Tearos

@Knowledge Hoarder I think I agree with sexual variety as a benefit, although I'm not entirely sure if this is my opinion yet. I suspect I might be ignorant of the potential consequences of attainment of sexual variety. In regards to becoming less judgemental and fearful or shy, I think this can be a benefit, especially to those who are overly judgemental and fearful/shy. But these individuals I suspect are aware of the possible "dangers" of this lifestyle, so the choice wouldn't necessarily be naive. For people who mindlessly choose this lifestyle and are ignorant of the potential consequences, I suspect are living naively - which I believe not to be good. I think it's a good idea to have standards of who you choose to engage with sexually. In a casual relationship, the selectivity process isn't really based on high standards in many cases. It's more like "I'm gonna sleep with any girl who is gonna be willing to sleep with me" I would also add another benefit, that people (at least men) can really experience higher levels of confidence through this lifestyle. I wouldn't argue that it's nothing to be recognized as an attractive mate to women. Sexual experience is probably also another benefit. For this point, I'm not entirely convinced that a liberal approach to sex is ideal. This is the reason I ask these questions. We have been through the "moralizing and conservative" phase, and have drawn the knowledge out of what is not acceptable in this approach. Now that we are going through this liberal approach, I'm trying to figure out if this is really a good idea or not. If it's not, I'm not sure it should stay anywhere in a strict sense. We have to draw the wisdom from the phase though. Yeah, I agree with this. This is why this discussion is pretty relevant today. Here's a thought: What if we are not able to deal with the responsibilities of sex? I think it's interesting that limiting sex has now moved across the political spectrum, as the right wanted sex to be more restrictive and arguing through religion, for instance. Now the left is also trying to limit sex, by trying to demand consent before engaging in sexual activities as a law.

What views do you guys have on casual sex? All opinions are welcome here - both grey and black-and-white views. Do you guys think the danger or harmlessness of casual sex is underestimated in today's western society? If you'd like, I would like you to also offer your perspective on the personal level and/or societal levels. Follow-up questions: If harmless - what do you think is the best strategy to achieve it? If dangerous - what do you think is the best alternative?

@Knowledge Hoarder Interesting. What kind of benefits are you referring to here? Also, I can't relate to the whole "society claiming that casual sex is a big no-no" statement you made. At least for where I live and have spent my whole life (Norway), casual hookups are very much standard practice. It's also expected by the culture here that you should approach sex as nothing more than bodily pleasure. At least for guys, and perhaps for girls as well. In my experience, it's expected that you use Tinder and should work to have many casual sex encounters in order to achieve social status. Romance is pretty much dead, and in many cases, something people cringe about. I've also heard some convincing arguments that people end up cynical and bitter in the long run by treating themselves as a casual partner, which of course does affect any serious relationship. I'm gonna guess the logic behind this is that you train yourself to view yourself as a casual partner, and you have to train yourself to become a serious partner in the aftermath. Probably not impossible to have stable and happy relationships in the future after a casual sex lifestyle, but I'm guessing that it perhaps is gonna be at least a bigger challenge.

@Tortured Soul What are these different reasons you're referring to?

@Knowledge Hoarder Perhaps that's true for a lot of people who suppress their sexuality or don't have many options for fulfilling their sexual needs. Do you think there are no dangers of causal sex? If yes, please explain in what way this seems to be the case for you.

@aurum Spiral Dynamics tend to give me a new perspective on human behavior and societal evolution. Thanks man.

@Roy I think I relate to almost everything you wrote. I'm glad to hear someone else having these kinds of thoughts - it makes it less lonely for me. The only thing I think would disagree with is the overpopulation statement you made. There are a few convincing arguments suggesting that our biggest challenge in some years will be that population increase will cease, rather than overpopulation.

@somegirl I would disagree that there was no relationship going on. They may not have established the title "relationship" or even followed the rules within a relationship. But this is surely behavior that is bending the rules of what has traditionally been considered a relationship. It's the same as a relationship, just without any responsibility, and perhaps maturity about the reality of the situation.

@Federico del pueblo Well, perhaps as some kind of weird psychological mechanism which I don't understand. But I've gathered that fatherlessness predicts teenage pregnancy. My take on this data is that these girls have a need for a masculine figure in their life, which oftentimes results in teenage pregnancy. I've pondered around this idea a lot, and it takes off the responsibility from myself. But agree that women are responsible for their own actions. On the happiness element of this argument, I would say I partially agree. This is because you obviously need women in order to fulfill your sexual need. If you go with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, your most fundamental needs must be met in order to fulfill further needs. All in all, the sex which you need a partner for, is an element of your happiness. This again, I would argue is not really living up to the "causal" part of the idea of casual sex. Once you show some care, you're investing more care and emotion than what the idea of casual sex demands you.

@somegirl Yes, I agree with this. At least this is my opinion temporarily. The "statistics" don't really seem to support any life-long contentment with this lifestyle.

@somegirl It's a given because the idea of casual sex is about only sex without any motivation to be a decent person. I'm guessing that's why it's regarded as casual. Also, I didn't suggest that any relationship was the goal of treating the other with care. Just that treating the other with care, you instantly begin manifesting yourself as less causal.

@Federico del pueblo That's an interesting view. I would say that I have in my past attempted to suppress care towards the other with a mindset, allowing me to see them merely as casual sex-"object". I don't know if this accounts for me personally, but this suppression has never really been executed perfectly on my part. I think I always sensed that I was deliberatively fooling myself into a mindset in order to be able to act on the orders of my body. I've been hypothesizing that this mindset might be the same mechanism soldiers learn in military school in order to kill. I guess this mindset allows them to perceive others as non-humans in some regard. It's easier to kill, I would suspect. Interestingly, many soldiers go through PTSD as a result of their trauma by their own evil actions in battle

@somegirl Yes, but that contradicts the idea of the sex being casual, I think. As soon as you treat the other with care (by asking about them), they instantly turn into a non-causal partner in my estimation. How do you reconcile this contradiction?

So lately I've been trying to figure out how one could be able to meet their own needs without being dependent on someone else to meet them (needs that conventionally requires other people in order to be met). For example, how do you meet your need for intimacy without being dependent on someone else to fulfill that particular need? In this case, already fulfilling this need on your own, any intimacy with another would be a bonus to your life. Questioning this, I am also taking into account of maintaining high self-esteem and dodging addictions. Here an example would be: How does one meet their sexual needs without being dependent on sleeping with others, and avoiding an addiction for masturbation (and porn)? Any insights and practical techniques out there? Thanks!

@Forestluv Do you have any answers to these questions?

@Thestarguitarist14 Do you have any methods, techniques, or advice on how to meet my needs on my own that one conventionally needs another person to meet? So far, some people here have advised meditation, journaling, and sharing thoughts and feeling with close ones.

@susanyzm Thank you for your response and for sharing your perspective. I wouldn't say I've experienced relationships that haven't met my needs, rather the opposite. The relationships I've had have met my needs, needs that I have failed to meet on my own, which has resulted in lovesickness - the state in which I felt something was missing in my life when my partner was not around anymore. When they were gone for good, it left a giant empty space within me, something essential wasn't there anymore. I don't disagree about the benefits of relationships at all, nevertheless, I believe that it is not a healthy relationship if I am dependent on the other for my needs to be fulfilled. In my opinion, a healthy relationship should consist of two whole people, not two halves making a whole. It isn't a pleasure to need someone else, because you live in constant fear that you will lose them. I believe the secret to a good relationship is loving properly - which is not giving your love to another, rather sharing your love with another. If you give it away, you will lose it. When you share it, it's still within you. Thank you for your advice about journaling and sharing thoughts and feeling with closed ones! I have recently decided to start the habit of journaling every day. So far, it really helps to clear up my thoughts.

@UDT Thanks for the response! It's more coming from the perspective that one can ideally meet their own needs without being dependent on others to fulfill them. For example, a monk living in celibate must somehow be able to fulfill his needs for intimacy in order to be happy, however, he won't be able to through other people due to his celibacy. He is still happy though. Additionally, I think the ideal relationship one can have with others shouldn't be based on being dependent on a partner fulfilling one's needs and making them whole. Rather I would think that already being whole, and the gifts of any relationship would become a bonus to one's life. Then there would be a lesser chance of any issues, such as neediness and codependency. Already having had my share of experiencing deep intimate relationships, though with dependency of others to be happy, I'm looking for ways to fulfill my needs on my own which will lead to richer and more healthy relationships in the future. Thank you for the advice of expanding my consciousness! I agree that it will help out in the long run, which is why I meditate, though I do find it hard to fulfill needs in everyday life.

Hey guys! I've been thinking about this question for some time now: How would the world look like if everyone were pursuing their Life Purpose? Would this even be realistic? If so, who would be taking over the shitty jobs out there - for example being a cleaner? What are your thoughts about this? Thanks! Tearos/Fred

Hey guys, I've been wondering about this question about contemplation/reflection for quite some time now: Does contemplation/reflection in its nature lead to same conclusion as Truth? Example: If both my friend and I contemplate on the same topic, will we both naturally at some point go to the same conclusions which would be the Truth? I'm excited to see what your thoughts are on this! Thanks, Tearos/Fred

@Key Elements @Leo Gura Do you guys have any suggestions to how we could implement contemplation into the education system, and what that could result in?

@tsuki I've been thinking about the posibilities of implementing contemplation into the school system. Would there be an opportunity to use the contemplation in this system which would lead the students to overall better well-being, do you think? I'm asking myself how that would work then, since it would be hard to know if the students are on the right track or not if there isn't a common truth to be found.

I'm currently experiencing some sort of heartbreak or lovesickness which has created a strong painful feeling within my body. Fortunately, I have come to a point in the level of meditation that I am not being a victim of the situation, but rather just experiencing it (and even kind of enjoying it) because I am working on falling in love with all kinds of feelings, regardless of the "pain" that emerges. So what this means is that I am not trying to dismiss these "negative" feelings, rather embracing them fully. Interestingly, I also found that what does not really hurt that much is not being able to be with the person I am fond of, however, the feelings react to the thoughts produced by my low level of self-love, or bad self-esteem - which contains "someone" telling me I'm worthless, etc. However, I have been questioning the ramifications of the event in which caused this emotional reaction. Do any of you have an idea about the "science" behind the reaction? My current theory is that I strongly react to the event because I have identified with a lot of ideas and feelings (by the way, in a very short amount of time), therefore not being able to be with this person creates an Ego backlash within me. A more detailed description, example-wise, could be that the person made me forget all the self-destructive thoughts about myself because I was submerged in the beauty of her whole existence, once we spent time together. However, I have always have had bad self-esteem, telling me that I am not good enough for anyone and that no one wants me. Therefore, once we are split up (which didn't really have anything to do with her not thinking I was good enough) made me experience thoughts about she not thinking I am not good enough, promoting suicidal tendencies. IF YOU WANT TO SAVE TIME AND SKIP THE BACKGROUND STORY ABOVE AND MOVE STRAIGHT TO THE POINT: A more direct question would be: Do you think that heartbreak is just an Ego backlash? I am curious to try out other theories, so please leave a comment to help me understand myself. Tearos/Fred

Næmmen!

@Consept The reason I would think it is an Ego backlash is because the Ego contructed the idea (what it thinks it should be) that we belong together in a sense. Therefore, once the rejection was verified, the realization of truth created the reactional backlash. Additionally, my Ego probably holds the dogmas such as that there must be meanings like worth in me etc; therefore it creates even more stories in my head once the rejection from the girl shows otherwise. In other words, because of her rejection, my mind creates symbols about this situation, interpreting it into stories that tells me I am worthless rather than that I have worth. Help me out if I'm out of track