Tarzan

I made the mistake last autumn and started to basically force myself to do kriya sessions with a 'kill-the-ego' Jed McKenna'esque zeal. Did like 1h+ sessions. At first tried to be strict but then started to explore the technique and let intuition guide through it. Then learned some tidbits from SantataGamanas books. Breathing and focusing solely on point between eyebrows (head chakra) and 'knocking' on it with 6 oms every in and out breath. But I freestyled it and started to switch between head and crown chakra which had an orgasmic effect to it, pure bliss, but it was not lasting, and some sessions felt really painful emotionally, like I was going crazy inside before I came to that point. Finished sessions with yoni mudra, also recklessly focusing on crown chakra. I later learned that going too quickly towards crown can have serious negative effects. Throws your energy off balance, basically too much upper chakras focus and not enough lower chakras or something like that. Then again it produced some natural highs I can compare to peak psych experiences (ego death, 'falling into void or sky' that was very similar to 5meo breakthrough, and also energy focused on abdominal area and a powerful sense that I am the devil and that I had all the power of the world like I'm going to get what I want no matter the consequences - kind of stuff) right after yoni mudra (also done recklessly, I think like 3 yoni mudras in a row focused on crown chakra after having done 1h of pranayama got me those peaks) but more 'clean' so to speak, but still fleeting as I feel kriya can get you to peak states very quickly, but unless you deliberately remain there then it wont have much effect outside sessions. Negative side effects started coming, I did a deep dive into experimenting with kriya after 5meo breakthrough. But I started to feel extremely depressed, lots of mood swings, and weird bodily sensations, like a cracked out feeling in my head, etc. But also very profound peace, and ineffable states of pure bliss outside of kriya sessions in daily life aswell. But it was too uncontrolled, very rollercoastery with my emotional state, i started to become disfunctional with work, took a brake from school, made an irrational decision to move cities during covid and leave old study-career plan behind without much financial security, ended up as a bolt delivery driver for a fee months before returning). I went down some really really bad places emotionally, like 10/10 nihilistic depression holes. But they passed when I somehow accepted these places. And finally I stopped kriya sessions because I needed to start recovering from the symptoms which had become so unbearable I was basically suicidal for most of time. In hindsight I'd say I developed Kundalini syndrome symptoms and aggravated them further by forcing myself to do kriya even when i didnt feel like it. And being too reckless with it. And I let my daily life go through a rollercoaster, basically 1 year wasted i that regard, but lots of peaks and downs, lots of wisdom gathered. Lots of wisdom about the negatives of spiritual work mostly, and what can happen if you take it too quickly too far without having basic needs met and a healthy ego to begin with (finances, social life, sex, etcetc) but it waa covid and I was sick of life so whatever, guess i needed to smack my head against the wall until I decided to begin actually loving myself. Tbh I now kind of understand what probably Connor Murphy has gone through, I feel similar streaks of manic unhinged creativity but I can always control whether or not I let them amok or not. Anyways, lessons from me to you - intuitively working on it good, but don't stray from technique too much, mb they just need time and practice. Probably don't abuse yoni mudra and crown chakra, also kriya supreme fire is abuseable if you have heard from it. Heart chakra, good to focus on (read more from books about this). Also don't neglect basic needs etcetc. And probably the best advice from this response of mine - learn to actually enjoy and love kriya sessions (rather than force yourself to do it). But if your practice doesn't do much for you yet then maybe you need more gasoline to feed the flames so-to-speak (experiment with more powerful techniques, variations), just dont overdo it and learn when to stop. As far as books to have a much better understanding of kriya techniques and stuff read SantataGamanas books on it and def Ennio Nimis' book aswell. To counterbalance them if you do get some negative symptoms then Tara Springett is your gal to turn to (Enlightenment through the Path of Kundalini, Healing Kundalini Syndrome, Higher Consciousnes Healing books). Basically she's no1 person a jhana junkie crackhead like me needed to get myself out of this. But yeah, TLDR kriya yoga works, and doing it your own way is good, but best to read more, to make sure you arent making mistakes and fucking up your energy body.

What the actual fuck is existence

@wwhy Veganism isn't about how meat tastes, not about what our ancestor's ate, or if animal foods are part of the culture, not about our canines or anything like that. If you want to understand why people go vegan then l contemplate on the life POV of the animals that we breed. What would a life of an average cow, pig, chicken in the US, for example, look like from start to finish? Documentaries help. Debating on online forums from your own point of view and whatever arguments you give does absolutely 0 to you. You only feel more secure about your own beliefs. Just saying, I don't think you're openminded about this topic. At least it seems that you aren't.

addiction, it's like avoidance of something, avoidance of what we truly desire, in favour of short term (spiritual) high. Luckily if you're mature enough psychedelics will backfire on you, and so did weed, apparently. Although no need to discount the insights that they helped produce. Do you think weed is particularly more addictive than psychedelics?

When I was like 6 years old or something returning to apartment with mom I was for some reason contemplating on life, why I was here etc. I guess I was becoming self-awaee and also aware that people suffer in life and it rubbed me in a 'wrong way'. But suddenly a major insight just struck me, which was that death is connected to 'finding out the truth', and with enthusiasm I told my mom right then and there with a smile on my face 'I want to die!' not knowing I would spook the heck out of her. Some other experinces where I had a shift in consciousness, it felt ineffable and could not explain to myself just what had happened. Looking back I spontaneously recognized 'the witness' but it was fleeting, also I've always felt very uncomfortable around edges, corners, and sharp things approaching my forehead, I guess they made my third eye uncomfortable, I thought it was just normal back then. Probably a genetic component to it, or some kind of predisposition to be more existentially oriented than most people. But there might be the case that it is more common than we think, but people close themselves out of these experiences for fear of being insane or something like that. Maybe all people have these weird experiences at some point but some of them fear it and close themselves off from them for the rest of their lives, they forget and deny it so much that they think it never even happened to them.

@AdamR95 Sounds like your ego doesn't like where you've been going and giving you an 'invitation' to a place where it can do its backlash thing, but in the end hell isn't 'real' in the sense that it is just a conceptual thought we give to intense fear, grief, despair, intense resistance. Your ego has a cunning way of deceiving that hell is what you're avoiding, but it is love you are avoiding. But hey, it can be quite an experience. It can give you deep lessons on equanimity, teach you gratitude for where you are right now, but it might also end badly. I didn't get there by psychs, just forced myself impatiently to go deeper into kriya after 5MeO potentiated my practice while ignoring I was getting negative side effects in day-to-day life. Messed me up these couple of months, but got some valuable lessons. If it happens badly prepare to potentially be psychwarded and not being able to take care of yourself at work or with people. might take you some time to integrate and revover, months, maybe a year, or two, depends you know. Why do you believe you have to go there?

hahaha wow what an illustration

I took Jonathan Levi's speed reading course. When speed reading your retention and memorization has to be spot on to accommodate very fast reading. Basically the human mind remembers information that is highly connected to existing information, if it has an emotional charge to it it is even better (information connected to people you care about, or about an important project in your work, basically people, maybe it is connected to a traumatic event, or maybe that bit of information helps you dissolve some bit of cognitive dissonance about a topic). Also, if you connect the information with a location then you boost your ability to recall that information IMMENSELY, which is why memory palaces work extremely well, but they take a lot of effort to create by visualizing it. If you take a place you have grown up or have spent a huge amount of time, where lots of things happened for you, maybe your childhood home, then you can use that as your mind palace. Usually when in the past something important has happened to you, it is highly likely you remember exactly where it happened. Next thing, if you code the bit of information into a 'visual note', basically construct a caricature of it then you also boost its retention. For example Finally, spaced repetition, or reviewing information after increasing time periods, For example reviewing your notes of a book 1 month after reading it, then 3 months, 6 months, 12 months and you will likely remember all the important bits you want to retain. Memory palaces imo is the most powerful, but also the most effortful way to remember bits of information. You also need different memory palaces for different books, but it might be worth it if you build your skill in constructing and using them. Imo the easiest method to immediately implement is to just take notes or underline as Leo mentioned. When the book is finished you take time to review, contemplate, and connect that information to what is relevant in your life. You can either just review the notes or read the underlined parts of the book. Then make a plan to review the book maybe a month later, then half a year later, etc. Or you can just use Anki flash card app to remind you when to review it instead. Last May and June I tried to implement what I learned in the speed reading course but it was tough finishing bachelors thesis and I haven't taken up that goal yet, now I'm very relaxed and lazy reading books, bascailly just underlining and reviewing. But tbh that's probably enough already. If your LP or occupation or whatever demands that you learn and remember lots of information but not a lot of contemplation (academic-scholar type work, or studying in college, languages, anatomy (just bits of information not too abstract) etc), then mastering and using these memory techniques can be extremely beneficial. But, as far as I understand, this doesn't work for hard to integrate abstract and difficult concepts, which you can only remember after hard contemplation, and maybe trial-and-error in your own life. Ultimately, you remember the information that is most important and relevant in your own life. You don't need to be a hardass about it like I tried to, just make notes (or underline), and do periodic reviews and contemplate. One of my strengths is 'Input' or a scholarly-like learning style, which I plan to develop more-so, but lol I'm recovering from the worst ego backlash of my life right now so not a priority atm. If you want to dive a bit deeper then read Moonwalking With Einstein, or The Only Skill That Matters by Jonathan Levi. Or consider taking his course. If you have problems learning or memory then they can help.

@levani Thought art has some good points. I think diving into crown chakra too soon might be one nono unless you want to go on a rollercoaster, at least I suspect for me that was the case. But do your own research and get direct experience. Also, it might take some time for the practice to take off.

synthesis of a personal experience by Ennio Nimis. Or Kirya Secrets Revelead by J.C. Stevens is probably used a lot by this forum

Sometimes. Even the toughest points turn into beauty paradoxically

@Villager Albert I've been having recurrent 5Meo-like peaks during night asleep aswell. It probably has to do with melatonin release and metabolism, at least that is my guess. Even after half year, but it probably coincides with my kriya sessions aswell if they go ''deep enough''.

@GreenWoods What do you think about this book? I saw your posts about OBEs etc thought about you lol

no, you can learn it by yourself, a book. But there's a learning curve that might take time. And if you do some things in excess or not at the right time you might get some negative side effects. I know of Ennio Nimis online book, J. C. Stevens and SantataGamanas books that should be solid, ofc you can check online aswell. I think SantataGamanas books are especially valuable to move toward a more intuitive approach to kriya (inner guru). J.C. Stevens is ok, so is Ennio Nimis books on kriya. Ennio Nimis book is feely available as pdf http://www.kriyayogainfo.net/Eng_Downloads1.html I guess a teacher is good as they can quickly coach your technique, but i don't have that experience, and my kriya practice has a life of its own, though I went in too fast and too hard and got emotionally burnt out (went for crown chakra too fast)

I don't know, it feels more unstable and bipolar in a sense. Highs-lows. And last few months I've been going through an existential crisis - ego backlash - dark night. I guess there's light at the end of tunnel and I am slowly starting to see that. I guess periods like this are expected at some point, such an emotional rollercoaster...