B_Naz

See this "now" as balance. Good can't come without bad. Experience the bad, be in the bad moment, and then move on. Don't be greedy and only experience the good. The bad must be there to help you become stronger and resistant

I would suggest to meditate even longer then, go upto 15 mins and see where that takes you

I've experienced this before. It's super weird, and it is literally as you describe it. It's as you're dissolving and engulfed by "something". It's you stopping the labeling, stopping the balance, stopping everything that you think you're doing and you are now just being. When you "be", you're no longer sitting, you're not longer breathing, you're no longer keeping your balance or keeping your back straight. you're just being awareness. The sensations is something I don't know where it comes from, but it means you're doing something right . It's rare for me to feel something like this. But when it happens, and I realize it, it goes away

Lol I see this all the time. The universe doesn't resolve around the enlightened monk. He can't stop a bullet, of course not, because the bullet itself is awareness.

Hey, you're beautiful, funny, confident, attractive, clever, and everything. Don't let labels hurt you, be true to yourself. Everyone has their own flaws, and you just need to accept them and move on. What helps me in these situations is to pretend that I am something that I am not. If I have the same thoughts of someone who is, lets say, a confident person, then this would only mean that I will be confident. Be the thing you want to be. Don't let these stupid judgments affect for your true self. Your want to be self.

Fuck other people, just believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Be yourself

A lot of people make mistakes on not learning maths. Maths is needed in Computer science, so if you don't like it, then I wouldn't really suggest going for it. I mean you could? Some people get by it but you never know when you have to develop a program that requires maths. Even with your game, physics is needed to create the mechanics. You don't need to study computer science either, it's more of a formality when getting hired. Programming is not equal to Computer Science, there is a lot more to CS. It's called Computer Science for a reason, it has the word science => maths. Develop the game if you want to do it. You don't need a degree to develop the game, but if you feel like you need the degree to create the game, then yeah go for the degree with the vision of the game

Just gotta keep trying and trying until that negativity ego can fuck off I think you need a habit or even a schedule. This might help with the awareness, perhaps have a journal or every Sunday you can do something special

They say it occurs in memory and ultimately, this is what creates the thoughts. Also, your literal thoughts are the ones that are causing the failures, because on a very deep level, you think your actions as as a failure when in reality, there is no such thing as a "failure". Failure is a human concept, failure is something YOU created and failure is what your thoughts say when you are in the loop. This leads to desire to stop the failure when there was no failure in the first place, lol. Desire is just something your ego wants. Embrace the desire, and just do it. Attach yourself to the desire. Once you've done that, you will probably realise that the desire was fucking stupid and never satisfied you. This realisation is important. Memory affects your behavior. Nobody or nothing controls you but the thought and moments which are expressions of the memory. You could be constantly shifting emotional states/moods without even realizing it, which affects your current moment. Look at this forum, it's full of mood swings and shifts of the emotion. Do deeper research within yourself. Try and realize what a thought is, and what a memory is, the answer is within though. This is just my rationalization of what an action is

@PhilGR I would say it isn't, since you're exploring the nature of reality, and it does help to try and explain people what your perspective is. When you're explaining, sometimes you can get little Epiphanies midway through explaining your views, this happens a lot to me, because it's collecting your thoughts and allowing the thoughts to be in one moment But this can also be easily achieved during mediation, lol

The only way to really get to rationalist thinking people is by trying to get them to question their paradigms. I think trying to convince them of the Truth will never work because of how their mind thinks of the world. They see the world as objective and will rationalise anything, which is a rationalisation which creates a limited perspective on the universe, like for example, they have never questioned or considered that every observation could only be done via subjective experience in a collective... Try to get them questioning their paradigms, try questioning what makes sense to them, because if they truly think about what their values are, they could find flaws, when Truth has no flaws. Start with the materialistic paradigm, that will mind bobble their world.

That's fantastic. What I find is most people want to stop validation is so they can gain something out of it, like when you're trying to stop seeking attention, to actually gain more attention (if that make sense, it's like not being needy, but by not being needy, you get people to talk to you, because you stopped scaring people with your needyness) but you've figured out the problem. It's destroying your humanity Hey, you're normal. We're all normal. Validation is simply thoughts that people have, and most of the time they will forget those thoughts. Think about when you judged people, it's a thought that is created and you forget it, because it's no longer in the moment. Also, you're in this reality and you are literally beautiful, don't try to gain validation to destroy that beauty. You are the entire universe, you are made up of the same "substance" of the universe, you are the literal essence of the universe. You're breathing, you have a purpose, you care about yourself, you care about the environment (hopefully) and you are literally everything that you are not, because reality is infinite. You are infinite, you are amazing. When you try to gain validation, it's only for your ego, not from within you, which is the universe. Detach from your ego and be one with the whole universe. You are LITERALLY experiencing life! What I would suggest you to do is working on yourself. Like really work on yourself, maybe workout, start reading books like 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, try to gain some confidence in yourself. When you gain confidence in yourself, use it to validate for yourself. Like if somebody sees you and thinks "This guy is pretty weak" but deep down you can fucking bench 200kg with no problem (when you workout, just an example). You have to really realize that you're not actually trusting yourself, to be yourself. You feel like you need some sort of "objective" perspective on your life (which is the validation) in order to be in a certain way. Fuck that way, be your way. There are some hardships like seeing your flaws, but accept the flaws, everyone has them. It is completely normal, don't worry about it too much. Also don't try and resist the flaws, or resist your ego, just try and let it flow. Let the need for validation flow, and then try and validate yourself

Ever questioned why you're actually trying to stop this validation? You say you care about what people think of you, so you want to stop, but why do you want to stop? Are you trying to gain something by stopping this validation? Could this come from the ego? Gaining something in anything is coming from the ego, and what you have to try and do is do it without any attachment! So for example, getting a haircut for a cute girl, you have to try and realise your validation is hurting and backfiring you, and that trying to stop the validation is also backfiring... So become neutral... Why can't I just get a normal haircut for the sake of it? This is completely normal. Your life gets rebuilt everyday and, nobody is pure and make no mistakes. Everyone make mistakes, hell right now, I can't be bothered to clean my room because im a lazy fat piece of shit after I promied i won't be. But what you have to realise is that once you build, you will have to smash it down and rebuild again, to make the foundations stronger. I'm sure you know this all so yes, it is normal Lastly, fuck the past. Your parents may have not been the best or they may have been the best, or your childhood has some flaws but just forget about those... Live in the present. the past never existed Don't let the past define you, let the present define you

Yea exactly! You're already aware because you are already it! To put something on awareness isn't like our thoughts are focused on the awareness, it's more like you just are that, and you can become aware of that awareness. Sounding crazy huh... I'll have a read at Neti-Neti @WindInTheLeaf you have no choice but to be aware of it? Wouldn't you say? You are already it, and you can be aware of the it!

So this insight came to me whilst I was on my retreat... If you put awareness on something, it exists. If you put awareness on something and it is no longer there, it never existed For something not to exist is something that never had awareness or lost awareness. The something is not a something (not like a object), but is the whole thing. Only through awareness it existed. But this existence isn't existence what we think of. This existence is not physical, metaphysical, or whatever model we add. Existence in the sense that it is no-thing. That is how I know it exists and we exist, through awareness. Awareness? What is it? It's not a thought. It's not an emotion. It is JUST is. You are JUST everything and nothing all. I sometimes have no idea what I'm talking about, and this sounds like rationalising... But some other opinions or guidelines?

Leo told me to

Detach yourself from all of that bullshit. Don't identify with it How to detach? When a thought of that nature comes up, you drop it, and you drop it like you drop your arm. You don't resist, and you allow the negativity thought to arise, but you detach and let go. Carry on with that. It's a loop! Allow the negativity nature to occur, then let go of it. Detach from it! This is not resisting it, you're simply allowing the negativity to flow. If you can, try to find the problem as @Feel Good said. When it gets too much, go for a walk, or another way to separate from them. Empty your mind with the bullshit

Within yourself. The answers has always been within you. How do you think the people who answer your questions found the answer? Within themselves.

Nobody or Nothing is controlling you or your thoughts. Your thoughts are expressions of your memory, in one movement But you gotta search for this yourself. Don't take my word for it. Put awareness to the "thing" but what you could find is a loop which goes something like this... If the brain is controlling my thoughts, then who is controlling my brain, and then who is controlling that, and then who is controlling this? So on and so on. Conclusion is... Nobody is in control of anything!

Been about 2 weeks of self-enquiry on this topic and I've seen some insights. But ultimately, there is no clear answer within me. Is it coz I'm just out there to fuck? Is it because I'm lonely and need some social interactions? Is it because when I go outside, I look at asses? Do I need somebody to talk to? It's stating to get frustrating because I'm constantly reminded. Any suggestions on why relationships (sexual) are wanted? Like, what could be the most common reason for me wanting a girlfriend?

But what about the actual seeing? You're seeing from a perspective of a human, but what about seeing as for what it is? Seeing without any eyes! Or I should say, being aware of everything?

Who is doing the seeing? Question that awareness. When you close your eyes, you can't see shit right? So when you say "I am the center of everything I see" what do you actually mean? There is more than seeing you know... Being completely aware without your body too (without eyes)?

Just came back from my retreat, so sorry for the late reply. I don't really know what's going on with me. I've been thinking about this girlfriend situation a lot more now, and everyday it seems to sustain. On one side, what @Truth said is so true, I dont posses the skill to get a girlfriend. I am always trying to attract girls with my looks without actually trying to talk to girls. I want attention from girls, and to notice me. But then this is where I get confused... I want this girlfriend to be immediate, and have a deep connection with them. And also to be monogamy. So in conclusion, this is what I came up with It could be that I want the skill to find somebody that will result in a deep meaningful connection? I try to attract unique and stands out from the crowd. Anyways, I am not suffering as much anymore. Still on the hunt for that partner

I've done some different techniques of meditation. but I was wondering if there was a self-enquiry meditation? Could I just let lose of my thoughts and start asking questions to myself, observe and understand life? Or is self-enquiry a meditation method already? If there isn't, any links to videos/suggestions would be great.

There was no control in the first place Flow with it. Be with it. Don't resist it. You said this is a state of mind, states of mind comes and goes. One day I'm angry about the England's performance at the World Cup, and then the next day I'm excited that it's coming home when they win Don't feel terrible about it, just be joyful about the conflict Why be joyful? Because... The answer is within you, keep searching. You're just scared because of the state. States come and go! Leo once said to me that I'm treating these types topics "too much like philosophy" and it's true with most topics. The answer is within you. The answer of struggle and why it's there