Random-Hero95

Sup, here's a question for all you online daters. If you're comfortable with it, post your success rate using apps such as bumble, tinder, Okc, etc. When I define success rate, I mean on an average of 100 swipes to the right, how many matches do you get. Reason I'm asking? Mine's recently been quite low. I know, the chances are my profile sucks and needs some work, but I'm just asking out of curiosity more than anything .

Firstly, does your mum know about your mental illness? I mean, I was depressed and suffered from panic attacks for years. My parents never knew. There were times where I'd lash out at them or be rude to them just out of mood rather than intent. I kept telling myself they would understand. Years on, I finally realised that I should have been honest from the start, making our relationship a lot more transparent and clearing the air. Once I did, they were very welcoming and looked at me lighter than before. It's a hard conversation, because they don't experience it, but once you really try your best to emphasise the message, it'll stick. So I advise you do so, if you haven't already. Secondly, I don't think your mum is trying to push you to succeed for validation, it seems that she genuinely cares how you'll turn out. I wouldn't take what she says as her true feelings, as it seems like she's just projecting her concerns through emotional tantrums. Yes, her words are harsh, but like you said, she's mentally suffering too. I wouldn't advise you live with your brother either, she's right in that department. Look, if your brother really is a fuck up, you have these issues, and so does she, this is what I'd do. Seek a counsellor, a friend, a mentor, a previous teacher, or someone you can talk to, to understand your mental illnesses and hopefully start some rehab. Have that conversation with your mum, and let her know what's been going on. Sit her down, and be open and concise. Stick with your mum, and show her you're trying. Abandoning her with a negative sentiment will hurt in the long term. I know it's hard given she has your Grandma in her ear the whole time, but I'd stick around to show her you're doing your best. Keep pursuing a job, and doing your best to get your career started. If you fail interviews, keep applying and don't give up. Do it more for yourself than for your mother though. I.e, don't settle for a role you're not content with for the long term. There's only so much you can do in this situation. She's definitely in the wrong for the way she's been treating you, don't get me wrong, but you have to mend yourself first, and then the relationship between you. From experience, it's the only way things will get better. Do not make any rash decisions that'll have a long term impact. Broken families are the worst. Keep me posted on your situation.

@The White Belt Niicccceeee, gj my dude.

A-men

Well... how did it go?

hey, yeah, us Europeans are quite conservative and not as flirtatious in person compared to Americans... i'd say jump on a dating app? i'm sure you'll get a ton of matches/likes, and then maybe you could go on a blind date and enjoy yourself don't worry about being a virgin, you'll lose it when you're ready, and when the times right good luck

Dude. Just go with the flow man. Don't force it, don't rush it. Don't go in with a game plan. Don't go in expecting anything. It'll happen naturally, when it happens. Don't read those articles either, they're quite subjective and may not be relative to your situation. If the time is right, cuddling will lead to kissing, kissing to foreplay, foreplay to sex. Like I said, just gooooo wittthhhhh theeee flooowww and don't over think anything.

This is the issue, in my opinion. I'm completely with you, but do you feel like she's with this person for the reason above? Honestly though dude, I wouldn't advise being friends with ex lovers. It just doesn't work out well. Your mind tends to float and consider the what if's on a regular basis, thus always leaving you with a chip on your shoulder. I suggest you slowly detach yourself from playing the shoulder to cry on. It isn't healthy, for either of you. (And definitely do not be the guy she cheats on her boyfriend with).

@Haumea That's great advice. My current peer group is 4 guys, 2 girls, where the 2 girls have boyfriends. I don't think they'd be keen to expand, but maybe I could branch out and look for a new circle too. I've always shared that thought, but never put it into practise given my focus right now. I'll try to make it happen. Have a nice weekend.

@aurum Time may be the issue. Has your strategy for getting a girlfriend worked so far? I haven't learned how to emotionally let go. I know that's something I need to, and will work on. Thanks for giving me that reminder. In regards to social media, I'm a ghost. I used to be the type to flood IG, FB etc with tons of photos, capturing pictures in my life etc, and putting up humorous photos, but I've just wiped it all off and decided to keep quiet. The social media detox has been inspired by my exam, but has actually been quite enjoyable so far. Thanks a lot Austin. Let's keep in touch.

@UDT Haha, I don't get over worked, which is one of the reasons why I'm looking to move roles right now. It's too soon to become complacent, and I'm looking to grow as an analyst. I really appreciate the message, and I've taken all of it on board. I loved the cheeky finance references too. Although, in regards to your first point, I believe you made an error. Stating "Continue to focus on yourself (by which you mean your career & health and hobbies I assume), get lucky and find a good girl or don´t" followed by "Will bring guaranteed return (like a treasury bond), if you can wait until maturity (let it be another 6 years) it is likely that you find a girl along the way if you are not shy" is quite contradictory? I mean, if we're not taking the idea of having a positive career (which isn't the goal I'm posing in my question) into consideration, it's not a guaranteed return as life unfortunately isn't perpetual. I can try my hardest as long as I live, but who knows how long I'll stay single. I'm deffo keen to follow option two - did you ever experience the paradigm shift? Man, fuck option three. How old are you? Where do you currently work? You sound like you work with FI/Derivatives. I'm more equities based... looking to explore that side to me in the future. I've got the CFA in June, does this help you further understand my schedule and focus right now?

You're not being replaced. He's willing to network and meet new people, whilst you aren't. That's down to you. You can't be reliant on one person, and expect them to be there forever and always. Realise that you have to be content on being on your own, and you have to accept that he won't always be there for you, despite your relationship. Best, RH xx

@brovakhiin Hey man! Thanks for this reply, it really made me smile when you considered me a high status guy. Believe me, I'm far from it. I've just matured quickly and made good decisions - so far anyways (cue the vodka and vitamins). When focusing on myself, it means dedicating my free time - outside of work which takes up a lot of time - pursuing and spending a lot more time on personal ventures, hobbies and activities. When going out, it focuses predominantly on me trying to meet girls, dating them, putting the energy into getting to know them, etc, etc. I value time, and I value how I spend it. If I commit to dating, I put in the effort to try and make it work. Romance, good planning, fun dates. If I commit to self development, I put effort into my schedule of working on areas I feel like I need to perfect, and take it from there. I never thought of going out, developing my game and meeting women as part of focusing on myself, but I sure as hell will now! Do you think I'm not necessarily taking advantage of my youth? I recently had a bad experience with alcohol, so drinking has been put on the back burner, but generally I tend to go out and meet girls and pull them. The problem is I just don't value that experience anymore. I've done the whole one night stand thing, and it just bores me. I want something real, valuable, and long term. Ja feel? Thank you once again for the reply x

@aurum Hey Austin! Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think it's mainly because I find myself being in the same situation, over, and over again, and I want a break from it. The situation being, I meet a cool girl, go on a few dates, get to know her, realise we are in different places in life, and then part ways. I totally get your point, but I'm either in or out, mentally. Here's an example, if I'm looking for someone to make my girlfriend, on a night where I'll hit the club I'll aim to pull a girl, sleep with her, and hopefully text her the following few days after to start some sort of dating venture. If I'm going with a purely single mind set, I just go to enjoy myself and have a good time out with my friends. I can't separate the two, and that's my issue. The reverse engineering strategy is quite cool and I like it. Unfortunately, it's just the time and energy that I can't bear to waste. Especially till June away. I have a huge exam in which I need to dedicate a lot of time to, and I guess swiping on tinder is far easier than chasing my dream girl. I'll take this advice on board and implement it when free. You're right about the high quality dating life. Do you feel as if I should resort to detaching myself from online dating completely? And just focus on making a move, and approaching girls in person more often? Thank you once again for the kind and swift reply sir!

@Frylock I do have a problem letting go, and just being "in it". I tend to always be switched on, thinking of something or being too analytical. It's a blessing and a curse, but it's nice to have someone who understands. You're right on the improving my game part. I mean, it's never an issue for me to get with a girl, make a move, or find something to talk about etc. It's just the value of the conversation and it's direction that's missing. What would you say makes you think you've wasted years of your life? I'm intrigued by that last line, and I want to hear more.