Applejuice

@SriBhagwanYogi Yeah as soon as it becomes a mantra I change it to whos experiencing or whats constant.

I havent had an ego death but Ive had bad trips to do with ego dissolution and resolved them. I just faced it. Even though its fucking hard just surrender to it and go into it just dive in straight to it. And see what happens.

@tedens What would you say I dont know? I thought I know a lot about it

@Preetom Wow what you just said is priceless... Thank you.

@tedens Oh I was sober doing this well I was on modafinil cramming in information for an exam haha. But basically 2cb showed me that I get sucked into a lot of traps. And when I smoked weed It kind of put a couple more pieces into it and then doing neti neti put even more pieces into it. But at the same time there was no pieces it was more it took pieces away from the puzzle but by doing that it was putting the pieces in you feel me ?

@Mu_ I mean I started with lucid dreaming cos thats cool then i started meditating and then came across leos channel then I started doing neti neti. I recently got serious about it because there is existence so what do I do here whats worth pursuing?( and yes i know you cant pursue enlighetenment haha) I mean psychedelics and enlightenment are at the top imo because theyre kind of literally the ultimate thing.. And yeah friendships and relationships and chasing cheese is fun lol but it all ends so.. I see enlighetnment as priority because its the only thing that can really make me unconditionally happy. How about you?

@Mu_ Yeah I was at the point where I admitted I dont know what i am but then thats another idea looool. you get me hahaha

@winterknight Who are you

so on my way home today I was doing neti neti and just asking myself what am I and looking i kept looking and looking and I would find something and then I would ask so who is aware of that that cant be me if im aware of it.. After taking 2cb I see the traps that I get into for example I would try to explain what i am but then after 2cb I see how thats not it( neti ) haha. everything i look for is not it. Like its gotten to the point where i know i dont know. but then even deeper than that i say i dont know thinking thats it when its not. so then what am i. and even asking the question it implies a self in the I. But ofcourse that cant be me its a word. And im percieving the word. But who is percieving? all of this thinking is a bunch of thoughts which is occouring to me.. but then where is this me? I got into the trap of talking about it and thinking about it and i get confused with believing that the thoughts or words are it but theyre not.... And saying that theyre not is another idea and not it..... Its just going round and round in circles. My thoughts are getting so tangled.... There are traps upon traps upon traps upon traps upon traps...Whats really strange is that my mind shuts up a bit when I do neti neti or just comes up with ridicoulus answers like am an interdimensional being that flies to space or saying this is stupid or I am everything or i am nothing or i dont know what i am but its all not it. This is so fucking ridicoulus haha. Idk if its possible to grasp what I am using my mind. And omggg even saying this is contradictory. Thoughts? I just dont fucking know looool can anyone relate?

@cetus56 haha yeah

@Truth Addict lol true I also missed him

Okay, so I started to get out my comfort zone and start hanging out with people because I started to isolate myself when I was depressed and I realized that it's making it worse. But I realised I really need to work on being with people and being normal and likeable etc. Also when I smoke weed it always makes me see my life from a different perspective and I keep getting this feeling that I should stop hanging out with shitty people. Is this a wise choice? Is it better to be lonely or with shit friends? I'm trying to get to know more and more people so I can really build a strong social circle. I go out to smoke cigarettes with this woman across the road. I'm 17 and shes in her 30's. I get along with her family and everything. Is it weird to do that? Cos When I go out for a cigarette and see someone smoking I might as well start conversation right? And shes really interesting to talk to and it's not sexual or anything like that it's just casual friends because we smoke outside. So if I see her or she sees me we smoke and chat. She's friendly with all the neighbours and it's a good area. Is it weird? My foster parents think its weird and make slight remarks like she's my girlfriend as a joke so I'm starting to doubt myself. Also, when I hang out with that guy that when I'm high I get bad vibes about he always says im frustrating and shit and it's like er why do you hang out with me if you dont like me? I don't judge you. Should I cut it off? Cos he has contacts to people at this skatepark where there is a lot of people I know I can make friends with. Should I leave it some time? I tried talking to him but he just holds his ground and thinks he's allright. Thanks for any replies

@Ether Yesss,

So I had an existential crisis recently, I seriously considered suicide. But then I was like hey wait a second the reason I'm suicidal is because I have a shit life and no point in life. And whenever I'm socialising the deppression just melts away. So I'm doing that. And I want to be a social worker after sixth form and uni, so I can make a positive impact on the world. Especially with homelessness as this affected me and my mum. However, I'm thinking that why should I care about people and animals and the state of the world if it's all meaningless anyway and really what I'm after is satisfaction from life? It is all perfect no matter what happens as I've seen from my kensho experiences. So do I have to drop empathy and success? I mean fuckign hell. Also what is the key to being happy? What is it that really satisfies people? i know that enlightened people are really happy so why should I be a social worker if I can be a monk? Isn't my happiness the most important thing in reality? ( my reality which is the only one I have access to? ) So should I drop everything and just be a monk so I can be blissed out all the fucking time lol? Also another thing why do I need to start a family or socialise, eat or do drugs, or socialise or any material pleasure if enlightenment is the ultimate satisfaction? Wouldn't it be wise to put all my efforts into enlightenment?

@the_end_of_me This is fucking gold m8. This day actually cannot get any better