electroBeam

If reality is not legit, then what chance does she have of being legit?

The biggest mindfuck you're going to encounter in the next 15 years (hopefully) is the reason why you're so bad with girls, is because you've developed an identity around being bad with girls, and you're scared shitless of letting that identity go.

"how high are your tostesterone levels"

I'm in a spot where I need to get hyper social. Things like meeting lots of new people a day. If I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, I would create a man cave and only come out once a month hahahaha and thats to go into nature, not to meet people hahaha. I love my own space, freedom, independence, the internet, solitude, and doing my life's work isolated. When I go to meet people, it's suffering for me because I feel like I'm wasting my time, because I don't connect with most people(value difference and different interests) and I feel like I'm forced to talk about crap, because if I talk about what I want, they loose interest. And because I'm different, i have less buying power for what to talk about in groups. Even if I go find people like me, I need to be social for business reasons, which means Orange. How is my ego tricking me?

That's his style. It's why his audience listens to him. He acts a certain way to get clicks and fit in the fox news box.

If you are allowed, do uni part time, online, and spend the other time doing a creative job, being an entrepreneur and getting money from scratch. There's no job more free than being an entrepreneur. But at the same time, even being an entrepreneur is constricted. You have to play by your customer or investor's game.

Well it's not working well. Bitching about not having enough sex is not advancing anyone's survival.

I'm reaching out here because I don't know what else to do. I feel very suicidal right now and I just need some opinions and help. I want to talk to someone in person about my issues, because I read somewhere that women get over breakups better then men because they talk to their friends about it. But I can't, you'll see why below. My situation is, I'm currently in a startup. My cofounder is a highly charismatic sociopath. We have spent the last 3 years building a company, and we have probably another 5 years to go. It's going really well and it's got a good chance of being successful. Unfortunately My cofounder is from China(it's based in a poor dangerous part), and our company is based in China. I'm not from China, and I have been doing work from my home country. He has told me in the past that he strongly values strong determination, work ethic, getting rich, and sacrificing everything for the company. He said that he's willing to sacrifice his house, his wife and family relations to make this startup work. His wife is basically his slave, she does what he tells her to do, she gets upset with him a lot because he doesn't take her out on dates, forgets her birthday and anniversary, etc. And he just shruggs it off. Tells her that she can get divorced then. She either sacrifices her well-being for the company or she leaves. He of course expects me to do the same, but I'm not like him. I value compassion, impacting the world, empathy and being kind to women and basically everyone. For the past 3 years, he's been trying to convince me to move to China. I have compromised by going to China every 2-4 months for about a month. I couldn't leave in the past because my wife(ex now) couldn't handle it. She was too clingy. She couldn't even handle 1 month every 3 months, and that's why we have broken up. My ex wife came from Latin America, and we met in uni. We became husband and wife to give her a visa so she could migrate to our country. Of course we thought we would be together, but now we broke up. But we have to keep seeing each other for another year and pretend to be married for her to get a permanent residency. If I divorce her now, it will take her much longer to get a PR, and her mum(who is around 70) won't be able to come to my country because she might die soon. If I cancel her visa, I think there's a strong chance my ex wife my commit suicide, because her mum spent all her money paying for her visa and her university, all in hopes that she could spend her last year's in my home country with her. This gives me a great deal of suffering, because for the visa we have to keep seeing each other for evidence, but I'm deeply hurt she broke up with me. She told me that she broke up with me because she felt insecure about our relationship. Because my company is based in China, she's worried that in the future I will leave to China and never come back. I told her that I didn't move to China specifically to be with her. But she's too insecure and so she broke up. I pretended to quit my company and she cried because she said that I was messing up her head. And that to stop the pain we should just be best friends(friends with benefits) until the visa comes, because she knows I'm very ambitious and again that makes her think that if I get too successful I will leave her. I'm deeply hurt because I'm committed to her, and she won't accept it for a silly reason. And I feel used for the visa. I don't want to see her but I have to for the visa and this is bringing me pain. I agreed that let's be in a relationship then for another year and just enjoy while we can, and lets break up at the end of the year. Lets use this time to detach from each other and make our last memories good ones(because we are still attached to each other). She agreed(close friends of benefits sort of thing till the end of the year) This breakup happened about a week or 2 ago. I'm currently in China and have been for about a week or 2(left just after the breakup). When I go to China, I don't feel comfortable with my cofounder. He's very brutal and harsh(typical Chinese sociopath). He's also 20 years older than me(I'm in my early 20s). I value health, wellbeing, and it's always a struggle for me to do simple things like eat healthy food and go to the gym. He argues with me that I should be working long hours at the startup and thats more important than health and gym. He shows me all the poor people in China and says all of them would do anything to be in my position right now. When i argue he just argues back. And its so uncomfortable because when im there im living in his house, i come from a poor family and dont have enough money for airbnb or hotels while im there. He of course wont spend that money on me because hes a tight chinese man. I told my cofounder about my breakup up(because it's important for us to understand what's going on in our life for planning the startup) and I was hoping that he would be at least a bit sympathetic. Instead he said "hooray! you can finally migrate to China, I'll get you a visa". I was just so put off by this. I broke up with my wife of 3 years about a week ago, and he gave absolutely no empathy. Instead he just capitalised on my loss. I wanted to vomit. I told him that look I need time to get over the relationship. We will continue to live together till the end of the year. I'll come to China permanently a bit later during the year. He told me that I'm being stupid. Why am I choosing to help someone with a visa when they broke up with me? Why do you want to stay in your home country and live with her after the breakup? Youre being stupid, irrational, emotional, feminine. If you were loyal to the startup you would come instantly! This is your future, not your ex wife. Think about the future, stupid 20s man. Even if I don't live with my ex for the rest of the year, the thought of living with this guy in his house for a long period of time makes me wanna puke. Chinese are so harsh and brutal and hate feelings. they only care about rationality. I don't mean to be racist but I hate their culture. The company is on track to make enough money to justify to my tight ass cofounder to give me a pay and have my own place next year. I want to move then. But not now. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I told this to my ex wife, and of course she got pissed, saying that he's going to ruin her visa and her plans to come to my home country. So i cant go too soon. I'm just thinking "what about me? It isn't fair, I've had enough and I want my share! My heart has just been teared, and all these people care about is their own petty lives". Fortunately she later confessed that if I go she will cry because she still needs me. But her first reaction was the visa and that hurts me a lot. On top of all of this, to save money I've been living with my parents. Because it's a startup the income is not totally secure, especially since the Chinese dollar is much lower than my own country(I live in a city as expensive as los angeles) and with the corona virus its just dropped again. My parents are pissed that i sacrificed my degree for this startup and have now told me i must move out. So now i have home security problems. Also my parents are divorcing after a lot of hatred and only care about themselves right now. Divorce court fees etc makes me not a concern for them right now. I can't talk to my parents about my ex wife, because to get the visa my parents have to write statements to the immigration. I've also had a lot of fights with them in the past because they helped my ex wife by providing her a house and thought she was ungreatful, but kept all of the resentment in because they thought we would be together forever. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Last night I stayed up the whole night. Just contemplating about my life. I wondered "what if instead of my wife disappearing I quit the startup?" Then I suddenly felt like I was on cocaine, ecstatic. The relief from all of the pressure was amazing. But then I remembered all of the pain I got from my controlling ex wife. I then wondered "what if i quit both my ex wife and the startup" omg i felt like I took 10x more cocaine, with all of the relief i felt like i was floating. Then i remembered how stressful it is living with my family. Then it hit me, what if I committed suicide? Just started over again like what we do in our dreams? OMG the relief, the ecstasy. I cannot describe, just like an enlightenment experience. Last night I snuck a knife out of the draw from my cofounder's kitchen and began to locate my heart. As I was about to push it in a flashback of my entire history from the moment I was a kid to now occured. I saw how much mourning my parents would go through if I did this, the shock and terror of my cofounder and the dread of my ex. But the worst part would be my parents would incorrectly feel guilty and responsible for the thing i was about to do. So i put the knife back and instead just wept in the deep dark depression for the entire night. I've talked to therapists in the past, and I find I get worse, not better eith them. I can't speak to my parents about my situation, and I've tried speaking to my ex and cofounder about it: which was a mistake. I have no friends, because I'm too busy. I feel used, exploited, and I feel unlovable and void of love. I feel like people only like me because I make them rich(cofounder) or I give them a visa(my ex wife). I feel very resentful to my ex wife. And I feel like vomiting when I think about my cofounder. I have a deep urge to commit suicide and I just don't know what to do, and I don't have anyone to talk to. What can I do? Is suicide the best thing for such a situation?

maybe you're just addicted to bread, and the idea of someone telling you bread is bad triggers you.

The point he was making was that degrees do nothing for your learning or development, the only thing they do is give a boss a reason to hire you, and cover their ass if something goes wrong. You don't have a boss being an entrepreneur, so you don't need one. And in silicon valley, people who don't have degrees are respected more than people who do. We are seen as they awesome rebel geniuses that was too cool for school. Firstly, the people who have figured out the programme are not wise, they are people who are really good at office politics, skewing research data to suit their self biased agenda, making up thesis projects that having nothing to do with helping humanity, but instead reaffirming their supervisor or school's ego, covering up mistakes they made in their analysis or experiments and people who are very good at following rules, but not going outside of those rules. Secondly, "teach you the important bits in the correct order" is personal for everyone. Some people are highly visual, and would suit core units in geometry first, then complex and imaginary numbers. Others are abstractly inclined, and so would suit complex numbers first then geometry. Some people need to be taught more visually, while others need to be taught more audibly. People learn best with different personality types. Some people like extroversion, while others like introversion. Everyone has different passions, and so learning particular units based on specific passions (web design vs AI) would improve learning. Universities teach with poor learning techniques: They use lectures rather than interactive sessions. Instead of project based learning (studies show it to be far more effective) they use exercise based learning. Appreticiships are far more effective than the current system for programming, yet why are they still teaching with these stupid tests and exercises? Real life doesn't have tests and exercises, and the fact that industry types don't trust people straight out of college is a sign of that. Everyone requires a different learning style, yet because university is interested in money - and not education - they standardise all of this into 1 set of core courses, making lots of people feel isolated. If you study yourself, you have the power to control all of these aspects, and learn 1000x more effectively. But worst part about the university system, is it doesn't take into consideration your life purpose. It trains you to be a cookie cutter: follow the rules, keep within your field of expertise, and maximise the amount of value you can give to some ruthless boss some day. What if you're a light worker? What if you're a reiki healer? Good luck getting a degree to help you here. What if your life purpose is to build code that helps tarot healer do their work? Hahahaha Uni got no chance with that. If you follow uni's advice, both in and out of college, you're destined to be a wage slave helping some dude rip people off to get himself rich. University only has a few real unique value propositions: access to expensive lab equipment (if you need it), credentials (so that when you construct a bridge and it topples over, your boss can cover his ass and say "oh but he had a degree! How was I suppose to know!") and access to relationships if your uni provides that. And of course some degrees need credentials (like being a doctor). No ways about that. The actual learning is best done by yourself. But if you really care about your career (and you don't have a profession that requires expensive lab equipment, or is very strict on credentials), doing self study, finding powerful mentors, going to conferences, doing a startup, for 4 years! Is going to grow you 100x as much as someone who goes to uni. But do you have the balls to not rely on credentials to get jobs and be successful? Going into an interview for a high end job without a degree requires the same level of EQ as cold approach does - harder but grows you more, and you save more time.

Bread is absolutely terrible for you. Any meal involving bread gives you cancer.

@Aaron p That's called psychosis About 1 to 2 week ago I was in China. My cofounder had an idea for our current startup which would be highly popular but would ruin lots of lives by ripping people off. I told him that this idea is literally like a virus, spreads well but posions the world. He said that nothing bad would happen to him or me if we do this idea. The next day he got the coronavirus.

@StarStruck Doesn't matter what people think. How are you going to revolutionise the world if you care about people staring at you? You think watching people's reaction of you not having a job is bad, wait till you become a spiritual teacher, where not only you don't have a job, but you don't have an ego or physical world as well hahahahaha. I think you need a job to be independent of your parents. But if you can be independent without a job, my god that's a great place to be! Go do spiritual courses, self study, etc! That's an amazing place to be!

@TheAvatarState maybe the self destructive patterns enables the existence of non self destructive patterns.

Yep that's the exact experience I had when my ex wife told me the reasons she broke up with me.

I have frequent peaks of ego backlash(every 1 month to every 2 weeks). And it lasts usually 3 to 4 days, maybe 5. During an ego backlash I go on a mid-life crisis where I feel like being a cocaine drug dealer living in the ghettos and having highway speed chases with cops. It's sort of like being drunk on alcohol except you're sober. Most of the time I don't notice this is happening until I do something stupid. I just think this is what I value and this is who I am. The values that I have usually are almost the opposite to what is experienced when these mid life crisis happen. This value shift happens frequently, and it makes it hard to sustain stability in life purpose, meditation habit, etc. I want to have a stable life purpose and meditation habit without being knocked off the pedastool by these ghetto desires every 2 weeks. It usually happens after being in a state of non dual awareness for 3 or 4 days. Or if I'm finding myself or other spiritual stuff. So it's not going away easily. How should one keep on track while you feel like you're a badass thug that's gonna sell some cocaine to some niggas while having a shootout with the cops?

Everyone reacts very differently to spirituality. Some people (like you) enter altered states of consciousness quite smoothly, others experience manic and psychotic episodes. Neither is better than the other. In my experience its not coming from lack of shadow work or an increase need of letting go of emotional baggage. You can think of it like different cognitive makeup in the brain which causes different things in people regardless of emotional or psychological trauma. One way to make sense of it is to say you're more spiritually gifted than someone else. Other ways to make sense of it are things like you having a spirit animal (shamanism) while others don't, etc. Another way to make sense of it is some people a psychic and don't know what they are doing with their psychic abilities (lots of schizophrenics). I don't experience extreme levels of mania or psychosis, but I experience them to a moderate extent (even that's hard to objectively quantify because its all relative), and I experience them (in my opinion) frequently (every 2 weeks to a month). In the past my psychotic episodes were caused by an oscillation between 2 chakras, this one, after analysis, was caused by a misrepresentation of values from the life purpose course. Its not a problem, its not better or worse then your smooth ride, but its different, and its different for non sensical reasons.

Ahh yes very nice distinction I forgot about thanks! I might be taking values in the LP course too seriously. Manic and psychotic episodes are quite common on the spiritual path. Going to a therapist actually has a high chance of making the problem worse not better. Therapists won't understand the problem from a non dual perspective and therefore give you medications or treatments which don't solve the problem but aggravate it(just pointing that out for future reference). If you do want to see a professional, reiki healers or energy based yogic practitioners tend to be more reliable and gentle.

For getting a job, college is better. For become a world class software engineer, coding bootcamp + self study, self run projects, reaching out and coding with admirable mentors, presenting at meetup and conferences, online courses (where you do it for learning, not for marks) etc is a better option.

Such questions usually come from a place of 'spiritual conditioning'. Whereby you set arbitrary archetypes for what constitutes as being spiritual or not. Its best if you drop these conditions and follow your vision/dream board. What's spiritual does not depend on the content (software vs art) but on the structure (context in which the software or art is being used in/for). While this isn't directly software, software is said to be the direct application of mathematics, and an example of mathematics increasing consciousness is this book.

@Elisabeth Imagine being away for 1 month every 3 months for the next 4 to 5 years... Also (I won't ever do this but this is her perspective) what if the place I go to every 3 months I enjoy it a lot(let's say it's the US) and I end up wanting to live there? Then I leave her for it? What if it starts out as a month, but due to career restrictions it grows bigger? like 3 months every month? On top of that she's known as being 10x more clingy than the average girl. She's a clingy type. She's a clan/tribal sort of person(because she's from Latin America hahaha). Also she hates my cofounder to death and fears he will take me away from her. And she has noticed that my cofounder puts more pressure on me the less I go over to China. She worries about my stress. She also thinks it's unfair of her to restrict me to my home country. What if it's best for me to leave my home country to grow myself? What if I'm still a kid and I need experiences to grow up and mature? I disagree with all of her points except the last one. Deep down the last one is really important. I feel sheltered and feel like I need to explore the world more, explore different cultures, customs, try building a business is different countries, deal with different user needs, manage different engineers of different races, etc. To sort of understand the world more. I think what's ideal for me is to not use the startup as a way to get rich(I honestly don't care about money at all) but rather use it as a vehicle to grow my life purpose: to expose myself and adapt and learn different cultures(do business and live in different cultures for a while) and to learn from highly talented people about engineering(my passion is engineering: the research sort of creative type of engineering). Maybe go to the US and get mentored by the world's best engineer. At the same time I have no desire of living in a different country for long (beyond 3 to 6 months) periods of time, because your growth(mind expansion) stops after about 3 to 6 months. After 3 to 6 months the culture shocks go away, etc. So you're in your comfort zone by then. It would be nice to work maybe for 3 to 6 months in a different country per year for a few years(or possibly 4 to 5 years) for growth. But yeah this is where I'm at. I think my ex is convinced that we should split at the end of the year and use this year to slowly detach from each other(for my benefit aswell). But she also acknowledges the ideal scenario would be for us to get back together when i stop this travelling business. Yet theres no guarantee that will happen.

The problems women have with men are almost the same problems men have with women. Here's an example: https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost.com/2016/09/13/man-finds-out-missing-wife-is-alive-in-the-worst-way-possible/amp/ @Keyhole Yeah all women seem to consistently interpret the message that way. But all men interpret it a completely different way. Including the one that wrote it. This is just a very obvious example of female vs male bias. It's completely and very clearly off the mark that theres no doubt there is bias lurking in the brains of the ones interpreting it. Men interpret it more as: Feminism is a solution, not just for women, but for men too. There is a cultural expectation that men must be horny and love sex, more so then a 'safe harbour' or oxytocin, and this causes men to repress their deep need for love, which manifests into neurological and mental disorders. Men don't cry, men don't need love and support, because those things are 'girly' and ooo I don't want to date a girly man, I want a real man, a tough man(Orange stage girls are like this have no idea what you're like). If women(and men) stopped thinking of men as just people who want sex(in other words, we took a more feminist approach), maybe they would be given the space to fully realize their need for love and intimacy, rather than sex. Guys have a lot of stuff suppressed in them because of culture. They have a lot of expectations to do with what a real man is. The patriarchy is affecting men just as much as women, and mental health, suicide and physical assult stats(where all are dominated by men) is clear evidence for it. What if I told you that men are only more violent because of the patriarchy? Sounds far fetched? Let me remind you that gender is a social construct, and even if you still think it's in our DNA, bonobos are very peaceful. Much more than humans. You get what you wish for, if you think men only care about sex, and you subconsciously let your man know that's what you think in your relationship, guess what? He will probably not admit his need for love in fear of become less of a 'man' I have in the past, fully surrendered my need to be a man(even if women expect me to be 'a man', I just say 'fuck you' to them. I've got a bit of feminine needs in me and you either deal with it or leave). And in a relationship, I'm fully open and transparent with this need. Of course most men are waaay to scared to do this, so dont expect your average guy to do it. With this mindset(if the women isn't too stuck up and can tolerate and accept this) the relationship ends up being 100x more loving. I'm not saying for you personally, because you've clearly decided the celibacy approach, but for others reading this: if you want a man to not just be about sex, you also need to take a bit of initiative. You need to be ok with him being a bit feminine. If you can't tolerate a man that cries, cares deeply for things like the environment or his family, is vegan, does womanly things sometimes or thinks like a woman on occasions, then youre part of the problem sorry to say. I know a woman who broke up with a man because he was too 'girly' and was worried he was gay...Sigh. Find a guy who is ok and in touch with his feminine side(plenty at sweat lodges(the shaman stuff) psychedelic retreats and environmental meetups) and if you dare, fully surrender to it. The more the masculine side dominates the man, the more in love the women gets, but the more problems the women gets in the long run. This is why only high consciousness people can date each other, because only high consciousness people are willing to sacrifice, or see through the patriarchy to form a better relationship.

No that's wrong. You've just been dating the wrong people. https://medium.com/@GoodMenProject/the-one-thing-men-want-more-than-sex-98a801833e39 Guys like oxytocin as much as females, it just takes the right guy, and the right amount of time, to get there.

I'm suprised that people take an online forum so seriously. When you get banned, you don't get bashed, bruised, sent to solitary, even identified. Plenty on here when getting banned just change to a new account (because IP is dynamic so its impossible to ban based on IP). Unless they are attached to their account? LOL. Its like the account is somehow intertwined with their identity.

ohhh ok. Yeah so if you ever get a husband who is deeply clingy and needy and can't handle you leaving for a week, and if you ever get a supervisor who heavily invests(sold his house and car to buy part of the patent license) in an invention/scientific discovery patent you made as part of your research; an invention like small pox vaccine, massive social impact, and its only gonna make money if you live overseas for 4 to 5 years(because your home country in Europe sucks at commercialisation) and that supervisor is an old traditional, but ambitious, ruthless man from China, you might be in a similar situation hahahaha. But I don't think you will be. I think going over to another country for 4 to 5 years is awesome if you can. It doesn't sound like you have a long term boyfriend or husband, if you don't go for it! And do it in a country that will shock you like Japan or Brasil or India, etc. Best growth of your life. @tsuki Sorry to hear you think I ignore you. I commonly don't reply to posts that provide me lots of value. I tend to just acknowledge it silently and apply it. If I reply it usually means I don't agree with it or I think I need to ask more questions to understand it.