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Everything posted by MIARIVEL
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@JohnnyBoy I used to be like this. See the thing about our ego and they way our mind works is most people love to stay comfortable. So many people do not progress in life because they do not challenge the way they think, their behaviour or their perspective on situations. What others say about you is a reflection of them and not of you. The way you choose to respond to any given situation says a lot about your character. Before I used to react and not care what anyone would think of me after I have reacted but it did take me a long time to recognise the person I was and the person I am working so hard to be. People kept telling me "life is sometimes better when you don't give a shit about what other people think". Now I choose what and who I allow to affect to me. It can be hard sometimes when you just want to react to someone, but that just means your on that person's level of petiness (which you don't want to do). With some mindfulness and training / challenging your brain, it gets easier to walk away from people trying to bring you down (this just means that they are already below you) so don't give them the power to bring you down as well. Most times people want a reaction out of you because they want to know they have gotten to you, in which case this just makes them feel better about themselves. Don't give them this satisfaction. Train your ego to let it go and walk away, Silence is better than wasting your time on bullshi*
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@electroBeam What are you passionate about? What makes you happy and drives you to want to do more of it? Perhaps you are not finding satisfaction in doing these things because you are after something bigger and better or something more challenging? Why don't you try something that you are passionate about by getting outside of your comfort zone? something to challenge you and your mind? for me (being a life coach) I feared public speaking for as long as I could remember and I had people asking me to give talks to teenagers to motivate them, talk about confidence and self esteem and talk to corporate organisations to motivate staff to love their job and who they work for more. I was absolutely terrified of the thought of doing this but knowing that being a coach is my passion and purpose, i felt the fear and did it anyway and I never looked back. This then opened the door to more opportunities for me. So maybe think about what could be something to challenge yourself on in relation to personal development. Dont think of anything you are doing as a waste of time, I believe anything to do with personal development (weather you realise it or not) is helping to develop you in some way or another. Weather you are learning something great from the experience or you've learnt that this isn't really for you and to try something else. Its all about growing and learning and developing.
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@Obi berjaoui I have been in your position before trying to apply for every job out there only for it to be a tough market. I signed up to pretty much every job agency I could and I even applied for jobs I didn't want to do (like waitressing or even working in a supermarket). Even finding something temporary like this till you find a better job is good for now. Maybe working on your interview skills too or even studying (self study if you have to) on business or research more of the field you would really like to get into. This will all help keep your mind active and ready for when opportunity arises. To find your passion / purpose - Brainstorm and find things that make you happy, do you like helping others? do you like fitness and health? do you love cooking? creating art? perhaps an office environment or maybe the outdoors, the possibilities are endless. Start with trial and error, I tried so many different things till I found what my passion/purpose is and that's when I fell in love with coaching and became a coach myself. Make the best of the time you have now, it is great that you are keeping fit, eating right. Read some books, maybe attend some free networking events? have you tried meetup.com? expending your social network is a great way to make new connections and even try out a few things to see if they interest you. There are meditation groups, walking groups, business groups - I suggest check it out. Keep up with the positive attitude and determination and something good will come your way.
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@soniadoll_ Baby girl, life is too short to let fear hold you back from anything amazing you are capable of. I understand the fear, I do. I was once in an abusive relationship and it took me a very long time to even be able to trust any man again. I changed towards men for a long time but when I took time to find myself, what makes me happy, what are my dreams and passions - when I found the answer to all of this, I knew I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way. I as with you deserve to be happy and deserve the very best that life has to give us; and only we can can make our future into something beautiful. So take a leap of faith and believe in yourself and do whatever it is that makes you happy.
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@StarfoxEpiphany Sometimes we just need that little push or external source to bring out what we always had within ourselves but was afraid to too to begin with.
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It is the best feeling in the world when you finally know what your reason for being alive is. I am a life coach and for me to be able to help other people and them see results, more happier and motivated - It is just the best feeling in the world knowing you have made a difference to someone else's life. It did take me a long time to find what I was meant to do with my life but the satisfaction I get from my job being a life coach, to me it doesn't even seem like work yet it is my whole life. Don't get me wrong there are still bigger dreams I have and goals I want to accomplish but knowing that I am passionate about the path I want to take, makes me more determined to work my ass off to get it.
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@electroBeam You know know it is the best decision until you make a decision. If you end up making a decision you are not happy with then it is a lesson learnt for next time. If you are really that indecisive flip a coin and stick to it. Or if your mind is telling you one over the other, then always go with your gut instick. You can always write down a list of the pro's and con's of choosing one thing over the other.
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@soniadoll_ One thing that builds my self confidence is training martial arts. I do it for fitness, for confidence, for self defence and over all to feel good about myself. But any sport can usually do this for you. I think firstly you need to deal with the issues around your past sexual abuse, learning to let go of the emotions that are linked to how you felt then. Know what you want now, being mindful of the person you are now, confident, smart, and in control of your decisions and the trajectory of your life. The past is in the past and it has no effect on your future unless you allow it too. I know it may get hard sometimes but when times get hard, remember who you are. You have survived the worse and you are on a better path, to bettering yourself and your life. Don't let the past or body image hold you back because I'm sure there are thousands of girls wishing they had something you had or looked the way you do. You have a very bright future ahead of you and you will start to see the beautiful amazing person you are, you just need to keep telling yourself, whatever it takes.. your going to be that girl that people want to know.
- 6 replies
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- sexual abuse
- self image
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@Time Traveler In a dream this usually represent someone who is seeking knowledge. It can also imply sorrow, worry or distress so maybe you feel guilty for not helping this beggar?
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@actualized1 How about starting by challenging the way you think. When you tell yourself your not normal, you can't do something, you feel very different to everyone else, like you don't fit in, you don't have the confidence and happiness that everyone else has around you.. Ask yourself what is normal anyway? Why do you think you can't do something? what is stopping you? so what if I am different to everyone else, thats what makes me awesome and if other people don't like me.. so what. Their loss. I know what it feels like to be the odd one out, to go through depression, being along, hitting rock bottom and feeling like no one cares or understands and you think your mind just has a mind of its own. But you and I both know, you are in control of your mind. It is a decision and a choice you have to choose to challenge the way you have been thinking, challenge yourself in the old habits you have formed into developing new ones that serve you better. Nothing in life easy but it is true what they say, that in the end it will be worth it. It took me about 30 years to develop a strong mindset and its an ongoing process but the more I practice what I preach, the stronger my mind becomes when it comes to facing challenging situations. Hope this helps a bit.
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@mystic You know what helps me is having a coach, Im a life coach myself but sometimes having a good coach can get you through anything. My coach knows that when I have a presentation or a motivational talk, I freak out, start to have a panic attack and get anxiety so before I give any talks or am put in a highly stressful situation, I talk to my coach before hand and they are like your motivation, your cheerleader. They give me the strength to face my fears and do it anyway and make me feel like I already gave a great speech. Usually I get over my fear and am always pumped and excited. The more presentations you do and give, the easier it becomes. Everyone goes through that stage of getting over public speaking. Do you have toastmasters in your area? or you can find groups that practice public speaking in front of each other. A group where everyone is there to get over their fear of public speaking and give good presentations. Or before a presentation, just go on your phone - you tube... look up motivational speakers and listen to one before you speak. This should help build your confidence and get you in the right mindset.
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MIARIVEL replied to John's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@John Our ego wants things that only make us feel good, things that benefit us, our ego tells us that we are more superior than anyone and everyone else. However if we let our ego get the better of us, we suffer in the long terms because we are blinded by it. We shut off empathy, caring and being open to other and life around us. Ego shuts us off from possibilities and opportunities. Our suffering is caused by our own mind, what we choose to focus on and believe and they way we interpret our reality. We have nothing and no one else to blame but ourselves for our own suffering. Suffering is a choice of the mind. I think the Buddhist believe that the notion of enlightenment occurs when one has suffered thoroughly, and in turn, managed to transcend this personal suffering. So if you can learn and grow through whatever it is you go through (the hard, painful and challenging times) if you come out the other side a better person because of it, then you will feel 'enlightenment'. Because you have grown, lived and understood what life is about. -
@Paan Fear is an illusion. You have to really think about what you want to do with your life, what makes you happy, what makes you want to get out of bed every morning. For me starting a business was scary because I didn't know and still don't know everything I need to know to expand and be one of the best life coaches out there. But its all a learning process. I know I love helping people and I know that this is my purpose in life. Its now or never. If you don't feel like this business will befit you and your not passionate about it, then maybe its not for you. But if you see it as an opportunity to grow, learn more and wiling to do what it takes to try and make it work then go for it. We all get scared at some point in our life but the joy is we have a choice. Sometimes we have to sacrafice doing something we do not like for a while in order to eventually achieve our dream (E.g studying a Law degree to become a lawyer). In the end you know it will all pay off and be worth it if you work hard. Sometimes we just need to take that leap of faith, believe in ourselves more than believing in the process and believe in your business because it is an investment for your future. It may or may not work out but at least you tried and if you keep at it, who knows... life might surprise you in a good way.
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@yanyan Its all about having and knowing your priorities and goals. How bad you want something and what you are willing to do to get it. It is easy to just get lost in TV, Facebook, Social media and all that crap but what do you achieve from this? are you learning something, are you growing from it, will it help you in the future to achieve your goals? If English is something you want to improve on, then set aside certain amount of time a day to learn English properly, or maybe you want to start a business, work on this business an hour a day and once you have done this then you can reward yourself with social media for a short period of time. You need to put in the hard work to be successful and there is no better time to start forming excellent habits then NOW. If you get stuck in this rut which I'm assuming is a habit of yours now, it won't change unless you make the decision to change. You are the only person in control of your life and which direction it goes and what you will achieve while you are here. I wish I started when I was your age, you don't want to be 30+ and just starting then realising you wish you started earlier and so much time was wasted for nothing. Hope this helps.
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@Nulik I would see this more as a goal than purpose. Your purpose is what you are put on earth to do, if your purpose in life is to make 5 million and that's it, then what's your purpose after that? spend it all and die? My purpose could be I do life coaching and I love what I do, and my goal for the next 5 years is to make 5 million from life coaching. Purpose + goal. Once I have achieved this goal, my purpose would of served me well in which I will make another goal to double that within the next 5 years after that.. and so forth. We all need to find our reason for being on earth and its not just to make money and die. The goals are to make money for a purpose that gives us life, brings joy and happiness and something that we have to work hard to get and get through all the challenging obstacles in the way. Hope this helps.
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@electroBeam follow your heart and do what makes you the happiest.
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@Time Traveler Hi Time Traveler, have you asked yourself why do you feel guilty? why are you allowing yourself to keep feeling guilty? what is this guilt doing to you? It is normal to feel guilt, but once you find out the reason why, you are on your next step to overcoming it. Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we have regrets and sometimes we do things we never thought we would be and we shock ourselves in the type of person we think we have become. But at any time we can change the trajectory of our life, this all starts with the decision to choose what we focus on.
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@HGGabrielF Girls are attracted to a confident man. What do you have to lose if you start talking to a girl? asking how her day is, what her interests are? if you can take her for coffee or dinner? you might get rejected - you have lost nothing. Does rejected hurt? only your ego but you get over it. We have all been rejected at some point in our life but that is the game of life. I would work on your self esteem and confidence and then start putting what you have learnt to the test. You can start small by making friends first and then once you have developed your confidence more, you will be asking girls out left, right and centre.
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@Scarecrow Maybe bring it to their attention, how family shouldn't be actin like this towards each other. You can only help them see how destructive their being towards each other and mention how this may affect you as you want everyone to get along. Depends how much you all value family. Sometimes though family can be a negative influence and its best to just keep your distance and do your own thing, bettering yourself and worrying about yourself instead of others. After all you come first before anyone else other wise you won't be able to help anyone else.
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@JimAqua @JimAqua Hi Jim, it not up to anyone but you weather you should break up with your girlfriend or not. I honestly believe true love conquers above all. Being married is just a piece of paper really and a chance to spend lots of money to celebrate your love for each other in front of everyone you care about, but the two most important people that matter is the two of you and how you feel and treat each other. You are young and waiting a couple more years might make you see clarity of the situation. If you are really unhappy with her (disreagrd what anyone else thinks) then maybe you should leave, if you believe its worth fighting for then who cares what anyone else thinks. This is your life not your parents or her parents. I understand how much family can mean to you but at the end of the day she is either your future or not. That decision is yours and your alone. If you love her and she loves you religion shouldn't matter. My sisters partner is not religious although his family is but my mother wanted him to be a catholic so she could get married in a church, he ended up converting even though he doesn't follow our religion, but he did it for her. If religion is non-negotiable then maybe re-think what is best for you in the future?
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@soniadoll_ I think it is important to work on you more than others. As a life coach myself, I realised through my journey I have been through a lot of hard times and have hit rock bottom more than once but I always knew I wanted to help other people, but how could I do this, if I couldn't help myself first? Its a never ending journey constantly bettering yourself, only then when you are in a strong state of mind, mentally, physically & most importantly emotionally can you begin to start helping others. You can't change someone else if they are not willing to make a change for themselves, you can only try to help someone in need if they want it. Some people don't realise they need help and this is the saddest thing to see someone go through hard times pushing people away they love and care about. The quality of our life is all controlled by what we choose to believe and the way we choose to interpret things in our mind. Mindset is a huge factor in determining the outcome of our life and the type of people we become in the process.
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@Bart Oh Bart, I think most of us at some point in our lives are afraid to have no one, no friends or not feel apart of something. I don't know how religious you are but what helped me get through tough times is knowing that God always gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Through change, being uncomfortable, being alone you find yourself and you find growth. This is one of the biggest challenges my clients face and even I have to. I struggled for a while but I knew that it was something I needed to do in order to grow and see what I am made of. What is the worse that can happen? you find happiness else where after some time? Your true friends will stick around, loyalty and integrity shouldn't be based on just being a member of a club, the right people will want you to stay in their life because you have made an impact to their life. There are millions of people in this world, like minded people and the right type of people are out there, just be patient and do what makes you happy in the meantime, even if that is discovering who you are and what you are capable of on your own for a while. It will teach you strength for the future.
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@LeonellCassio Lets face it everyone at some point always talks shit about someone else. But I've learnt over time that its not the way I want to live my life or the character I want others to me as. I also would never talk shit about someone if it got back to them and could hurt them, then again if I didn't care too much for the person then I probably wouldn't care. I find as you get older like myself, there are more important things to worry about then shitty people. Let them be a weak character (it shows to people) and carry on just reaching for that higher purpose. Time is precious, no need to waste it on shitty people.
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Change rooms, disabled toilets, hotels, wait till parents go out to bring her over, bush, in the beach or rockpools at night....
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@Coco HI Coco, have you got Meetup.com in your area? maybe check it out and sign up to a few groups you are interested in and that would be a great start to meeting like minded people.