electroBeam

you have these soul beliefs, YOU! But for you to see that, you'd have to be ONE. And you don't want to reveal yourself quite yet as ONE. So what you're gonna do is judge cetus and others for having soul beliefs, and therefore through judging, you can separate yourself from cetus, and not be one! Clever devil! And also lets make a juicy story about it, so that you keep immersed in the story of how stupid you/cetus and soul believers are. That way you've got no chance of pondering why you're judging cetus. Super air tight plan you've got there. Good job.

Well no, precision is part of our individualistic drive... wait I don't understand your question?

Trust me, your awakening to infinite love will be a trillion times better if you were a world war 2 soldier, seeing your comrad's heads blown off in trucks and getting shot to death. Rather than some rich sucker in the suburbs. Also life is so much more fun when you're getting tortured and skinned alive. You're not really feeling the full spectrum of whats possible to feel if you leave torture out of it.

news that he finally got out of jail. Infinite love does it again

So everything is love. What's next? What I've noticed is my approach to spirituality has been highly jnana(intellectual) and all mystical insights have come from the angle of understanding, knowing, 'figuring stuff out' etc(ForestLuv's journal is a clear example of such an angle, and he explains in one of his posts very well what it feels like to be a jnana oriented spiritual seeker), which is great for having mystical experiences, but what's left out from this approach is extreme embodiment. Embodiment is not a jnana thing, its a heart thing. It comes from the heart rather than the mind. Now I 'know' everything is love, but now its time to feel it and experience it all the time, and to live life, make career, relationship, family decisions based off that feeling and experience. Completely eliminating all judgments and hatred will be my goal for the coming months. This does not mean I will not get angry or fierce sometimes, but rather I'll accept and fall in love with the anger, rather than judge it. Its about having a massively high level, big picture understanding of reality, and see the value, importance, necessity, 'why its here' of everything, anger, hatred, judgment, jealousy, happiness, etc. My goal will also be to recognise and become more aware of how disagreements and differences of opinion with others is actually a "survival mechanism" or how God separates itself into 2 instead of 1. Judging others' opinions is a way to basically say "I'm this opinion, and that opinion im judging is that opinion, and there is a difference between me and that". To be one with the world necessarily means to not judge or even disagree with others' opinions. Rather its to see the opinions as Love. No matter what the opinion is, if you see it as love, you'll remind yourself of your oneness. MY other goal will be to reduce preference for 1 thing over another. Because again this is just a way of God separating him/herself into 2. By choosing to love one particular career, woman, car, house, etc over another, you're effectively saying "this car is me, but that car is not me. This house is me, but that house is not me. This career is me, but that career is not me". While in the relative world, your body and mind will act in accord to preferences, on a universal mind level, its important to remember how these preferences are facilitating division, and how really, all of the options you dislike are just Love. And then of course my last goal will be to continue to dis-identify with thoughts, with 1 hour of meditation. But 1 hour of meditation wont do it, I need to live 24/7 with this new loving perspective for it to be fully embodied, hence the other goals.

nice work man! Love reading your progress! I especially love how its a roller coaster, going from extreme highs to extreme lows, that aspect is right out of the spiritual journey's playbook.

get psychotria viridis leaves, easier to brew and you dont have to be a cu** and kill innocent trees in the amazon - trees which are already being chopped down at a rate of knots due to woodwork and paper

@Mosess Are you willing to have an open mind? Embrace the counter intuitive nature of life? See what you want to do is avoid the hate, run away from it, manipulate your brain so that you don't feel the hate anymore. What if you took the completely absurd ("crazy wisdom" as the Buddhists call it) counter intuitive approach and fully embrace, dive into and immerse yourself with all that hate. Just love that hate to bits, just get in there and hug it and play with it. When you are at a beach, and a massive wave comes, you can either jump over the wave, or dunk your head under it. Your mind tells you to jump over the wave, because dunking your head under the water is extremely scary, you can't see anymore and its horrible. But what's gonna happen if you jump over the wave? You're gonna smash right into it! The real answer to getting over the wave is to close your eyes and dunk under it. Same goes with hate, don't try to avoid or "jump over it" dunk under it, embrace the pain, dive into the pain, dive into it so much that you don't feel how horrible it is because you're so immersed in it.

I've heard trip reports of people saying pure DMT is too fast, you don't remember everything, and basically ayahuasca is just 1000x better because you have more time to do shadow work and integrate. So I'm thinking that if I want to do healing, changa or pharmahuasca are the way to go? Is this correct? What do you use? pure DMT? or changa or something? And also do you vape or do you ingest through stomach? I honestly prefer vaping because its easier, don't have to dick around with MAOI diets and stomach sickness, etc. But I'm concerned about lung damage. Are you concerned about lung damage by doing vaping?

@Elshaddai you're so tricked that even when people on here give you the answer black and white, you're still fucken deluded! Its like a guy telling a girl all of the pickup techniques he's using on his woman, and the woman is still attracted to him.

Leo's already tried this or thought about this (based on his video). And so the following wont help him. But for others, I want to share an experience about my severe stomach pains and how I cope with it. So since I was a kid, I've had extremely bad irritable bowel syndrome. And it affected my energy levels. It affected concentration for meditation, sex, studying ability, a whole lot. And feeling sick all the time sucks. Like literally since I was a kid, after every fucken meal, I would feel sick to the stomach. I, like Leo, tried all traditional methods. Doctors did scans of my chest, endoscopy, gave me heaps of anti biotics, blood tests, vitamin B12 injections etc to no avail. They ended up telling me it was from 'anxiety' and sent me to a psychiatrist, which ended up fucking me up more. Doctors don't really value irritable bowel syndrome, because its not inflammatory. But for all I know I've got crohn's disease and their diagnostic methods are just so cheap that they will only pick it up once it gets severely worse. I've also tried a few non traditional methods to no avail. (funny that the oldest methods are called 'non traditional') So a month or 2 ago, I had a skype session with a spiritual teacher (who is actually active on this forum). And I told him, I've got severe stomach pains and it affects my ability to do pickup and meditate. What I've noticed is that certain feelings affect behaviour. For example, if you feel blissful from a psychedelic, your behaviour changes and you start skipping, taking more risks, etc. If you are sick, its like the opposite, your behaviour starts to become reclusive and fearful and lack of consciousness. I was about to ask him if he could explain the metaphysical/non dual mechanics of what's going on, but before I could he stopped me right there: "welllllllll... I would be careful about your interpretation of what's going on, because if you want to do pickup and you feel sick from having a hangover, you can still have the best time of your life and be the most blissful you've ever been. There is nothing inherently absolute about the feeling of sickness which says you must act a certain way." Then I told him "but like, if you feel sick, your behaviour does change, like when you take mescaline for example, you start talking to the neighbours, or when you take alcohol you start doing other stuff" Then he said "yeah but that's all just because you're interpreting those experiences to mean something, and your behaving in according to those meanings, not to the experiences themselves" And then I said "so sickness and psychedelics are just a placebo effect?" Then he said "everything is a placebo effect" So this conversation opened me up to the possibility that everything you feel is an interpretation and a placebo effect. And actually I believed it, because I felt extremely sick taking the cactus, but when the cactus kicked in, even though I felt extremely sick, I felt amazing. And I was picking up chicks outside just because the mescaline was so strong. So that was evidence that this teacher was onto something. So now, whenever I feel sick, or tired, I question whether the feeling is associated with the semantic meaning of "tired" or whether I'm making that up, and then I try to invoke Love and Bliss to dissolve the sensation of tiredness and sickness. You would be suprised, in the same way you can dissolve negative emotions through emotional mastery exercises, you can dissolve the feeling of sickess and tiredness through invoking love and bliss onto the feeling and by questioning whether the feeling is associated with the meaning that is causing the behaviour (inspecting feeling from thought, and separating them).

sure do. I saw you've got diabetes in your other thread, good on ya for meditating with such a disease, a disease which significantly hampers meditation abilities. Love it! an INTP/J's dream Update Have I been meditating 3 hours a day? No about 1 hour. I see the importance of meditation, but whats occured to me is the greater importance of being conscious ALL the time, not just for 3 hours a day. My experience in the past week (I'm a bit of an insensitive and profane guy. I'm not scared of a bit of negative emotions. So reading the below you gotta just take it with a pinch of salt and enjoy it, dont take it too seriously ). About a week ago I developed an extreme anger and rage. I had just become conscious of how self deceptive, malicious, evil and cunning the ego was. The level of self deception was insane. I had taken spiritual teachings seriously for years now, thinking I was being wise and noble in my pursuits. Yet it had just occurred to me that all of this seeking, and practice was perpetuating the lie of the matrix. I had developed an identity around being 'the seeker', and used the teachings, practices and worldviews developed around spirituality as a way to keep myself maintaining my sense of self. This was extremely infuriating, because I really thought I had made progress, having gone through 50+ awakenings and over 100+ mystical experiences, lots that were radical. To find out that I was using those mystical experiences, and awakenings to perpetuate the false worldview of 'the spiritual guy' who was on this imaginary journey, becoming more enlightened, as a means to perpetuate the matrix was a real blow to my spiritual 'self esteem' and perceptions about spirituality. Not only that, but I saw how my hatred towards myself was a survival mechanism. I saw how free will didn't exist, and what I did (what my body did) was not up to my false sense of self. YET! The false sense of self did not want to admit that. So when I sat down and meditated, I thought I(the false sense of self) was doing it. BUT IT WASNT! It was God. And see, the way the false sense of self hid the fact that it was God, was by coming up with elaborate stories for why things turn out the way they do. When God wanted me to meditate for an hour, but my ego wanted me to meditate for 3, and I end up just meditating for 1, instead of admitting that I(false sense of self) wasn't in control, I covered up the truth by saying that 'I'm lazy' or 'I'm procrastinating' or 'im tired'. NO IM NOT! IM NOT IN CONTROL! THE LITTLE SELF IS NOT IN CONTROL! And when God does want me to meditate for 3 hours, instead of admitting my false sense of self wasn't in control, I fricken had the arrogance to take credit for it! I saw how this whole "absolute vs relative" is bullshit. Oh what a perfect way to keep God hidden! Come up with some bs like absolute vs relative domain. That way if you see the truth, you've got an amazing story to still make the matrix believable and trick yourself to fall back into it by saying that there's such a thing as absolute vs relative, and we can palm that mystical experience off to this land of 'absolute', but now I'm in the relative domain so oh well ?‍♂️. And I saw how the ego's entire purpose in life was to make the matrix more believable! That's it! Doesn't matter if I suffer, hurt others, be unethical, everything at the cost of making the map higher resolution! See the lies are highly consistent and 'normal'. See if the world was random, if aliens flew in and out and the trees jumped up and down, etc. Then the matrix would be highly unbelievable because its so sporadic and random. Its like drawing scribbles on the map, who would confuse a map for the territory when it has scribbles? How do you confuse the map for the territory? By making the map highly photorealistic! If you want to make a highly immersive video game, you wouldn't get trees and make them jump up and down, you would make everything highly consistent, and make what you expect appear to happen. Don't make highly unexpected things happen too much, because that would ruin the immersion! If you're going to do that, at least come up with the lie that you took psychedelics And if that doesn't work, make up the lie that you have schizophrenia The ego has fucken lies for every single form possible that god could possibly be! The bastard! Why am I into making a strong life purpose and making money? No not because I'm trying to make a better life and im responsible and deserve a pat on the back! But because I'm trying to trick myself into believing I'm a human. What do humans want? Money and a strong life purpose. So if I want to trick myself into thinking I'm a human? Pursue a fucken life purpose! And try and get lots of money! I'm just into money because it makes the 'map' or video game more realistic, not because I actually am a good boy who cares about having a better life! And I saw how my entire life was this. It was the ego making up lies and tricking myself into believing things to cover up the truth. And this just pissed me off like you wouldn't believe, because all this time I thought I was the bloody indigo child who was so fucken amazing and hard working and awesome and good. Who had an amazing life purpose as was doing great in the world... and in the end all of that was going towards the very f**n thing I thought I was against, which was unraveling the ego! And I just blew it: fuck this shit mate! Fuck this crap. I yelled: "I'm gonna completely and utterly disengage with all semantic meaning". Yelled it so all the demons/projections could hear it. I'm gonna shut off from all spiritual teachers, and every conversation I have with anyone, my immediate questions will be "how is this conversation helping me keep in the matrix?" "how is it tricking me" and I'm gonna chuck my life purpose away, just screw everything! F** this devil! He's going down! So for a couple of days I was acting like this. But then I had a dream, of a fucken spiritual teacher. "get away from me you matrix perpetuating demon!" I yelled to him. "get away, I'm retracting from all semantic meaning, only experience and truth allowed, everything else can f off!" But that bloody guru in my dream kept persisting. And I just got angrier, to the point where I was gonna wake myself up and 'kill him'. hehehehehehhe! For revenge I'll wake up and effectively kill you! Woahhahahaha. Then the guru said something "what's your problem with the devil friend"? I looked at him and said "you're the devil! Projection of my mind! Everything but God is the devil! Don't even try to fool me! I know what you're up to! You're trying every sneaky F**n trick to keep me in this bloody matrix hell hole!" He looked at me with a slightly chuckling face. Then said "if I (the devil) have the only intention to keep you in this hell hole, then why do I(the devil) help you realise how self deceptive you are?" I thought to myself, how is this devil trying to trick me? What is this b** up to? But after a while, it intrigued me. And I didn't really know, so I asked him why?. Then he fricken disappeared! Just left me hanging! So I woke up in the morning, and the entire morning I was just thinking about that question "is this another trick by the devil to keep me trapped?" "or is there something to it?" I walked over to my shiny looking computer table to start work, sat down while looking at myself in the reflection of the table's surface. And just stared at my face while pondering that question by the dream guru. "actually that's really interesting, why does the devil deliberately undermine himself? He puts in so much effort to deceive me, like unimaginable amounts, then he goes and deliberately undermines all of his brilliant work?" Then the devil appeared right in front of me! Just standing tall and strong on my computer desk like he owned the house! And immediately, before blinking I said "F** you dude! I'm onto you! I've seen all of your dirty sneaky tricks! I'm not falling for any of it! Not the spiritual concepts, not politics, not the actualized forum, all of it!" And that evil devil, he then said, "ok, well I guess I better bring all my friends along too!" So out appeared out of no where, my projections of spirituality, politics, everything. My projections of my opinions of the bullies I hated in school, my projections of trump, my projections of my parents and how they mistreated me. I said "nope, all 'others' are imaginary, my parents are imaginary, trump is imaginary, leo and matt khan and anna brown and elon musk, and einstein are all imaginary! I'm the only one here, dont even try devil. You fucken bitch! Don't even try to convince me they are real" And the devil said "well I'm gonna stand here all day and torment you!" And I said "nope, time is imaginary, there's no time, you can't do that because its false! You're lying like what you always do! F off!" Then the devil said with a mischievous face "I've got some important news, I kidnapped God and held him hostage!" With a shocked face I exclaimed "waa.. ? What?" Then he said it again with a more mischievous, and fierce face "I've kidnapped God! And he's asking you to save him"! And I said "nope, I'm God, you're a lie, you're the devil, you don't exist. Only I exist! You're trying to keep me in the matrix bitch!" And then the devil said in a snobby expression "oh well then who are you talking to?" And I said "I'm talking to myself" The devil said "exactly" I said "what?" The devil said "what if you're the devil and I'm God?" I said "f off, you liar!" he said "really?" I said "yep" He said "Well watch this" Then the devil, in a horrible sight, took off all his clothes so he was naked. There was a zipper on his skin, from the top of his scalp, to the bottom of his toes. As he unzipped his skin, underneath the skin was Jesus/God. All the projections The devil and all the projections said "Suprise!" Blew their party horns and then a massive wave of love swept over. It was the most beautiful experience ever. Amazing, like a cosmic organsm. And I don't know how, but the devilry is what caused it. Its like when you fool someone and then you reveal the trick and you feel great after realising it was just a prank. "I was you all along! And all those projections were you too!" My eyes went wide open, and I shouted "Nooooooooo! Fuck noooooo! Nooooooooo!" "And yes, I created all that self deception, lies, devilry, Trump, wars, etc. Just so when you finally realise oneness, the realization would be the most impactful, most loving, most shocking, most beautiful thing you could ever experience". "So... Trump is going through hell, Hitler went through hell, all animals are going through hell, wars, pain, suffering, they are all doing that, just so I can have the most beautiful awakening possible?" "Yep! Ta-da!" "ohhhh nooooo, and in return, I rejected you, hated you, hated trump, rejected trump, hated the kids in high school, my parents, and in the end they were all you just trying to give me an extremely amazing awakening? And that's how I repay you for creating this? By hating and rejecting you?" "yep" Then I felt extremely, ridiculously, astoundingly sad. The saddest I've ever experienced. And also a massive idiot. And very stupid, and arrogant and ignorant. And ungrateful. Then I cried and said "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise". And to make matters worse, the devil/God/Jesus replied "Don't worry, I forgive all those millions of times you rejected me and hated me" I said "No! No! No! You're not gonna forgive give me the most epic awakening AND forgive me for being a bastard! That's too much" "No I must! You're the most precious thing to me! I must do it" I didn't let him "How can I repay you! I must repay you for what you've done! And make up for all the bad things I've done" "No don't repay me, just enjoy this gift" It was sort of like your mum said she wasn't going to give you much (50 bucks only) on your 21st birthday because she's poor, then you attack her for it, chastise her for it, call her a horrible mum, then on your birthday you realise she actually gave you a million dollars and just tricked you to suprise you purely to make you happier, and you end up finding out that she worked 90 hours a week to give you that gift... oh and got hit by a bus and died on the same day as your birthday so you don't have the opportunity to thank her or make it up to her. Then I just bursted out crying and said sorry a million times. Ended up getting a medical certificate for work for depression, took the day off, and cried the entire day and said sorry. Because there was no way to repay god. No gift that would make her happier than she was, because its fucken god. So all I had to do was cry and say sorry. I'm still not totally over it, but now I find it really hard to hate and judge, because I see how all this violence and evilness and self deception is designed to give you an epic awakening experience. And its all Love. Literally everything is Love, so how can you hate any of it? And my new spiritual technique, is still meditation for 30 minutes or so, but its to see the love in everything. Because ultimately that's what this world is about. And to just love the present moment to bits. I don't know I find the present moment kind of cute... like a really adorable girlfriend. She's extremely psycho, willing to make a world war 2 just to make a massively beautiful awakening, but she's the most loving thing ever. I don't know what to do with my life purpose anymore, or spirituality... As I see where it all ends up. So have to start from scratch again for the 1000th time on those things. So there goes this journal's direction.

Yeah thats right it would alert for a human mod rather than actually do the job. AI would be great for modding 'victimless crimes' in the messenger section, as privacy is more protected in that area. For example drug exchanges, selling or promotion. Though I don't want to be that guy suggesting that people start policing something that shouldn't be criminalised in the first place. You could also use AI to assess and map the mods' bias to certain issues. AI would also be useful for reducing conspiracy theories on this site. You could firewall certain links. You could get the AI to block links from certain websites like breitbart news for example. If AI does get capable enough to do basic modding, it would be super useful. It would reduce human labour, reduce cases of abuse(as abusing an AI is way better than abusing a mod) and it would make modding more fair as AI would mod based off a consistent set of rules rather than different worldviews.

??

Really became aware today of the relationship between the devil and god. The devil and god are are both capable of being highly complex or simple. The more complex the devil is, the less complex (less aware/lower consciousness) god is. The more complex/aware god is, the less complex the devil is. To become more aware means to necessarily simplify and reduce the complexity of the matrix. Its a zero sum game. The more room god takes, the less room the devil can take. And vice versa. The more complicated western science and engineering becomes, the lower consciousness scientists and engineers are. To be lost in thought means to advance and complicate the devil, and to simplify God. To increase consciousness, and to create a western science and engineering that is more true and aligned with God, also necessarily means reducing the complexity and simplifying thought. Which means simplifying scientific theorems, concepts about how engineering parts work, etc. By simplifying theorems, you give more room for consciousness to flourish. So your life purpose necessarily means a transition from high level of theorising and thinking (as a scientist/engineer) to reducing it, and to increase experience or knowing or higher consciousness activities. You cannot develop sophisticated, highly technical and advanced theorems and concepts AND high consciousness at the same time... thats the key insight. To develop more effective methods to be loving, blissful and insightful you will need to abandon complex theorems and concepts. So that should be your direction moving forward. So as a scientist, to transform your LP in the right direction, your focus for the next weeks should be to reduce the complexity of your hypotheses about why things are happening (hypotheses about software bugs, behaviour of AI algorithms, your solutions) and increase your empirical tests, your feel for the situation, your observations, contemplation (without thought or answers, just the process of contemplation itself), etc.

ahhh so that's why all INTPs have glasses. Always wondered why they did. Now I know. Thanks.

Here's a song which gives good pickup advice in its lyrics: compare that to Roosh.

@Ibraheem Are you open minded enough to explore doing counter intuitive and radically open minded things with your mind? Instead of trying to 'figure out' and understand, or come up with some amazing answer for why this anger is occurring, why don't you try to feel it, go deep into 'touching' it, 'focus' on it? Why don't you twist your perspective of anger? Instead of subconsciously/unconsciously labelling the anger as something bad, or to avoid, try labelling it as good, interesting, fun, cool, amazing. Like think about it, a rock doesn't have the capacity to be angry but you do? That's fucken amazing, look forward to the anger coming up, because its something not every object in the universe can experience. Your particular unique perspective allows you to feel anger and that's a rare and amazing thing. You might find that shifting your perspective, and feeling your anger, allows you to 'figure out' your anger much more effectively than directly trying to figure out the anger or contemplate it, ask questions, etc.

I'm in the exact same position as you, and I can't really advise you on what you should do, but I feel an urge to explain my experience in life and maybe that will give you some insight. So for the past 3 years recently, I went through a sort of bi-polar issue with my career and spirituality. every month I would go hard core at spirituality, meditating 1 hour a day, just reading spiritual books in my free time, etc. The other month I would completely drop meditation, spirituality and just focus on my career (as a startup entrepreneur) reading books about business, attending conferences, practising technical skills, etc. Didn't know what was going on at the time. Still don't really. The reason why this happened is because we've got 2 sources of control: the mind and the heart. We've got what our logical mind thinks we should do, then we've got our heart that tells us what we should do. The logical mind is less scary to follow and is more reasonable, but doesn't grow you. The heart feels a lot better, grows you more, but is a hell of a lot more scary. And during that bi-polar career session, I oscillated between going all in on following my heart, and then going all in on following my mind. Now that oscillation has dissolved, and I'm at the point where I'm just following my heart. The thing is, if you want to pursue mastery in meditation, you're only gonna do that if you truly see the value and benefit it doing so. Sure you've felt scientifically proven benefits, you've felt mystical experiences before, but how do those things square with survival? That's the trick. Are you capable of abandoning your job and going homeless if it meant you would attain a higher level of mystical experience? I'm not saying you go homeless, I want you to feel how that scenario feels. Do you feel the fear? Do you feel the thoughts saying "but that's just stupid! We need to eat and survive! Mystical experiences are intangible and abstract and don't help me survive concretely"? That's the wisdom you need. Can you see that meditation and spirituality is better than survival? Can you see that spirituality is better than eating food? Your digital art has the upper hand by default, because it gives you money. Its a well worn path that's guaranteed to give you a salary. But what about meditating in a cave all day? How the fuck does that give you a salary, house, etc? You can sort of try to bodge things up by making some fantastical idea about using digital art to create consciousness videos... but ask yourself, is this really what you want to do? Or are you just choosing to do this because its less scary? If you had 100 million in the bank right now, be honest, would you make videos about consciousness? Or would you just fucken meditate? Just dive into nirvana? Teaching consciousness is something you feel like doing AFTER being a master of spirituality, but beforehand its usually just fuelled by fear. Survival requirements. You've also gotta understand that these fantastical ideas about you marrying up spirituality with digital art, or your career, are actually a limiting perspective that will prevent you from seeing the world in radically different ways... ways that are required to truly master spirituality. To truly choose meditation as a domain of mastery, you need to see the value in pursuing meditation over your survival needs. That means if someone had a gun to your head and said you can either choose to meditate, or do digital art but not both, you need to have the wisdom to choose meditation. Where does that wisdom come from? A non dual mindset and radically different perspective. You need to be at least partially conscious right now that the present moment is the only thing in existence, that you're not truly the little self and body, and that the universe isn't materialistic or dualistic. If you don't truly feel, or are unaware of these things experientially, then you're going to have a hard time choosing meditation as a domain of mastery. Anyway that's my experience, having spent 10 000s of hours contemplating this issue myself since I was a kid. Do what you will with it.

The thing that drives my life forward, that motivates me, is this sense that I know what I want, what path I'm on, and what I'm doing. But in reality, when I'm honest with myself once in a while, the realisation comes about that I don't really know what I'm doing, or where I'm going. And I have no idea of the substance of what I want. I really don't know why I'm here, and why we are all doing this. People have told me over and over. I've heard all the reasons. Some from culture, some from spiritual teachers. But I don't feel it. This place just feels so alien to me. Its just weird as fuck. Why do we need to drink water? Its so weird. Why do we need to eat? Its so weird. Why do we need to have sex? Its so weird. There's a trillion things that could have been created instead of eating, drinking and fucking. Procreation could have been looking at each other with different smiley faces, or cubes bouncing around, or different patterns of light. But instead its rubber our bodies against each other. Why those things? Why is that the way of surviving? What's the point of even doing these things? Why is it so important? Its not important to Nothingness. And yet here we all are, taking these things with deep importance and value. People's values are also weird. They want things which I don't want. They believe in things which I don't believe in. I totally gave up on feeling a connection with people's personalities ages ago, because we diverge so much that its literally impossible. On a metaphysical level I can connect with them, connect with them as MYself. But not on a personal level, that's definitely gone. I don't even know if they exist on a personal level, and it feels like they don't. I've never seen their soul before... which just adds to the weirdness that I find myself in, why the hell don't they exist? What are they? People look like pure aliens to me, like I just came from another universe and were dropped into this one. I feel like I'm in some alien minecraft. Where aliens are doing weird shit, placing importance on things that aren't important, and doing stuff that makes no sense. Even racism feels weird to me. Fighting over skin colour? Its like watching grass fighting over different shapes of their tips and making massive collective social dynamics and patterns happen from it. Its just so fucken weird. I just don't know what they are doing. War on drugs? so much turbulence from consumption? Have humans sat back for a minute and even thought about how weird consumption is? How we have mouths that we put stuff into it? Like that's just weird. And there they are fighting over as aspect of it... Death is so weird. So much turbulence around forms changing from one thing to another. And I don't ever remember a time when I did feel like this place was normal. The past feels imaginary, it feels like all of my past and history was created a second ago, and never happened. So was I ever normal? Was this place ever normal? Maybe it was never normal? Maybe I really am an alien from another universe? That possibility certainly feels more real than the idea that I'm a human. This possibility, this particular form, is just one out of a billion. And everyone is taking it as if its absolute, as if its the only way things can be. Consumption through the mouth is the absolute way to grow. Racism is the absolute way social problems occur. Living in a society is the absolute way of living. This universe is the only universe that exists... And all of my motivation comes from that absolute belief, that this universe is the only universe, and is the only way things can be. I eat because eating is the absolute way to grow. Its the only way to grow! No other way... Other universes don't grow in different ways... of course not! This is the only way to grow... And I just feel stuck because, everything I got out of Leo's LP course was based on this belief that this universe is the only one that exists. And all of my passion and drive and vision all comes from that. And it feels super, ridiculously insincere. Because deep down I know its not true. Deep down, I don't feel like doing anything, deep down I feel like the universe already has a plan and a vision, and my little petty ones are just distractions from the big universe's plans. So I'm in a conflict, I've got lots of social conditioning telling me to survive and be passionate about something, then I've got my inner muse telling me its all bullshit. And I don't know how to move forward.

Could be wrong, but this may be god consciousness. God, you can correct me if I'm wrong Due to a personal situation, I was thinking about the potential legal consequences of being a drug dealer. I know several people who would benefit from psychedelics, and I have the necessary technical knowledge and resources to give it to them. My rational mind was telling me to properly research the protocols and correct processes to distributing drugs before making any rash decisions. But as I stared at 2 of them face to face, I didn't see 2 humans. I saw something much harder to describe. I saw an extremely creative intelligence, that was so intelligent, that it was able to design the structure of, and also 'power' or 'generate' that structure into existence, the structure of 2 humans, a world, and a massive 'God's Plan', or an infinite chain of causation about how that structure will change, change perfectly so, in order to maximise the amount it can understand itself, or become aware of itself. And 'me' is a particular cut out of that, or a 'solidification' of a particular aspect of that intelligence. The idea that the eyes are looking at the 3D world, is a particular perspective, a single perspective of many. And that perspective didn't go away, but there was a knowing of its limitations. I didn't get an example or experience a different perspective alternative to this one, but just a knowing of the limitations, and how this is a particular perspective, rather than the absolute truth. And this intelligence is so 'close' to you, that you don't notice it. Its hidden, not because its too hard to find, but because its too easy to find. Its like the best way to hide drugs in your house is to put it in the door knob of your front door, because when the police come in to search for drugs, the place they'll least expect is the front door knob. And just as time was collapsing (again), I had this extremely eerie sense that everything that I knew, or at least thought about the universe previously, was about to disappear. Because your portal back to the 'normal' world from the 'mystical' world, is time. If you believe in time, then you can make the argument that travelling between the 'mystical' world and the 'normal' world is possible. But what if time goes for good? And you're just stuck in the present moment? Then God can make the case that the 'normal' world never happened, and therefore you can't travel back to it. The mystical insights are like a twisted, nonlinear, mind fuckery version of mathematics. In the equation below: 1) 8x - 4 = 4 2) 8x = 8 3) x = 1 there are many possible ways you can get x = 1. it could be 8x - 4 = 4, or it could be 16x - 16 = 16, etc. So there are multiple ways you can get to line 3). And you cannot figure out what line 1) was just from line 3) because of that. At each step of the equation, you loose information, and the ability to back track. And that's what mystical insights are like. You get to a particular state of consciousness, but you completely forget the exact state you were in before reaching the new state of consciousness. And that's how I feel now, I remember that I was in some other state (line 3) ) but I don't know exactly what it was. I just know line 1. And my personality has changed, but I've totally forgotten what it was before. And the world has completely changed, and I know it was different, but I forgot exactly what it was. So I don't remember how I thought the world worked before, but I definitely did think it was different to now...

Intention is your key. The robotic nature of meditation usually comes from having an egoic, state based, or results/achievement oriented intention, rather than the intention to know the truth for truth's sake, or to get in touch with God, etc. Ask yourself "What's a Loving/Compassionate/Curious/Honest intent for meditating today?" before the meditation session.

Ultimately you know best. Spirituality is about counter-intuitive moves and doing things that go against everything you believe, think is right or true or logical. Its about changing your perspective rather than your environment. Here's an example: "I am using the Do Nothing meditation, for several hours each day. I kind of feel stagnant with it now." Challenge yourself to accept, embrace and enjoy the feeling of stagnation, rather than running away, avoiding or escaping it.

There's actually no time happening right now. The realisation of this from certain perspectives can be uncomfortable and scary, and so as a reaction people may say that their trip felt like 1000 years, when in reality, there was just no time to begin with.

I know it sounds simple, but the most direct way to 'project more empathy' is to drop thoughts and evoke the heart in the moment.