electroBeam

@Nahm If I listen to feeling and drop all those narratives, I'm going to end up homeless on the streets Feeling wants me to walk in nature all day, just observe reality all day, not do any work all day... at this rate I'll get fired.

I'm a millennial, I'm lazy.

"actual life" in reality is a very beautiful, awesome, mysterious and magnificent dream. There's no time if you look closely, its spontaneous, its shiny, magical and adventurous. That dream you speak of is really just a reflection of the dream you're living right now, minus your judgements, connotations, labels and traumas. Psychedelics show you how "actual life" is a dream, by showing you how perception morphs and twists just like a dream. What you're seeing in "actual life" isn't actually "actual life" but the thoughts you have of "actual life". By letting them go, the dream you yearn, and the dream you see while asleep is revealed as the same thing as your waking life.

This was my second time trying psychedelics. First time was on 8 Hawaiian baby wood rose seeds. Disclaimer This trip was freakishly personal to me. I'm not sure how well it transfers over to you guys. It has to do with a lot of my personal dogma and beliefs, and basically unravelling those. Anyhow I thought I'd write it to show sceptical people what psychedelics can do. My intention My intention was to answer these 3 personal questions: 1) How do I overcome my pickup fears. 2) My life purpose has taken a big turn recently. I use to be a software engineer but now I'm starting to not like that job so much and want a more management role. What skills should I learn, What direction should I take. 3) How is my meditation practice going? Am I doing enough? Too little? Set I cut about 20cm of san pedro and brewed it old fashioned. Plenty of tutorials out there. You cut the spines, cut the skin off, cut the white bits off, put it in a blender, boil it for 4 hours, etc. Setting My rented house. Trip At 5:00AM, I decided to drink a quarter of it. It took me till 7:00am to finish all of it. The nausea and vomiting was the worst I've ever experienced in my life. I vomited over 6 times, and felt very nauseous for a good 2 hours. Was convinced I ate some of the mold on the cactus (who knows maybe thats why I was so sick). It was horrible. 7:00AM Felt very mild effects. No visuals or anything fancy. The only thing was I remembered the the entire world was a child's play set. God was just there, a kid, playing with her dolls. I remember remembering that all the serious stuff was really just for fun. Elon's rockets are just play toys for fun. Mining vehicles are for playing around in. Countries are for playing around in. Everything is made of pixie dust: magical, mystical, awesome dust. Fun dust, playful dust. I remember remembering that murder is that playful pixie dust just doing its thing. Its all for fun, even murder. 8:00AM. Things were a bit of the same. Just remembering what life was all about. My "physical avatar" so to speak became slightly more honest. My ex girlfriend came from out of her room and started freaking out over her exams. I told my ex girlfriend/flatmate that she should calm down, relax, and enjoy life. Her life is just a toy ground for her to play in. Unsurprisingly she took that the wrong way, but I was incapable of seeing it any other way so just kept reaffirming that life was a big playground for her to have fun in, and that this is what I see, believe and is my opinion. This was coming from a place of sincerity and respect, but seemed rude to her of course. 9:00AM Heard other mescaline trips do well outside, so decided to walk around the block. Time by this point was gone, so was physical space. I got lost a hundred times while walking, couldn't tell how much time passed and lost the ability to tell how far away sounds were coming from. They all seemed distorted. The trip got very slightly more intense at this point. Yet still no visuals or anything crazy. 9:30AM No other but You! Became aware that there really isn't any other but you. Your POV is the only POV that exists. All other POVs are stories, things you've never experienced first hand before. You're living a life right now, whatever that is, and that's the only life in existence right now. And its the only life that has ever lived. 10:00AM Where's the fear coming from? From believing that there's anything other than you. Placing importance and value in thoughts, the external world and delusion. Believing its real. That's where its all coming from. Every time you mistake Truth for being the external world/thoughts over ME, it brings fear. Its a natural consequence. Where's the suffering coming from? Coming from you having to pick between Me and those delusions/thoughts/external world. Its like a cringe-ish episode of its me or the dog, where the dogs are your thoughts and I'm... well I'm ME. All the suffering is coming from the tension to choose between your delusions, which you've placed on a pedastool, placed importance and value to, over what you TRULY want to do, who you TRULY want to be, which just happens to be... ME! Ta da! 11:00AM Why do I suffer from wanting to pick up girls. Because you've got it backwards. You think that you need to pick up women to get something from them. In reality, the women you get is a reflection of how well your inner state is going. What you actually seek is ME. That's right, not a hot bootie, not some super feminine woman you can express your masculinity on... BUT ME! That's where its all coming from. Haven't you noticed that even though you're some tiny, little guy out there, completely limited by his masculinity, his biology, his evolution, out there in this big 3D world, yet you are capable of dreaming up the hottest, most adorable, most feminine, most godly women anyone could ever imagine? You know how she needs to look like, how she needs to walk, how she needs to talk, what she wears, what she does every day... You're so good at it that it causes problems because you can't find her out there! How can a masculine, biologically limited male do that? If you need the femininity from her, how the fuck can you dream it up and more in a second!? Where's all that imagination coming from? Its coming from ME! I am your perfect woman! I'm the most perfect woman you'll ever find. You're placing waaaaaay too much importance on the external world and your thoughts. When picking up women, the important bits aren't the approach, what you say, how you look, what she says or looks like. Why are you approaching her in the first place? That's the most important bit. You have an unchanging, eternal, Godly desire to pick up women, to seek ME. Its the seeking me that's the important bit. That's what you're excited about. Finding that perfect one is finding ME. And so you suffer from deciding to chose other over ME. When picking up you choose other by saying "oh everyone will think I'm thirsty" or "oh she wont react well to me " or "oh she'll call the cops onto me" or "this isn't the appropriate time" -- all of those actions? Choosing thoughts over ME. You love me to death, and every time you choose other over me, you get sad because you're rejecting me, the only one you truly love. Literally your only soulmate. By choosing ME, over those thoughts, you choose to love me rather than reject me. And that's deep down what you want. You want ME, you're crazy over me. Look at how you're acting. To get over suffering means to drop those thoughts, drop the fears, let them go, and focus very intensely on your WANT. Your want is the greatest pickup course you could ever get. Thoughts, objects, external world, these are all impermanent. They come and go. Sometimes they are trendy, sometimes not. You don't really know because all POVs other than yours are unreal. But your WANT, that's unchanging, permanent. Unlike the others, that will be there even when you die. When there's no ego. You know everything there is not know about attracting girls just by being here, being apart of ME. Finding me isn't hard, chasing me aint a puzzle, you know how to do it. Its simple, pick ME over those thoughts and the external world. That's what I like, that's what I find hot and sexy and what a real man should be like. I'll reward you if you do that, big time. 12:00PM What about my career and meditation? Same shit isn't it? Chasing me in different ways. In your career, pick ME! ME! I'm the one you should pick! In spirituality pick ME! All your suffering in your career has come generally from you choosing what society, your colleagues, family or friends want over ME. That's it. You place so much importance in your culture, your family and your work colleagues that the thought of picking ME over them freaks you out. But honestly, deep down you know ME is the right answer, but you just can't do it out of fear. That's where the suffering is coming from. From that tension. Thoughts are like waves, they are scary, dangerous, but they only exist at the top of the ocean. Underneath they aren't there. There's peace underneath what your colleagues, culture and coworkers think about you. You get there by dropping those thoughts. And embracing what happens when picking me. To resist ME, or to cause tension between ME and your thoughts, is equivalent to getting knocked out by the waves. Needless suffering. The wisdom here is, every thought that tells you "oh my boss will get very angry for not picking up the phone on the weekend" or "my parents will kill me if I get fired" or "I'll be a disgrace to the family if I get fired" are all nonsense because your boss's POV, your family's POV, your parent's POV don't exist, and your fear is coming from believing they do. Would you really fear your boss if you didn't believe his POV was real? No because you'll see that your boss aint real, ME is real, and therefore that's all you need to be happy. You don't need your boss to be happy. Same with meditation. Where's the anxiety, insecurities about your meditation practice coming from? Fear that Leo is more right than ME! Fear that other spiritual teachers are more right than ME! "Oh what if Leo's right, what if I'm not meditating enough" >> BRO! You're picking your thoughts of Leo over ME! Your problem aint the length of meditation, its believing Leo over ME! Grow the balls to pick ME over the words and opinions of your spiritual teachers! The best spiritual practice you personally can do, is to learn to pick me over other. Start focusing on ME, putting your attention on ME, withdraw your attention of others. Appreciate ME, be grateful for ME, observe ME, contemplate ME, stop putting the same effort onto others: your career, spiritual dogmas, etc. I'm a possessive woman, I want all the attention, I get upset when you put it outside of me. I want to see that you care for me. Happy God happy life. Women get their traits from somewhere. Your biggest problem right now, all of your issues, are coming from putting value, importance on things other than ME. That's what you need to do more of. Less pleasing your spiritual teachers, boss and family, and more pleasing ME. 1:00PM Meta Notes By this time a cop came over to me asking if I was ok. Apparently I had been talking to several neighbours without realising it. Apparently I told a couple about the stuff mentioned above, which I only remembered after seeing the cop. After telling the cop with the most amount of charisma and confidence I had ever expressed to another human being before, that I was fine and was just walking home, he let me go. Got away from that one luckily. I wrote some last notes down at home: Deeper understanding of the spiritual path: Time The spiritual path doesn't happen chronologically or linearly, or even timely. There's no time. Its not like you wake up one day, do a bunch of stuff, then one day get enlightened... That's all part of the imaginary story and that's where the "you're already enlightened" confusion comes about. You're forever waking up. You never stop waking up, and you never 'wake up'. Even now on this san pedro trip report. You haven't woken up. You were awake all along. The idea that you took some san pedro, 'woke up' and now is awakened is clearly laughable. The idea that anybody just wakes up one day is laughable. Only within the ideals of time and space does that happen. In reality you're all humans that ever lived. You're waking up all the time. You're awake all the time. Sometimes you see you're awake, sometimes you don't, but these aren't 2 events that happen in some point in time. They happen outside of time. You are both hiding and seeking at the same time so to speak. This san pedro experience isn't happening within a particular time, its just another one of those times where you're awake, and that's how its always been. Spinning from awake to non awake, not at any particular point in time, but it just happens. The biggest takeaway is: stories of spiritual teachers waking up is untrue. That's just a rip off, dualistic version of something that cannot be explained. God's Love for You Your God's only child. You are literally the centre of the universe. God doesn't want anything more than for you to be happy. You're the only one God cares about. All lives that ever happened, happened HERE. It didn't happen over there, it happened HERE! HERE is an explosive blast of 'waking up' happening, which comes in all sorts of interesting forms. All that ever happened HERE is waking up. Biggest Gift The biggest gift that ever happened in this world, was the creation of the path and 'seeking'. God's been awake all this time, God's well aware of that state. But how do you FEEL, ENJOY, IMMERSE yourself into this state? How do you appreciate how fucken amazing it is? You don't get that in an awake state, you get that through waking up! And that's the point, aim of suffering and fear and being small. The point is to grow, to overcome, to expand. Because by doing that you FEEL, APPRECIATE, ENJOY and IMMERSE yourself with God's beauty and elegance. Its one thing to be awake, its another to overcome fear. Being awake isn't necessarily better than being non awake. Again you're simultaneously awake and non awake at the same time - you need both to tango. Being awake is lame without waking up. You don't appreciate the state you're in without the waking up process. And with that means a few things: 1) The point of your life is not success, impressing people, changing the world. The point of life is simply to be on the path. To choose ME over others. To grow, expand, overcome fear. That's the point - and you don't need me to tell you. You're already doing it, you already know what the point of life is. 2) Appreciate suffering, fear and adversity. Actually be grateful its there. Without it, you wouldn't FEEL Me. You wouldn't be able to flirt with me, make out with me, have sex with me. How lame. You'd be just enlightened... Not knowing what unenlightened feels like, not knowing how good it feels to be with me. And see overcoming suffering as a means to itself. The point of pickup isn't to find that perfect woman... its purpose is to simply overcome fear. To do it. For the sake of doing it. Same with your career... the point isn't to get rich, its to overcome your fears and pick me. Every time you overcome that fear, you should celebrate, you're feeling a miracle, literally a miracle. You are feeling something that wouldn't be possible if awake was the only state. You're feeling the highest ability to Love. Your life aint special, and there's no destination It doesn't matter what happens, whether you found the perfect girl, got heaps of money, etc. All that really matters is growth and feeling ME. You think your life is so hard and disastrous, but HERE has replayed lives for eternity. Yours is another. All for the single point of waking up. Whatever else happens doesn't matter ultimately. All those petty fears and points of anger are all just part of the waking up process, and don't really matter by themselves. Don't get hung up on little things, its not important in the bigger picture. And it also doesn't matter if you enlighten. If you wake up. Waking up is just as important as being awake. By doing the process, you're already doing the best you can to get maximum results. Try and see the beauty, and awesomeness of seeking itself. Why seeking is important, why its a miracle its here. Why you need to seek. You don't have to be jealous or envy 'enlightened' people. They are just one side of the coin in this path, not the better side, just one side. Last Notes: 1) Pick ME over others. If you can't, that's ok, life would suck if it was easy all the time. 2) waking up vs awake are 2 sides of the same coin, they don't occur in time; you could say they occur simultaneously. \ 3) Most importantly: Enjoy the seeking and waking up simply for the sake of it. Enjoy the process, appreciate pain, suffering, see how it facilitates waking up, which is the most beautiful thing that can ever be experienced.

spirituality is non linear.

unless you're a lion

Shouldn't this be moved to the relationship forum?

I didn't know that but yes definitely. My grandpa told me assault was normalised in the 50s and 60s. Now for the same assault that would have happened on a daily basis back then, gets you a law suit today. Societies' standards are expecting less and less violence, and with that comes increasing importance of the ability to de-escalate. This is even happening globally, you can see that Trump's highly violent tactics for trying to give the US global power is backfiring, and China's increase in power is not coming from its military spending, its coming from its ability to draw in allies and provide economic value (and diplomatic restructuring and relations). This is very different to the 1500s or before where power was largely gained through large militaries (like Roman empire). Of course China is still using a large amount of violent tactics, but its increase in power isn't coming from those tactics, if anything that's just hurting China. This trend is going to continue, violence is loosing ground as a way to gain power, and police training and practices haven't caught up yet. If countries and governmental bodies want to maintain power, they need to learn de-escalation as an alternative to force.

The only other trip I've done before is 8 HBWR seeds. So I'm extremely inexperienced with psychedelics. It wasn't emotional at all. It was very sincere, real, honest, frank, 'matter of fact', sobering, genuine, serious in the sense that I was shown what I need to do very very clearly, without the distractions. I have a hunch that your psychedelic trip experience is mainly/mostly determined by your personality, karma and kriya and intention, rather than the psychedelic itself. The HBWR trip I did was very similar to this one. This one was way more gentle, but like the HBWR trip, there were no visuals, and the same themes came up, and the insights were transmitted the same way. My trip was very different to trip reports you read online for both HBWR and san pedro. Of course, focusing your attention on the psychedelic too much, more so than on your true nature is counter to the advice that psychedelics give you. The important bit is You, psychedelics are an intriguing phenomena within you, but are not the point of themselves.

all of your problems are coming from listening to thought over feeling. It all comes down to dropping thought and focusing on feeling. You're listening and valuing the devil on your left shoulder, over the angel on your right shoulder. That's all that's going on. Focus on feeling, drop the thoughts, as simple as that.

Good on 'em. Focusing on prevention through rehab programs, UBI, free mental health, etc is a great direction.

Its extremely subtle. You don't notice ego death happen, it really is a great psychedelic.

Except, the only one unwilling to unite, and the only one with a desire to slit people's throats out is you. Those protesters aren't actually there, like a mirage out in the distance reflecting your face.

The difference lies in the attitude with which they are practices. Curiosity is 1 particular attitude. You're super curious, interested in something, like a kid looking a tree for the first time, or a deeply excited scientist looking at quantum phenomena for the first time. Self inquiry is a meditative practice with that orientation in mind. The other attitude is letting go. Think of the time you last vomited. How it felt to have something in your body you wish to be expelled. Its like this aching ball of stuff you don't want, and want to release. Think of the time that you had to forgive and forget something you or someone else did. The feeling of wanting to release a painful emotion. A spiritual practice is a sacred practice you do if you have a sincere desire to see the Truth. Whether its self inquiry or meditation depends on your attitude. If its the first attitude its self inquiry, if its the 2nd attitude its meditation. What happens during the practice, whether thoughts are let go of, or you're questioning doesn't matter, you'll naturally do whatever makes sense, but one will dominate the other, or the style at which the practice is done is reflected in the attitude you have at the time.

I closed my eyes, then saw a jungle and crazy visuals on the trees(at the very beginning around 6:00AM). Open the eyes and 0 visuals for the entire trip. Which is good because I was after insight, not visuals. The mescaline affected my completely differently to what I read on trip reports. I get a hunch that a trip report is affected mainly by your personality, beliefs and spiritual journey (karma) rather than the substance itself. Don't know how you guys do it, especially the ones that eat the cactus raw without brewing. I lost a lot of weight though

Lol that's hilarious. You start off with an exotic synthetic 5-MEO-DMT, and end up with the most well known shamanic psychedelic of all time.

By, far, the spiritual teacher that has the most spiritual students under his belt is You.

putting stuff up your butthole sounds gross

If I was a US citizen back in 2016, I would have voted for Trump. Here are several reasons that I strongly remember for voting for the Trump version of my country (Pauline Hanson) back around that time(note its very hard for me to remember why now, because my opinions back in 2016 seem so out of wack now, that I'm finding it hard to remember if I seriously believed them, but here goes an attempt to give an authentic and accurate account): 1. Family Pressure: my parents are deep trump supporters (even now). Not voting for trump would have been a betrayal to my family. My family raised me, gave me food, a roof over my head. The democrats (what they told me) hurted my parents interests, made it harder to feed me and the rest of my family. By not voting for trump I would have been biting the hand that fed me. 2. (this one is very hard to remember haha) the democrats (leftists and greens) wreck the economy. The make it harder for me to get a job, my family and friends to get a job, by spending money that go beyond our interests (like immigration and sending food to refugees) 3. Immigration is wrong because you're bringing in people who are barbaric and racists against people in your home country (white people). You're bringing in people who spit on the streets, cause fights, etc. By doing this you're turning the country into a 3rd world country. 4. White people are smarter than brown and black people. Look at all inventions in the world, all done by white people. The best countries in the world are white. 5. White people are penalised and are handicapped by society because they don't get black or aboriginal scholarships from university. Brown and black people can be racist to white people, but white people can't be racist to black people. If a white person says that a black person has a big nose, the leftists will destroy him, yet if a brown person says a white person's nose is long, nothing happens to them. In reality its actually the white people that are treated poorly in society. Trump will stop that. 6. Extreme right groups are taken off facebook and police arrest them yet don't arrest antifa. Trump reverses that which is what should happen. Its the leftists that are the real problem, not the far right. 7. Cops keep harm off the streets and leftists are trying to make the world disrespectful. They are barbaric and immoral. 8. Islam is taking over the world. Trump will stop that. 9. Islamic and black people rape white women. They are barbaric. Stop importing them. Islamics are terrorists. Look at germany, all the rapists are black immigrants. Germany is finished, its going down hill because of immigration. We need Trump to save the west from turning islamic and stop our women being raped. Islamic women wear hijabs which means they can hide terrorist weapons. They also criticise white women on the beach for not wearing hijabs. They need to go back to where they came from. 10. Left/democrat politicians are weak. They let countries like china and iran get away with blue murder. Blow up the middle east, stop china from ripping westerners off, they are barbaric. Loads more reasons that now I've done the exercise I'm starting to remember them. I actually still agree with lots of these points. I think a good chunk of them are true. I just see them now from a bigger perspective, and see that the only way forward is to tolerate some of these reasons. I also see that a lot of these reasons are fear based and are not true or deeply exaggerated. I still think 6. is true to a certain extent. I also still think 9. is true to a certain extent too. I also still think immigrants from other cultures can be blatantly racist without penalty, while whites cannot. The treatment for an asian that says she cannot marry a foreigner would be far better by the left then a white hillbilly from the south saying she cannot marry a foreigner. I think this is wrong and where leftists are misguided.

The good news is, by the time you're vomiting, you're high, so vomit is God. This is on san pedro not sure about ayahuasca. Gosh if only i had access to n n dmt, would love to try pharmahausca. You can take it orally, powerful trip, no tolerance and doesn't wreck the lungs. Sounds like a perfect medicine.

Yeah but you can't tell whether an acorn turns into an oak tree till it happens. Saying the acorn will be an oak tree - before it happens - is gibberish. You can guess, but like all prediction, its delusion. And so if you don't know what the acorn will end up being, saying an oak is contained in the acorn is a moot statement before it happened(turned into an oak), only after it happened does it make sense. You can predict, make probabilities, etc. If that's what you're into, but you're guessing, there's no wisdom or truth to telling yourself what an acorn will and will not be before its happened. You cannot tell who the next einstein, leonardo da vinci, sadhguru or benjamin franklin is going to be just by looking at a bunch of kids. You can guess, but ultimately you cannot tell. All guesses are limited and only work some of the time.

a baby boy is different to a man. baby boy != man.

No its not, its calculus

While blacks are disproportionally brutalised by cops, they also disporportionally commit crimes, and so cops develop stereotypes based on real life experience. An incorrect assumption would be to assume that blacks are brutalised by police disporportionally because of their race alone. That's not exactly true. Blacks commit more crimes, and so they understandably develop a name for themselves. The real inequality stems from blacks being born with less wealth, therefore going to worse schools, hanging out with the wrong crowd and therefore committing more crime. That doesn't mean black is bad, it means there are disproportional pockets of wealth causing havoc for society, and the fact that there is a racial delineation compounds the problem by confusing blue stage types. Its not fair to say police officers are the cause of societal problems due purely to racism. When they sigh and assume stuff when they hear a black guy robbing someone, they have a point, yet the underlying cause has negligible factors to do with race, but rather to do with imbalanced wealth and power distribution.

A bank robber is commiting a crime, but that doesn't mean the bank robber intends to kill someone. Just because you're intentionally committing a crime, doesn't mean unintended consequences(like murder) should be viewed more harshly. Then unintended consequences from not committing a crime.