electroBeam

There is a paradox that's causing lots of suffering which I'd like to resolve. I'm not sure how to live the best life possible. And I know there's the few here who will say that life is already perfect and the best life possibe, I just don't realize it yet. That may be true, but I don't realize it yet so here we are. This is a paradox that I've run into for years now, and I oscillate back and forth between the 2. The one side is accepting who I am, the way things are, the way others are and the way the path is unfolding. The other is having the self discipline, courage, motivation, willpower, sincere desire to seek, to take action to improve my life. And in my experience, these 2 aren't harmonious between each other. They lock horns a lot. Usually what happens is, I'll go extremely to the acceptance end, but then be dissatisfied with the way things are, and so I'll swing all the way over to the other end and put effort (both kriya and karma) into changing my life. Then I'll realise that I'm doing lots of effort, but the final piece to the puzzle can only be unlocked through letting go and acceptance, so then I'll swing back to the acceptance end, etc. In meditation for example, I'll go hard core at practices, but then get super frustrated because I just get to where I want. So then I'll give up. And then as I give up (and let go) I get exactly what I want. And then I let go for a long time, and I become dissatisfied as nothing is changing, so then I'll go hard core at the practices again till I burn out again. And this happens not just in meditation, but in my career and relationships too. I'll go hard core at striving for what I want, burn myself out. Then finally peacefully relax for a while, then get dissatisfied with my career, burn myself out again. And in my career specifically, is the paradox of learning new content, planning the future, questioning what I want out of my career, etc. Vs just being in the present moment and just fucken enjoying my job instead of planning about it so much. Am I being lazy and irresponsible for just choosing to enjoy my job and be in the present moment and not plan my future? Or am I just going deep into a thought rabbit hole by planning and contemplating what I want out of my career? With my relationships, I'll go hard core at the technical aspects of game, like rehearsing the pickup approach word by word of my teachers, it works for a little while, then I go too far, it becomes inauthentic and robot like, so women stop liking it, it feels very wrong inside me, I suffer a lot, I burn myself out. Then I just approach the way I feel like and drop all the teachings, then women start getting extremely receptive as soon as I do the exact opposite thing of what I thought I should be doing. And then I get dissatisfied with my technical knowledge because I think there must be more, so then I do the cycle all over again. And in relationships specifically, a huge paradox that's causing me lots of suffering is the paradox of being yourself vs growing yourself. What I have noticed is, there's the true me, the me I want to be, the me I enjoy and want to grow into. Then there's the inauthentic me that is more in line with what girls want. OR what girls have told me they want. For example, animalistic sex vs deep intimate sex, being anxious vs not being that anxious, being possessive with a girl, and making sure all the guys know she's mine, vs being detached and only protecting her if she needs it, etc. I don't know whether I'm suppose to strive to be more animalistic, possessive with a girl (whether by not doing that I'm being lazy) or whether I'm meant to just focus on being the real me (whether trying to be more animalistic, possessive is just going down a waste of time rabbit hole). There's valid points for both sides of the story. --- And I think a big reason why I feel suffering, is because I can't tell the difference between genuinely accepting reality the way it is, and being lazy. I am super worried about being lazy and wasting my life away. And so I always just assume that I'm being lazy if I am not 100% sure, and I'm only 100% sure when I've burnt myself out. But if I go hard core at the practices too much, I'm also wasting time, because I could have gotten to the result quicker if I had accepted and let go earlier. And I would have been through less suffering. And there's so much anxiety, tension, stress, fear, about the ambiguity of not knowing which side of the pendulum I'm suppose to be on. TL;DR Can't balance the macro vs micro. The letting go vs discipline and practice. And its freaking me out and causing lots of suffering.

What's interesting is how you've described this place as a lounge to have a break for contemplation work. I find that to be a valuable description, because you really can't get good advice on here for the most part due to this place being an online text based forum. To give proper, good advice, you need to understand the context and background of the OP. And that's really only possible through face to face or skype sessions. Most people here just project their own lives onto the questions of the OP, and that isn't really that effective. People who post good content here (like in the high consciousness section), or who reveal cool resources on the internet that you didn't know existed, is generally valuable though.

What are the main causes of feeling tired after 8 hours of sleep? Sleeping around 9-10pm? What experiments can you try to feel 100% vibrant and alive when you wake up? I'm not sure why I have this issue, but one thing I do feel is a breathing issue. I find it hard to catch my breath on every 2nd or 3rd breath, and this makes me yawn all the time. To take a stab in the dark, I'd say maybe its related to breathing or oxygen (although my oxygen levels are fine on the oxymeter). My diet consists of only wild alaskan salmon, berries and fats like butter. And I'll have this chocolate every 2-3 days (max 15 grams of carbs). I did find that salmon goes well with me, my ethnic background is very white (ginger/red hair + pink skin, with lots of hair). Irish roots.

as sort of said by Joseph, your fear of rejection is a SIGNAL, the universe telling you, that you don't fully accept yourself, and its finally time that you sat down, did some trauma work, figure out why you don't accept yourself, clear up those misconceptions of yourself, and get over and let go of that rejected part of yourself. All fear, is a signal/sign from God, that you do not understand the world correctly. You have some sort of misunderstanding going on, a worldview that isn't true. And the desire to get over the fear, is the desire to see the world correctly, rather than incorrectly. And the thing stopping you from having the balls to see the world correctly, rather than incorrectly, is that you've been tricked into thinking that your worldview is the truth, rather than illusion, and you're afraid of loosing the truth. You need to first recognise, that you don't see the world correctly. You then need to do the trauma work to see the world correctly. So for this girl, pin point where the fear is coming from. The fact that you're afraid of this thing, is already a sign/proves that, that thing is not true. Try and see how its not true. Then once you realise how its not true, fully let it go. Then asking her out wont cause fear anymore, because your worldview will be supportive of asking her out, rather than not.

Had the experience of whether free will exists or not, and if it doesn't, well then why do humans do what they do. And the basic answer was, the humans are not in control at all. They all literally are not in control. They are almost literally puppets. But that feeling of each human being being an entity with free will... its such a powerful feeling that feels true. We all feel that way? Look at how much we fight over each other's beliefs. You do that because you all feel like each one has free will and therefore deserves your rebukes. If the human you were arguing with was merely the smoke, rather than the engine, then would the need to disagree or defend your position make sense? If you were arguing with a puppet, would arguing with that puppet make sense? When there's someone else pulling the strings? Because if the human was the smoke, and the human was saying stuff you were disagreeing with, then whose the engine powering or thinking up the belief you disagree with? Well its not the human, so that's enough to already seriously contemplate whether disagreeing with them makes sense. And if you knew who you were truly disagreeing with, then you'd be even more shocked then realising that the human was merely the smoke. Think I'm gonna stop this post here. Seems like a good place to stop.

@Globalcollective yeah for sure dude, "That's fine dude" was genuine in my reply to Darodos, even though I thought sex = an amusement park was hilarious.

Actually, a lot of hippies would aim 'higher' than that so to speak, and find someone they have a connection with, rather than for just being horny. Because a lot of the genuine hippies derive pleasure from the connection they get from the sex, rather than just the horny feeling itself. And if those particular hippies have sex just for horniness, its usually not genuine for them. For the average guy however, just releasing feeling horny is genuine. And don't forget, the advice about bad karma comes from hippies, particularly women, so they project and assume that you're like them, so they are speaking from their POV, and from their POV and level of development, it generally is bad karma(and not genuine) to have sex with someone without a connection. If hot chicks were throwing themselves at me left right and centre, I'd have enough chicks thrown at me to pick the ones I had a genuine connection with. I don't have sex with women I don't have a connection with, because it doesn't add value to my life. I'd rather meditate and have a kundalini awakening then sex with a hot stranger that I don't feel a connection with. When you're having sex, a large part of it (the good part) is when you're closing your eyes, and you're feeling the woman's emotions. And the best part about sex isn't orgasm, its feeling loved by the other women, or feeling how appreciative or how grateful she is that you're healing her. So how you can have sex with someone without an authentic connection with them, is beyond me. I'd hypothesise based on my current knowledge, that its because you haven't felt yet what real sex feels like, and so you're putting up with crap sex.

The ego has to go. The life purpose that will be partaken moving forward has now transitioned to a completely non egoic life purpose. Your download was still too egoic for what you're about to do. Your download was about how to make your human self look valuable amongst other humans. That is no more. That's pointless, useless. Its time to think beyond the human, and think about how to make the entire experience as a whole seem super valuable. In other words, maximising love. You don't want to do this, you're resisting a lot, but you're now going to enter a state where you don't think about what to do, but completely feel as the present moment, in a holistic fashion on what to do. You love to think about what to do and make plans, because it makes you feel wise. It makes you feel like you're covering all of your bases. To drop all that will make you feel like anything can happen, and what you want to happen wont happen. Well as you'll see in the future, that's utter nonsense. But for now, you will be diving into being and working with the present moment moving forward, and for the short term, that will mean a lack of planning, and instead a deep harmonisation and working with your fellow partial aspects of yourself and present moment. You're cooking that brew of ayahuasca now? That's great, but the trip has already started, and its gonna last a long time.

Refinement of LP Download: Holy shit, of fucken course. You're not a human! Its funny how you can have so many awakenings yet still forget you're not a human! THE HUMAN IS NOT THE ONE CREATING YOUR WORK THE HUMAN IS NOT THE ONE CREATING YOUR WORK THE HUMAN IS NOT THE ONE CREATING YOUR WORK THE HUMAN IS NOT THE ONE CREATING YOUR WORK THE HUMAN IS NOT THE ONE CREATING YOUR WORK THE HUMAN IS NOT THE ONE CREATING YOUR WORK ... in a sense, the human is not creating the work. The work is creating the human. Same with this post, this post is not from the human. The human is from this post. It is time for you to transcend the paradigm of, the idea that, you are the one learning, you are the one creating the work. The work is a collapsing of infinite intelligence. The learning is a process of consciousness evolving through itself. This is a truth, that all others are unaware of, and you'll just have to put up with it. Your bosses, colleagues, etc. Don't get, and never will, that you are not producing the work, but rather the witnessing of infinite intelligence collapsing into being the work. THIS MINDSET, THIS PERSPECTIVE, IS HOW YOU ACHIEVE THE MINDSET EXPERIENCED HERE(last trip report) As this post is written, it is 100% clear to You, God, that its coming from God. You are 100% seeing that the human is a byproduct or a side effect of infinite intelligence creating this post here. Time to make it fucken bigger. Make it more aware. your job is to GROW the awareness that witnesses the collapse of the work that spontaneously occurs and that you mistakenly credit as yours. ohhhhhhhhh.... and the thoughts... aint the human's either. The thoughts are coming directly from God. So all ideas that has been invented are not coming from the human. The human is an idea at the same level as all the other ideas you have for work. The projection that the human idea is somehow more deep, real, important, valuable, etc. Is delusion. Why is this new perspective important to embody? Because the thing limiting you from producing valuable work, is literally, LITT-FUCKING-ER-ALY projecting the work that is produced by the present moment, id limited in sophistication, wisdom, beauty, intelligence BECAUSE YOU THINK A HUMAN INVENTED IT. And by projecting that nonsense, you limit what that work can be. The work must fit into your beliefs about that human belief. Or that ego belief. And that is not on if you want to achieve maximal results in your career. It was important for you to do this in the past, because the process of waking up involves you evolving from thinking you're a mere human, to a developed human, to a super human, to infinity itself. And now its time for you to drop the developed/actualized human archetype, and take on the super human or even infinity archetype. How will Your perspective change moving forward? Radical stuff will change from adopting this new perspective. You will no longer see a causal link between the thought you have of the human, and the creation of human/man made things. Rather you will directly see the creation of man/human made things as being of infinity itself. And the thought of human, does not cause creation of reality, but rather the thought of human is at the same level as the thought of the designs of the man made thing. The human does not create man made things, infinity is both creating man made things and humans at the same level. And is creating that illusory causal link between human and man made thing as part of the illusion of the dream. Everything that is special, beautiful, powerful, important, valuable, rare, intelligent about the human, will be directly seen into the present moment instead. The thing under the human (which you were not consciously aware of all the time) will be seen rather than the human. This is all god, this entire post. There's no going back now. Its god, only God, and the human... that's there as apart of God's creation, doing nothing apart from appearance. Which is not what you believed before. You believed the human had a substance which could create man made things. When you talk to people, you're talking to God now. No going back. The humans you talk to are silhouettes, shadows (in plato's cave analogy) to the God you're talking to. That intelligence that humans have IS god, and the humans are just the creation. Which also means... your relationship with judgement will now be massively disrupted. You can no longer isolate yourself from things you seem to not like. They will be deeply connected to you. Your low self esteem will be massively disrupted. It now no longer have legs to stand on. You barely had any self esteem issues left, but the ones you still had are now totally fucked. Your relationship to other people hurting you... now totally undefined and nonsense. Saying someone hurt you is like saying what's the colour of jealousy. Showing off and being arrogant or thinking you're special compared to other people? Totally impossible. People taking credit for producing work? Beatles taking credit for their music? Einstein taking credit for his works? Martin Luther King taking credit for his ability to change the world? COME ON PLSS, THAT WAS ALL YOU ALL ALONG. Martin Luther King never existed as a person. He was always a story FOR YOU to traverse through. He was the seat of the bus, while you were the passenger. But all along in this incarnation you confused the seat for the passenger. It was you who went through that incarnation, remember????? And many more things. All in all, nothing much will really change, but your perspective will be subtly different in a radical way... if that makes sense.

@The0Self I was aswell, that's why I wrote it that way.

@Darodos That's fine dude. Its ok if you don't see yet that your highest potential, and who you truly want to be, isn't someone who sees sex like an amusement park.

Yeah because if you sleep with people who you aren't fully connected with, then why the fuck are you sleeping with them? Lay count, ego issues, dysfunctions? etc. And while its fine now to sleep with someone to boost your ego, you aren't going to feel right about that decision, because deep down you know its not who you truly want to be. So when you work, you've got that slight depressive feeling coming from somewhere that you can't tell where, and it ends up being feeling bad about not being who you truly want to be. If you chose to have sex for genuine reasons, that depressive feeling wouldnt be there. Its quite obvious really. Its a subtle form of regret from sleeping with someone. But its extremely subtle and 99.99% of people mistake it for something else.

@Michael569 Got it thanks, will need to kick those doctors into gear. They are lazy AF where I live.

intercourse coming in from more than just 3 dimensions, the dream isnt it?

You said you take psychedelics, you can try finding a boyfriend in dmt machine elf land. I've heard from reliable sources that the hot elf boys there are around turquoise. I've dated below the spiral and its all good and fine. You get dumped eventually but apart from that its good.

Your heading makes me feel like an astronaut doing this work.

And if he quits cocaine too early, he wont go through the suffering that he would go through if he left it a bit later, and therefore would miss the opportunity for greater growth and life experience that he wouldn't otherwis get, and be able to pass onto his next incarnation.

What if the point of life isn't about the destination but about the journey? You already are infinite awareness and CHOSE to divide yourself into what you are now. You really think that division isn't sacred?

Well where's the fun in that??? I like that message, don't discriminate against any macros and treat them all equally. Although this isn't the politics thread, this is the health thread.

I didnt feel anything, you're gonna have to up my dose.

I like to think of myself as a mimimalist According to my Dr Berg fan, ex girlfriend doctor, who loves the book grain brain, apparently gluten gives you cancer. Definitely agree there. I'd normally call you the devil for suggesting such high carbs, but considering you're in pretty good shape, maybe you're onto something. True forgot about fibre. Agree. The next challenge is getting the doctors to agree.

its red.

I need to try all these things. I also get blood in my stool quite a bit. With diarreah. Probably blood every 2 weeks and diarreah every few days. Doctors have been telling me for years its just IBS. Would this contribute?

Philosopher AI has revealed that Octopuses are way more intelligent than humans https://philosopherai.com/philosopher/is-leo-gura-deluded-or-is-philosopher-ai-deluded-435b67

from a software engineer POV, this AI is pretty impressive. EDIT: Ohh its GTP-3, didn't realise. Thought some indian nerd in his backyard made it.