electroBeam

@cle103 yeah totally raves and festivals are where its at! The clubs I've been to, 90% were men. And its not like women are just freely open to meeting strangers. I remember that lots of them just wanted to have fun with their friends and not get involved with strangers. I find day game way easier than my memories of night game.

This journal is going to focus more on my worldly LP, because my desire to seek, while its still there and I desire waking up and consciousness work, the desire has decreased, and my desire to make an amazing LP has dramatically increased. My new LP: LP statement: I combine and translate technical research into revolutionary inventions, concepts and models that makes the world a better place. DoM: Finding the commonality or 'root' of a bunch of complex problems, and solving ALL of them with 1 solution/invention involving a bunch of highly technical and novel discoveries, methods, practices or research. Other skills: 1) communication and persuasion. 2) understanding people's technical capabilities. 3) making a powerful vision 4) mathematical modelling and setting up experiments. 5) mastery over seeing things from multiple perspectives. 6) mastery over the creative process. What my LP is not: 1) typical engineering work: solving routine problems with standard methods. 2) management: managing people. At this point, my understanding of invention is this: the ability to solve lots and lots and lots of little problems through 1 solution/invention (instead of solving multiple little problems through lots of little solutions). And in relation to technical innovation, this generally means recognising the value and potential of certain technical research projects, and developing a unique and powerful vision/idea on how those technical research projects could be combined and oriented in a way to solve many many many problems in 1 go. As a medium, what I've noticed is I desire clarity. Whatever or however I contribute, I want to develop mastery over it, and that means clarity over and awareness and expertise over multiple distinctions in a niche area, the niche area for me will be the art of invention. Where I distinguish my skills from typical engineering work is, I'll be inventing things not using standard, routine methods, but using unique methods (like new research and ways of thinking about things) and combining things in highly novel ways; the mastery to combining highly unrelated, diverse things in unexpected but powerful ways. Compared to an engineer, I wont be as fast as a typical engineer in solving a typical routine problem, nor will I be able to forecast and produce stuff up to the standards of a typical engineer with a routine problem, but I will be able to invent highly valuable, and novel things which a typical engineer could not. Tasks to do towards this LP: I need to become an expert in the creative process. I need to read and contemplate what 'creativity' means. I need to read and contemplate what 'invention' means. I need to understand the history and philosophy of invention and creativity, how creativity worked in the past, how creative organisations are formed, what makes people great inventors, what are the traps and blunders of being inventive or creative, how to forecast into the future what the most valuable research projects will be, how to forecast what people will need in the future, how to be a big picture thinker. Insight from past week I became conscious of past lives. I developed a deeper knowing of how reincarnation works. When you reincarnate, everything that you identify with, project, dream up, remember, think, believe, etc. Gets thrown away. BUT there are things that persist throughout different lives. Conscious effort towards consciousness work (like contemplation and meditation) actually persists throughout past lives. It gets carried over to your new life. So if you're at a Level B in consciousness work in this life, that same level of consciousness will get passed to your new life and you'll more easily handle consciousness work in that next life. That's because 'waking up' or different states of consciousness are not delusion. They are a 'flavour' of emptiness. And that flavour, while may be covered by projections and delusion, doesn't go away. That flavour doesn't just include how 'awake' you are, it also includes, at a very deep level, what your personality is, because at a very deep level, your personality is basically the way you wake up to god. And the way you wake up to god also carries over. So whether your conscious effort was kriya related OR jnana related, also gets carried over. Your inclination for a particular spiritual path is related to your past life. And I realised this by becoming aware of how identification works on a deeper level. I became aware that 'knowing', while can be covered up by thought, persists constantly at the heart of your consciousness. And that 'knowing' grows larger and larger as you do consciousness work. And that knowing is unaffected by projection, thoughts and identification. So that level of knowing is passed on through reincarnation. And the point of your next life, is to carry on with the progress of that 'knowing' and make it deeper. So all the conscious effort you're doing in this life, goes towards a work in progress for your next life. And so that's the mindset I have right now of my LP and awakening work. I'm not believing in this perspective, I sort of just got it through an insight. That's just how it feels to me right now. And I have no fear of death because of it. I'm actually excited to reincarnate into a whole new world, because I have this sense of optimism that all the 'knowing' that was done in this life will be used to build up on in the next life, so that I can have an even better life in the next life.

Main Sentiment from the past week Over the past week it has really occurred to me that letting go and merging with infinite love is BINARY not grayscale. Its black and white, not a 50 shades of grey. Its this or that, not some of this and that. To fully merge with infinite love means to let go over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and NOT stop anywhere inbetween. To stop inbetween is effectively not letting go at all. And it cannot be figured out, as much as a contemplative, philosophical INTP like me is addicted to doing. You must drop with no reason, purely faith. Purely hope for the best sort of attitude. And further, you gotta let go of the desire to contemplate and understand everything. Let go of the fear of going insane, regret or making the wrong choice, fear of hurting others, fear of 'not coming back'. its complete and utter letting go of absolutely everything. And so that's what I'll be reminding myself of the coming weeks: 1) let go of contemplation and understanding 2) let go of the fear of regretting your decision to let go 3) let go of the fear of hurting others. Because infinite love is TOTAL and ABSOLUTE letting go, any less is holding on just as much as a normal person's consciousness. Letting go is a BINARY thing, its all or nothing.

You know actually its funny. Its way more awkward to try to make friends on the street then to hit on women. Society has been programmed so deeply to mate that society has even provided a framework/social conditioning for handling day game. Women understand and have a social programming script they whip out for when a guy approaches them during the day. If you try and make friends with someone on the street, people a way more confused. They don't know how to handle such a situation and it becomes very awkward. If you try to make friends with a guy on the street, he'll automatically resort to you being gay just so he can use his mating script, as his "making friends on the street" script doesn't exist, and there's nothing scarier for humans than handling a situation that doesn't have a social programming script. Unless you're in the united states. The last time I was there, random people started talking to me in the elevator, theme park lines, etc. And it was super awkward for me at the time. I instantly thought this guy must be hitting on me, because the idea that he wasn't was undefined. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ And for the same reason, its actually way more 'scarier' or 'awkward' to be one of those marketing guys on the street... the ones handing out flyers and stuff. If you hit on a girl, you sort of get a free pass because mating is important to women subconsciously, but those flyers guys... no one wants them. Day game is a walk in the park really compared to most things. And its waay worse to be a homeless guy on the street asking for money then day game. Day game is nothing. You could be enlightened and it would still change your perspective of reality. Like in China, they are very against talking to strangers. Sometimes due to my low energy I'll come off as if I'm trying to make a friend to a girl on the streets. Then I'll ramp up the sexual tension (after realising im being too friend zone ish) and then all of a sudden when she realises I'm hitting on her, everything is fine, talking to strangers is completely ok.

true, those are excellent points.

The fact that I didn't know back then what I knew now was deliberate.

+1 I'd argue further that the loop is an appearance with no substance. That's almost, but not quite the same as saying the loop isn't there at all. There's just this non duality/duality paradox that I'm feeling about this whole thing that I can't put my finger on. Anyway I'm open to being full of it. Thanks for the replies!

If the character was more spiritually talented, that would be obvious. Strange loop much. I get what you're saying, but I was trying to get at something else. A holistic perspective where you see the value in duality and how it all connects together. Anyway thanks for the replies.

@Nahm I wasn't referring to talent specifically... Yes. What I'm trying to get at is... balancing non duality with duality. It doesn't feel right to totally discard every dualistic thought or understanding, even if in spirituality we are taught to let them go. In Zen, they tend to say that neither duality or non duality is true/false, they are both true and false at the same time, and I tend to resonate with that. As an extreme example, there is no you, yet we don't go to the tax man and say there's no one paying our taxes. And on the spiritual path, there is no you, yet its sometimes useful to assume there's a you when you're growing on the spiritual path. Like there's no you yet you're still assuming there's a you(or maybe not assuming there is a you but you're playing a character at the very least) to carry out your persona as a spiritual teacher helping others. So you're both holding the stance of there being no you, yet there is a you. And this is part of your spiritual journey, part of your growth. So there's both non duality (knowing the truth) and duality (playing the role of a spiritual teacher) happening at the same time, and on my specific journey I'm up to the stage of balancing them out. Not going so far as to say there's no spiritual teachers because there's no you, but at the same time not going so far (spiritual ego) as to say I am enlightened, I am a spiritual teacher, and I am this thing and that thing. You just triggered that question in me with your last paragraph so I'd thought I'd get your perspective on that. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ This is sort of related to spiritual talent too. Because even though there's no you and so comparing yourself to others doesn't make sense, paradoxically its also very useful to compare yourself to others in some instances... hence why Leo probably feels inclined to do so. For example, if you come to the conclusion somehow that you're less spiritually talented than Ramana Maharshi (I'm not saying its True, I'm just saying you come to that conclusion somehow) you'll also come to the conclusion that your meditation practice needs to be 1000x more rigorous than his, and THAT could help you on your journey, even though comparing yourself to ramana maharshi is completely stupid in a way because there's no you or him.

and to a them Yet, these imaginary facets of reality are sort of your scaffold to build off... like bootstrapping. I mean, you don't know what you believe. You're not aware of the deep beliefs lurking in the subconscious. And the spiritual path in a sense is revealing these beliefs. Which is not straightforward because you don't know they are there in the first place. And liberation is largely from revealing and letting go of these things. And we all have unique set of hidden beliefs, and while you and me aren't there, we are just appearances, comparing you and me is the right way can reveal these hidden beliefs. Like for example, figuring out the most effective meditation technique could mean comparing the techniques you use to me, even though we aren't actually there. And of course when you really break down what an 'effective' meditation technique is, it doesn't make any sense because there's no you, and you're not progressing or going anywhere because there's just THIS, yet paradoxically its necessary and useful for the path to find the most effective technique. Or you think that's ^^^^^^^^^^^^ BS. Feel like hearing your perspective on that.

+1 everything AND nothing.

I think as a compliment to what you've described about the shadow, you can also expand what you've written to also include ignorance and arrogance. For example, denying or covering up your arrogance with spiritual dogma actually inflames the issue, like what you've written, to overcome your arrogance means to give it respect. Same with ignorance, its very tempting to cover up 'what you don't know' with spiritual concepts and dogmas, when in reality you really just don't know. And the way to overcome that ignorance is to give it respect.

I get it, you think I'm just playing word games. The insight was, there's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself. There's nothing wrong with feeling special, important, valuable or "standing out". Because the truth is you are special, important, valuable and stand out. Because that's what God is. The trick is, you don't have to reject those feelings to be God. The mistake is in projecting WHY those feelings are there. The ego gets those feelings and conjures up explanations for why its there, such as you are special because you're smarter than everyone else, or you're more spiritually advanced than everyone else. Inspect and separate the feeling of being special, from the ego's explanation of what that feeling means, and then you get God.

The importance of collapsing the spirituality vs career paradigm. And further, collapsing spiritual materialism vs minimalism. I've tried it, spiritual materialism doesn't work. BUT, so doesn't its opposite. The middle way, is the way. By leaning too far on the spiritual materialist paradigm, you end up abusing spiritual teachings to suit your own egoic agenda and minimising your ability to see reality for how it is. Leaning too far on spiritual materialism makes you unable to see the "free will is an illusion" insight, and makes you believe in wacky things like the ego can control the dream. This leads you into a false pretence and bastardisation of spiritual teachings and reality. For example, implying that law of attraction = you can attain whatever materialistic desires you want. No you can't because you're not in control of the dream. The other issue with spiritual materialism is the trap of chasing states and spiritual ideas, insights and dogmas to keep yourself happy, rather than the truth. For example, cherry picking what Love is. Love is a deep connection with a woman, but its not murder. Also Leo's obsession with attaining mystical insights is another example. But on the other side of the coin, completely rejecting materialism isn't good either. By rejecting materialism, you can fall into the trap of believing in false pretences about the world being cynical and pessimistic. You can believe that everything that feels good, is ego. That materialistic desires are ego, and must all be avoided. This can lead you into a dark state where you disconnect yourself from Love and Bliss, and replace them with cynical and pessimistic thoughts. In the name of being spiritual. Rejecting materialism also leads to suppressing desires like sex and fame and wealth. Which leads to the existence of dark shadows lingering in your system, and a inability to weed them out because you think it isn't spiritual to do so. The other problem with rejecting materialism is not seeing the God, Love, Bliss and Beauty in the universe. by rejecting materialism, you reject wealth and sex and fame. By rejecting those things, you judge them and even possibly hate them. This blocks you from seeing the beauty, love of those things and why they are there. The right way is the middle way, where you keep true to your sincere intentions as a seeker, and follow your commitment to see things the way they are, not the way your ego wants, but at the exact same time, you allow genuine materialistic desires to flourish, without indulging or being too attached to them. And you're open to and accepting of the Love, Wisdom, Truth of those materialistic desires and objects. The point is to be aware of the traps and consequences of materialism, especially spiritual materialism, but indulge and enjoy them anyway, up to a point that you ensure you aren't falling into any traps. Indulge and fully experience materialism, but always remember to be quite detached, open minded, wary of traps, and to ALWAYS keep the bigger picture in mind, the bigger picture in that everything that is materialistic is impermanent, transient, and all materialistic indulgence is meant for Being Truth, Love and Bliss. Allow materialism in, but never let down your guard of its dangers. And always assess whether the consequences of your actions are reaching a negative, counter productive/spiritual tipping point. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Reflection of desire: a trap. The buddha quote (paraphrased) of "don't forget to get off your raft before entering the island" is slightly misleading and nuanced. The raft being desire, and the island being enlightenment. Yes you gotta get off your raft to enter the island, and clinging onto your desire for too long is a big trap, but an equally big trap is getting off your raft before getting to the island, and bullshitting yourself into believing you're enlightened when you're not. My path has been highly ruthless, lots of anger, negative emotions, ego bashing. Its a deeply masculine path. And that's the way I like it, because it ensures I don't get off the raft before I reach the island. Infact, chucking away your desire for enlightenment too early, is a 1000x bigger trap than clinging onto your desire for too long. And that's because, if your desire is big enough, after some time, your desire will burn itself up purely because its unable to hold its own energy for too long. Its equivalent to slamming your raft into the island due to high velocity. Forcing yourself to get off the raft, not because you want to, but because you have to. This IMO is the ideal way to handle desire. Be so ambitious, so hungry, such a huge seeker, that you run yourself into the ground, completely and utterly burn yourself out. That way the ego has no chance of using the buddha's quote above to become satisfied with anything other than enlightenment, and bullshit itself into believing its enlightened when its not. But at the same time, you've got no chance of clinging onto desire, because you're burnt out. I use to be like others, and deeply value the wisdom of letting go of desire, but as I mature on this path, I see how desire for enlightenment and truth is everything in being successful on this journey, and too much desire is much much better than too little, even if enlightenment takes an extra few years and ample amount of depression more. Its better to be safer than sorry. I've fallen on both sides of this path, jumping off too quickly, and clinging onto desire. It takes desire to let go of desire At the beginning I jumped off too quickly dozens of times. Which lead to great pain once I had the rude awakening that enlightenment didn't happen. I then desired fiercely as a knee jerk reaction, and ran my raft right into the island, smashed it to pieces, and it took me a year to recover from being burnt out (or repairing my raft following the analogy). Yet as soon as the raft smashed, a huge turning point/awakening occurred. I've now been smashing my raft into multiple islands for the past year now, and life just gets better and better, and more and more growth occurs. An analysis that doesn't consider the downsides of a particular approach is just plain biased and dishonest, so it wouldn't be fair if I didn't mention that there's one big downside to ramming your raft into islands and smashing them to pieces (apart from the extreme depression, anger, basically negative emotions). There's a large recovery period that's required after your raft smashes to pieces. And a bit of trauma. That has to be worked out before setting sail again. Even though that downside is bad, its way better than getting off too early without realising it, or not getting off the raft after landing on the island IME, both of which have occurred with many other seekers, and have convinced me that the approach I'm taking is the best. Its just the hardest.

I think hating orange is a great opportunity to try to fully love and accept it the way it is. Try and love orange to bits. Once you've done that, then transcend it.

infinity of course

No way, speaking from experience. And my business is half based in Au

You do stand out, and you are more important, there's just no one you're more important than. The ego is simply twisting th importance of God to serve its agenda, but you are important.

My grandpa 'died' recently, had an amazing relationship with him, great guy. But feel absolutely nothing for his 'death'. Had huge pressure to feel deeply sad for him, but just couldn't. Pretended well enough though. I'm perfectly fine, this post isn't here because I feel depressed. Its here rather because the whole experience was rather... confusing to me. Meant to feel one way, but just don't to be frank. But everyone but me feels that way... the pressure, the thoughts saying "is there something wrong here?" Who knows, maybe this post wont get me anywhere, but thought I'd see what happens.

well if you have to do consciousness work to get it, then its not for free isn't it?

Gosh well lets hope its not already happening.

bro, how else are ya gonna be the new hip swami sadhguru bramahama