Cocolove

Like a spiral, every time you come back to a new side of development you'll be more evolved and ready to make the next step. I finally got a decent job and now im finishing my multi-year psychedelic break.

how was it?

And what about the awakening course? how many courses are in the making.

I never mix caffeine with psychedelics. The last thing you need is to be jittery and anxious.

for the spores? they aren't illegal.

@thenondualtankie have you tried both? better to go 30 minutes straight and then do a breath hold it's more intense. Breath holds are nice for enjoying where you've gotten but they undo the work you've done. I think it defeats the purpose to go back and forth for so long when you can trip from 30 min straight

yea do the Cyb's Hybrid ATB Salt Tek just do it with good ventilation lol

I notice I've had a habit of being very happy when im in a relationship. But without it, I am often depressed until I get into another one. I've made lots of progress on this just by sitting with my emotions when I would usually use a relationship to suppress them, and working on self-actualization, but I would really like to fix this so I can feel great on my own and eventually have a healthy relationship. I am also needy, obviously the same issue. Also trying to deal with a breakup of a 3 year relationship that happened 5 months ago. We still hang out and I really want to make things work we just can't seem to have a healthy relationship right now. Whether it leads to us having a healthy relationship or helps me get over this and stop being constantly heartbroken, I feel like I need to do more than just spirituality, life purpose, and all that and directly focus on it. I think sitting with the emotions I don't want to feel really gets to the root of the issue in a way, but also I think it would be good to approach it from the psychological childhood trauma angle. Pretty opposed to therapy just because I feel like i can usually do things better and know more with all this self-actualization shit. A book recommendation on this would be great, or videos or anything you think would specifically address this

@NoSelfSelf hm good advice thank you i definetely need to contemplate this more. I just think a book would be good as specific psychological issues can be tricky and techniques can help. @integral yea im 21 working a decent amount on my life purpose and self actualization. but that just never brings me the level of fufillment a relationship can. I've watched some julien videos on this topic, ive already seen the other you shared.@Raze Watching the julien video its just so hard to understand how this is what im doing and how to stop. it doesn't feel like im putting my self worth on that, in my experience it feels like depression is the baseline and having a relationship is an amazing thing that brings pleasure and love. the love comes from that, not from within. Logically I know its true, but how do i bridge the gap and actually start feeling like im complete. I defintely feel a huge difference between if i spend a day self actualizing and being productive versus if I go on social media. I just don't think i need to wait to be very self-actualized to fix this issue.

@NoSelfSelf hm good advice thank you i definetely need to contemplate this more. I just think a book would be good as specific psychological issues can be tricky and techniques can help. @integral yea im 21 working a decent amount on my life purpose and self actualization. but that just never brings me the level of fufillment a relationship can. I've watched some julien videos on this topic, ive already seen the other you shared.@Raze I defintely feel a huge difference between if i spend a day self actualizing and being productive versus if I go on social media. I just don't think i need to wait to be very self-actualized to fix this issue.

wtf why did chatgpt just reply this in response to the question above^ "YouTube Channel: Actualized.org - This channel covers a wide range of topics related to personal growth, self-actualization, and finding happiness."

@r0ckyreed Yea i think this is a low-level trans-conceptual spiritual realization. Definitely not near the full thing.

Another reason I think the insight was trans-conceptual @r0ckyreed is that I have no ability to understand it any more beyond concepts. It was a state of consciousness that is totally gone now.

Also, I was thanking god and telling it I love you for creating this experience and the illusion. Then I felt god say it back, thanks for doing it. And the gratitude and love started to merge until it flipped and I was thanking myself both directions. God doesn't make you forget, God forgets!! @Leo Gura Yes Indeed, especially remote tropical rainforests. @Theplay Was a travel day, renting a car and driving hours to get back to my university. So it was distracting and exhausting. At first I was happy to just sit in nature for hours and meditate. Then I started to get more anxious and feeling not at ease. By the time I was back I felt depressed, reality was shaken up and unstable and confusing, I felt strong urges to scroll through social media, whereas earlier I felt I never would want to again. Struggled to be motivated to do basic things, was grumpy to other people. Then I had insomnia from anxiety, to a degree I haven't had in a month or two. Woke up very very depressed. Going through my day has helped, but reality just feels so... unreal. Like after tripping. A lot of things I attributed to psychedelics I've realized are just after-effects of spiritual experiences in general. The Ego backlash, the strong emotions and cravings, unease, my ego wanting things to feel normal and real again. @r0ckyreed It's one thing to feel emotions that you would say "I felt like life is perfect" about. Yesterday I felt that way but only as a result of a deep realization that God makes no mistakes, every moment It (I) am creating is absolute perfection, and couldn't be otherwise. There are no problems, everything is completely ok, worrying that things won't be good is completely an illusion. It's difficult to describe and I'm not in that state of consciousness now but I realized why everything is perfect. Or more like, I was able to see through the illusion that there is anything to worry about, of suffering and fear. Definitely had deeper awakenings on mushrooms though.

Are rebounds healthy? I've been researching it a lot and so I think its worth starting a thread as I really would like some opinions. Personal story here but also just wondering in general the answer to this question. Me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up and I was doing very terrible and thought it might help me move on to sleep with someone else, so I did 1 day after. Then I did with her and another girl a few times each over the next few weeks. I feel like it was very unhealthy. 1: I hurt the person i cared very much about and still loved more than anyone for years, it was selfish and disrespectful. 2 I didn't process my feelings, I was just doing whatever I could to distract myself and convinced myself it would help me realize that she hadn't been special. In reality it made me feel horrible about everything overall and like noone could compare to my ex. 3 It promotes codependence instead of independence. You are using someone else to try and be okay again instead of putting in the hard emotional labor of grieving for months before you can be ok on your own. So I've kind of been against rebounds. But now I am wondering if there is a context they can be healthy in. There are lots of controversial opinions that are hard to pick through. This article claims to be 'scientific' https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/healthy-rebound-relationships/2025781#:~:text=Next time you're just,shift your mentality toward viewing "If you can't find anyone who even comes close to your ex, and you find yourself needing a distraction of any sort — emotional or physical — take some time to yourself." but also: "The research indicates that people who entered into a rebound relationship more quickly than others had greater overall mental and physical health, confidence in their desirability, and resolution toward their previous relationship." So I'm wondering from a self-actualization perspective what you all think. I've been focusing on doing things for myself, meditating, 10 other daily habits, surfing daily, not distracting myself from my feelings, lots and lots of crying. We got back together for a month and this time we broke up 2 weeks ago, because she couldn't get over what I had done while we were apart, even though are other problems have been resolved in a very healthy way. So I think for now a rebound is definetely not for me. For all the reasons above, plus I feel disgusted by the idea of doing that again. Even though it is so hard I feel like I really need to process my feelings.

@flowboy Even if you broke up with them after 2.5 years? In all fairness it was after trying everything to avoid it, but once it happens obviously it would hurt the other to do that right away, what about waiting so it doesnt make things worse for either person while they are in crisis?

Oh god neither of us are doing that. She wants to stay friends very badly and i do because I hope things work out between us. She hopes that we can get back together once she is not constantly obsessing over the people I was with while we were broken up. So many mixed opinions wow. I need to find balance I think. Process my emotions while im still deeply greiving but not sit around waiting hoping we get back together and being alone and sad. I've noticed in the past for short term like 3 month relationships rebounds really did work. I think I should have felt my pain a bit more but they really helped me feel better and get to a point where I totally didn't care about what had happened with the previous person. Even when they didn't work out or were just short and stupid, then I felt okay from the real breakup. But this time things were different. I had a lot to grieve, after living together for years and planning our lives together. It's not the type of thing that can be replaced. If anything the rebounds made me feel after a few weeks that noone would compare to her (so we got back together). It also hurt her which I feel horrible about, and made it so us getting back together couldn't work.

@Roy Yea definetely waiting a month at a bare minimum makes sense, but other than time, how would you say you are emotionally ready. Obviously you don't need to be totally moved on, but you should also probably be mostly recovered, to the point where you are okay on your own and don't need someone else to make you feel better. @flowboy Yea makes sense. I just made another thread about getting back with an ex and I agree it depends on the context. What about hurting the person who still loves you by doing things right away? @GlobalcollectiveReally are they? because I know that it can be harmful to throw yourself into work or working out or being busy all the time, compared to just crying. I imagine it could be if you really feel your feelings and stuff, but what about if you are using meditation to avoid feeling feelings and do something very difficult with your focus.

What are people's thoughts on rebounds? I was very upset and slept with someone a day after when we broke up the first time and i regret it so much, because it hurt her, didn't actually help me move on, was very immature, and I was trying to fill the void instead of dealing with the heartbreak. So because of that when we got back together, she was always worried and obsessed about that. Now she says she doesn't know if the relationship is ever repairable but she hopes it is.

After a 3 year relationship with so many great things I don't know how I can avoid not constantly hoping things will work out between us once we have both grown and changed and worked on our issues. Here you are so adamant that once you break up with someone you should never get back together, which in principle can't always be true I don't understand. Why can't two people grow on their own and if they genuinely fix the problems they had, get back together. Why must you start all over with someone new if you couldn't make it work at one point.

We are both 21, I'm in my third year of university, her her 4th. Started dating right after high school. Because I lied to her when we were broken up about how I had slept with other people because I thought it would just hurt her and I didn't think we would get back together. She thinks we both need to be less codependent but she is still in love with me.

I'm starting to feel a bit better but still quite bad crying every day, dreaming every night that we get back together. When I broke up with her the first time I needed space for like two weeks. She does too now. So we haven't talked for a week. I'm just trying to work on myself and my life and feeling like I will be okay either way. Now that I;m making some progress towards that it's clear to me I think I can heal while still hoping things work out.

Yea it did sting more breaking up the second time since it didn't work out lmao. We are working on being less codependent. Both using this time to be work on okay on our own hoping that once we are more independent we can be interdependent. She says she is just so unhealthy and jealous/paranoid after finding out I slept with other girls while we were apart the first time and she thinks the only way we can have a healthy relationship is if she is okay on her own first. Yea it would be best long term. She also hopes and wants me to come home to see her in a month but she just thinks we need to be different people for it to work. @Leo Gura Okay yea thank you. I wasn't going to let you cockblock me but I was just curious I've been watching you for 6 years and it's been so transformative so I value your opinion a lot. Maybe I do need to learn. @Dazgwny Thanks. I guess logically there must be plenty of occurances of this.

Are you sure? am I not making any progress right now? I know that whether we get back together or not, I need to feel the pain and work on having positive habits and making myself happy. For the past 9 days I have been in absolute misery just such horrible heartache and constantly thinking about it and panicking. I've just been breathing through it and feeling the pain and not distracting myself because I know it's what I need to do. Are you saying that if I'm also hoping things work out between us, that I am not healing at all? Am I just torturing myself and putting myself through a bunch of unnecessary pain for no reason, do you think all this pain is just from me hoping we will get back together. I keep telling myself we might not get back together and I will be okay and I need to shift my mindset to be okay no matter what happens but it just seems there is nothing I can do to stop myself from constantly hoping that we will get back together and have a healthy relationship.

But we really are not fully broken up, I plan to fly to her to see her in a month as friends and we will see if we have grown enough to have a healthy relationship. But what if what we need to in order to have a healthy relationship is to break up and be apart so we can be okay on our own first, and have an interdependent instead of codependent relationship.