Manjushri

Why does it hurt THAT much that you want to end it and just not go along for the ride Shaun?

I'm from Belgrade and now I see you live there too wow oh my god. now I feel excited.

Is this a sign of becoming codependent? I'm starting to feel unbearable loneliness when I'm away from her. She is the feminine to my masculine, a perfect fit. I want to penetrate her mind 24/7 and share my entire Being with her. I want to become one with her. When separated, I feel like I'm incomplete (codependency alert???). I feel lonely, but not like I need her. Together we're an entire new being, so much that being separated feels lacking, like Plato's soulmates. When I was doing the life purpose inquiry, I figured that the most important thing for me in life is a quality companion. A week later I found one. With her, I feel complete, but I repeat, I don't need her.

@RendHeaven Masculinity is having a mission that's priority no 1, females second or third. Codependency kills attraction and relationships

@RendHeaven@Rilles Sorry but no. Not me in any way. @RendHeaven accidentally @'d you up there. Can't erase. Uh. The problem is we've spent almost every day together for the past 5 months. Big problem. If we didn't see eachother, we would phone/text. She is my best and closest friend, and I had a tough time so I was communicating with her a lot. Then we got into a relationship and I just extremely enjoyed spending time with her. The problem is I've grown attached to her so much, that I can't imagine myself starting martial arts or something without her. Ghhh... Exams ended and I got 3 months of summer without obligations that aren't self-imposed...

@RendHeaven We're close friends for 3-4 years now. Became closer this year - everyday intense communication. It's just scary how a perfectly good fit we are.

His facebook profile picture is > grim reapers meme with "I don't feel like existing anymore". He doesnt have an add button for new friends. Several classmates approached him and he was neutral -> negative. I would like to get past his shield.

My consciousness is so dim. My essence is yearning for more. But no matter how much I meditate, I never feel really present, nor aware, maybe just vaguely mindful. Like a cloudy hazy deep sleep. Even in states of meditation do I feel just concentrated, but still sleeping. When and how the fuck do I wake up?????? I want to wake up!!!!

If someone's an expert at studying smart here it would be of tremendous help for me. I lost a semester (didn't give the 4 exams I needed) so I have extra work now. Which means I need a good strategy and a plan to do this well. A good plan is half the work. I would greatly appreciate if you gave me some advice, all the study tips, organization etc. I can't do it the classical non-strategical way now with my mediocre study method. Not effective enough. Any good student here to tell me his secret / method? I basically just wanna pass, I don't care about grades, because I have the extra work. Thank you in advance!

It didn't save on a cloud. I lost the card. It's gone. Half of the music ideas I have scribbled down on a paper, even though that doesn't have the sound of it. I lost the most creative part of my life yet. I didn't even care about making it into music, because I was so creative that I was just spilling music ideas all over the place. All gone. Hurts so much to the point of screaming even 3 months later. What do you do about this? It was a divine state of creativity just making and making and making music. I can't replicate that now. All the original ideas just down the drain. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

I started loving chess a week and a half ago. Now playing with friends at college is great, but I play at least 2 games at night too. That online chess is questionable. I don't know how I feel about it.

I see myself getting dopamine hits when I up my rating... Playing without an account was no problem. I use it to escape from the present sometimes as well. I see all the mechanisms...

@Winter no LP yet. but the last week I've been playing a game or two or three or four of chess at night when I come home. It might become questionable. I made an account which means rating which means uhhhhhhhhhhh...... I might invest myself into learning a lot about chess, but it's just a game. The same resources I can put in a language...

Should I drink it? All the time or when I need an extra boost? What about coffee? I'm reluctant to drink coffee even when I really need it. When I'm really tired and can't study, I drink some green tea (30mgs of caffeine) and that gives me a big productive high, because of my sensitivity I guess? What do you guys think?

is this topic the youtube comment section of the video or what

@Zetxil thank you for the awesome advice! questions: scheduler for a plan : does that mean a loose plan or a defined schedule? how far ahead? should i plan out how much i do each day and calculate to make it all fit until exam time? since atm what I'm doing is go to the library and do as much as I can each day, without a solid schedule or a plan. I think I can make it this way too, and it's less taxing because I just do the work. On the other hand, i could damn use a plan. Second question : best ways to learn? thanks again! and everybody else, I went to the library every day for 4 or even 5 weeks straight! I'm gonna make it . really proud of my comeback.

Why, why? It was so clear to me a few months ago, clear enough to dedicate my life to it. Now, as my consciousness quality fell down, I forgot why it's important. Why?

What an idiot! Why wasn't I more conscious? I do 45 mins of vipassana daily for 2 years now. Yet I still get carried by pleasant events you know, eg hanging out with friends. And the experience would be so much more vivid and alive if I could be aware the whole time. I get often snippets of awareness, stay in it for a while but get sucked back in. Are there any methods or something that keep you mindful during the day?

could you explain this? this is so different from my beliefs about reality.

No matter how much I practice, a predominant feeling I have is anger. Completely out of place, unbased for the present moment. How do I work with the anger and "dig it out" or "let go of it"? The anger goes like this : I'm in the present moment, that same moment either reminds me of a past similar moment and how different my reality is compared to, say, one year ago, and I feel tremendous anger. Over a thought, obviously. (eg i felt tremendous anger now sitting by the window which reminded me of myself sitting the same way exactly one year ago) But this is a big problem - my predominant feeling is anger. I carry it in me like a burden. Bioenergetic exercises "help" only short term - my anger is not "bundled in me" and growing inside and me bottling up my anger. It's like an infinite fountain in me which gets summoned anytime. So I guess going to the root of it or something would help? The root, it seems to me, is either : 1. attachment to experience (as in, I'm attached to how reality was one year ago) AND/OR 2. unprocessed trauma Anger is, it seems to me, an aggressive/defensive manifestation of hurt. I'm hurt. I'd appreciate your help on this. I'm ignorant when it comes to shadow work. How does one do it at all?

Time for some massive action. I hit rock bottom, and now am free to do anything. How do I start making changes STARTING now, this night, before I go to bed? I have the drive to change but no plan, no methods, no ideas. Let's go. I'm listening, thank you very much for helping.

@Theta Thank you very much. I still haven't made a plan but I'm going to the library regularly. I think that organization is half the effort though so I definitely need to get organi-zized! (taxi driver reference)

@Sir Raz Some things I want to learn of course, for the others I'd take a shortcut so I can manage to pass this year with the extra exams. I haven't "lost" a semester, I just didn't go out on exams. I was studying the entire semester. I just need help and advice to make a plan so I can manage this situation . I need to pass idk how much exams to stay on free schooling plan.

@Truth Addict I don't think that anything external will make me happy. But I want to change something. When I wrote "I'm not happy", I encapsulated my feelings of "nothing excites me, no passion, no purpose, not wanting to do anything, no "bright" future or any hope whatsoever in it, no goals, no motivation, no will to live". your advice is a panacea though. thank you very much

@Serotoninluv First thing I've been putting off HAHAHA! i did it today and had a really "good" day. thank you for the advice. it really gets you unstuck action-wise.