Applejuice

@SriBhagwanYogi Yeah as soon as it becomes a mantra I change it to whos experiencing or whats constant.

so on my way home today I was doing neti neti and just asking myself what am I and looking i kept looking and looking and I would find something and then I would ask so who is aware of that that cant be me if im aware of it.. After taking 2cb I see the traps that I get into for example I would try to explain what i am but then after 2cb I see how thats not it( neti ) haha. everything i look for is not it. Like its gotten to the point where i know i dont know. but then even deeper than that i say i dont know thinking thats it when its not. so then what am i. and even asking the question it implies a self in the I. But ofcourse that cant be me its a word. And im percieving the word. But who is percieving? all of this thinking is a bunch of thoughts which is occouring to me.. but then where is this me? I got into the trap of talking about it and thinking about it and i get confused with believing that the thoughts or words are it but theyre not.... And saying that theyre not is another idea and not it..... Its just going round and round in circles. My thoughts are getting so tangled.... There are traps upon traps upon traps upon traps upon traps...Whats really strange is that my mind shuts up a bit when I do neti neti or just comes up with ridicoulus answers like am an interdimensional being that flies to space or saying this is stupid or I am everything or i am nothing or i dont know what i am but its all not it. This is so fucking ridicoulus haha. Idk if its possible to grasp what I am using my mind. And omggg even saying this is contradictory. Thoughts? I just dont fucking know looool can anyone relate?

I havent had an ego death but Ive had bad trips to do with ego dissolution and resolved them. I just faced it. Even though its fucking hard just surrender to it and go into it just dive in straight to it. And see what happens.

@tedens What would you say I dont know? I thought I know a lot about it

@Preetom Wow what you just said is priceless... Thank you.

@tedens Oh I was sober doing this well I was on modafinil cramming in information for an exam haha. But basically 2cb showed me that I get sucked into a lot of traps. And when I smoked weed It kind of put a couple more pieces into it and then doing neti neti put even more pieces into it. But at the same time there was no pieces it was more it took pieces away from the puzzle but by doing that it was putting the pieces in you feel me ?

@Mu_ I mean I started with lucid dreaming cos thats cool then i started meditating and then came across leos channel then I started doing neti neti. I recently got serious about it because there is existence so what do I do here whats worth pursuing?( and yes i know you cant pursue enlighetenment haha) I mean psychedelics and enlightenment are at the top imo because theyre kind of literally the ultimate thing.. And yeah friendships and relationships and chasing cheese is fun lol but it all ends so.. I see enlighetnment as priority because its the only thing that can really make me unconditionally happy. How about you?

@Mu_ Yeah I was at the point where I admitted I dont know what i am but then thats another idea looool. you get me hahaha

@winterknight Who are you

So I smoked weed with my friend today and as I was walking back home ( I was still high ) I started feeling like theres a presence and feelings or vibrations that you tap into when youre high that you can't access when you're sober, I get this feeling a lot when I smoke weed, it feels like how I would imagine I would be if one thing was different about our planet like a different amount of different gases or the size of the earth was a bit smaller or bigger and it made humans evolve into me ( like our ancestors have hadthe best genes so survived and created us ). I don't know if it makes sense to people who don't smoke weed Basically, it feel as if I'm an alien or like I have different eyes. Something about my experience whilst I'm high feels very raw and fragile, i know how crazy this sounds btw lol. So then I figured hold on I'm getting these messages in the form of my own thoughts, only it didn't feel like it came from me. I felt as if there was some sort of presence that I tapped into. And my consciousness/ experience was very raw here like a snake shedding its skin in this state. It told me things. Like " It's not eaten with a spoon ". My natural reaction to this was that it's reffering to enlightenment. You cannot eat it and feel good from it and it's not done using the conventional ego desire system in our experience. So, you can't consume enlightenment and it cannot be eaten and cannot be grasped by our human domination on the earth with tools. Am I making any sense? Also it told me "you choose the voice in your head" So my thoughts and beliefs are in my control so I better make positive ones. I felt as if related to my social anxiety and negative attitude and neuroris in general. Then when the weed was coming down I felt like it was an angel talking to the ego mind from god. This sounds weird I know. Maybe angels are thoughts or that voice that tells you to meditate or when you have a realisation about reality and your experience( possibly a kensho experience ) And the devil might be the enticing thoughts and energy and desires that keep you attached. So far the devil has won. Anyone had experiences like this? Lol I felt so crazy whilst this was happening lol :DD Edit: Also this was sparked after I left my friends to go home. I started thinking that they weren't really my true friends. The guy I was with most of the day was a dickhead to me like making fun of me and shit and Idk didn't seem like there was love there you know between people. He seemed very acidic to me. I think this because he kept calling me a retard whilst i was making jokes and shit and kept saying i need to slap you. And when he was on the phone to my friend he was talking bad about me so I just started looking at it like hold on, why am I spending time with people who don't give a fuck about me? People that don't love me? I'm not saying like homosexual love, but just friendship acceptance and support. It became very clear that I shouldn't spend time with people like that. Also it told me that when I'm taking drugs like alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, porn, masturbation and weed I'm running from reality. But there's nowhere to run lol. So I should just chill out and be with it. Edit:.. Also I made a joke I thought was genius. What sexuality is a spliff ( joint )? Bisexual because it's 50 percent fa* ( tobbacco )

Okay so I'm 17 and I require a girlfriend. Where do I start? Should I do pickup? I'm too young for bars and clubs, are coffee shops and grocery stores normal spots for pickup? lmao? I'm too young for tinder too, but I can fake my age so thats all good. At my school there isnt anyone that's very attractive but there'll be new girls in my sixth form ( last two years of high school in the us ) next year. Should I wait? Or is pickup the most effective way to get girls at my age?

So I had an existential crisis recently, I seriously considered suicide. But then I was like hey wait a second the reason I'm suicidal is because I have a shit life and no point in life. And whenever I'm socialising the deppression just melts away. So I'm doing that. And I want to be a social worker after sixth form and uni, so I can make a positive impact on the world. Especially with homelessness as this affected me and my mum. However, I'm thinking that why should I care about people and animals and the state of the world if it's all meaningless anyway and really what I'm after is satisfaction from life? It is all perfect no matter what happens as I've seen from my kensho experiences. So do I have to drop empathy and success? I mean fuckign hell. Also what is the key to being happy? What is it that really satisfies people? i know that enlightened people are really happy so why should I be a social worker if I can be a monk? Isn't my happiness the most important thing in reality? ( my reality which is the only one I have access to? ) So should I drop everything and just be a monk so I can be blissed out all the fucking time lol? Also another thing why do I need to start a family or socialise, eat or do drugs, or socialise or any material pleasure if enlightenment is the ultimate satisfaction? Wouldn't it be wise to put all my efforts into enlightenment?

@cetus56 haha yeah

Okay, so I started to get out my comfort zone and start hanging out with people because I started to isolate myself when I was depressed and I realized that it's making it worse. But I realised I really need to work on being with people and being normal and likeable etc. Also when I smoke weed it always makes me see my life from a different perspective and I keep getting this feeling that I should stop hanging out with shitty people. Is this a wise choice? Is it better to be lonely or with shit friends? I'm trying to get to know more and more people so I can really build a strong social circle. I go out to smoke cigarettes with this woman across the road. I'm 17 and shes in her 30's. I get along with her family and everything. Is it weird to do that? Cos When I go out for a cigarette and see someone smoking I might as well start conversation right? And shes really interesting to talk to and it's not sexual or anything like that it's just casual friends because we smoke outside. So if I see her or she sees me we smoke and chat. She's friendly with all the neighbours and it's a good area. Is it weird? My foster parents think its weird and make slight remarks like she's my girlfriend as a joke so I'm starting to doubt myself. Also, when I hang out with that guy that when I'm high I get bad vibes about he always says im frustrating and shit and it's like er why do you hang out with me if you dont like me? I don't judge you. Should I cut it off? Cos he has contacts to people at this skatepark where there is a lot of people I know I can make friends with. Should I leave it some time? I tried talking to him but he just holds his ground and thinks he's allright. Thanks for any replies

@Truth Addict lol true I also missed him

I want to study social work after sixth form in uni so i can be a social worker and hopefully work with homeless people. Is this a good idea? Because I'm only 17 and I'm expected to know what I will do for the rest of my life. I mean that's a lot to ask from me like fuck. I think it will be a really rewarding job. I'm also a guy. Could I work towards being a manly man and developping my masculinity whilst being a social worker as it's a caring profession?

@Ether Yesss,

@the_end_of_me This is fucking gold m8. This day actually cannot get any better

@Empty SAme. I cant wait for the video the day after tomorrow. I want to see his goblin head. I love that guy fr. One of my biggest inspirations and role models.

@cetus56 yesss. So heaven and enlightenment is essentially the same and not some esoteric thing outside of ourselves. It's possible to go to heaven whilst alive.

@the_end_of_me yeah thats true I think the idea of god is misleading and it's not the actual thing, just a concept.

@zoey101 Hahaha I would love to go to church, smoke weed and learn about the bible and god. Even though I'm not a christian

@zoey101 Yeah ofcourse. I mean that's what psychedelics are for. Most religions use/ have used psychoactive substances to connect with god so I don't think it's a contradiction

@Spiral Because I masturbate 5 times a day and its not healthy lol. It's nice having girls to talk to. And girls to have sex with too. It's been a long time since I've had a girlfriend and I think it's about time for a new relationship. I mean if I don't have a girlfriend I'll just be fapping and yeah i dont want to do that.

So I formed a very strong bond with my ex. And it was the closest person I got to, so once it ended I started feeling very empty and alone. This was over a year ago and even though I'm over it now, there is still that void inside of me that needs connection, currently I am doing this with internet and youtube videos. I recognise now that I need to actually create human bonds in my life, but I don't know how. I have no idea on how to talk to people I don't know and how to effectively become friends with them. And if I do make a friendship it's shallow and surface level, or I just end up not liking the person and prefer to be alone for whatever reason or they just don't like me. So does anyone have any tips on how to forge stronger bonds with people and how to really create deep meaningful friendships?