Tom T

Peeps just Let Go

here is also two good books for shame and self-love counselling skills for working with shame by christaine sanderson shadows before dawn by teal swan

@R-Type Glad I could help and yes I do have many other information and links on shame and I will share them here. firstly I will talk about shame and how it creates fear of intimacy with other people. You feel like you cant open up to people because you feel like if people got to know you they would reject you and you fear the rejection so bad to the point where you just cant open yourself up to people. You cant be intimate with anyone. You feel like absolutely no one would love you if they knew the truth of you fully. This gives you a deep feeling of being disconnected from others. This makes you feel extreme loneliness even if you are surrounded by lots of people. for tips on how to overcome this watch teal swans fear of intimacy Secondly I have links on shame and how it creates narrsicism (this is an interesting aspect of what shame dose). before you read this bit on narrsicism I want to state that not all people who are shamed in childhood turn into narcissists but some do as a coping mechanism. basically narrsicism is caused by deep shame that stems from childhood. what happens is a child is born and he or she cant seem to do anything right for there parents. the parents criticise, shame, bully and scapegoat the child to the point where the child feels deep shame about him or her self. as a coping mechanism the child creates a fake identity to cover up all its shame. the child gets completely lost in this fake identity to the point where they can barely distinguish there shameful true self and there fake identity they have created. (when I talk about the true self im not talking about it in terms of the absolute true self im just talking about their egoic self) but anyway the child creates this fake self so it can get all the admiration, acceptance, love and praise it needs, this is called getting narcissistic supply. A narcissistic person dose not love themselves they have created a fake identity/self image which they are in love with but this fake identity/self image covers up there shameful true egoic self underneath and all the stuff that there true egoic self feels shameful about just get projected onto everyone else around them. you see when you reject an aspect of yourself you end up getting negatively triggered emotionally when you see it in other people out there in the world and that's what happens is they project all there self-hate onto everyone else around them without being conscious of what they are doing. also narcissists deny their own feelings and they also deny the feelings of everyone around them to. This means that narcissists lack empathy which is useful for helping helping us sense other peoples moods. A narrcicst may even doubt that other people have such feelings. This makes it perfectly acceptable in a eyes of a narcissist to be ruthless, exploitative, sadistic and destructive to other people. if you understand what I just said above then I think you might get a lot of insight from watch this documentary on narrsicism on youtube. if you understand the causes of narrsicism and then watch this documentary it will start to make a lot of sense on how narcs exist n behave the way they do. Shocking full documentary - narcissism / narcissistic personality disorder ( psychology ) Thirdly I will talk about self-love techniques now here are a self-love techniques for increasing your self-love. even though I am going to share these techniques I am actually quite hesitant to introduce them to people. the first reason is because shame can go really deep and a lot of the time I don't think its enough to just do some self-love techniques I think you have to go more into your childhood traumas or literally change your metaphysical world views on certain things you feel shameful about. im also hesitant to introduce self love techniques because I don't want someone to start doing a technique for a few months, see that it dose not work for them and then think of themselves a failure which drives there shame to an even deeper level so these techniques can back fire if you are not careful. but never the less these techniques can be powerful. experiment with each one and see how you feel. if it dose not work for you please don't think of yourself as a failure because different techniques work for different people and also you might have to go deeper than just self love techiques most likely but try them out n see what you think. before you try to use these techniques make sure you watch Leos video title "what is love an advanced explanation" mirror work for 90 days in a row "Mirror work... it's important to make this a daily routine. Every night, remove your clothes and your make up if you are wearing any !!! Look in front of the mirror in your home where no one will see or disturb you for 10 minutes and just stand there and look at yourself. Look deeply into your own eyes. It's normal to feel uncomfortable but just keep looking into your eyes. Just perceive yourself with no judgements. If you can hear your thoughts judging your appearance in any way just say to yourself “thank you for sharing” and let them fade away. After you have stared at your own eyes, simply take in your whole image. Notice every individual part of your body. Look at everything from head to toe with no judgement. After you’ve looked at yourself say “I love and accept you exactly as you are” while continuing to look into the mirror, begin to deliberately project love and compassion toward yourself from your mind. Imagine sending it into the reflection, into your own heart. Imagine your heart taking the love and compassion and pumping it through your arteries and veins throughout your entire body. Send that love and compassion to anywhere you feel that needs it. Give yourself permission to accept yourself for all your flaws, anything you've done, anything you don't like about yourself, just accept and love it !!! When it feels you have soaked in enough love continue with the exercise by looking in the mirror and force yourself to accept yourself fully. Love is all about accepting what is so force yourself to love yourself as you are with all your imperfections. Force yourself to love your imperfections !!! Then look for things that you like about yourself then acknowledge these qualities out loud or just in your head, this may be a physical trait or a personality trait." Teal swan (Its best to do this technique with a full size mirror where you can see yourself from the top of your head to the tips of your toes). self-love meditation on YouTube for 90 days in a row write out 10 things you like about yourself and read it daily (I know its hard to find 10 things if you don't love yourself fully) for 90 days in a row list 10x new ways you will show love to yourself and start implementing them straight away if these techniques are not totally life changing for you then don't drive your shame even deeper by think of yourself as a failure. I fail loadssss while trying to fix my problems. you cant take it personally. your just experimenting. see what works for you OVERALL I THINK MY POST WHERE I TELL YOU HOW TO TREAT YOUR FEELING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THESE SELFLOVE TECHNIQUES !!!!! THAT WIL HELP YOU THE MOST BUT FEEL FREE TO TRY OUT THESE SELF-LOVE TECHNIQUES ALSO Hope this helps much love tom !!! xxx

@Leo Gura what makes you say that?

I have quite a lot of information on shame and how to deal with emotions on my common place book I will copy and past it all here a lot of the material here comes from t#Teal, Leo, and my own contemplation, books on shame and workshop trips. there are three causes of shame that I know of so far... the first cause is to do with not fitting into the social norms of your society and the second reason is that you were constantly shamed by your care givers when you were a child. shame which comes from being constantly shamed in your childhood by your care givers works like this We all desperately need love, especially during childhood. A child who dose not get a healthy dose of love of there parents when they were younger grow up feeling like the most unlovable and unworthy people on the planet. They feel like if there parents cant love them then who can? Shame usually stems from deep emotional neglect during childhood. The child feels neglected and unloved and this is the identity they unconsciously create for themselves. How self-hate can stem from childhood: basically in childhood if we are not treated with enough love and our parents are contantly criticizing us or hitting us or projecting. The trauma from this can be so overwhelming to the point where we can create toxic defence mechanism to try to protect ourselves. So what can happen is we can start shaming ourselves and we start hating our selves so noone else has to do it. Its to painful to have other people shame and hate you so you have to do it to yourself. Its like having someone about to punch you so as a defence mechanism to stop them hitting you, you start punching yourself and the other person is either like "omg theres something terribly wrong with you you need some help" or they go "yeah you should punch yourself" so thats what its kind of like when you start using self-hate as a defence mechanism. You start to shame and hate yourself becuase its to painful to have other people do it to. But this is a toxic defence mechanism... shame which comes from random experiences in childhood that you cant remember anything about basically you can have shameful traumatic experiences in early childhood that seem innocent to everyone around you at the time or sometime its not so innocent to everyone around you. these experiences can stay locked within your subconscious mind or decades but you have no conscious recollection of them. this is probably whats happened to you if you don't know why you feel so shameful what you basically need is energetic release therapy for trauma and I talk about that at the end of the post. shame from not fitting into the social norms of your culture works like this Shame is the act of looking down upon yourself. When you feel shameful you are looking at yourself within a context that you are a bad person in some particular way weather its due to your gender type, having mental health issues, being to feminine, being to masculine, being homosexual, not liking the way you look, not liking your personality, not liking you'd body size, beating yourself up over mistakes from the past etc and many other things. Now its important to understand that the things we feel shameful for come from social norms and standards that have been invented by human beings over time which enable us to survive in the world. They enable us to fit in, they enable us to get along, they enable us to have a well functioning society. Shame can actually help us survive more comftable as shame can be used to keep us and other people in line and act and behave well for social survival purposes. But by not conforming to the social norms of your society can create chronic shame within you. For example if you grew up in a society where everyone murders people it would not be shameful to have desires to murder people but in our society the social norm is that murder is bad and so if you had a desire to murder someone you would most likely feel deep shame. Another example if you lived in a society where everyone was gay it wouldn't be shameful to come out as gay but if you lived in a deeply religious society where being gay was seen as a sin then you would feel chronic shame for being gay and the last example I have is if you lived in a society where everyone was super health conscious you may feel shame if you pulled out a dough nut in front of lots of people because that would be socially unacceptable but if you lived in a society where everyone ate doughnuts 24.7 you wouldn't feel any shame at all if you pulled out a doughnut because it would be socially acceptable. Us humans are group animals and part of our social survival strategies is to fit in ! We so desperately want to fit in due to fear of being looked down upon by other people and being seen as weird and a lot of the time our self-esteem is intimately tied in with what other people think of us which means when people look at us in a bad light we can also start to look at ourselves in a bad light to. We first learn this behaviour from our parents or care giver when we were younger. As children we learn that certain aspects of our selves are good and certain aspects of our selves are bad and we learn that if we behave in a way that our parents and care givers consider bad then we will not get the love and approval we need from them so desperately and we also learn that if we do bad things then we are inherently bad and this is what sets the foundation for all the other relationships we have in our lives. We learn that in order to survive successfully in the society that we are apart of we have to construct a social image of ourselves. This social image that we construct and present to the world is usually compiled of all the best attributes about ourselves and leaves out all the negative attributes about our selves. We choose to do this for self survival purposes. We feel like if people saw all the things we consider negative about ourselves then they may start treating us in a way we don't want. People may treat us with less respect, people may not give us the love we desire, our best friends may decide they don't want to hang out with you anymore and start judging us, maybe our boss would fire us if he or she knew all the things we perceive to be negative about ourselves and this is all legitimate stuff. This is a real danger to our personal self agenda in life so of course we hide things about our selves in order for us to survive effectively. Shame is also used as a weapon in the justice system with the desire to turn criminals into obedient members of society. This is the best we can collectively do right now but in the future the justice systems main focus will be on raising the consciousness of the criminal to the point where he can no longer be criminal but we are a long way off that. Many of us can develop chronic shame about things like Mental health issues, having learning difficulty's, being depressed, not being the popular ones in school, being to feminine, being to masculine, being homosexual, being lesbian, body sizes that society says are not okay, ageing and becoming older, our beliefs about the world, our personality's, our family backgrounds, being divorced, being a different nationality to the country you live in, Emotional neglect in childhood and many many more !!! And the reasons these things produce shame in us is because they all affect our social image which affects the way people treat and see us and that affects the our survival self agenda massively. There's nothing wrong with any of the things above its just society on the whole dose not approve of what you feel shameful for fully. But maybe there is no right or wrong way to be? Maybe all these shameful things are just constructs and inventions of human mind and of society? Maybe its all a game? So, wouldn't it be nice if we could just stop feeling so shameful for every little thing we don't like about ourselves? How do we learn to accept our selves in a radical way? Well, In truth we cant have total radical self acceptance of ourselves without totally eradicating our egos BUT we can significantly increase our self-esteem and self-love even with an ego by implementing the right habits into our lives and that is what I have tried to put together for you in this workshop homework. The process I have outlined in the homework gives you a process you can use to slowly build up self-love over time so you can learn to accept yourself fully what I suggest you should do firstly I think you need to learn how to treat your feelings properly with this technique We are ususally to quick to disguard our feelings and to do our very best to shut them off. We do this becuase we do not want to feel uncomftable negative emotions but what we end up doing is creating distrust within our selves. Anytime we try to block off our negative emotions we are basically saying to yourselves that "we should not feel how we feel and we should not be feeling this right now" but most of the time the truth is the exact opposite. The truth is, is we should be feeling exactly the way we feel. Theres a belif in society that theres a certain way you should feel and if you dont feel that then theres something wrong with you but the actuality is is you should feel exactly how you feel and there is nothing wrong with you for not feeling okay. What i am trying to say is we should never dissuade or disapprove of our emotions becuase we should be feeling exactly the way we are feeling. We are creatures with serious survival needs that need met and if we dont meet those needs neagtive emotions will start to arise and its silly trying to block these negative emotions from your conscious mind and what we should be doing instead is the following. 1: become aware of your emotion. 2: care about your emotion by seeing it as valid and important. 3: listen empathetically to your emotion in an attempt to understand the way you feel. 4: Validate your feelings. You do not need to validate that the thoughts that you have about your emotions are correct instead you need to remind yourself that it is a valid thing to feel the way that you feel. "i could totally understand how that could make me feel shame and most people would feel the same way if they were in my shoes". 5: allow yourself to feel how you feel and to experience your emotion fully before moving towards any kind of improvement in the way you feel. We need to give yourself the permission to decide weather you want to move up the vibrational scale and up into a different emotion. This is the step when you need to practice unconditional presence for yourself. Be there as support for yourself without trying to fix yourself. ------do this 1,2,3,4, step formula every time you feel a negative emotion. You will see that as you stop resisting your negative emotion it will dissipate over time. Incorporate this into your life and train yourself to do this while in the midst of expeiancing a negatvie emotion. You should also train yourself to do this method to This process allows you to naturally shift any negative emotion you are experiencing in the moment. What we usually do is we try to run away from our negative emotions but this isn't the best way to deal with our emotions because what ever you resist persists. Emotions are highly counterintuitive. In order to gain more mastery over your emotions we can not do it by acting macho, we can not gain control over our emotions by trying to rationalize them away, and we don't gain mastery over our emotions by just irrationally acting out on them but we can gain mastery over our emotions by feeling into them so deeply to the point where they just naturally shift on their own. In order to make our negative emotions shift naturally we need to go from a place of wanting to feel better to being willing to feel. You can do this with any negative emotion you have like fear, anger, guilt, sadness etc. Here are the instructions below for feeling into your emotions fully. Step 1) sit down somewhere and completely relax your body. Step 2) get into the present moment Step 3) feel into your body and feel into the emotion. Step 4) feel the emotion and identify where it is in your body? Is it in your chest? Your hands? Your feet? Your neck? Your stomach? Etc where is it in your body? Step 5) keep on feeling into the emotion and get a full sense of what it feels like, dose it ache? Is there a tingly sensation? Is it really tense and tight or is it really lose and soft? Is it warm or cold? What colour is it? Dose it have a texture? Step 6) fully feel the emotion. Step 7) the next step is to allow. Step 8) let this emotion flood your entire body. Step 9) now imagine explaining this emotion out into the room so its both in and around you for a while. Remember don't get lost in the mind, don't go into thought story's or anything just feel the emotion you are currently feeling. Step 10) allow again. Allow yourself to feel the emotion in your whole body with no judgement or resistance. Step 11) just sit and do nothing for 5 minutes, or 10 minutes or 20 minutes. While you do this process make sure you relax your entire body and make sure you are taking long and deep breaths in and out. And that's the hole process. Use this whenever you feel a strong heavy emotion and remember the goal is to feel fully into your emotions and let them shift on their own. Feeling into emotions is one of the best ways to shift an emotion so try it out and see what you think !!! So now you know how to treat your emotions properly practice doing this on a daily basis until it becomes automatic for you !!! it will take you a while but keep practicing it until you get good at it and it becomes automatic for you. so get that down AND ALSO I bet that your shame comes from a deep shameful traumatic incident from childhood that you cant remember consciously but subconsciously its still in your mind. what you basically need to do is energetic release therapy. there are many form of this but one in particular is awesomeeeeeee for healing trauma and its called access bars. therapy. what you need to do is find an access bars practitioner in your area and have like 10x to 20x sessions. it bet it would create some major shifts within you. basically access bars works like this.... Access Consciousness is a form of therapy which recognizes that there are 32 bars of energy that run through and around your head, storing the electromagnetic component of all the thoughts, ideas, attitudes, decisions, and beliefs that you have ever had about anything. Access bars takes all the considerations, thoughts, feelings, emotions, decisions, judgments, and beliefs from any lifetime, that are electrically stored in the brain and releases them. This release occurs when the bars are touched; it allows that stored junk to be released. Some of the benefits of doing this therapy are The ability to perceive your life, body and relationships with more clarity and ease. Greater motivation and problem solving capacity. Significant increase is joy and happiness. Improved manageability of depressive and anxious tendencies. Improved manageability of post traumatic stress disorder. Decrease in interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts. Deeper relaxation and non interrupted sleep. I would definitely recommend it as its awesome !!! its help me a lot and it has helped many other people. search and see if there are any practitioners in your area and if you don't have one in your area research some other trauma energetic healing techniques as there are lots out there !!!! also if your going to be implementing the stuff I say make sure you watch these two videos by leo because they will probably be important for you... Ego backlash Patience hope this helps !!!

thankyou guys !!!! will read that link @Nahm thankyou !!!! and lol @Bill W whatever floats your boat !!!

Yes this sounds awesome !!!

also maybe think about going to see a psychotherapist and do some shadow work !!!

ohh also type in for an Access bars therapist in your area !!! its a powerful energetic healing technique that can unblock loads of stuck unwanted energy from your body/subconscious mind !!! if you quit porn, get access bars and move your sexuality up to stage green I recon you could maybe Transend it naturally potentially but you may be different what works for me might not work for you but its worth a try !!!

I have had very neurotic and low consciousness sexual fetishes in the past and I have tried to stop many times up if you neurotically try to stop doing it that will not work. I have found that through self actualization work and raising my consciousness up the spiral dynamics scale as my sexuality has became more stage green my low consciousness fetishes kind of fade away and become transcend. I think that as your sexuality becomes more green, yellow and turquoise you'll start to think about sex in a very different way. there is no way in hell that you can neurotically forecefully stop a sexual fetish you just have to transnd it by changing who you are and raising your consciousness. also stopping watching porn for a whole year would probably help to !!!

yess I agree I recon it would be hard to put into practice bit would be cool if you could pull it off and think it is possible !!! and yes I agree !!! if I do do this I will have to set clear boundary's !!!

I am considering the possibility of myself getting into polyamory relationships as it sounds like a awesome fantasy to be able to be in a romantic relationship with a few women where we are all able to love each other but because we all think of each other as awesome people this makes us not want to possess one another as we want many other people to experience our partner just because they are so cool which makes us able to give each other the freedom to share each other with others with no desire to possess one another and the fact that other people are romantically involved with your partner makes you feel like you have picked a diamond since so many people like your partner in that way and your partner thinks the same about you to !!! I think this would be awesome if you could pull this off as this would be a type of relationship when done properly would include little control, manipulation, jealousy and desires of possessing the other. Also i believe that as God I created an infinite amount of compatible partners out there for everyone so why would you limit yourself to one when you can have many? by the way im not saying polyamory is better than monogamy im still a fan of monogamy but im just interested in exploring polyamory as I have never considered it before and I have a feeling that it may be for me personally but you can never know until you try it out in practice. I may try it out and feel its not for me. But anyway my question is in my ideal polyamory relationship id like to see all my partners separately. I would never want to hangout with two girls im in a relationship with and there other lovers at the same time as I would want to see them all separately. Is this normal or do most polyamory relationships involve all the people involved hanging out, dating and having sex with each other at the same time? Also id feel weird if one of my partners was watching me having sex with one of my other partner and vice versa id feel weird if i was watching one of my lovers have sex with one of her other lovers. Do most polyamory people watch each other having sex or do many of these people just see each partner separately? Like obviously I wouldn't mind my partner having sex with her other partners but i wouldn't want to watch them do it right in front of me is this how most polyamory people do it where its just standard for everyone involved to hangout, go on dates and have sex with each other at the same time? Or are there many polyamory relationships where everyone just sees each other separately ? also is this even for me if im asking this question lol?

you will probs meet someone way better than her and you will be glad she did not reply back to you !!!

I as God made it so that everybody in the world has an infinite amount of partner to choose from !!! you have an infinite amount of compatible partners out there for you !!! this scarcity mindset is a delusion !!! you are imagining that she is the only one for you and that she is irreplaceable but this imagination of your is a straight up delusion which feels real !!! that girl you think is the one is just one partner out of the infinite !!! stay available and trust life !!!

I think !!! may be different in practice lol

Also I would be cool with her talking about her sexual experiences with her other loves to me but I just wouldn't want to see them do it in front of me but id be cool with her talking about it to me !!!

awesome !!! also ask yourself is it wrong to constantly be grabbing my girlfriends tits? if so why? and why should I stop doing it? and also ask yourselfv am I just projecting the sexiness onto the tit or is it objectively sexy? the answer to your problem is to gain more consciousness of why you do what you do !!!

watch leos contemplation with a journal video and leos comprehension has many degrees video and contemplate "what is so sexy about a tit"? is this something you've been programmed with by culture or is it actually objectively sexy? you need to contemplate and draw your own conclusions

this is what I did. I realized how porn caused lots of problems in my life and caused me much suffering so I got all porn sites blocked on my laptop !!!

ohh yeah also contemplate a mature person dose not need anyone to cling onto and you will never be fulfilled by another human being because when you are with a partner your in the relationship because you have some need you need met and that need will always need to be met again and again and again !!! theres no end to your constant needs !!! and you can never be fulfilled when your always running around trying to chase your survival needs and this is exactly what we do in romantic relaitonships is that we are constantly trying to get our never ending needs met so by definition thy cant fully fulfil you.

iv been going through similar problem and this is what I have been doing and I have noticed mild improvements as iv became more aware of it. Experiment with some of these suggestions if you want !!! they are not proven to work but it seems promising. watch leos understanding survival part 1 and 2 video watch Leo's video called "contemplation with a journal" and "comprehension has many degrees" it is very important to watch both these two videos !!!!!!!!! then contemplate the following statements you as god created an infinite amount of potential partners for everyone weather a human or animal. every man and women can find a new partner round the corner !!! i created it this way so life could work !!! if you feel scarcity with the opposite sex then you are living in delusion !!!! there is always someone better out there for you. that's one of the many reasons cheating happens. who every you are going out with is always just one out of infinity. the most beautiful people are bound to be interested in many other people and many other people will be interested in them. the man would like to have the most beautiful women in the world but also would like her to stay faithful to him, devoting to him. that will be difficult, that is asking the impossible. Don't expect permanent love. If that happens then great. But love is as uncertain as your life is uncertain. Contemplate how love makes me feel accepted, not useless, and important and why i feel like i need that in my life... Why i feel like i need that and When someone dumps me it feels like i have been disposed, seen as unimportant and discarded to the junk yard. Think about how this effects your self-esteem and how this effects your survival. When you breakup with someone just remember before you met them you didn't know this person, you two were strangers, you wanted you two to be permanent but you are going against the law of change, and that law is not going to make any exceptions. But somebody else will fill the gap who is far superior. Then suddenly you realize it was good that the other one got lost, otherwise you would of been stuck with her, but still the lesson never goes so deep that you stop asking for permanence. You will start asking for permeance with this new women. You have not really learned the lesson for change is simply the fabric of life. You have to understand it and go with it. Don't create illusions they are not going to help. And everyone is creating illusions of different kinds. Watch 5x heart break films and contemplate the characters survival needs in relationships contemplate all your survival needs and fears in relationships etc if you do this overtime as you build more awareness and become more conscious you will probably be less needy in your relationships over time. the goal is to become so conscious of it that you stop it because you realize how silly and dysfunctional it is !!!! and also get your basic sex needs met to !!! hope this helps !!!

Infinite Understanding goes along side infinite intelligence as is an omnipresent force and is fundamental to existence. Existence understands how to create everything. existence understands how to create infinities out of thin air for ever. We has humans can only tap into like 1% of infinite understanding with our limited minds but existence itself has unlimited levels of understanding. this pares well with leos video titled understanding infinite intelligence if you haven't watched it. take some psychadelics and think about this !!!

im trying to find something to replace my red meat consumption. Dose anyone know if quorn meat is harmful to ones health?

ohh and its a shame u missed out psychedelics as they can be powerful energy healers if used properly !!

ones I have tried a liked !!! Access Bars !!! Reiki I haven't tried these but they look interesting angelic reiki Emotional freedom technique