Anna Konstantaki

So, Leo and Martin are friends by now... Aaaaaaawwww ... I did scrawl through the conference Programm some weeks ago actually (somehow ended up there through the Shulgin stuff)... Super interesting... What else? A yes, the text about hallucinations. Looks like we agree on that one... Then the Karma text... It´s a thing... It´s a thing that Karma thing... Been challenged this week by my family after all... I guess I just needed some polishing. Family is just the starting point I found myself trying to help my family. I don´t treat them like everyone else (haha- who´d thought that?), because I simply feel different for them because I simply know more about them than about others... Sure I can try to find ways to minder their suffering but why does it cost me so much effort? Why is this so intense? Their suffering is one of millions. My brother... But what about my other brothers? My mother by blood... But what about all other mothers? I can´t be there for everyone and people have to learn to sort it out by themselves... People suffer and people die. If it is from an outside war, an inside war, both... It´s not just at one place, it´s all over the globe. So when I try to solve this equation I have to keep in mind that it is a tiny part of something big. If I got upset about everything like about this I´d have no peace in life. I don´t want to be cold, I don´t want to stay in apathy but I definitely don´t want to suffer for, or with them. I want to give them what I can give and move on. I want to keep going my path and that is only possible when I´m not stuck by holding on too tight onto my starting point.

@Dragallur Yea, I´d wear that. But we love Leo unconditionally, no matter his style, right? It is so weird to hear your teacher talk about blueberries, mixers, spinach, almond milk and such though... hehe

Leo released... A smoothie recipe. What? Well, you have to teach them how sages eat/drink after all... I was at a party just yesterday actually and I did not touch the food there, neither did I drink something. It can be a little challenging on social events to keep up with the purification work... Unless you only meet up with people who are into self actualization but eh... Those are usually working at something and don´t visit/throw Partys? Speaking of the party... There was this guy with a very special addiction. He is addicted to lucid dreaming. He always gets those when he does sleep deprivation so now he is in this spiral of staying up until being dead tired, then sleeping and not wanting to wake up. Weird case. Just an ordinary guy actually with huge bags under the eyes (okay not THAT ordinary... He has studied Physics but broke off to do philosophy then did philosophy for a while but now does something, I can´t clearly recall but it is basically all sorts of sciences mixed up with informatics.) Yea... But these people are the people who make me feel like it´s either me who doesn´t get the complexity of what they say, or they are confused and don´t know what they are saying, or they have mixed stuff up a bit by alcoholic intoxication... I thought it was my post-dancing queen cuxy (cute+sexy) image that gathers the guys around but... That is far gone now... People still like me though. Like one guy literally came to me and said that if I had not been in this unclear relation to some other guy in the past... He would had approached me more (and that even was one of the guys with the balls to talk to me back then). He even said that his friend was into me even more than himself (oh dear... Well, they all have girlfriends now). I don´t know... I feel like I resonate most with someone who is just as intellectual as that he has lived through a couple of insane and fucked up things. Where to find? Can you blend me up a professor and a street bummer or something like that? Hmf... Also... I have realized that I feel a lot better in the company of a bunch of guys rather than being in the company of girls. I don´t know... But Smalltalk still bores me to death after all... I would say I am good with people, I can be social (okay, I don´t always chose the best words... ) but I find people... I find them tiring. Human beings can be so tiring.

@Spiral Yes, I know... The tenth contains them all. All infinities in one. Peak of knowing. Peak of consciousness. Everything. Enlightenment. Yep... But the conversation (and that is what makes it so fascinating) is about the human potential of understanding consciousness, of the limits of understanding itself. Nothing but talking about the ways, the levels of the graspability of "god". Yes, it is about what consciousness is but it is an on stage inquiry about what we can know at all. It´s great minds doing some philosophy really... I guess the problem is finding out if human experience/human consciousness has any accuracy about the cosmic consciousness. The question is if the human consciousness is the same as the cosmic one or if it is contained in the cosmic one. How does human experience and human senses or even symbols/language alter it, distort it? To what degree does it matter that we are the observer? Or actually: Is there a way, can we develop a way in which we are not the observer but can still observe and therefore understand? Will we one day be able to understand this as any other earthly lifeform? Or non earthly life form? So em... Is enlightenment possible in ways beyond the limits human mind and body tools have? How deep/different can the experience of the absolute be? Do we really become everything when we feel we become everything? I guess... I guess the discussion is really about in what ways can we be god. Because that there is cosmic consciousness and that we can have, even if just humanely, access to it, is something they seem to agree about. It´s like... It´s like agreeing on the existence of god but not trusting or not thinking it is enough to be enlightened as a human... They want to expand. Expand our intelligence. It is so crazy to watch. This craving for more and more, for expansion, expansion and ever more expansion...

Guys! We got an update... [Also: I am sorry for spreading misinformation-turns out Mossbridge is a psychologist who does (cognitive neuro?)-science and not a cognitive neuroscientist but I guess you can forgive me that ]. So...

Journaling In the beginning it is writing itself that is the challenge. After a while it is being honest with yourself that makes the bigger quest... When honesty comes then the fun part starts because you realize your tendency for repetition. So every time you find something new to write about you know you have changed a bit, learned a little more... From then on it becomes an endless hunt for always new information, new questions and new insights...

The explanation problem I keep forgetting how easy it is to draw the lines between things when you were freshly investigating them in comparison to when you come back to them after some time... I know I look like paranoid to people when I make a link between some theory, some other piece of information and some painting... This always reminds me of school. I remember during a history lesson the teacher once asked what the primary source of wealth of ancient Egypt was. Correct answer was the Nile. The boy she asked answered religion though. In our eyes he had made himself laughable because the entire last lesson was basically about the Nile and our heads were stuck right there at what the teacher and we wanted and expected to hear. But wasn´t the economic system built on people who were working their asses off because they believed that their Pharao was god himself? Wouldn´t they had stood up for their rights and refused to pay such harsh taxes, wouldn´t this entire production and gathering of wealth had been much harder without religion? So in a sense he was right but nobody made much of an effort to understand his view... How do you tell people that there are these states of mind where you gain access to information you normally can´t know. How do you tell them that when you come back sometimes and if you don´t sit down to remember, decode, understand and then somehow try to encode in language what you experienced, they will never even remotely understand you, unless they start exploring that strange language of hereafter themselves... I have always been a very creative person but what I experience now is almost too much for me. I am tired of talking "stripes" to people who only understand "stripes". ´Cause I speak "dots" too... "Dots" are nice and they aren´t just for me... Everyone can speak them...

Hey, that´s what Leo said on the new video about the big picture of self actualization today, isn´t it? You let go and paradoxically you find that "control" by realizing there is no (one in) control.

@Marc Schinkel oh ego... You crafty little bastard... (Picture by Lora Zombie). Note that she wrote " i fuck you very much".

@Marc Schinkel Thanks for sharing. You are right, fear is always involved in depression. If I say I fear depression it´s like saying I fear a state of fear. Different people fear different things but when it comes to the point of suicide you can definitely average it out by saying fear of staying alive (vs the one of dying). I agree. On making a deal... Yes, the last time I experienced this I told myself that I have to keep trying until I get 25 and if things aren´t better until then I can still commit suicide (now of course I am far from thinking that I should ever stop trying). So, I think I get what you´re saying. It´s the "stay alive to see what else is going to happen" because we´ll die sometime anyways mentality. You know... Very suitable for fuckups who are like: What ELSE could happen? It can only get better if I keep trying, can´t it? hehe How interesting. Both Smythe and Adyashanti (I didn´t know these before so thank you for introducing them) say stuff like "you wouldn´t want this if you knew what it was", sort of like saying that you don´t want to be enlightened? I don´t know if I got this correctly but I think that it´s a thing to have faced the fear of death, overcome it at least for a while but having chosen to stay alive that gets us closer to surrendering to mystical experience because we are at the point where it is okay for us to let the ego die. In fact, before I had the best selfless, effortless, divine feeling of my life in my semester studying abroad I had a deep episode of depression. Even though in my case it´s a mixture of fear and me just somewhat shutting down completely. So there might be also something with reaching limits of sensory input/overstimulation thing playing in as well... It´s a little hard to talk about all this because there are all these terms by western psychology to categorize people into syndromes and disorders and neuro types and what so not to find some explanation of why we behave the way we do. I do believe though that everyone can benefit from some kind of meditation (and there are quite a lot) or other spiritual/more philosophical practises and as I expand my knowledge, psychedelics. So whatever triggers us into the fear can be faced by working on emotional mastery.

fulfilled/happy people When I encounter those genuinely positive and from the inside out happy people, I automatically feel respect towards them because I know that they worked on themselves i order to become and stay fulfilled and I know that they are living in the same, sometimes very frustrating world with obstacles and problems, just like me. I know that they are not luckier or special but they searched and found and did whatever they could to get where they´re at. We tend to compare peoples suffering but EVERYONE is challenged, NOONE lives in perfect conditions. It´s just about creating that balance between being sensitive in this world and at the same time being able and willing to take whoever or whatever brings the next emotional challenge on the table. It´s true. I think the world relies on people who give more love than they get back. The higher consciousness side of humanity. The world has terrible but also wonderful things and people in it. I want to believe in the power of that side I want to be part of, the wonderful one of course.

So many small things after all That one hour of 24 to meditate- That 2 minutes from 1440 to concentrate. That one day to strategize. That few seconds to write a note... That little by little, day by day turning out to be worth so much more than their size would had you ever expect... Jaggi Vasudev aka Sadhguru Yesterday I couldn´t sleep. I was thinking of Jaggi. How can a man radiate all this... Sweetness is the first word I´d choose for what he makes me feel, how does he do it? When I think of him I just feel nice. I don´t even have to hear or see this man and I already feel that last impact of his overwhelming peaceful, accepting, patient way of treating any question, any thought, any way humans can be, with his effortless, sometimes entertaining but still serious and slightly hypnotic and wise guidance. All bad news stop being bad news- they are just news... All things just are, like him, who you feel so close to (which is weird because you don´t know this in the void trapping guy), who is so human that he appears somewhat superhuman. I´d go so far to say that I love this man. I can´t but love this man back because he floods me with this really crystal clear, pure kind of love-call it sweetness. Just sweetness in everything for everything. It comes forward like that change in the pitch of my voice when I see a kitten. It is tempting to want to write poetic rhymes and paint portraits or to do any gesture to point at his greatness, to somehow support it. But it´s not him who needs the love I want to give him thankfully back, it´s all those people who have never heard or seen or felt what I have been privileged to have found through my journey of growth, it´s those people who need it the most.

What I love about depression It makes you a daredevil. It makes people like Martin Ball take 5MeoDMT for example... And other crazy shit like that. And in case you know about spirituality, you are like: Okay world. So, you want me to give up and disappear huh? Okay, I´ll do you the favour... "I" will disappear. But not the way YOU think... Bitch. (No offense... It´s basically self talk and self hate in that case but when you´re depressed you tend to forget that...). Overcoming/having overcome that shit. The phoenix effect. After some time you might as well start recovering from deep suicidal depression by switching between addiction and chunks of accepting and feeling the pain you learned so effectively to resist. That resulting in you building yourself up from scratch again. I guess my ego likes getting all possible attention by me? That deep gratitude when you look back at depression and certain things have changed because of your own hands/thoughts/action... That pride every time you hear about people who instead of documentary of self actualization or at least comedy binge watch, chose Netflix, alcohol consumption or getting stoned or both, somehow managed to go broke, argue with everyone, hate the world, fuck (with) their entire neighbourhood and I don´t know... Get an STD or a baby. Okay, I apologize... That´s not funny... The last phase of overcoming depression, where not being able to sort it all out at once blurs in with excuses for procrastinating stuff... Because let´s be honest... Self discipline is something you rebuild only gradually... The knowledge attained during the NASA hangout YouTube binge watch having turned out being useful for flirting with the astrophysics exchange student... I guess... Depression is really nothing but a resistance to feelings and change and Truth and regaining trust... It is rather stupid and just a state of ignorance. I think that in some cases it might be unavoidable but I think that if you don´t try to overcome it you´ll either die by your own hand or by cancer-your own subconscious hand in a way (without claiming that all cancer patients suffer from depression... Compressed depression...? You get what I´m saying... ). It´s a process. Doesn´t have to last forever. Doesn´t have to last at all. That´s the crazy thing about it. What a waste of time and energy... What? Yea, I know... I love you too. You´re welcome.

I was meditating today until I burst out in tears (sometimes I burst out in a laugh attack-you never know with crazy people like me... Who seriously think they will become a sage one day. heheh... oh man...). And then continued meditation because I am a disciplined person... And then swapped all plans of the day because I am not a disciplined person... To journal about depression- no taboos . What is depression? The period of time you spend until facing the options of 1. overcoming your fear of feeling and accepting what is to feel/accept, understanding and growing from whichever events/beliefs/thoughts triggered it OR 2. Spiralling down some sort of addiction to carry on OR 3. Committing suicide/dying. It´s that period of time you spend until you finally find some empathy for yourself and others or... Don´t. The destination of depression is either birth of new reasons to try and live or staying with your old reasons and eventually taking those to the grave... Depression is a consequence of bad balance, bad self care and the belief that you have no power over your emotions. It is a victim mentality and a perspective far, far away from Truth... I fear depression. Why? I´ve been there. I hate it. I was making a list about what I hate about depression and then wondered if there is anything I love about depression. Weird thought with interesting results... What I hate about depression your thoughts being a Mary-go round without much variety, reinforcing and dancing around the same shitty memories, beliefs, emotions and possible futures. your entire energy being wasted on neurotic monkey mind until exhaustion and collapse the "freeze up" out of hopelessness, fear and victim mentality making you to either attend the movie played in your head or having to escape that through sleep (Or like... Staring at the sealing to the point of thoughtlessness...? :S) your attention span decreasing day by day until you can´t focus for 2 minutes straight anymore... the lack of drive to do anything feeling too tired to do anything. Even watching some video, listening to music, eating food, taking a shower, brushing your teeth... Okay, even in my worst of days I still visited the bathroom though... hehe... Being dizzy because of starvation and oversleeping on the way to the bathroom... Googling what the best way to commit suicide is but not having the motivation to get up and buy the utensils for that and also feeling too tired to write a goodbye letter to the very few people you don´t want to get upset about your death (´cause you know... It´s a bad and cowardice thing... Maybe not towards death... But towards life ) Remembering being like 16-17 years old and complaining in your dairy (nowhere else-I mean I was probably the only one who hided the fact that I wanted to die ) that society doesn´t allow you to die. The loss of a sense of time (sometimes even space). Knowing that it would take people (even people I consider close to me) a lot of time to notice that I am dead so that the poor housekeeper would have problems getting your room back into a human friendly place but also re-renting it to someone in the knowing that a decomposing body was its last inhabitant. when you decide you want to feel better and even though your normally insatiable curiosity has ended up like your in general eradicated personality, you use your last strength to click on some documentary (short videos aren´t suited ´cause auto-play is annoying and always clicking on new stuff too tiring when you are dead depressed) and force yourself to watch that... then watching documentaries for 5 hours. At some point noticing you fell asleep and it´s like 3 o´clock in the morning or something like that. then feeling guilt about having watched documentaries for for 5 hours... knowing that the world will not just not love you this way or for having been this way, no, not even like you but probably even get mad at your disfunctionality (okay, I admit most part of it will stay in apathy). Asking yourself: Do you even WANT to live?! Do you even WANT to be happy?! And getting no answer... the loss of stamina and physical strength... (hooow UN-attractive and baaad... Sooo bad for health...ts-ts-ts...). Remembering that stupid promise of the last big melt down that you would never get in some state like this again. The binge or overeating after re-establishing eating despite the absence of real appetite since some part of you has lost the trust that you will feed yourself in regular timespans... Knowing that you have the following options to explain yourself for your absence and unproductivity during this period of time in case you come up with a way to survive it: 1. Pretend as if you were okay all the time and you just slacked off carelessly and lazyly because you are irresponsible so that he/she will have their stupid explanation, can negatively judge on you and leave you alone. 2. Tell them you were suffering from some sort of illness and lie up some crap. 3. Tell them you were not feeling well in the hope they will get the point... 4. Tell them you were depressed in the hope they would believe you without further questions, pity or that disbelieving face that looks like it´s saying: Wining, lazy piece of shit with a Greek surname. 5. Tell them your life story in an understandable way (minimal duration 5 hours), dispite having no hope they would actually understand much. 6. Avoid anything that might require you have to explain yourself (yea that´s so me... Creates social anxiety since it makes you choreograph each move and word of a conversation because god forbid they find out you are not a lovable piece of sunshine producing rainbows, riding on a unicorn and leaving smiles wherever it goes (excuse my hyperbolic talk but I have to make fun of myself sometimes...). I could continue but I think... I think I really don´t want to go to that place again. Like EVER. So, I have to get this function out of the system. Like forever. And EVER. And EVER...

Only like... 50 things to contemplate on left? Remember when I said that I want to live really long? ... Sometimes I watch a video of Leo and think: Dude, you look like you´ll die of exhaustion. And sometimes the way he tries to motivate everyone scares me but that´s just me being sensitive I guess... Dimensions My first reaction to "Imagining the 10th dimension" was: Are we supposed to take this as an analogy, a metaphor for "god", or are we supposed to see more in this? I mean... If it´s true then we are trapped in our dimension(s). And from "where" we´re at we can´t fully see the ones above. They would appear as awkward to us as we would to the "flatlanders" (could that explain the weird hallucinations some people get?). Then again... Isn´t it interesting that they made us imagine the tenth dimension as "all-containing", just like... You know... The realization of absolute infinity is like? Puzzle, puzzle... But hey... Wouldn´t be the first time that something that spirituality has been saying for really long starts appearing in theory of scientists... Just like the parallels of dark matter and "that which is not" (Shiva in Hinduism) for example... I am afraid that when we think as far as we can think we come to similar results no matter who we are. You´ll say... : Anna, you are not qualified to talk about any of this. And I´ll say: A (once) twelve year old girl painted a canvas called "the quantum world"... Let Akiane paint and me... Think. You never know what you´ll find/make...

heroes. with e... ( now we know why they added a hide function to the forum-just in case one day you go back to your sloppy posts and try to read them without laughs or face palms... ) So... Contemplation. Let´s do that thing... What is relationship? (warning: I use words I haven´t contemplated on to contemplate about this= the chances that I don´t know what I am talking about are quite high... ) The interest and effort to know and/or understand/see the nature of something. Your ability to "become"/share consciousness on something or someone else. Relationship is an exchange of trust and power on different levels. Shared control of information or some kinds of pleasure or passions... A degree/way of knowing... A perspective on someone or something (good, bad, neutral...). The way one understands/perceives anything that arises in their consciousness semantically and emotionally. The degree of the ability to see/recognize parts of yourself in others. The ability to switch perspective? The emotional attachment to someone or something. Emotional and semantic networking of one thing and another. Communication and exchange between parts of non duality? Hmm... The knowing, the attention, the consciousness of someone or something... If consciousness was 1 then relationship would be something like 0,99... Wait. Are these synonyms or are they the same thing only that relationship is based on duality? But... Hm... It´s not a verb, not an act so "relationship" can´t be seen... Can´t really be "done". But there are different kinds since you can put all sorts of words before it (strong, challenging, destructive, healthy, rewarding, fulfilling, addictive, objective...). So, relationship is something that needs further context/more words to be defined when it is used. I can´t say I have a relationship with my chair. Well, okay I can but with objects it´s usually obvious because it is a relationship based on usage or function. Unless it is emotional... But even then... I don´t say that I have a loving relationship with my chair. I say: I love my chair. But with people? A relationship to my mother. That´s like saying the same thing twice because we already know that her function/ role is "mother". A friendly relationship is or is close to a friendship, so the function is: friend/like a friend/friendly treatment or approach. So, we use "relationship only when we want to express the quality of it at the same time, otherwise we just speak self evidently. Unless we say: I am in a relationship with someone. hahaha... What´s that? Replace it with consciousness... I am in a consciousness with someone. Hmmmm... Well, people don´t say that. But... It´s not that wrong... When I think of it. But people say: I am in love with someone... Okay, let´s do the more obvious part... What is to relate to something? What is a relation? Relating? What is relatable? When do we relate? Why do we relate? The moment you register a relationship you become aware of a relation. Aware of some connection or connectivity. Relativity... Okay... You want me to end up saying that relationship is a way of experiencing oneness? We can relate to anything in any way. Language does that. Symbols do that. Can we experience oneness in any way? Well, dumm question because it´s always there, my fault if I ignore it... Experience it in any way? Yea... I guess you mean that thing called life. A! Now, I know. If we relate to everything, that´s oneness, but relationship is usually to one thing at a time. It is sort of like a unit of measurement... A unit of oneness. The more you can relate, the more... Consciousness you have? About... Oneness? Okay, I know I´m close but I am tired and this takes too much time. I better ask the internet.

I had a little daydream... For the Heros... What is even more awesome than a superhero?! ... Of course! ... An ENLIGHTENED superhero!! ... Imagine: Enlightened master: To be entirely free Mr. Kent you have to drop all those roles you play in your life... Clark Kent (terrified) : ALL of them? Enlightened master: Yes, Sir. All those roles you have identified with... What deep psychological needs do they serve? Look inside and find... Their source of adaptation... And let them go. Clark Kent (problematized): As you wish, my master... *Clark spends years on dropping his roles (including that of superman), finally breaks through and dissolves the ego of Clark Kent with great effort and patience... He never looses his superpowers though... Now he is... SUPERYOGIIII!! ...Soon his teachings started spreading and people started calling him SUPERYOGIGURU!!! * Same destinies are behind spideryogi, ironyogi, yogibat, yogiflash and many more... (and no, captainamericanyogi doesn´t count-he was too identified with patriotism...) Superhero+ yogi! = Same awesomeness-zero ego

playing with homophones Eyes are deaf and ears are blind. But when we write things down we can make them see... More meanings and more possibilities and maybe... Question tense and time a little deeper... Was geschehen ist, ist geschehen. What happened, happened. Was Geschehen ist, ist geschehen. What (the) happening is, has happened. Was geschehen ist, ist Geschehen. What happened is (the) happening. Was Geschehen ist, ist Geschehen. What (the) happening is, is (the) happening. All different interpretations of one sound chain. One sound chain, one sentence that as we play with it transcends past and present. What happens, happens. We don´t know when. The "when" isn´t important because we made time up. We made it all up. The words for sun and moon, day and night, hours and minutes, clocks... Yesterday, Today, Wednesday... Time. Sometimes we only pay attention to meaning when it is unclear, when it all sounds the same... But when we dig into that we find how different our understanding of a single thing can be but in the end... The very end it´s nothing. It means absolutely nothing. It´s a confusion to go through to realise that we don´t know. Everything I try to understand takes language and all the words, all notions like time, for granted. To step outside of this and see things for what they are I need to understand without words, without rules, without grammar, I need the possibilities for interpretation with thought to become zero and those interpretations in any other way infinite. And finally, finally I have to let go of trying to understand anything at all.

Jamie Wheal and life never was the same again... I just watched this interview. I find a lot great life changing information but this is the best I have had in a long time by far... I don´t even know in which thread I should share this first so I decided to just post it in my journal.

Understanding Anna Part 1 I think today I´ll write about how I became passionate about ecology. It´s a topic extremely close to my heart because pollution changed my life. First of all I want to ask anyone who reads this: Would you bliss out in the middle of corpses? That doesn´t feel quite right, does it? I know that nature is both a beautiful monster and a beautiful mother but I also know that it is different if a volcano erupts and different if the force of destruction is one that only brings more destruction (because lava does at least turn into fertile ground for example...). Let me explain... Some temporary anomalies like that one-two years we had a jellyfish plague because of the change in water temperature... Okay... That cockroach plague when they changed the wastewater channel system... I did not die from that either and I knew that eventually it would have an end but... As I grew up with beaches and some of them were clear, pure and just magnificent, there were/are also those where streams wash out all human sins and THAT never took it´s end. minor findings I grew up finding shoes. Tons of shoes of all kinds and all sizes on the beach. Some were like new so I always calmed myself down by saying that people loose shoes in the water sometimes... I found many fridge fluid bars, sometimes batteries... Toys. Turkish sunscreen and other plastic products probably washed over from ships traveling between Greece and Turkey, ropes... Fishing nets... But the dead animals. That was the worst. I found a piece that looked like part of the belly of some big furry mammal (probably horse or cow). On a different beach I found a dead bird that drowned because somebody had attached a string with a stick to its leg. Bycatch. Horror. Sometimes the stream would wash out the thrown away bycatch from the fishers from the port. How about poisoned sea gulls? worst A sea turtle. A really big sea turtle. With no head!!! Some weeks later we found the head... Probably got cut off by some marine screw propeller. I have pictures of the skull of a cow (that even used to be my cellphonebackground in my numb phazes)... The by far worst and traumatic thing we ever found was a dead dolphin. That was deeply disturbing. We were so young, figuring out life, dealing with our own neurosis and confusion, pressures from the system and all the other problems and stress, trying to find some release by a walk on the shore. Now we had to deal with the truth that the world in which we were trying to build a future was already... Dying. feelings I had on this I felt very betrayed by my own species when I was younger. It just felt malicious. That nobody cared about these beings and nobody cared about what the death of these beings means for us. I wondered: Is that what the world has for me? A rotting, stinking graveyard? Would you throw a party in a graveyard? Maybe you would. Would you throw a party in a hospital with people suffering and dying around you? If you are a psychopath maybe but not if you have some compassion inside you. In the local radio they said that the dolphin died by a rare disease but we were there and saw it with our own eyes. It was so filled with coal tar that it had changed Color and actually couldn´t even rot properly. And they buried it with stones that got washed away by the next storm... I know how asphyxia feels like and this creature didn´t deserve this. No creature disserves this. It was as big as me. Dolphin... Human where is the difference? I felt this huge problem of responsibility in the world. So much bigger than me. Those who never experience this first hand with all senses involved don´t feel how real it is. But the denial. The denial pissed me off. To be lied to and to be treated like you are dumm and like that you can´t speak up and say: I might be 16 but you know what? THIS, is not right. Then I thought... How sick and distracted and careless must people be to allow this? How depressed are they so that they have lost track of beauty and sustaining it? What on earth steals their attention and time to not try to fix this full speed? What is more important than this? Is my life worthless too? Just because most adults have decided that theirs is? That they can live however they like to ignore their problems and pains in cost of other beings? It´s not sad if not everyone survives, that´s part of how nature works but it´s sad if those masses of beings who didn´t make it suffered their guts out to death. ....................................................................................................... So... I guess this was my therapy for today... As self actualizing people we can´t allow more spacial trauma by/in very places that should be a Refugium and shelter (shouldn´t nature be a place to heal? If can´t go there anymore where will we?) and we can´t allow more suffering for all those creatures with whom we share the world arising and all those that are still to come after us... I know that this is all obvious... I am just communicating my experience and I might be able to contribute my part on ecology but deep down I know that it´s something that needs to be sparked in everyone and everywhere and okay... I just found a excuse to use this picture. hehe

@Marc Schinkel I guess we forgot that Aang is the last airbender and needs to repopulate the airbending nation. I guess it´s better if he does that with a bossy girlfriend of his choice... And after all... When I look at Tenzin and his siblings the outcome from this naturally supported type of love (damn hormones ...) was not that bad after all...

hehehe ...that´s right...

Journey towards the unknown People have problems dealing with altered states of consciousness, especially when they came up randomly. Getting a hallucination by taking drugs is one thing but getting them just like that is another. How many people end up stamped by themselves and/or others as mentally ill because they saw or heard something unexplainable? How likely is it that they scared themselves and stopped trusting themselves because of what they thought their experience says about them or about reality? Okay, there are some who don´t get scared, they just think they are Jesus or somethin´but you get the point... How did they interprete what happened? For some it all came out of the blue. For others it seems like a response to not being able to handle the reality they were in. Emotionally. Hell got constructed, hell got altered by them in order to become somewhat homeostatic but hell never became bliss. Of course we can´t blame people for not knowing how to deal with certain circumstances... But it is strange to discover emotional self creation and look at psychology. Mental illness is a journey towards the unknown. It is a challenge for our logic because it points so obviously to its limits. Anyone has the potential to go insane, no matter the background. Physical or psychological. It´s just about how people deal with those things and carry on. Real is for everyone what they can experience. If it is madness, madness is real. It could be a near death experience, angels, monsters, aliens, ghosts, verbal hallucinations, other visions etc but whatever it is, it gives them one thing to understand and that is that you can´t tell what´s real. Who are you going to trust? People around or what you perceive? Even when you perceive things that you know others don´t then why is this happening? And how? Why is it possible? No matter if real or not. It is possible for people who believe in brains and matter and for people who believe in.... I don´t know... witchcraft. Yes, okay... The neurochemistry of our brain... Our diets, our traumas, our fears, all kinds of beliefs seem to play in. Play in on how often, the form, the kind of paranormal activity one might register but why is it possible and when does it become a problem? Is it a problem? What if we just accept the weird shit we can´t explain? Can we use it? What is it? What is it really? I guess there is this shocking realization waiting to be made about our existential nature, one good step to tasting the infinite, to reach enlightenment. We just don´t know and that is why we should make ourselves emotionally independent from all we knew and let it go. It´s not just a Kugelblitz, the paranoia of being stalked or observed, it´s about everything, even that for which nobody would declare you insane for. That tree, your house, your mum... Your hands... Yourself. In a sense what we are all doing is resisting insanity, resisting the truth because it shakes our beliefs too much. What people need is someone to tell them that all the assumptions they make about their illness are nothing better or worse than the assumption "normal" people make about their lives. Insane people have the most evidence that it is us, fooling us. We don´t need to suffer insanity, just like we don´t need to suffer health, in fact we don´t need to suffer anything in this game (okay, I admit, that´s easier said than done), we just need to transcend it.

Some criticism for myself I should really stop waiting for people like Leo to come around the corner and tell me things I already know in order to give myself the permission to fully take on a perspective in front of others. After all, it is all just a perspectival game. After all we´re just jumping from paradigm bubble to paradigm bubble... Trying to find some Truth. In whatever form, or taste, or whatever ways consciousness makes it possible... Always been a fan of bubbles... Always keep some bubbles at home. They always look so nice... Until they make a silent *plop* and it seems as if they never existed.

the WORLD is full of MAGIC (caution cute content) If it falls, let it fall. If it dies, let it die. Whatever we do, won't matter that much. Puzzles and Wonders. Mysteries and such. Yesterday, I had the longest ever dream, That the world was endless with possibilities. It had me thinking, one should never forget That there are wonders, we haven't seen yet. Seize a chance, follow a dream. Be yourself, don't plan and scheme. For what we do, won't matter that much. Puzzles and wonders, mysteries and such. So calculate and analyse. My head is spinning from all of those lies. It had me fooled, a logical mess. In a time of facts, figures and distress. Seize a chance, follow a dream. Be yourself, don't plan and scheme. For what we do, won't matter that much. Puzzles and wonders, mysteries and such. The W.O.R.L.D. is full of M.A.G.I.C. The W.O.R.L.D. is full of M.A.G.I.C. The W.O.R.L.D. is full of M.A.G.I.C. The W.O.R.L.D. is full of M.A.G.I.C. M.A.G.I.C. M.A.G.I.C. M.A.G.I.C. M.A.G.I.C. If it falls, let it fall. If it dies, let it die. Whatever we do, won't matter that much. Puzzles and Wonders. Mysteries and such. (...)