electroBeam

Did anyone go through a process of deep lack of motivation due to a meditative insight/experience? Recently I went through a really depressed state, basically because I realised how out of align I really am with what my intuition is telling me to do(my intuition/inner muse is really loud). And that made me go through a really rough existential crisis where I kind of began to realise that success and dating is all an illusion that will not fulfil me because it will never become a reality. I'm finding it really tough to motivate myself because it honestly looks like everything I've been striving for has just been a dream, and always will be. Even if I do make heaps of money, money is a mental construct. Money doesn't exist in the present, or more accurately, the value of money doesn't. I don't know what to do. All I feel like doing is being in the present moment, and I can't find a way to get interested in 'the game' because it looks fake/not real. What would you do??

Both. Dating and success is an illusion and therefore i cannot achieve that reality. Ever. It will always be in my head and it will never leave it. I would love to say that I'm just disappointed about not getting women, but thats not the case. This has been going on for some time now. My intuition would tell me to just be present and to take things slowly at a reasonable pace, to be kind to everyone unconditionally, to volunteer at something for example,but my insecurities about success and dating would push me to be ultra neurotic, to try and make the world's best startup, and to date the greatest women. But deep down i always knew that this pursuit wouldn't fulfill me, and that it was just satisfying egoic problems i have had. This isnt the first time ive had an existential crisis involving the same problem, ive had at least 5 in the past. But this one is one that I cannot ignore anymore. I can keep chasing success and women, but the value of success(feeling successful, powerful, etc) is all in my head now, and when it is achieved it will still be in one's head. It never leaves your head. Its literally impossible to be success. I feel deeply dissatisfied with life, because of what these insecurities have done. And i really dont feel like going back to chasing. Maybe in the future but right now im jaded about it tbh. But i need to find a way to love the game again. Because i cannot just keep going like this. @Shin yeah definitely. I was being metaphorical about being a monk. I meant more like living a life that most people dont desire (non material). But this is just a reaction and phase im going through. Hopefully.

Not when being in alignment means turning into a monk

Whenever one feels that he/she is getting sucked into the memories, feelings and thoughts, its usually time to analyse them for what they really are. But the point of meditation, as you said, is not to over analyse the thoughts and feelings, its just to accept them in the present moment. If you aren't being sucked in, accept it. If you are, start coming back to reality.

idk what im going through lol.

@Peace and Love but whats the point of doing pickup if love is just something you cant control? There is literally no reason for it if that's the case. That's an entire industry down the drain.

@Meretagh Hey man, story sounds do similar to me. Be careful about saying that you aren't shy. Just because you can walk up and talk to someone, doesn't mean that you arent shy, it just means that you have the guts to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I was just like that in high school, still am to a degree, I couldn't communicate well with girls. I felt like i was boring them, talking about 'nice guy' stuff, etc. And i felt unattractive. And the thing is I was unattractive But not because there was inherently something wrong with me, but because what we believe about ourselves affects the way that we act. If you keep telling yourself that you are bad at communicating with girls, what thoughts are gonna pop up when you start talking with girls?(hint its in this paragraph). Do you see how that would affect the way you talk about girls? I had deep social anxiety, so I use to push myself into social situations that no one else would put themselves into, in a way of trying to liberate myself from the negative thoughts I had a bout myself. Did that help me much? Nope. Because being exposed to your fears, doesnt change the beliefs about you, if you dont work on them specifically. Whenever you start talking to girls, start believing that you are the greatest gift women could ever possibly find, because honestly while the law of attraction sounds airy fairy and lofty, theres some deep truth to it. Your not the problem, but your beliefs are.

If people didn't want a relationship organically, there would be no reason to fear not being in one. I'm not insecure about not playing tennis, because I naturally don't want to.

In Leo's video about advice for college students, he encouraged us to get into dating so you know what's out there. He said that some people in highschool get lucky and find a girl in year 8, then 15 years later break up, and is left completely clueless about the dating world. That's not what we want to end up being... Being in a relationship without pickup experience will make you that though. Insecurities like these are fuelled by man/woman's natural tendencies to want to be in a relationship in the first place.

@Consept Don't forget, it takes billions of years for dna to change to a point that a certain characteristic disappears from existence. I.e. a characteristic like polygamous or monogamous tendencies. Tribes didn't happen that long ago when you look at the evolutionary scale of humans. What did happen long ago, and for a very long time, was cave men not in tribes at all.

women(maybe) and men are polygamous, until a child is born. If men were naturally polygamous even after a child was born, due to the women not getting enough support, the child wouldn't last very long, hence his genetics wouldn't last that long. People are both polygamous and monogamous by nature. We tend to be polygamous during our youth, but there is a natural tendency to care and look after 1 person after a long term relationship has been established. Men and probably women, both tend to have in their mind who is short term material, and who is long term material. And I don't know any evidence that suggests that men are polygamous about the ones they choose to be committed to, even if they do have 1 or 2 sexual encounters during marriage, they are definitely set on 1 person.

@blazed sure but theoretically speaking you can change your ego into anything. I've somehow almost cured social anxiety and autism just from shadow work. And so many people on here change their personalities into something else that its crazy what you can do. Theoretically speaking, there could be many differences between someone who got rejected, and someone who didnt and got a girl. These factors CAN be material assets, or physical attractiveness, but generally people agree that its 90% personality that gets the girl. So if you can change yourself to morph your personality into the latter, you can theoretically most likely get the girl. Yes this is drastically oversimplified, but when you say that there are some girls you just cannot get, and that PUA is a scam, you're implying that love is fuelled by some fixed, special, unchangeable aspect of ourselves that somehow makes us attractive to girls. That's not true at all, and infact you can completely change your personality to get nearly any girl you want theoretically. PUA is ingenious. Equivalently for a girl, its like putting on permanent makeup, your attraction is changed for the better, forever.

Definitely to have a really deep, fulfilling relationship. Being with someone who really genuinely cares for you, someone you can look after, someone you can express your genuine altruism to, etc. But for me, and i think a lot of guys, girls that I'm attracted to in that way(cute vs hot) are 1 in 500 girls to me. So I gotta make sure I'm the best pickup king on the planet to ensure that when and if that girls comes along, I can definitely get her dating me. I've written privately to a bit of peeps on this forum, and they are all thinking the same as me^^ We aren't doing it because we like sex, or dont like relationships, we are doing it for experience. Infact, I don't really have a strong desire to have sex or date girls im not attracted to anyway. And I know you can look up relationship advice from gurus, but they wont rake in the girl of your dreams.

@see_on_see actually you can get out of the friendzone. Some people do it. They invite the girl out somewhere after 1 year of not seeing her, act a little disinterested in her, and use every pickup technique they can perform, and because hes a changed man, she could get some chemistry going with him.

What pickup tends to do, from what i have seen others do, is change that subtle essence of that person. Their personality actually changes. Like when there are millions of videos out there called 'how to avoid the friend zone' for example, there has to be something to it. It seems crazy to me that this attraction is somehow fixed and cannot be changed, like physical attraction. Because our brains are very fluid, doing personal development does change your personality. The only thing it doesn't change is your intuition, or the 'inner voice', which if attraction was somehow related to higher consciousness, then that would be a problem to pickup. I didn't mean that they set up rules, I meant that with that girl, the reason why she didnt want a date with me over the phone was because I did something that turned her off, subconsciously. Either not being assertive enough, being too much of a nice guy, not showing enough aloofness, etc. And if I had 3 years under my belt, I definitely wouldn't have made those problems. And the attraction probably would have sparked organically. This is what most people in pickup believes and thinks, that it is possible to develop yourself so that you do spark a chemistry with someone, purely by learning pickup.

Yeah makes sense. I just assumed a girl would be like "oh hes physically unattractive, so I dont want to date him" or "oh he wasn't assertive enough so I found him unattractive" in her head while dating me, because im definitely aware of why i dont like someone romantically. But I did totally forget about the whole "girls dont know what they want" mantra when making this question. Though im not quite sure if evolutionary traits still exist. Im naturally very very very selective with who i want to date. I find 1/500 girls attractive and long term material. Its taken me a lot of hard core shadow work to be able to go out on dates and have sex and maybe even possibly a casual relationship with a girl im not attracted to. Ie the average woman. Though im not sure if i could handle a serious or actual relationship with a casual woman just yet, or ever. I must have come across as bitter in my post, but honestly i was just thinking of ways to innovate on pickup and figure out ways to increase skills quicker. Although I do believe that you can improve yourself into someone's heart, if you learn enough pickup. Attraction is a science after all. I would rather them say that they don't find me attractive. At least then I know its not something I said or a family problem or some other problem not related to attractiveness. You must have hacked my phone, because I girl said that to me after dating me for 3 weeks literally 3 days ago. though she wouldn't have said that if I started pickup 3 years ago, because then my ego would have been attractive to her. Again, if i did 3 years of pickup beforehand I would have definitely have gotten her. I can't do anything about it if i dont improve myself.

My current goals at the moment is to get a hell of a lot better at dating women, and also to be a superstar when it comes to my career. But naturally I am not the sort of dude who would be good at these things. I have Aspergers syndrome, have had social anxiety, and am extremely awkward. I cannot just 'accept' myself, as a lot of you would point out. I am so disgraced with my current mental form(being awkward and shy), and my self esteem is so low, that I just cannot do it. Because of my social anxiety, i miss a lot of opportunities to grow myself. For example: - I will see a really cute girl in the shopping centre, and I just can't get the confidence up to talk to her - There is a girl I like on tinder, and i will respond to her, but in a creepy way, because of my awkwardness - I will get rejected for a job, and I know i should contact them to ask my why, but my shyness will prevent me (with self sabotaging thoughts: you are just being a pain to this person) - I will not ask a particular angel investor for money for my startup, because I don't want to upset them. - I'm hesitant in not including certain members in my team for a group project, due to their lack of skill, even if I know that the person isn't the right fit for the team, purely because I don't want to upset them. Whenever something like this happens, I am almost always down for the rest of the day, because I feel like I have let myself down, and that these issues are not issues I should be happening, considering I've been trying to get rid of my shyness for at least 5 years now. Am I being too harsh on myself, or is my guilt completely warranted, considering the mistakes that I am making? If not, what should I do instead? How do I deal with this guilt and shame?

make sure that you ACTUALLY DO like psychology, and that the visions and dreams you have about studying psychology aren't just compulsive obsessions, or a common case of "the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence". I was studying CS, and I thought I h8'ed it. I had this belief that i truly loved consciousness and PD, so I would love psychology. So I switched to psychology, as I thought it was my dream job. Though ironically, and surprisingly, I 8'ed that class as well! Studying psychology is very different to reading about it in magazines. Make sure you have done a class in psychology before you decide to make a switch. Use your electives to obtain this first. You might be surprised with what the class is like!

does it matter if you look weak? Like who cares about what a girl whose not interested in you thinks? And its really hard to figure it out yourself, cognitive biases etc.

@blazed you're blazed with projection. None of what you said is true. Its only the 4th girl ive done cold approach to in 2 months. But anyway if you're not interested in answerimg my question, you're free to fuck off and find someone else to annoy :). This forum is for answering qs not spreading bs. And cold approach is a great way to get married. Its increases your confidence for when you actually find the one, and its a great way of increase you social circle with women (girls are friends with girls)

Say the previous date went well, how long do you wait to text her to go on another day? Some pickup artists say after 24 hours, some say after a week, which one is the most effective in your opinion?

My parents are actually thrilled Donald Trump got in, and want me to move to the US now. If I had the chance, I would move to the US in no time. You keep forgetting that just because Trump is in, doesn't mean America will change that much. As a Chinese proverb stated about the differences between china and the US: "In China, you can change the policies, but you can't change the party. In the US, you can change the party, but you can't change the policies" Trump has signed a lot of executive orders, have you noticed that he is having trouble implementing them? Because the US is clunky and resistant when it comes to policy change.

@Yen277 if you need someone else, count me in too. Personal development is the single biggest thing in my life, and is something I take very seriously.

my intuition did tell me 3 days, and that's what i plan to do. But I do feel as though the longer I wait, the more the attraction she has for me wears off.

@Shane Roberts by posting this question in the dating section, are you giving off the hint that you think intimate relationships need more logic in them? Because I totally agree