Anna Konstantaki

You pack more information in your writing- that´s why I think it suits the journal better. Thanks for the shoutout in the last video by the way, I did appreciate that.

7535 Good morning, just read this and wanted to share... http://conversations.e-flux.com/t/reality-is-not-real-according-to-one-cognitive-scientist/3578 See you later.

7534 uni I was sitting in a course about anthropological linguistics today and thinking that it´s all nice to know but in the end nothing more than knowledge graph expansions and open questions... Taxonomies and hierarchies and relations and debating about cultural influence or innate structures of categorization and so on so forth... Exactly what Leo was talking about... Only that it was not about whether it is part of reality, which as we know by now it is not but about why different languages and people on the globe made it up in such similar ways... It crossed my mind to talk about the perspective that it is just all made up by the anthropocentric worldview and rationalism and us trying to desparately understand and explain it all with logic and shouting hurray when we find a pattern or correlation and distract ourselves from being by asking how and how and why and why... So I guess categories reoccur because there are egos all over the globe. Why? We evolved to think. We had the ability to grow the ability... This reminds me of the postrational astrophysisist Harald Lesch who said in an interview about the world in 100 years something like this: "What natur was thinking when it created such a being that is so much oriented on expansion is a riddle to me." Before he had said that natur has one message for us all the time and it is: Limit yourselves! And that if nature applied the humans principles it would be highly metastasing cancer. I wonder if we were made for something or not or if we should clear the planet from us or at least try to be as humble as possible. Maybe we should really all just sit down and meditate for the majority of the day? Anyways, this and my other courses have packed me with work and I could go for work, work, work... Time for a do nothing challenge or any further analyzing of life or building strategy are short, not inexisting but short. I better keep some energy to work on "ego smaug"... But I think that whoever has a life beyond education is either paying through studying some semester(s) longer or gets bad grades. What I see not only with this kind of work but in all domains, is really where my limitations are. Even if I was "perfect" I would be limited to what I can do. How could I even live a life so far away from how reality works for years upon years? The monster under the bed? I can hear Rihanna singing: "I am friends with the monster that´s under my bed..." You know, that Eminem collab... So used to that monsters that we are friends with them... It´s really time to grow up or take that child by the hand and take a look beneath the bed... Even though... I do not sleep on a bed can we "fall in love"? Leo´s self acceptance exersice has prooven that we can access "existential love" and I think that the latest video shows that we can not only recieve it from us but also "give it away", look at the world with it (and yes that would have an impact) if we just clear our perception. That is big potential but it also means that friendships and romantic relationships are untill we eliminate the self agenda and ego smaug nothing but neurotic neediness and desire and a stone in the way of the self actualizer. Maybe we should rethink the semantics of "love" or maybe I should consider the possibility that I have never loved at all? Or is there maybe some paradox I am overseeing here that I should be able to hold? Does some other kind than existential love exist? Would even a clear perception awe more about one individual than another because... We "love" them... More? Than. The rest...? Can an advanced self actualizer (I am a noob obviously) even "fall in love"? He/she would not need to, right? He/she would feel love all day so the need for love would be... Gone... It is somewhat scary and somewhat liberating to think of this... I mean let´s be honest... How many problems and negative emotions come from this need? Yes, NEED for love? That sounds wrong and IS wrong. Why would I NEED that? I can´t even define what exacltly it is... productivity yep, yep preparation we are in the green area but far from how it could be reading yes, but not so much the main and relevant stuff exersice in moderation... let´s say... nutrition a nuance of vegan junkfood nature quick walk inda park satisfaction Is there something better than rest after a long day? meditation It did me good but it was too short and as most times... thoughty... so very thoughty... creativity - well ok I had my need for creative expression met at the weekend so that´s fine ciao and keep trying (^ ^)

7533 Did a ton of things but it´s not worthwhile talking about them. Except of maybe taking the time to rewatch the new video to drill it a little better into my mind. Meditated already today but it made me feel so tired that I took a nap afterwards. Goodnight from augmented reality. (° °)

7532 So, a couple of words about the work of the past two days... In one of the pictures I intentionally left the mess around so that you can see how big the canvas is... https://www.dropbox.com/s/fvgm1omhi75dbti/DSC02547.JPG?dl=0 https://www.dropbox.com/s/2pe2p1hdokrwxy0/DSC02549.JPG?dl=0 The inspiration for it came from a drawing I made four whole years ago. So since the main idea was good but really old I was not as passionate about making it as I am about new stuff but I always wanted to turn it into a painting and I am glad I did. The girl in the original is not completely blond and I had used my own body to make her but this one is completely fictional (and very sexy hihi). So what you are looking at is space, two big eyes containing one sunset each, a sea which looks more like a swimming pool because I only had light shades of blue and green and then there is this nebula that comes down to the woman and yes I know that the colors are a little like taken from an anime but if you look at some real nebulas from Huble photos some look very similar. So the woman as a beautiful respresentative of the human race and all earthlings is connected to the stardust and the universe symbolically in that way and she is looking at these gigantic eyes like looking at herself, kind of like a symbol for omnipresence and high consciousness. Why is there a sunset in the eyes? Well, a sun makes an awesome pupil and iris and you can also interprete it in the way that the human brain is limited to recognizing already known structures and patterns and that there is nothing to discover out there that would be better than earths nature and that "nature" or not and all these distinctions don´t exist but in our minds. What I also wanted to show is that she might be a small human and there are millions of stars and bigger powers than her but I wanted to make her look equally powerful as the environment and that is another reason why the nebula is reaching to her hands, it´s not because she has superpowers or somethin´. new video Leo is pushing me to do my meditation... Leo is telling me very nicely to get my shit together... I got the answer to 7529... It goes a little like this: Of course the problem is homeostasis and your ego! Go where the pain is and keep hammering! Keep hammering on the ego and all those things you want to fix and when you feel like crap do the self acceptance exersice. Life BUT I have not told you anything about the past days and on Thursday even though I was not feeling good (as that days post revealed so nicely)I went to the parkour training I took up two weeks ago and afterwards I sat down on campus (no soul there-it was after 22:00 at night because the lessons start quite late, 20:00) and did... Yeah, you guessed it... Meditation. I am planning to do a night through meditation one day but I am waiting for the weather to get even better because I would like to do it outdoors if possible. Ah and one reason why I decided to destroy my plans and paint for a whole day is because I absolutely suck at jumping and I have very little strenth in my legs which is a terrible thing if you want to learn parkour... So since I tend to behave a little awkward and helpless, well ok a little VERY awkward (imagine pikachu on drugs or somethin´), I think the phrase : "She is only doing all that to get attention" that my ears caught up from my trainers was VERY likely intended to describe me... And then there is this problem that only because I am not looking for a relationship it does not mean that my monkey mind does not find several people attractive... Anyways... So I had to boost my confidence a little bit by doing something I do not suck in, which is painting. End of the neurotic story. BUT I am surprised again and again how beautifull things can come from rather paranoia or obsession or any other neurosis in the world of art. Then again after all I learned over the last months, the things that come from enlightenment are even more beautiful but unfortunately it should be quite hard to communicate them. Even with art. Am I right? Now I´ll have to catch up with all my responsilibities again-see you soon. (^ ^)

@Extreme Z7 Weird... Well, at least your vid is out.

@Extreme Z7 Yes, why not? It´s done! Some small corrections maybe but it is ready... I can´t upload a picture though because the file is too big but you should be able to see it here? : https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1174671695890336&set=a.661580450532799.1073741825.100000425507978&type=3&theater

7531 Been painting all day. Working on something really big-almost done. (^ ^)

7530 SOME PEOPLE GET HIGH TO MAKE ART AND SOME PEOPLE GET HIGH BY MAKING IT. I° °I ~~~~~~~~~~~~*****************(^ ^)*****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /° °\

7529 Low energy day. Not even meditation could help me much. I don´t feel like doing anything... Except of sleeping. I wonder if this is really linked to my physical health or if it is something in my head that took over. Over the last year I have been sick quite rarely and usually it would only last a couple of hours or one, two days the very most. I was thinking about Sundays video and I guess my worst addiction is thoughts. I have ditched most of the other soft addictions and one thing I am proud of is not having any hard ones... There are days where I just want to do nothing and just stare in the gap (without feeling tired like today) but I have to motivate myself to get out of that state in order to catch up with my responsibilities. However, it is not like I did not accomplish anything and I know this is just temporal. I just don´t really know how much of pushing and challenging myself on the one hand and giving myself more time and taking things from the schedule on the other, is the best for me. And then there is this problem that every single time since years now when things seem to be going good or better something I had not foreseen comes around the corner and either delays or destroys the breakthrough I was working towards. I guess that is another reason why everyone is so stressed out nowadays, even when their life is great. Simply because they are constantly thinking of what could go wrong in order to be prepared? By the way I really, really suck at getting help. I know this entry might seem negative but I feel very neutral about it actually... I am not alone thinking that life has the good and the bad pains and I am trying to find some balance after stuffing my head with all the ways I want to grow. Sometimes I feel like I lost my wisdom or my intelligence or my creativity or all of them. I really hope that my sharp mind will come back because I know it exists because I have experienced it and because at the moment I feel very cloudy and slow. Maybe it´s just all part of adapting to my new habits and myself trying to kick me back into "homeostasis" and maybe it is a sign that I should forget about everything for a while because the system is on overload. Am I supposed to know the answer? Because I really don´t. (° °)

7528 productivity preparation somehwhat sloppy creativity mostly scribling nutrition forgot that one last time (it was 5 for both days) exersice bad time management reading I am really a little mad at myself because I had concentration to do more but wasted it elsewhere meditation I´d be lost without this one... * satisfaction I was doing great untill I got home... nature sun was shining all day so I worked a bit outside *I start to realise that it´s best if I do it at the beginning or the middle of the day. Ideal would be doing two sessions. One in the morning and one at night. Pff... My sinns today: Stayed in bed longer than planned. Useless talking/flirting with one of my neighbours who likes me more than he should but he is not the only one but who cares about that other than my ego ... Useless time on facebook. A little too much youtube... Meditated too late... Distractions and some low consciousnes...What a bad combo... Confession: My infection from Sunday-Monday by the way is linked to one of my teeth of which a part had broken of some time ago and I, as an idiot, forgot to do something because of the card and money and the fact that I wanted to go to a dermatologist for that thing on my leg first and bla, bla... So, when I went home today the pain stroke back and I desided to give myself some distractions untill it gets better but I kind of did not get back to work... I know it is stupid. The whole entry is stupid but I will take care of this tomorrow... So yeah... That is my so very immature entry for today... See you soon. (^ ^)

@misko55 You caught me... Write a book? Eheheh... Guess I better go write my journal now...

7526 7527 productivity preparation creativity exercise - reading meditation satisfaction nature - So I got a little knocked out on Sunday (7525-gets pretty much the same rating as Monday by the way) but I think I am over the hill... Lately there were many moments where I´d sit down and say: Wow, I have been making life really hard for myself... Time is passing by so quickly-it´s insane... My mind is that of a basic monkey right now but at least meditation helps me see that and put all the chimp chatter aside for a little while... I am deep into uni life and catching up with my programm that got a little distorted the last days but hopefully I´ll be able to focus on spirituality a little better the coming weekend. But let´s face this with some equoanimity... Let´s see what´s gonna pop up next behing this forehead... Isn´t this one of the biggest points of this whole thing? To stay relaxed and not panick, pressure and judge? The world is a different place once you start accepting imperfection and failing. Nothing means anything about me because there is no me so I can just go there and learn full speed, free from fear... It´s not like that I have mastered that but I am starting to taste it more and more and I think it´s just mindblowingly lifechanging in my case because amongst other, I can maintain my motivation much easier, focus better and feel a ton less stress now. I am convinced that my work ethics (do/will) largely benefit from this, no matter if it´s working on meditation or an assignment or something else. I can really call myself lucky to have found this mindset and even though I still tend to complain about the lost years; when I think of the people who might never learn this, I have kind of hit the jackpot and chances are, that if you are on this forum, you have done the same... Staying on track and checking myself is challenging though- a big chunk of me is still a neurotic mess... But who cares about that when the "good" parts of my ego are also just parts of that "ego thing" but I am no-thing (just perception and existence), so deep down in the world of rational thoughts this does not matter. It is weird to not get upset anymore by thinking that there is no meaning. Really strange... May your night be empty. Of thoughts. (^ ^)

7525 -limited day- I don´t feel like writing my journal I don´t feel well because my jaw hurts, partially my ear, my head and above all one of my gumms, I am dizzy ect.-you get the point... Some sort of inflamation. I hope I will be able to sleep. In the worst case I will just sit around and try to do nothing (or should I say the best)? -about the journal- Even though I have moments playing with the thought of deleting my journal, I am glad I started writing it. Chaos, confusion, neurosis, judgement, embarrassement... I had a bit of everything in my past posts but I can accept them now. Furthermore I am having success in living a more boring life (at least when perceived by others). I don´t know how much of my growth is fake but I think that at least I have understood some fundamentals of personal development... It is great that Leo makes these basic videos like the one he released today to help us see the big picture (or get reminded of it). I bet you know that guy in the park who sits on a bank and every now and then throws a big hand full of bird food to the pidgins... That´s what he reminds me of and I am one of those pidgins... Searching, picking, waiting, walking around... (° °)

7524 productivity I should really do more writing... preparation plans and supplies creativity I went to the store to buy a big canvas but they were sold out... nutrition sweet paprika pringles are vegan... And they were a discount... hehe... exerscise my muscles have not recovered from Thursday yet... reading this one went great today... Only that I was to lazy to take notes... meditation a three of 5 is good actually... satisfaction nature does getting my ass out to do the groceries count? wrote my visualization-now I´ll have to record it and then I´ll be able to guide myself through it by listening... ...I wonder how it´s like to be round... I° °I ? (° °) ... I wonder how it must be like to be square...

7523 So much happening these days... Came home about half an hour ago (happens sometimes when you have a social life), did the meditation I was procrastinating all day-cant´t wait to go to rest after this entry... I think I might add "notes" for studying notes and "visualization" to evaluation list... And maybe " relationships"? productivity preparation creativity nutrition too much oil exercise - Yesterday was quite intense... reading not the ammount, the focus was the problem meditation better than none satisfaction I feel good but I feel like I didn´t get much done nature - bad weather G(° °) ODNIGHT <3

Here comes the pheonix... Nice, nice... Good to see you´re back on track.

7522 productivity preparation creativity nutrition exersice reading meditation satisfaction nature (^ ^)

7521 I am really tired so let´s do this quickly... productivity preparation creativity nutrition exersice reading meditation satisfaction nature _(x x)_ zzzzZZZZZ

@Extreme Z7 Yeah, I guess he oversaturated it a little in his expression. His attitude is probably like yours (and mine by the way). Learning is great but the systems in which we learn tend to suck the joy out of it... And it´s not only college, it starts in elementary, maybe even kindergarden. Highschool was the most pressured time in my case... Our class had transformed into zombies... Half of them because they were overworking themselves or feeling guilty of not working enough, or filled with doudts and fears and the other half had quited already, just waiting for the time to pass by and blaming whatever or whoever they could for having given up and going towards a crappy future. But I guess you have seen similar phenomena yourself, so I won´t extend...

Did you die at the office? Haven´t heard from you in a while now... Give us an update these days. Hope you´re ok.

7520 I stayed exactly 2 hours and went to sleep on time. But that was yesterday so what about today? After the last course today I was in pain, pain, pain... emotional problems There is this girl I know from the beginning of my studies-probably the first normal and boring person I ever had as a friend. I saw her today in that course that started (also hanged out a bit after the course)... The world is not fair-I have understood that ... But. As somebody who asks herself why people are how they are all the time I am reminded of how I and many others are just in disadvantage. Reality hurts. Jealousy hurts. The ego is always asking the question: And what about me? Why did nobody help me? Why did I grow up this way? Why did my brain become swiss cheese? Why did I have such big problems to concentrate? Why don´t I get the presents she gets or even just the feeling of support and safety? Why could I not perform like she did even though we had worked together the same hours? And when I hurt I have to feel to make it stop but when I am in class or have to execute a programm in general, I am in the dilemma of sitting down and feeling or just go for some kind of numbing to be able to function like it is required. I don´t want to be like that. All I want is health but there is none. I did not learn it and now I have to be self taught. Hours of my life I spend figuring out how just to be ok, not even super great but just ok-hours of work just to reach a state that others were in a sense, born with. I can keep saying that none of these happened to ME or use whatever technique I want to-my arm starts hurting and then other parts and if I don´t close myself up somewhere to let tears roll I am in danger (of my myself). I can´t even cry in front of people. Even though I know that people will probably not step on me when I am already down like my mother did, I feel unbelievable stress and threat when I want to cry-god forbid somebody hears it. So ridiculous... So much energy wasted. For shit. I know people who have seen therapists though and are not doing better, maybe even worse than me. I don´t want this cancer, I want to live and be happy and I am trying really hard and... I am doing progress. I have reprogrammed myself from scratsh and I have hope and faith that one day I will be entirely free from this. In the end I can get high of gratitude when I get what others take for granted. Sometimes I get high for no particular reason. I am just happy about the smallest and seemingly insignificant things. But these states come mostly when I am alone or don´t have to do conversations. I guess that is one of the reasons why I want to live alone. old man A while ago I started adding all people on facebook that have the same surname as I do... There is this old man who uploads photos and stuff from old times... He just posted a video today where he is talking about technological advances he experienced through his life and habits people had before and stories fro his childhood and it ends saying that now that people do study (go to university) and learn letters (get educations and jobs) it is that they are miserable (he lived and still lives very simple). The less you know, the better and the dummer you are, the happier you will be, he said. productivity preparation creativity nutrition exersice reading meditation satisfaction nature (° °)

7519 So I dragged myself to the sportscenter to try out kundalini at 7:30. I have no experience with classic yoga or kundalini or any of this stuff... I think it is a good starter for a Monday morning so I´ll continue going there... The teacher was definitely trying to teach us some spiritual background and if I did not know some concepts from actualized.org I would have probably said she is one of those woo of foo and whatsonot hippies. At some point I felt like an anime character, I don´t know, I guess the music was a little kitsh at that point-and then the moves.... But it was cosy there, a little like in kindergarden-only that instead of kid songs, now it´s mantras... Tonight is a birthday party of a friend. I have planned to fill a beer bottle with coconut water and stay two hours maximum. I just hope people won´t move from the kitchen to the bar too early because then I might go unconscious and stay too long. Evaluation of the day so far: productivity preparation creativity nutrition exersice reading meditation satisfaction nature ++there is a chance of buying/working on the life purspose course earlier than planned. (° °) >(^ ^)> (° °)

same day 7517 7518 today productivity - preparation creativity nutrition exercise - reading meditation - satisfaction nature -