familiar with, it's like a wall of fear that I need to break through on every trip before I expand into infinite awareness / ego death. I thought to myself something along the lines of: "no, is this really happening? This is going to be challenging, I don't like this" Then, more thoughts came, and even though I perceived them just as I do with my regular thoughts, something felt very different about their quality, it was like I was in telepathic communion with the figure who I had sensed earlier, she was still present in some form although not perfectly visible. It felt like a female presence, not overly warm and loving, she was very neutral and asexual in that sense, but something still tells me it was more of a woman than anything else. She said: "yes, this is what happens. And you KNOW this, because you've been here before, and you wanted to come here again" (she was referring to various peaks on previous trips) And I was like: "Yeaah, I know…" And she continued: "And you know that you KNOW everything you NEED to know, you've got all the resources and support you need to do what you need to do, and the idea you have that you need to somehow gather strength from someplace else is just a symptom of you not trusting yourself…. And you already know that as well." And I was like: "yeah I know" (really, none of this was new to me, but super awesome reminders nonetheless) Shortly after that, I started to sense my body again, I was back in the chair in my friends kitchen. I had been away for 2-3 minutes. If somebody asked me, that's what I would have guessed. So I didn't get lost in infinite fractal patterns outside of time, it was more like the curtains were opened and I could peak in for a while and then get back. I felt like that was a perfect introduction so I left it at that. A part of me was disappointed that I got more of Terence McKennas "sense of other" and less of Martin Ball/Leo's "All is you", but I'm definitely not complaining, it was fucking cool. The greatest mindfuck was that I came back so quickly and felt fully normal, really, that's what amazes me when I think about it. Just like I heard in other accounts, I felt like it was ME going somewhere, fully alert and present, not as disorienting as my ventures with mushrooms or acid. When I think back to those experiences it's harder to distinguish exactly what happened, since the experiences are so long and affect me in so many ways, with a much longer ramp-up and come-down. Another interesting detail is that at this time, my friend was looking after somebody else's cat, and the cat was with us in the kitchen. It was a very cat-like cat, minding it's own business and not caring about us at all. But apparently, around the time of my third and fourth hit, that cat got super intrigued and came up and seriously stared at me. It felt very nice to have my friend have my back and sort of forcibly push me into the multidimensional realms. It was beautiful since he is not at all as deeply into enlightenment, spirituality, metaphysics and epistemology as I am, he's just a very open minded and real guy. But I felt like that deepened our spiritual connection in some meaningful way. Now I have a better grasp of how this substance works and how it affects me, I'll ramp it up slightly more next time.

I have never felt sexually drawn to pain in any way, but I had some interesting effects I wanted to share with this forum. Me and my wife went to a BDSM workshop and learned how to spank each other. I quickly saw the potential for mindful awareness and consciousness work to be combined with this. Enduring pain has been used in many religious sects in their rituals for purification, I've practiced doing ice baths and cold showers for a while and seen the potency of that. Anyway, receiving a powerful spanking just at the limit for how much pain I can endure for about 20 mins resulted in a ridiculous euphoria and emotional release and sense of well being that I've only experienced on psychedelics before. We're talking laughing and shaking like a maniac for minutes. Shit is real. I recommend the book Recapture the Rapture by Jamie Wheal, some parts of it talks about BDSM as a tool for healing and growing. Also, this wasn't sexual for me, I know it is for some. Sexually I think I'm more of a sadist, in the sense that it can sexually turn me on. Anyway, I never made the connection between these practices and healing/purifying/doing consciousness work before, putting some puzzle pieces together here for you to explore. My work here is done.

I think Martin Ball's book nondual liberation is a great guide for energy practice. I've used his framework mostly for energy therapy on weed, it creates very high states of consciousness, like on the same dosage there's night and day if I use his method or if I just walk around and talk to people and interact with shit. I feel like it's also progressively opening up my energy channels, healing me on deep levels, aligning me with my higher self, call it what you will.

Hi! After having powerful experiences on heroic doses of psilocybin mushrooms, weed has gotten seriously psychedelic for me. As long as I take a moderate dose and not a really low one, I can get into fractal energetic yoga, and I realize that everything are just appearances and stories that are timeless and non-existent. It feels like insanity, but it's an insanity that realizes that the sanity it contradicts was just an illusion that never occured in the first place, which led me to start calling it Insanity with a capital I. In my day to day consciousness I don't feel all too enlightened which is why I find it remarkable that a little bit of sativa can get me so far. Is anybody else having seriously spiritual awakenings from moderate doses of marijuana? Some links: This is the thread about my heroic dose that I think opened me up to reach these stages: This is what I mean when I say fractal energetic yoga:

Hi all again! So to follow up on this topic: what are your recommendations for me? Leo talks about 50 psychedelic trips in his video about psychedelics. In my case, do you think one ganja-night qualifies as one trip? About a week ago I smoked a pipe and had maybe my strongest awakening so far, it got me crying and laughing and shocked me several times. I feel like it's happening without substance as well, meditation, inquiry, it's all getting super-boosted, I feel more like I'm channeling things and that I have more power to release suffering since I notice it much quicker when it occurs. I'm almost afraid to keep smoking. Should I stick to a once a week commitment for growth and understanding, or chill for a while ? I don't wanna stop but I'm afraid of the powerful effect it has over me. I also worry that it's making my brain foggy, but it could also be a lack of mental activity that actually brings me MORE clarity. I'm feeling kind of alone and scared in all of this... as we all are. Thank you for your support.

thanks everybody! Ha, this thread took off like none other, I’m very pleased. @Leo Gura I’ve read that book but didn’t think too much of his anxiety attack. Just re-read that passage, seems like his ego was struggling through its toss into the great abyss. Here it is, for fun: MY LIFE HAD BEEN ALTERNATELY inching or leaping upward: I was proud of my job on the Smothers Brothers’ show. I had some cash. My sex life was abundant and selfish. Things were rolling along nicely when I experienced a crushing psychological surprise. One night I was off to the movies with my friends John McClure, George McKelvey, and his wife, Carole. We were going to see Mel Brooks’s The Producers, and we decided to smoke a little pot, which had become a dietary staple for me. So now I was high. In the car on the way to the theater, I felt my mind being torn from its present location and lifted into the ether. My discomfort intensified, and I experienced an eerie distancing from my own self that crystallized into morbid doom. I mutely waited for the feeling to pass. It didn’t, and I finally said, “I feel strange.” We got out of the car, and John, George, and Carole walked me along Sunset Boulevard in the night. I decided to go into the theater, thinking it might be distracting. During the film, I sat in stoic silence as my heart began to race above two hundred beats per minute and the saliva drained from my mouth so completely that I could not move my tongue. I assumed this was the heart attack I had been waiting for, though I wasn’t feeling pain. I was, however, experiencing extreme fear; I thought I was dying, and I can’t explain to you why I just sat there. After the movie, I considered checking myself in to a hospital. But if I went to the hospital, I would miss work the next day, which might make me expendable at CBS, where my career was just launching. My friends walked me along Sunset again, and I remember humming, “Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune” from The King and I. I spent the night on George and Carole’s couch in absolute terror. I kept wondering, “Am I dying?” but was more concerned with the question “Do I have to quit my job?” I survived the night and struggled in to work the next morning. I was not relieved, but I was calmer; I confessed to Bob Einstein what had happened and found that as soon as I discussed the symptoms, they arose again with full intensity. However, I somehow maintained my implacable façade. The cycle was unbreakable. Any relief was followed by the worry of recurrence, which itself provoked the symptoms. After a few weeks, a list of triggers developed. I couldn’t go back into a movie theater, and I didn’t for at least ten years. I never smoked pot again, or got involved in the era’s preoccupation with illicit substances (I’m sure this event helped me avoid the scourge of cocaine).

I'm in a Gurdjieff group. The movements are an important tool with lots of power. I think it is a good path for working on embodiment in a householder setting. I think a lot of followers are misled and lost in concepts and fixed ideas. Also, there is too low emphasis among fourth way peeps in general on understanding the substance of reality. But if you read Gurdjieff's source material, it's there.