valleyken

- Your ego is just a bunch of fake stories you made up about who you are. When you hear that, you probably think something like "Yes, I know that much of who I am, is taught to me by cultural and societal influences. But there are parts of me that are real, like my body and my true feelings and thoughts that I didn't get from outside sources." But what if you would discover that your ego is actually 100% totally made-up stories ? That even your girlfriend's body is a made-up story ? So you could say your ego exists, but it's more like a videogame character you created. It's not really "alive". It's just something you thought up. It's not murder if you delete the videogame character. - Your "real Self" then, is your consciousness. Imagine if scientists recreated a complete human body, molecule by molecule, even making sure that the blood is pumping around and the brain is fireing off electrical impulses and stuff. A perfect synthetically created copy of a human. But it still wouldn't be "alive" until consciousness or "life" is added in the mix. Now that's all good to understand on an intellectual level. But what you want is to really "see it", to so it as real as your gf's body, right ? So let me attempt to explain with an example that helped me tremendously. My source is Howard Vernon, who can explain it a lot better than me, but let me give it a try. The example: - When somebody asks you "if you are a good person", you would probably answer what most people on this planet would answer. Something like: "Yes, I am a good person. I have my flaws, but I do my best to do good, to improve myself, I give to charity, I help people where I can, I am certainly not as bad as Hitler." (replace Hitler by anything that you think is bad). - But now comes the tricky part. "Your are not fooling anybody", as Howard Vernon would put it (well, except maybe you're fooling yourself). You (your phoney ego) are just as bad and just as lost as ANYBODY else that you see out there in the world. Your first response that you are "a good person", is your ego. And that's what the ego does. It makes up tons of nice stories about who you (your ego) are. But you don't really believe me that you are so bad, do you ? So let's have a closer look. - Consider that if you are "true" or "whole", there are NO problems. There is nothing to get angry about. Nothing to get irritated by. And if you do have any negative reaction, to anything, then it is because your ego is different from your true self. And your ego is the biggest liar you have ever seen, really disgusting if you finally get to see your ego for what it really is. - So as a simple exercise, try to notice next time when you get upset or angry about anything. And instead of pointing outwards (to that bad Hitler, or those dirty homosexuals, or those damned Jehovas, or that guy that cut you off in traffic, even you bumping your own toe and cursing God for hurting you, or anything that people can get annoyed by) ... Instead of pointing outwards, look inwards. Notice the hatred, the anger in yourself. You might be surprised that it is much bigger than you expected while you were pointing at the others, the real bad people in the world that are causing you sorrow. And you get what you give. Is it fair that you can have this extreme anger in you, but you never blame yourself, while the others get blamed for all the bad things they do to you ? They are just as lost as you yourself. But it's easier of course to notice fault in others. Your ego doesn't want you to blame your awesome self. The others are all lost. Don't blame them, because they don't even know how lost they are. You're a fool if you think you can expect anything good from all those lost egos. They are not looking in themselves either, just like you weren't looking in yourself when you got angry or irritated. - I myself used to hate "the whole world", to the point where I don't even want to have anything to do with society anymore, where I don't even care anymore if I'd die right now. Big big hatred. All those stupid people out there, mean people, criminals, ... Until I looked at the hatred it caused in myself. And now I simply refuse be angry or irritated or depressed or negative in any way anymore. It is possible, not even that difficult when you realise that they are all lost, like I was myself. And suddenly, the whole world might change for you (which will prove that it's all an illusion that your ego made up to please you). You can "SEE" it change, as you expose more and more of your ego lies. Not just intellectually, but on a spiritual level. Finally you might find the Real You, and become a decent human being instead of the dirty liar that your ego is. Notice how your ego is probably right now telling you lies: "I have read about this exercise, I'm not going to actually do it because I'm so smart and I can imagine that it could give me some benefits. But it will just be like positive thinking, making me feel good for 2 days but not making any real changes, so it is not worth the effort to actually do it.". Don't believe those lies ! What happens when you do it (refusing any anger in yourself), is nothing short of a miracle, changing your whole world. If you have finally exposed the lie in your thinking that you are a good person, then ... well, you find more examples (in yourself of course, never out there) of all the lies that your ego tells you. And if you go deep enough, you might find that it even "makes up" your hot girlfriend for you ! The Real You, is the consciousness, which is on another, "non-worldly" level than your videogame ego. There is only one of those, which is the spark of life that's in every living being. I hope this helps in some way. If not, I at least gave it a try. ;-)

A whlie ago, I learned about this great teacher called Howard Vernon. I believe it was in the actualized.org blog where Leo mentioned him. I checked out the video that was in the blog post, and I really liked Howard's teaching style as well as the content he was talking about. However, I didn't check out any other videos from Howard on YouTube. Simply because "I was busy". I believe I still had to watch the newest Leo episode at that time, and other practical work around the house that needed to be done. But last thursday, I got sick. Flu-like symptoms, fever and weak and the likes (from which I'm not feeling better at the time of this writing). It's an epidemic doing its rounds here in Belgium, as many people are currently sick. I haven't felt this weak in a long time. So I got the idea to use my down-time as a sort of meditation retreat. More like an intensive 24/7 mind-fulness, as I am too weak to sit for meditation. Surprisingly, my fever was quite helpful to produce some insights. I also wanted to watch some videos about spiritual matters. But I wasn't sure what I should watch. And then I remembered about Howard Vernon. So I looked up some of his videos on YouTube. And I'm glad I did ! Howard is the kind of teacher who "will keep pounding it to you until you get it". Hard-hitting truths. One can only come to the conclusion that Howard was a very enlightened person. You can practically hear God speaking through Howard. Of course there will always be people who don't like to hear what Howard had to say, but with all their shouting, they only reveal how little they understand and how lost they are. Anyway, I'll be happy to discuss what I've learned from Howard, insights I have had, or even what exactly "made the click" for me. But for now, I wanted to share one of my favorite Vernon speeches. There are many more on YouTube however, so don't forget to check them out (like I did before). Even though I get the general idea of the things he talks about, he still keeps blowing my mind on a regular basis with his talks. He had a talent to explain things in a simple way, so that you can easily understand it on an intellectual level. But of course you still have to "really get it" or "see it" then, on a spiritual level. His agressive-looking way of speaking, is what I really needed to finally get it through my thick head. Here is the video. Enjoy. Take your time for it, as it is easy to just fall in the mental masturbation trap to "just watch more videos in search for understanding". Give it a chance to touch you, like it did for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRNvx_1qS6Q

The safest bet is probably to do both. Sometimes music can be distracting indeed. Other times it can be helpful to soften boredom or frustration when the going is tough or when you are trying to do longer meditation sessions. Being careful of course that you don't loose yourself too much in the music. Personally, I like to stick with 1 song that I play in a loop. That might sound boring to most people. But I think it prevents me from focusing too much on the music instead of the meditation. The music is just there like a little beacon, an unobtrusive nightlight. I don't like the typical meditation or relaxation music at all. It usually sounds uninspired to me. I suggest you check out "Mark Knopfler - Wanderlust". It has a steady but soft beat that puts me in a meditative state right away. And having listened to it so often, it kind of plays continually in my head. I'm not recommending it because it is my favorite song. People will be quick to post their favorite songs, which then leads to animated discussions of "my favorite song is better than yours". But I think this song is something different, uplifting. Knopfler is pretty enlightened I think. You could probably use most of the songs on his later solo albums for meditation, as they all have this special quality. I picked Wanderlust because it is so unobtrusive and steady, while his other songs sometimes might get me too emotional. At least for me, this is probably what "the music of the spheres" must sound like. Most underrated artist you don't hear too often on the radio. And of course, every now and then I have to remind myself to also meditate in silence. But like I said, I don't really have to play the music anymore to hear it.

I haven't read it yet, but reading it right now and it seems interesting. Philip K. Dick: VALIS (a trilogy). https://www.amazon.com/VALIS-Trilogy-Book-1-ebook/dp/B005LVQZ98

"The doors op perception" by Aldous Huxley is also a nice little book to read. It's not fiction however, but it reads like a story. Not too many pages, so it can be read in 1 evening (and I'm a slow reader). It's the story of his first experience with mescalin. First time I read it, I found it difficult to appreciate because he references a lot of painters and artists that I wasn't familiar with. A while later, I tried magic truffles for the first time. Then I remembered I had read this book not long before, and I thought it would be a good idea to read it again now that I had experience with psychedelics. I enjoyed it even more than the first time then, and I also googled the people and paintings he referenced. What really struck a cord with me, was when he wrote "This is how life should be all the time", because that's exactly what I was thinking during my first psychedelic experiences.

* Carlos Castaneda. He wrote "The teachings of Don Juan" as his dissertation for his anthropology study. He claims it is all true, but there are theories that he was a con-man who mostly got his ideas from other books that were in libraries at that time. The book "Journey to Ixtlan" (mentioned above) is one of his later books in the series he wrote. He had a whole cult-following. Including 4 women that lived with him in a big house he bought with the money he made from The teachings of Don Juan. "The teachings of Don Juan" is mostly excerpts from his other books, and is difficult to follow (in my opinion) without reading his other books. I loved the first few of his books. The later books seem to get less interesting. - The teachings of Don Juan - A separate reality - Journey to Ixtlan - Tales of power - The second ring of power - The eagle's gift - The fire from within - The power of silence - The art of dreaming - The active side of Infinity * Also interesting to read are some books of the women he lived with: - Florinda Donner: "Being in dreaming" - Florinda Donner: "The witches dream" - Taisha Abelar: "The sorcerer's crossing" * Also good to watch the documentaries that talk about the cult phenomenon: * In the 90's, he and his "witches" started the Tensegrity company. When you search for Tensegrity videos on YouTube, you'll notice that the instructor women seem kind of drugged or emotionless. After his death, many people were disillusioned. The women went out in the dessert to commit suicide. Only Taisha Abelar was later found. The others are still missing. http://sustainedaction.org http://www.4missingwomen.com