riplo

I am 25. I have had the desire to go out and approach women on the street from the age of 13. The idea occured naturally to me even before I knew of Leo or pickup, but fear, social anxiety and trauma stopped me from doing so. Finally 1 years ago, I decided it was time to confront my fear and begin. I decided to gradually desensitize myself to the fear by giving out friendly compliments to women on the street in London UK, where I live. Even after resolving to do so, I put it off for weeks. One day my boss called and told me about rumours circulating at work. I tried to hit on too many girls and was getting a reputation for being a 'fuck boy'. The root cause: my workplace was the only way I could meet women, I didn't know how to meet them any other way. That day I decided enough was enough. I would go out and give one compliment to a girl on the street. I resolved not to come home until I had done so. I walked around outside a university in South London. Many beautiful women walked past me, with each one I told myself 'Too scary. I'll do the next one, the next, the next'. I walked back and forth across this road for 3 hours in a constant state of fear. My legs ached and I wanted to go home, but I had become disgusted with myself. 'NO! I WILL NOT GO HOME UNTIL I DO THIS'. Finally, I got close to a girl and braced myself to say 'hey I like your outfit'. As I got close, she turned and made eye contact with me. In that moment I was filled with a full fight-or-flight terror. I snapped my eyes away from her and continued walking, saying nothing. But then I felt love for myself - I was dealing with a powerful fear, of course this would be hard. After another 30m of walking, I finally gave out my first ever compliment to a girl on the street. It felt good. Within a few weeks I made a program for myself. I would go out after work 4 times a week and give out 3 compliments. I found this very very challenging. To help, I repurposed a spending tracker app on my phone to track my progress. I did this so I could feel like every interaction I initiated was a win, like it was adding to my experience pool, even if it didn't go well. The scores are ultimately arbitrary, and I have refined them over time, but they have generated some satisfying graphs and statistics. Each type of interaction would earn a different score: a compliment would earn £0.15 a comp and a question 0.60 a comp, question and introducing myself 0.90 a number 1.20 an instant date 5.00 etc I spent the next 6 months struggling to meet my goal of 3 compliments a day. I went through laziness, hopelessness, shame, anger at myself, hatred for women, hatred for the world, to deep compassion for my shortcomings, to profound gratitude, to feeling like the alpha king of monkeys, to extreme horniness, exhausion, suicidal thoughts, feeling I will be stuck forever, then consoling myself and going out again. I failed many times. I fell off the path many times. I read Convesations with God, tried to use the creative power of my thoughts. I focused on eating and sleeping well, so that I felt good enought to go out and do it. I did 40m a day visualisation. I used breathing techniques. I returned again and again via journalling to my vision, to why I was doing this. It felt like I had to draw upon every resource I had. Such was my fear of just talking to a stranger. One day, I felt really good and ready to move on, to ask a follow up question after the compliment. I sent my friend £250 and told him not to send it back until I recorded myself saying 'excuse me, you look really interesting' to a girl. I walked around for 6h hours before the deadline passed, and I went home feeing utterly broken and ashamed having not done it. He kept the money. I actually woke up in fear multiple times that night, dreaming that I was still in Liverpool St Station trying to get myself to approach. But two days later I somehow did my first ever honest to god cold approach, at a bookshop in central London. I spoke to this girl with my hands shaking in terror, but she gave me her number. We went on a date a few days later, a few weeks later we had sex. But whatever inspired me to do that cold approach left, and I was back to compliments. About 6 months ago I decided I would get coaching. I searched and found a random coach on youtube. He had about 2k subscribers. I paid him £500 to come out with me for a day. I was earning £1600 a month and living in expensive London so this was a lot of money to me. Even though I didn't think he had much to offer in terms of game, I thought that paying so much and having him there with me would force me to do approaches. It worked. I did about 15 real cold approaches that day. But I suspect most of my apparent progress during that day was made in the months before. Since that day the doors opened to doing cold approach proper. It still took work to get myself to approach consistently alone, and I still occasionally have trouble getting myself to do it. But it really has become the focus of my life now, zoning in on it, getting better at it. The approaches have gotten less scary the more I have done them (shockingly). This September I did 75. This week I did 30. I have gotten gradually bolder. I approach some girls even when they are sitting down surrounded by people. I have gone on a few instant dates. I have approached a few groups of girls. I have had a handful of sexual encounters ranging from bad but kind of fun, to extremely intimate, hot and magical. My vision, that I crawled back to week on week over the last year, is beginning to be realized. That original burning fear has melted away. I still have lots of work before I feel like I can put this chapter of my life behind me. Recently I feel like I have run up against the limits of my 'natural game'. To improve from here it's not going to just be about being less fearful anymore, but changing things about myself; eye contact, being more subtle in my emotional reading of a situation eg when to try and close with a girl, challenging myself to stay in set as long as possible, doing more groups, doing night game. It's confusing, and I am partially writing this to remind myself of how far I have come, and to inspire myself. Despite my occasional lack of faith, deep down I know that given time, persistance, passion, hard work and coming back to my vision again and again, REAL GROWTH IS POSSIBLE. If you are reading this and are early on in this journey, or thinking of going out on this journey, or you belive (like I did at times) that you are different somehow and this will never work for you, I hope this inspires you to go out and do it. Here are a few tips you may find helpful: Come back again and again to why you are doing what you are doing Ultimately, especially when you are out alone, it does come down to just choosing to do that approach, in the moment, despite all the fear and panic. There is no way out of that or around that. No visualisation or meditation or anything will change that Failure to complete your goals for that day or week is fine. Just pick yourself back up and go do it tomorrow It is more work that you could possibly imagine. But each step towards your vision is itself extremely rewarding If you struggle with approach anxiety GET IN-PERSON COACHING (or go to a bootcamp) It is well worth the £500 or even £1000. The money you spend will hold you accountable, you will want to make sure you spent it well. If you are putting this off, consider: you may know deep down that you will have to confront your fear once you get coached, and that's the true reason you don't want it Get a wing via Leo's telegram worldwide wingman thing. The pickup groupchats themselves are a toxic hellscape, but you can just meet people from them irl till you find a good wing then never look at them again Consider repurposing a spending tracker as a point counter as I did. It's kind a mental idea I know, but if your mind works anything like mine you'll love it The rest of the lessons I'm sure you'll learn yourself as you do it Much love and godspeed!

Found during derivation of black body radiation in a uni textbook

This guy seems to have a super amazing life purpose - translating old undeciphered music scripts then conducting his orchestra to perform them with the exact alcohol, banquet food, atmosphere etc it would have originally been performed in. It would have been the first time the songs were heard in 100s of years. He was crazy passionate and poured his whole heart and soul and life into his work - then one day got a coldsore which infected his brain by pure chance and within a few weeks he was reduced to the above. I don't even know what lesson to draw from this necessarily although there must be something there. I like to think there's always some way to grow consciousness if you just choose to - even in concentration camps Viktor Frankl style, but I don't know where I would start if I was him. I guess having as a firm principle to always in daily life try and be present and aware of the inner body etc - then gradually his consciousness would rise, because although it would always seem like the first time returning attention to the present the effect of this constant meditation would accumulate anyway. He can't learn new info though so unless he knew to already he's pretty fucked. Seems like unnecessary cruelty from our abrahamic style god

I'm a student in my second year at Oxford uni, uk, with an (admittedly small) family + friends + girlfriend that loves me. I had an enlightenment experience on acid many years ago so I know it's real. At that time although I can barely remember it, it felt like I was so lucky to have a glimpse and that I almost died without one, and that it was the only thing worth actually pursing in life. I occasionally read about enlightenment in books and also (seemingly) waste my time watching people talk about it on youtube constantly. Even though I'm young and successful by societies standards I am a drug addict, I feel empty and purposeless inside and feel like I'm wasting my life and my youth on pointless shit that I don't feel passionate about. Sometimes I get these impulses to give everything I know up and join a zen monastery or something - I know of some people (like Andy Puddicombe founder of Headspace and Shinzen Young) who have done exactly this - just picked up and left their old life behind and been forced to adapt to hardcore spiritual practice - something I feel like I don't have the willpower to do while carrying on in my current environment. It's rash but it surely seems like it's is the right thing to do. Idk if this even counts as a question, but is there anyone here who is now older and regrets not doing this as such a young age despite all the seemingly important obligations that stopped them doing it at that moment? Or is there some trap I should look out for when people become monks etc? Is this a move in the right direction is what I'm asking.

One thing that has been insanely valuable as a guy was developing and understanding my masculinity - using books like way of the superior man. Leo's approach to enlightenment etc is also quite a masculine and in your face challenging one, as well as very rational - and speaks to me in a powerful and engaging way. My girlfriend is on board with self actualization too - I wonder is there any books, courses, or other stuff like that that focuses exclusively on developing the feminine and would speak to my (very feminine) girlfriend - more feminine teachings and books on enlightenment would also be really useful, as well as (don't know if this is a thing) more feminine spiritual practises. Any help would be appreciated people - if any chicks on here know some stuff that speaks to or was really engaging for them or worked really well for them, I'd love to know what that was. Thanks people

@NoSelfSelf For one it helped me to understand that my rational goal oriented way of looking at the world is just one perspective, and that there are other equally valid ways of understanding and moving through life. Understanding how attraction works - understanding how relationships work - an example would be that my girl testing me with seemingly random turbulent emotions n that is a healthy part of every relationship and not a problem that must be 'fixed', had I not read about this the relationship would have collapsed by now due to my ignorance. Learning to deal with this in the proper way has taught me also how to think about and deal with the general turbulence of lifes challenges in the proper way. When I express my masculinity in healthy ways it feels like I'm connecting to something really deep and true about my self - maybe even the spiritual self. An example is that masculine quality of non reactivity and authenticity, is really just what happens when you're really conscious, and is a property of consciousness itself - it just is itself and accepts itself without needing to react or hide. These are just a few examples - there are a lot more. I get that ultimately this label of 'masculine' is meaningless and will collapse - I'm not there yet though and the concept is useful at this stage.

It seems like almost no popular gurus (other than Leo) talk about the massive levels of discipline and hard work that goes into enlightening oneself. For example Eckhart Tolle's books make no mention at all of a serious spiritual practise. I know that a lot of these people became enlightened by accident almost, and also that when one becomes enlightened you discover that there's 'nothing to do'. Even then though, people like Adyashanti don't really stress how much work is required, even though it seems he had to do a lot of it. Why is this? I mean surely these people would love others enough to tell them straight up how to actually get there - as well as being aligned with truth in general, so they'd want to talk truthfully. I guess maybe it's to not discourage egos from listening to their teachings - but even that seems like a manipulative thing to do.

I wonder though if these mass market gurus actually know that they are doing this. Like do they deliberately sit down and think they're going to dumb it down to make it spread? Seems pretty manipulative - although I guess what's wrong with that if it's done from a place of love.

@Nahm That's a good question. Just reading Eckhart's books puts me into a meditative loving state, but it's the kind of thing you read and then just forget about a week later. Leo's videos tend to either motivate me to action or just freak me tf out. I don't really know what resonates for me really - I've still got to explore more n get them juicy multiple perspectives.

So 'you' came into existence by making a distinction between 'you' and 'environment', but in order for you to make this distinction, 'you' have to be there in the first place. Is that what is meant be 'you are a strange loop'?

It feels like most people never really think about the sheer size of the existence they exist in. In much the same way that death is kind of brushed under the carpet in modern culture - and so we spend our lives distracting ourselves from it - so is the sheer size of existence. Every individual thinks that there is something special about them, and their lives, and are so attached to it. Me me me. They act like this straight in the face of the fact that there are literally 7 BILLION other people thinking exactly the same thing. That number is pretty much impossible to fully wrap your mind around, so culture just flat our ignores it. 7,000,000,000 people and you are just 1 of these, and you act like life revolves around you. Contemplating this puts self obsession into perspective.

@Highest You're right haha, the variety is so beautiful. I haven't experienced absolute infinity, but infinity seems to shine through even now, just from the endless variety of every single object, person, culture, thought - everything.

It's presumptuous to rule something out completely because some sages advice against it. Sex has been demonised for a long time and seen as temptation but there are definitely people who have used sex for their spiritual development.

Anyone every had an enlightenment type experience from just sex (or some kind of sexual yoga) alone? I'd be interested to hear your stories, or if this is even possible or a valid path.

@Spacious What you said about primal therapy is really interesting - do you mind telling me what video Peterson talks about the malevolence in and what retreat you went on?

Spirituality talks about enlightenment or reality or truth having positive or kind of higher consciousness qualities - like love, honesty, peace, joy, health, energy, patience, wisdom, true creativity, compassion, generosity, humility, humbleness etc... but why? For some of these, like honesty, it seems obvious why living in truth would produce that. But for something like joy... why is enlightenment inherently joyful? Is it that identification with self produces all the negative 'opposite' qualities (like selfishness vs generosity), and getting rid of that identification means getting rid of those negatives? This doesn't really explain why reality is inherently loving or joyful though. Where does divine love come from?

That may be true, but it's not really answering the question

In the last few months, I've noticed that my dreams are pretty much always intense, scary or extremely stressful - I'm always trying to solve a very intense problem and am extremely relieved when I wake to find that it was all just a dream. One common one is that I kill someone by accident and then am desperately trying to hide the body for some reason till I wake up. I get 7-9 hours sleep daily and wake up at 9am every day, eat reasonable healthy, aren't very stressed in day to day life and I meditate, but I find that I wake up not feeling rested - pretty sure this is due to the stessful dreams. I've looked online but the solutions given all seem quite superficial. Does anyone else have this problem, or have a deep solution?

A lot of personal development books talk about changing your self image as being the key to actually changing your behaviour and level of effectiveness in life. For example if you have problems with lets say work ethic, one way to tackle that is to make change your perception of yourself from someone who can't / isn't meant to achieve much, to someone who is willing to put in the work to live a great life, thus installing a different self image. But then from spirituality we know it's your self image that ends up causing you a lot of suffering. For example being a workaholic is in part because you have that rigid identity as someone who provides for their family etc. So should we try and install different beliefs about ourselves, or is that a trap?

How do you know when direct experience is actually pointing you to the 'truth', as opposed to pointing you to something that’s 'false'. For example, seeing a humanoid devil creature strangling your mother could potentially be directly experienced, and so could experiencing your true nature as universal awareness. In spirituality we say one of these is true direct experience, and true reality, while one is a delusion. But since direct experience is the only way to understand reality, because we know that human rationality and thought is deeply flawed, then we have to rely on direct experience only, even to determine which of the two direct experiences is valid. So how do we stop ourselves going along with delusions while trusting direct experience above rationality? What do you guys think

So I've been meditating for a good while now, and my preferred way of sitting when I do so is on one of the benches (or a similar structure I arrange out of whatever objects are around) shown below, sitting with my legs tucked under. I'm very inflexible and this way of sitting is perfect, as over time I've already flexible-d those specific muscles or whatever required to sit like this. It's pretty hard to fall asleep like that, as opposed to sitting normally on a chair, and it naturally keeps your back straight. I have tried to begin a Kriya yoga practise, sitting in the same way as Leo describes in his 'How to sit for Kriya' video on the blog. I've been doing the practise for only about a week now, and I'm able to sit like he shows reasonably comfortably, but after literally like 5 minutes my legs go completely numb from cut off circulation, and seeing as I try to sit for 25 minutes, it doesn't seem like a very healthy way to sit for the practise in this case. I know that over time my flexibility will increase, but will circulation in my legs (ie will they stop going numb)? Is it a better idea to just use the bench, or is there an actual reason for why I shouldn't do so for yoga specifically? Thanks guys x