Applejuice

So I have a fear of death of not breathing for extended periods of time, but I rationally know that I cannot die from holding my breath because my body will take over and start breathing for me. I want to try this just to see what happens. Anyone done it?

Okay so I've been meditating for a couple years but I didn't really know what I was doing until a couple weeks ago. And WOWWWW. Seriously how do most people not know about this? My first glimpse of enlightenment was about a month ago and I was doing neti neti whilst high on weed and man that was some crazy shit. It felt really alien. I suddenly realised that there is no experiencer and all there is and ever was is experience. And yeah this felt really really alien. I felt like I just discovered orgasms for the first time hahaha. And now when I meditate I gradually gain more minfulness and thoughts start to fade into noise and everything becomes 'noise' ( neutral and there isn't anything that is more significant than any other thing ) and once that happens I feel like a key has just been taken out of the lock. And I'm not attached to my thoughts, I'm not convinced that I am my thoughts, or my sight or my senstations anymore and not in that problem solving mode. It's fucking beautiful and so alien at the same time. I often feel a wave of energy run through me as this happens like a vibration. that just coarses through me and I'm suddenly non attached to anything. Then this fades and I'm attached to thoughts again. And then I notice I'm talking to myself in my head about how enlightened I am lmao. And then I realise this is ego. And I'm back in square one. And I cannot go more than 20 minutes without an uncontrollable urge to move and open my eyes. Also when I opened my eyes after my most recent meditation everything was as if I have never seen it before, like I had new eyes or I was just born. and it gradually fades into my regular everyday state. I also experience mild closed eye visuals whilst this is happening and a ringing in my ears. But for the most part it feels like I've fallen out of my thoughts. Anyone else experience anythign similar? Was that falling out of thoughts the void? And if so how can I make it last and not attach myself to the ego? EDIT: Also I'm noticing how because I'm not in that state anymore I cannot really grasp what that's like. Is this falling out of thoughts thing of any significance? Am I going crazy? Is this just the ego playing tricks and deluding itself into believing it's enlightened? EDIT: I also feel weird presences or like someone is watching me whilst meditating but that fades too as i focus on my breath. I also see different colours as this state comes on and it looks a lot like the northern lights. EDIT: I know this is the third edit lmao but I'm also noticing how whenever this state comes on it's like my mind doesnt want me to see it. it diverts my attention. This is some freaky shit maaaan And I get it now how when leo said its like a scratch on the top of your head turns into finding a zip then slowly unzipping yourself from yourself. EDIT: I don't know if this is psychosis coming on or if it was enlightenment. It feels pretty good. EDIT: My hands feel like just hands and not like i own them ownership is a delusion. What the fuck is happening? Am I delusional and just imagining I'm enlightened? if anyone knows then pls tell me what is happening. Should I ask a psychiatrist if I'm sane? EDIT: So my regular state where im attached to thoughts is literally insane because everything is fundamentally neutral and just noise and believing that it's something more is craziness. And that means everyone else is insane too. But I know what sane is now. what the fuck EDIT: How do I know this is not my mind playing tricks on me making me believe I've experienced enlightenment? When really I'm just imagining it EDIT: I feel pretty regular now and I cannot really understand it unless im in that state. I cannot unsee this though :DD i feel exactly the same as before I meditated today but really really aware EDIT: I have no idea what the fuck i was talking about anymore lmao wtf EDIT: Now I see that attachments are like lenses on the truth ( pure conciousness or neutrality as i said ) But I'm not in that state anymore I just get it EDIT: Okay so it's the next day and I feel basically the same as before. I think that I try to rationalise what is happening and I begin to believe that my rationalisations are enlightenment. I don't look at it as crazy anymore. more like really sane.

Okay so about a year ago i had a tripple whammy of bad events happening to me. First my girlfriend broke up with me then 2 months after i became homeless with my mum and then i decided to quit smoking whilst i was broke lol ( it worked yay ) and to deal with the pain of all of this I started masturbating like crazy. I remember the withdrawals were so horrific I had to jizz like 8 times a day to keep me sane. But hey I'd rather have friction marks on my dick than get cancer. Essentially, I transferred addictions to masturbating and watching porn. My porn taste became weirder and weirder where at first i started to like anal, then anal gaping then lesbian anal gaping and then assholes, vaginas or blow jobs wouldn't get me off so I started watching handjob videos and then edging handjobs, then force cumshots, then femdom then shemale, cuck videos, horse LMAO and ehahshasidasudaoD then I realised I had to stop when I liked watching someone fucking someone's wife whilst they watch, but simultaneously I'm pretending to be them and liking it. that was my lowest point. I also substituted people with internet, and if you have gone through this you would know how bad social anxiety can get if you fap multiple times a day, I had no friends basically. Now I'm trying to increase my social circle and have one close friend. I had multiple relapses and I've been trying to stop since january, but only now have I made that commitment to actually do it and I cut down my jackoffs from 6 average to 1 or 2 a day. my record is 6 days. Right now I'm on day 2 and I can go on longer and longer periods of abstinence. What really suprises me is the huge shift in energy that I have, sometimes I have so much I literally cannot sleep. I wake up so much easier and I can actually talk to people. It's almost like being drunk in the sense you don't have anxiety but you are also more closely paying attention to people and you can connect with anyone. I mean conversation just comes naturally to me and isn't terrifying as before. This is some magical shit man. I made the shift now from counting days to actually just becoming a person that doesn't masturbate. It's not part of my identity anymore. I feel really happy that I discovered no fap this is actually amazing. Anyone who hasn't tried it and has a shitty life( especially social life ) should give this a go. This has honestly been the best thing that I've done aside from quitting eating animals. And if anyone else does this. Can anyone give me some tips? I get really horny and I want to start having sex with real women instead of my hand and pixels, where could I get a girlfriend? Should I do pickup, or is that creepy? I want to start talkign to random girls in coffee shops or shopping centres or whatever, but I don't know if that's weird. I'm 17 btw so I can't exactly go into a club or bar, unless I get a fake ID but even then I won't have much chance with 20+ year olds. If anyone has experience in pickup can I pickup milfs? :DD lol I like older women and has anyone under 18 picked up a 30 plus woman whilst pretending to be 18 and got anywhere with one? Is this even possible or do the laws of physics not allow that jk haha? I appreciate all replies, love you all

@Deepu YESSS, I get these rushes of this feeling that wow I am actually alive and experiencing life. This is literally a miracle.

@Capethaz yup lmao thats why i think i might be crazy. My mum is schizophrenic. But I feel exactly the same as before that meditation exept i can see that im assuming other people have perspectives but really that is not in my experience and literally an assumption before i thought enlightenment would be when everyone's perspective possible would merge and you would feel this experience orgasm hahaha. Now I'm thinking you become aware of your experience as a whole and see that everything is grounded in that experience and is neutral at its base level so all of experience( your experience ) is all there is and its one experience, hence 'it's all one'. But I don't feel immortal or infinite so I don't know if that was enlightenment. I don't hear voices or see stuff lmao I don't think I'm crazy

So I've been really contemplating wether I should reproduce. I mean It is essentially bringing in more delusional beings into this world that will fuck shit up, go through suffering, hurt others, do evil( taking you away from ultimate reality) acts like eating, sex, socialization , become depressed, and that are stuck in hell ( duality ). I think if there is no life there is no hell, no suffering there is just god/ heaven . And this prevents us from having to reach enlightenment and going through hardship, so should we stop reproducing? I know this sounds counter intuitive as all the ego does is help us stay alive and reproduce, but the more I think about it the more I'm convinced that idea that I need to reproduce or need to have kids is just unnesecary and will do more harm than good. Any thoughts?

@Ether lol

@Lucas Lousada I've noticed it yeah now my mind keeps talking about enlightenment to itself trying to rationalise it but it doesnt work and creates delusion

@Nahm WOOOW lol I literally feel as if I discovered orgasms or fire or some shit like that wow. It gets better?!!!!??! I am crying rn btw :DD

@cetus56 Okay great :DD So I'm not going crazy.

@Jamie Universe That's exactly what im saying lol And yeah I think I will adopt children. @zoey101 Haha it sounds harsh but I think it's true, it brings in people into the world who have a bad foundation and just like a building a lot of the time it collapses, this could be suicide, alcoholism, whatever or you can rebuild the foundation, but this is extremely hard to do. I think my parents shouldn't have made me. No offense to my parents but they aren't actualized human beings in the slightest, no direction, fatalistic, working class mindset, addiction, close minded. And then that has left me to figure my whole life out from scratch without any good real life role models. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I think all humans deserve a good start.

Yesss

Okay so I've watched most of leos videos and he has stated that he will make a video on nihlism, but I haven't found it, can anyone send me a link if they've found it. Or If not can you make a I think this is really core to enlightenment I think most people go through spiritual depression, and nihlism so . I know that leo made a video on dangers of meditation and mentioned these but he hasn't made a video on how to deal with nihlism and suicidal thoughts. I think this would be really useful for a lot of people and could get Leo a lot of views because almost everyone goes through an existential crisis from time to time and there isn't much practical non woowoo content on youtube that explains this.

@SgtPepper By delusion I mean that all my beliefs and desires are taking me away from god/ reality and putting a filter over everything preventing me from seeing how it really is without my beliefs and self filter it. Essentially I think thoughts are filters on reality that delude us into believing we are seperate. And youre right it is god's will.

@SgtPepper Doing it already. Meditation obliterates any thoughts, it shows me that it's all just delusion and isn't going anywhere. It's noise. But when I'm going about my day i get swallowed by existential crises sometimes.

I was thinking of joining an amazonian tribe back a couple years ago! Haha been there lol. I've been homeless too it's not nice you should really prepare for this to avoid that. I think this is a great idea. There's a guy in alaska who lives with his wife in there far from any other people, just nature all around and he hunts for his food. You should probably learn to hunt and fish effectively and how to grow crops and make medicine and other things before you do this. Honestly, I think about this all the fucking time, but the only thing that is on my mind is I could die, and I would also need other people there too. If I was there by myself I would just get really lonely. But I think technology whilst it's making us survive really well, it's not making us happy and connected with nature, being around cities and cars and constant stimuli, it's a breeding ground for hell to manifest in the mind. How can we be one with god when we're always distracted by our thoughts and societal norms and constructs. I think a lot of people including me and you( i assume ) don't feel connected with everyone in their society because we are not connected to survival and don't see directly that we depend on each other, you can literally sit on your ass and smoke weed all day playing games living off government benefits in the uk. There are people who do that so no wonder everyone is depressed

Enlightenment and god is something you can verify yourself with meditation or psychedelics, and there are countless people who have experienced them, so I believe in that. But reincarnation, souls and going to hell after you die doesn't make sense to me. A soul is the sense of self or ego, which is an illusion, and its illogical to think that it can be transported to a different body after you die, you can't transport an illusion. The buddhist version of reincarnation makes sense as things are constantly changing and eg. you become the air that you breathe in and when you breathe out that breath becomes the atmosphere and it involves no soul or seperateness. If hell is being stuck identifying as the ego and not the universe as a whole, which creates suffering ( and the devil is the ego ). Then when the ego dies, ( when your body dies your ego has nothing to cling to so it has to die ) you become god, there is no worries, no pain and nothing matters ( suffering ends ) That's heaven/ nirvana. How can hell exist if it's caused by the ego. Also chakras. Chakras are spinning balls of energy. energy cannot spin that makes no sense. Can anyone explain these in further detail?

@MarkusSweden Im here to listen add me on snapchat; icrooze7 or on whatsapp 07375998604 or text whatever. or even on this forum. Man, I get you, most people have brainwashed beliefs from culture and society. I have weird beliefs too lol. Im always open to new ideas i havent heard of before. If you have any information that could blow my mind please tell me i love that shit

So I've had some weird ego bending experiences on weed, and i've been looking into psychedelics for a couple of years now, not from the perspective of wanting to get as fucked up as possible and seeing cool shit but to find out the true nature of reality and experience ego death. Also to notice how I am really without my beliefs getting in the way. But I am 16 and I know that's young but I have been thinking about it for a really really long time and I think this is something I want to do. Also my mum is schizophrenic so I don't know if it will be safe? I heard that lsd can make latent schizophrenia ( there is a high chance of having it if I have a parent that is schizophrenic) come on sooner. My brother took acid at 21 and he was fine. The tabs I'm getting I will test so I know it's lsd and not a nbmoe compound which I know can be deadly in small doses. The tab is 120 ug. I want to take 60mg just to get a taste. Is this a smart idea? Or is there real risk of me breaking my brain forever? I was thinking that maybe being lost in ego leads to schizophrenia and if I meditate and I just go with the flow and I don't fight the trip and let it run its course through me I should be fine right? What do you guys think? My mum wasn't diagnosed but she has psychosis and delusions so I don't know what psychological diseases she has, but I know there is something there. Any thoughts?

So for the past couple of months I have been really considering the pointlessness of life. I realised no matter what things i achieve or experience i have i will always seek more. And I think this is what comes with being born and being an animal. So I lost interest in everything, because what else is there to do. I can do stuff but I won't be satisfied with it and its only for short term excitement. If I was dead I wouldn't have to worry about having a house or eating food or maintatining relationships. Those things are cool, they keep me alive but that's a bit shallow. There is no purpose that can fulfil anyone. There is nothing to do. I kept telling myself that its logical to commit suicide. Not like a depressed sort of suicide but more in the sense that if you look at death and life objectively, death is much better than life as you are at peace and there is no suffering. Then I looked into leo's videos about enlightenment and it was like, ooh so i do need to kill myself to find fulfillment, but not my body, just my sense of self. But then what about everything else? All the birds and insects and fish and other sentient beings. Nature is really cruel and life keeps on living and feeding off of other organisms and dying and I think all organisms are stuck in this trap of chasing survival all the time. It's all we do, trying to avoid death, when it is the only thing that will free us from suffering ( apart from enlightenment ). This led me to thinking maybe the earth is better off with all life extinct so there is no more suffering for anyone. Like if nuclear war or some other disaster just wiped out all life on earth and made it inhospitable for any life. I mean I can become enlightened, but what about all the animals and other humans which will live their whole lives trapped in this ego dopamine chasing machine. Any thoughts on this? Does this make sense? Anyone else thought like this?

@Mikael89 Tbh there is no proof that any other humans apart from you are self aware. If they are animals they probably evolved an ego so that they can survive more effectively. Even fish. I don't know about plants

@Charlotte Okay great. I will wait until 21 until I try psychedelics. That's good to hear phew. Weren't you scared of triggering schizophrenia?

@SgtPepper Yeah you're right I should probably wait and it could trigger schizophrenia. What about 5meo dmt?

@LastThursday Yeah you raised some good points there. I'm not going to kill myself, it's not that I am depressed or have a miserable life, I just see it as better than life because the ego is gone and I'm not chasing shit forever and ever like I am now. But When there is no body there is no more ego as it is there to keep the body alive. When the body leaves the ego will dissolve and not be relevant. I think it will end suffering yeah. I mean that's what enlightenment is all about right? killing yourself but not your body so you're no longer constantly in survival selfish mode and so you're no longer suffering. I understand now that enlightenment is really what I need to do and not suicide. But I'm saying if there are no organisms to play this survival game there will be no ego and no suffering anywhere. When we are not alive, there is noone to survive and there is no ego we are the ultimate nature of reality always. I see life as sort of a prison we come into and end the suffering when we're dead. But we are wired to reproduce so that there are organisms that will be stuck in this cycle forever until extinct. When there is no life there is no suffering. All that remains is enlightenment.

@see_on_see Phew! Lol what video?